I thought I've heard it all, but...no kissing?

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Deal!

good!

now be patient and wait and stop being thirsty.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

good!

now be patient and wait and stop being thirsty.

lol

 

[Somber]

This was actually how I was in part raised, "shouldn't kiss before wedding day, hold hands or date" (was raised with the idea of courtship I guess).
I'm not sure what I believe on these things now, but I'm definitely not going to judge anyone who does believe in this. Their beliefs and ideas are just as valid as my own even if they are different and it takes a lot of courage and conviction to live that lifestyle and I admire people for having that, and I also wouldn't want to make life harder for people than it already is. Everything stems from the heart so I think that's more important.

 

[AnnaDeborah]

I am curious how long were these people dating/engaged before they got married. Did they go kissless for 1 or 2 years?

The ones I knew, it was common to date for maybe 12/18 months and then be engaged for maybe a year so 2 to 2.5 years between first date and marriage. They've all got at least 3 kids now, so I'd say that's evidence those couples didn't have any trouble with kissing and more once they got married.

It's funny to see how many guys are horrified by this idea. I really don't think you need to panic. The whole no-kissing-before-marriage thing is not so widespread that you are doomed to singleness forever if you don't agree with it. Maybe just respect the life choices of people who have a different culture from your own? At least OP's date told him right at the start, so it's not like he was dating for months before finding out.

 

[salt-n-light]

There are certain things that are exclusive to a romantic relationship that make it a romantic relationship, that without it is nothing more than a platonic relationship.

I fail to see how kissing is a requirement for it being a romantic relationship. Not even hugging or in speech, or even in intentions to prepare for marriage, they HAVE to kiss?

You know how many friends kiss just to make-out , even have sex, with no intention of being in a relationship? Should I just dub those relationships instead just because it meets some quota and discredit the ones that are actual bf/gf because they don’t?

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I fail to see how kissing is a requirement for it being a romantic relationship. Not even hugging or in speech, or even in intentions to prepare for marriage, they HAVE to kiss?

You know how many friends kiss just to make-out , even have sex, with no intention of being in a relationship? Should I just dub those relationships instead just because it meets some quota and discredit the ones that are actual bf/gf because they don’t?

Later in the thread I said I was fine with some sort of affection that proves it is a relationship, if not kissing. There just needs to be something that differeniates it from a regular friendship. Usually it's kissing and holding hands, romantic flirty talk etc. It just needs something so I don't feel I'm with a friend. Of course I'd avoid such a relationship and most men seem to oppose such a relationship here as well

 

[RobertMerton]

I remember this was a thing like 10 years ago. There was a book called 'i kissed dating goodbye' or something similar

 

[salt-n-light]

Later in the thread I said I was fine with some sort of affection that proves it is a relationship, if not kissing. There just needs to be something that differeniates it from a regular friendship. Usually it's kissing and holding hands, romantic flirty talk etc. It just needs something so I don't feel I'm with a friend. Of course I'd avoid such a relationship and most men seem to oppose such a relationship here as well

And that's fine. I respect equally that the OP was honest in saying that it won't work because this is the expectation I have in a relationship and that the girl was honest in saying that she prefers to wait til marriage. He could have left it as that they had a mutual agreement.

But the respect got lost when the OP decides to post to frame himself as the sane person and the girl as insane for not kissing. I'm sure they had other ways that they have expressed intimacy that differentiate them from friendship or else he wouldn't have known she was interested much less be with her, which means that kissing is not the only way to know someone likes them. But people are assuming that because she doesn't kiss, she doesn't show intimacy, and jump to conclusion that she is some looney person for it.

I don't like that. And I don't respect a man who would shame a girl for that and expect an audience to stroke his ego for it.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I don't like that. And I don't respect a man who would shame a girl for that and expect an audience to stroke his ego for it.

Just because I or anyone else here wouldn't want their partner to abstain from kissing doesn't mean we are shaming her. We simply just wouldn't want to be with someone who wouldn't want to kiss. Theres a difference between shaming and simply agreeing with the op.

 

[salt-n-light]

Just because I or anyone else here wouldn't want their partner to abstain from kissing doesn't mean we are shaming her. We simply just wouldn't want to be with someone who wouldn't want to kiss. Theres a difference between shaming and simply agreeing with the op.

He claimed it as odd and that no one thinks like that. When I mentioned that people do, he asked for proof. Like in disbelief. I show proof and he claims that people lie. There s difference of just disagreement and shaming, which would involve criticism. He’s criticizing.

Idk throughout the thread, I don’t see any response from the OP that shows that he actually respect her for having the view, more of that she’s an oddball for having it.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

He claimed it as odd and that no one thinks like that. When I mentioned that people do, he asked for proof. Like in disbelief. I show proof and he claims that people lie. There s difference of just disagreement and shaming, which would involve criticism. He’s criticizing.

Idk throughout the thread, I don’t see any response from the OP that shows that he actually respect her for having the view, more of that she’s an oddball for having it.

I said that I said my Christian friends found it odd or strange or unusual when I brought it to their attention.

When I had asked them this, they said they never heard of such a thing.

That she is in the minority. Perhaps my choice of words/adjectives weren't the best, but I concur people have their own thing and I respect that. I mean, if Christians find it unusual...then what does that say about them?

I accept that's what she wants, but I'm just saying she may have a hard time finding a man that'd be on board with that.

I am figuring that just that 2 people need to be aligned in this believe, so they may find themselves in the normal. It depends on who you ask. On whom's perspective. I mean, she could find someone...eventually down the road that would respect not kissing her.

 

[AnnaDeborah]

I accept that's what she wants, but I'm just saying she may have a hard time finding a man that'd be on board with that.

Depends on what circles she moves in - in some churches, it's normal. Funny thing is, I hadn't heard about this for a while, and then just yesterday a (male) friend posted approvingly on FB about a couple that had their first kiss at their wedding, saying how great this was. And the guy whose wedding it was is saying how blessed he feels to have finally been able to find a girl who was happy to save the first kiss for marriage. So looks like it's not just girls who have this view!

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Depends on what circles she moves in - in some churches, it's normal. Funny thing is, I hadn't heard about this for a while, and then just yesterday a (male) friend posted approvingly on FB about a couple that had their first kiss at their wedding, saying how great this was. And the guy whose wedding it was is saying how blessed he feels to have finally been able to find a girl who was happy to save the first kiss for marriage. So looks like it's not just girls who have this view!

I'd be curious as to their ages. If they were in their teens, or maybe early 20s...I can see this happeing. 30s and 40s, not so much. How young did they marry?

 

[dayhiker]

The not kissing wouldn't work for me. I'm fine with those that it does work for. But I never liked creating rule, especially moral rules/laws just to make rules. So I'd say thanks and walk. No problem staying friends.

 

[AnnaDeborah]

I'd be curious as to their ages. If they were in their teens, or maybe early 20s...I can see this happeing. 30s and 40s, not so much. How young did they marry?

Most churches I know that advocate this, the couples tend to marry in their 20s or very early 30s.