I wasnt gonna post this but...

[sethad]

my mom is still saying he's coming. still dont know when. might be this weekend or next for all i know. i'm guessing he's coming on a weekend though.

 

[symphonyb]

I can only say this after reading through many posts plus I don't know you,never met you on this forum.It's just a few days in your life.It all passes and you will get through it.Really,it's a small drop in the ocean compared to the rest of your days.I'd also add God doesn't answer prayers unless you have faith.If you don't have faith,then try some inner peace and meditation.Yoga.I'd not let PTSD run me as you have the power of mind to change your fear.Read the book by Naomi Judd.(no,I'm not a country fan but she has alot to say about holding onto fears and past stress) Good day Sethad.

 

[sethad]

I can only say this after reading through many posts plus I don't know you,never met you on this forum.It's just a few days in your life.It all passes and you will get through it.Really,it's a small drop in the ocean compared to the rest of your days.I'd also add God doesn't answer prayers unless you have faith.If you don't have faith,then try some inner peace and meditation.Yoga.I'd not let PTSD run me as you have the power of mind to change your fear.Read the book by Naomi Judd.(no,I'm not a country fan but she has alot to say about holding onto fears and past stress) Good day Sethad.

I dont let the PTSD run me

 

[intricatic]

I can understand the animosity you have towards him, I had the same issues with my step-father - it had elevated to a point where I smashed in the windshield on his '71 Firebird with a crowbar.
I know it's very hard to deal with people who've damaged your past, but it's a part of life that needs to be confronted sometimes. I know you probably won't appreciate my adding any theology or Biblical philosophy into this, so I'll be as secular as possible. To get through this situation you're going to need to do a lot of work. How you handle the situation, obviously, is ultimately up to you, but it can go either positively or negatively. You can be the bigger man, or you can be the one who submits to his anger and lets it control him. Obviously it's something that will more than likely draw you towards the negative, merely because of the past, and that's understandable. The question you have to ask yourself is this: Do you want it to be a nervous, angry, resentful visit, or do you want it to be as peaceful and non-aggressive as possible? Obviously perfection is out of the question, there's bound to be some tension regardless of how you handle it, but that's besides the point. These are very distinct and solid realities that you are not a victim of.

 

[CardinalBaseball]

I'd also add God doesn't answer prayers unless you have faith.

Am I the only one who doesn't agree with this? Or could you explain why you think that?

 

[intricatic]

Am I the only one who doesn't agree with this? Or could you explain why you think that?

I seriously disagree with him.

 

[JohnR7]

any advice? I know its not easy since you dont know the whole story.

It sounds like you need some inner healing from God. He can cause good to come out of anything and in fact one of His promises to us is that all things will work out for the best for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. That is when we seek to follow God's plan for us and out lives, then He will see to it that all thing work together for good for us.

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

 

[sethad]

my dad came already. went how i thought it would.

It sounds like you need some inner healing from God. He can cause good to come out of anything and in fact one of His promises to us is that all things will work out for the best for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. That is when we seek to follow God's plan for us and out lives, then He will see to it that all thing work together for good for us.

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

doesnt really seem that way. and in all the times i use to pray/pray now it never happened...and after what happened with my dad there is gonna be no such thing as a "happy ending" or "reunion" or being family again.

 

[intricatic]

my dad came already. went how i thought it would.

doesnt really seem that way. and in all the times i use to pray/pray now it never happened...and after what happened with my dad there is gonna be no such thing as a "happy ending" or "reunion" or being family again.

Sometimes that's how things go. In the past tense, you always learn something from these situations, be they good or bad in the present tense. When one prays, however, God usually requires some clay to mold in order to make a statue. In other words, He usually needs you to actively work towards whichever goal you're praying for, and it's not anything less than a daunting task most of the time.

Anyhow, I'll keep praying for ya, I know that's rough as I've been in simmilar circumstances before.

 

[dodad91]

How do you know God has never answered your prayers? Is it because things haven't changed in the household? Perhaps the anger and hostility is getting in the way of progress. Because obviously, you have been hurt in some way by your father, since you do not want to see him or communicate with him in anyway. So, if you don't want a relationship with your father, then I suggest you continue to pray to God anyway that you would be healed mentally, physically, and spiritually.

 

[sethad]

How do you know God has never answered your prayers? Is it because things haven't changed in the household? Perhaps the anger and hostility is getting in the way of progress. Because obviously, you have been hurt in some way by your father, since you do not want to see him or communicate with him in anyway. So, if you don't want a relationship with your father, then I suggest you continue to pray to God anyway that you would be healed mentally, physically, and spiritually.

because looking back I dont see where God answered me. and even now when I try to pray it doesnt seem like its doing anything.

getting along with my dad in any way is NOT going to happen.

and my mom either, because as much as I've tried to she doesnt. she doesnt care. its a two way street and she isnt doing anything.

