There once was an older, learned gentleman who had learned the secret of how to enable dolphins to live forever. Quite by accident he had stumbled upon the formula, for which the main ingredient was baby seagulls. Believing this to be his ticket to fame, fortune, and hopefully a Nobel prize, the man started to chronicle his experiments with the local dolphin population. He worked diligently for many months and was very conscientious in recording his results.
One day he noticed he was running short on his main ingredient and so he made plans to travel to the nearby cliff face to collect more baby seagulls. It was nerve wracking dangerous work clambering around to collect these baby birds but he persevered until he had enough to finish off his experiments. Carrying his haul back to his vehicle he was amazed to find a lion lying across his path! Thinking back he had remembered hearing on the news of an old, toothless lion that had somehow escaped from the state zoo. Apparently the poor bewildered beast had ended up and the sea shore and was now blocking the only path back to the parking lot. The man tried in vain to shoo the beast away but it ignored him and simply went to sleep. As the beast was seemingly not inclined to attack our intrepid hero leaped over the sleeping lion and was immediately arrested by federal agents who were hiding in the bushes.
The Charge: Transporting young gulls across a state lion for immortal porpoises.
A train conductor was conducting his train when he derailed it and the train suffered a terrible crash. Only those in the front of the train survived. He was put on trial for the murder of nearly a hundred people. He was found guilty and sentenced to death by the electric chair.
When asked what he'd like for his last meal, he replied simply with "A banana, if you will." The prison guard shrugged, got a banana, and gave it to the poor man. The conductor ate the banana in regular fashion and braced himself for death. He was seated on the chair, fastened in, and was ready for what was about to happen.
However, after the electricity was activated, nothing happened to the conductor. The prison guard was shocked and, not knowing what to do, simply let him go unscathed.
In a few days, the conductor was back to work. A few days after his return to the train business, he managed to derail yet another train, again killing nearly a hundred people but surviving the crash. As before, he was trialed and found guilty of mass murder. Again, he was sentenced to death by electric chair.
It was the same prison guard as before. He was surprised to see the conductor again but held his tongue, for the man was about to die and it would be rude to question him.
"What would you like for your last meal, sir?" The conductor respond as he did last time: "A banana, if you will." The prison guard shrugged, got a banana, and gave it to the poor man. The conductor ate the banana in regular fashion and braced himself for death. He was seated on the chair, fastened in, and was ready for what was about to happen.
The electricity was activated and the conductor was prepared. But, as before, the conductor was unhurt. The prison guard checked for any malfunctions but found nothing, not believing the entire situation was possible. In shock as before and not knowing what to do, the guard let the conductor go.
The conductor was, against all odds, alive and was still allowed to continue his job as a train conductor even though he was responsible for the death of almost two hundred people.
He was thankful to be allowed to continue his job but also scared. He would try not carefully from now on. However, this idea didn't help much as on the first train he was conducting after the chair, he managed to somehow crash yet another train. He was the only survivor of the train, which contained over a hundred people. He was trialed and, again, found guilty of the murder of over a hundred people. He was sentenced to death by electric chair.
The prison guard was the same, the surprise was the same, the procedure was the same. After giving the banana to the conductor, the guard was silent. He couldn't bring himself to say anything, all he could do was prepare the chair.
The man sat in the chair, expecting death. The guard activated it and, again, the conductor was unscathed. The prison guard couldn't contain himself. He simply had to ask, "How did you manage to survive the electric chair 3 times? Did the banana have something to do with it?" The conductor responds with: "No, I suppose I'm just not a good conductor."