I was raped...now struggling

[Timahani]

This is really difficult to speak about ....I havent spoken about it to anyone. In august of this year. I let a sick family member move into my home..they were homeless and very ill. To say the least...without much detail ....I was sexually assaulted by this person. Prior to this incident I was a virgin and had not been touched by a man for over 31 years.I was waiting for my husband.

Whats worse than being hurt was the names that he called me and he often said: You are not a virgin now..I tried fighting....but there was no match.

Now, I feel sick....like damaged goods...and now I am struggling with the flesh.....I really need support...help.........I dont know where to turn.....sometimes...Words cant explain how filthy I feel.

Whats the point of serving the Lord when I am so dirty?

I just dont know if God will ever forgive me?

I feel like dying inside.

 

[simplegospel1144]

You need no forgiveness, it was not your fault. You are very dear to Jesus and He loves you and thinks you are awesome. You can and will get through this. You have the faith to do it.

 

[Timahani]

Tears are streaming down my face...just thinking of the fact that Jesus still loves me thanks for the reminder

 

[srdenelsbeck]

Do not think that you need forgiveness for the sins of another. While you feel that your "impurity" somehow makes you unworthy of God's love, you are mistaken. Your purity of flesh was not given away by your choice, but stolen from you by another. It is his sin and he will answer to God for what he has done.

For your part - and I know this will sound impossible and be very difficult to do - you need to remember that God loves all of His children and will not turn His back on you. The healing from this begins with you following the perfect example provided by our Savior Jesus Christ. You need to forgive your attacker and give his fate over to the Lord for judgment.

The purity of your body may have been stolen from you, but the purity of your soul is still yours to hold true. God knows your heart. Don't shut Him out of it now.

 

[paul1149]

And the voice came to him again a second time, “What God has made clean, do not call common.” -Acts 10:15

You were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. -1Cor 6:11​

Timahani, whatever the world does to us does not change God's opinion of us. He knew from the foundations of the world what we would go through, and He still chose to lay down His life for us. This is a time to draw near to God. Let Him embrace you and comfort you. Don't believe the lie that you are of any less worth in His eyes. If anything, He is more tender toward you at this time, because He knows your needs. His love is unfathomable. Let it be your strength when you are weak.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,
nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. -Rom 8:35-39​

 

[Johnnz]

That dirty feeling comes from his defilement onto you. It has nothing at all to do with who you are. And who you are is fully encompassed by the life of Jesus within and all around you.

John
NZ

 

[rowantree]

Hi Timahani. I am so saddened by your story.

If I could just say - imagine a little girl has a lovely new, white party frock on, that she is so proud of and so happy with. She is on her way to the party, and some big lad comes along and smears mud all over it. Is it the child's fault or the lad's?

It most certainly is not your fault and you are not to blame and the dirt is not yours. It was a crime perpetrated upon you, not something that you chose for yourself.

I am praying for you that you can feel better - that you will be able to work through this - that you will soon stop feeling that you want to die.

It might not seem like it right now, but it CAN get better - the pain is bad right now, but it will go. Praying.

 

[Timahani]

Thank you all for your support :

The examples really help me to understand God more and the things that I am going through better.

What happened to me physically was bad...but the violation of trust and that family bond was worse..... I tried to do something great for this family member and for the Lord...take in the sick..helping the homeless....and it totally backfired..I quess I am a bit confused as well...

Why would God allow this to happen to me if I was trying to do his will? The thing that we are taught as chrisitians to be there for our family members and to love them unconditionally?....its hard...my heart has been completly shattered

I dont know....but thanks for the prayers .

 

[rowantree]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I understand your question as to why God would allow this to happen when you were doing His will. The exact same thing happened to me - trying to be kind to an elderly person, and was attacked sexually.

Also, it has happened since then, when I thought I was doing what God wanted me to do - only it was a totally different kind of thing. The second time, for me, was when I gave up all that I had in both monetary terms and possessions etc. and became poor on purpose. At that time it had to be done and I gave all gladly - then it went badly wrong.

I do not know the answer as to why this happens. I wish I did. But I certainly know the effects of it. It is devastating.

Yes, the violation of trust is one of the worst things. It kind of leaves you numb and shocked. Well, it did me, anyway.

I don't have any answers, but I do have caring and would like to stand alongside you in this. Praying for you. Praying for all of us.

 

[MissRowy]

I feel for you Timahani and you are not alone..What that person did was wrong and unjust. I have been raped myself and I know the feelings that go with being raped. I will stand along with you and be there for you.

 

[I Eat Pie]

You should really press charges against them. Praying for you.

 

[Tenebrae]

I'm a pagan, so not much good on the god part.

As others have said it is not your fault.

Do consider finding someone (professional) you can talk this stuff through with.

Sometimes it can be easier talking to a professional than friends or family

 

[MissRowy]

I'm a pagan, so not much good on the god part.

As others have said it is not your fault.

Do consider finding someone (professional) you can talk this stuff through with.

Sometimes it can be easier talking to a professional than friends or family

i agree there...when I was raped..I went to the counsellor at my university and had counselling and it helped greatly....
We are all with you supporting you...

 

[mebby02]

Awww sweety l got raped too by a guy before it has ruined my life its been 9 years since it happend l did so many bad things after that to make myself feel better. l got drugged by a guy l only had one drink and he took adventage of me the first thing you need to do is

kick that person out of your house second
call the police right away
if you have anything from the rape like undwear and your old clothes bring to the police so they can use it on DNA sample
talk to someone you trust or a counsellor make sure its a rape counsellor l never saw one and she didn't help me at all l really wish l did
PM if you need my support l will be here for you god bless you hun l hope you feel better

 

[RuthD]

How are you doing now? I am so sorry this happened. You did a good thing and will be rewarded for it in your life sometime. He was absolutely dead wrong and a pig! Have you got counseling? When I was raped I saw a counselor at a Rape Crisis Center. They are all over. You are not filthy; he is! Jesus loves you and this bad man will get his one day. I am praying for you.

 

[MissRowy]

Jesus does love you and He urges you to look after yourself...Do get counseling and do report this scumbag...He's the one who did wrong not you..
Look after yourself hon.

 

[hammer123]

OP- Turn this person in so he can not hurt another person

 

[CounselorForChrist]

My fiance was raped sometime around christmas. So know you are not alone. Its going to take her (and you) time to heal and realize some things. I pray someone is at your side to in order to comfort you and help you. You are in my prayers.

 

[Timahani]

@xfreakazoidx: Thank you so much as well. Yeah, I am in some form of counseling. Its taking me a while to heal from the memories..the damage has been great to my self-esteem and image as a christian women I feel my integrity and character has been compromised...its hard but I am getting through with by the grace of God....thank you.