 

[Im_A]

How do you know God has never answered your prayers? Is it because things haven't changed in the household? Perhaps the anger and hostility is getting in the way of progress. Because obviously, you have been hurt in some way by your father, since you do not want to see him or communicate with him in anyway. So, if you don't want a relationship with your father, then I suggest you continue to pray to God anyway that you would be healed mentally, physically, and spiritually.

i remember being in his position before.

(i'm not saying the op was like this...)
i remember being a young kid, praying that mommy and daddy would get back together. that never happened. i remember praying that my dad and i would get along and get past our issues. that prayer either was answered in the silence between my father and i that has lasted for about almost 2 years now, or because now we are both starting to realize what really matters so maybe it's in answering (which i do believe it is in answering).

i remember how it felt, to never have that stuff answered. my parents never got back together, but hoping that the faith of a child would bring too people together that were meant to be together, because marriages end because people either make choices that push people away, or they choose to not make it work.

so i do agree that maybe the op just needs to search for healing right now, but at the same time, i don't blame him for his feeling sadness, or a big frustration about a possible prayer never being answered. i dont' believe God is angry either, because i believe God is gracious and understanding, and the horrible situation he must be in, shows a lot of reasons why he might have frustration towards God. i just hope that someday, the frustration and pain will go away, cause it does no good for a productive life, and i had to learn that the hard way.

 

[rocklife]

sethad, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but just for reference, did you and/or your family go through therapy, couseling to discuss these things out?

it seems to work well for some people, it didn't work for my family and me (personally was never comfortable, and the 5 and 6 different therapists seemed to expect me to self-diagnose or something), but it works for some so it seems. any thoughts?

 

[Druweid]

Greetings!​

Sethad, I have read through your posts, and truly, I grieve for you. I, myself, have been trying to help my own son with the struggles he is having with his mother (her and I have been divorced since he was a baby), which sound not too unlike what you are going through. My son will be seventeen very soon, and has made it abundantly clear, to me as well as most of his friends, that the moment he is eighteen, he is moving out and hopes to never see his mother again.

He has disregarded most of what I've tried to teach him, and as such, his life is a constant, aggravating struggle. I can only hope, that in the short time remaining, that he begins to understand that which I have tried to show him.

I can offer the same to you, whether you can use it or not, it's up to you. Don't take me for an authority on anything, and don't believe anything I say at face value. But please, do hear what I am saying, and test each word of it against your own spirit. It is not a truth until it rings in your heart and spirit as being truth.

I realize you feel a great deal of anger, and perhaps hatred, for your parents. I'm sure many have tried to tell you in one way or another that this is wrong. I believe it goes well beyond that. Holding anger and hatred is like taking up a club and beating yourself. It is of your creation, for your reasons, and the only one truly hurt by it is you. I think you realize that in those few moments of peace, tranquility, and happiness you may have experienced in your lifetime, you felt healthier and thought more clearly.

The more insidious side of anger and hatred is that it is self-defeating. There is psychological research that supports this understanding, but I'm leaving it out, as this post will be long enough. The understanding is this; if you grow up, and live your life, hating something about another person, especially your parents, inevitably, you will become just like them. I have told this to my son many times, and he believes that he is smart enough, and strong willed enough, that it won't affect him. I tell you now, quite honestly, every day he becomes more like his mother.

Releasing your anger, etc., does not neccesitate repairing the parent/child relationship. You can choose to regard your parents as people you avoid simply because they are unhealthy to your life, and nothing more. As long as you cling to anger, resentment, hatred, or anything like it, it will continue to tear you up inside. And you do feel torn up inside, don't you? Like a hollowed out shell of a man?

because looking back I dont see where God answered me. and even now when I try to pray it doesnt seem like its doing anything.

As cliche' as it might sound, I firmly believe (though in my own way, of course) "The Lord helps those who help themselves." Please, try to picture it; you come upon a man beating himself with a club, shouting "Help me, help me." What can you do for this person? Take away his club, he takes up a stick. Or an iron bar. You shout at him to stop hitting himself, and he shouts "NO! He deserves this! He brought this on himself!" By all accounts, he is a madman, and none can help him until he decides for himself to stop beating himself.

...getting along with my dad in any way is NOT going to happen...

That is your choice. But does not getting along with him really require you to maintain the anger within you? You can choose to disassociate with him without the anger, and the effect on him is exactly the same. Being angry isn't hurting him, it only hurts you.

Finally, and most importantly, you should never let yourself become less of a person because of the actions or influence of another person. As long as you harbor negative emotions, you will never be your own person.

And until you can create within yourself an expression and feeling of true and honest love, for some one or some thing, even if for yourself, then connecting with the most Divine above will be as elusive as finding a grain of rice in a field of snow.

I wish for you
the best of hope and good fortune,
and the brightest of blessings,
and beg you, that if nothing else,
you remember these words;
Of all that holds value
in this world,
Love
is the only treasure
whose bounty increases,
not by hoarding,
but by giving it away.
Freely.

Good luck,
-- Druweid