I think I may struggle with HOCD. Thoughts?

[TheWire-30-]

Meaning homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder. First off I've never really shared this with any one, and as you can tell I'm new here because I felt that I needed to talk to some one about this and I figured that talking to other Christians would be better that non-Christians. Also I like the idea of anonymity.

Any way so I'm 19 and basically I'm afraid I might be gay, but I'm definitely attracted to women, and would even say I've been in love with a woman before. Unfortunately I even have some what of a problem with straight porn, which is another area of my life I need to work on. So when I was young, maybe second grade I remember my friend told me what gay was and it sort of freaked me out and after that I remember I would be afraid of some how becoming gay some day. I eventually brought this up to my mom and we talked about it and then everything was fine. Until around my Freshmen year of high school where it became more of a fear of "what if I am gay?" I got over it after a lot of prayer and reading of scripture. But recently it's started to bug me again. I've never been sexually attracted to guys, and never have desired a romantic relationship with one. It honestly frightens, and depresses me to think that I may some how actually be gay, because I truely want to be with a woman. But at the same time I have this sort of "what if?" scenario in my head, and it really freaks me out and scares me.

So I don't know, does is sound like I have HOCD? Kind of a weird first thread to post but it's been buggin' me quite a bit lately.

(I first posted the thread on the anxiety board but there wasn't really any activity so I thought I post it here)

 

[vorbis5]

Dude I'm 16 and I think I have it too. I'm praying so much about. It seems so real and scary... Err, I had a few panic attacks today a school thinking that I was actually becoming gay. I want to live my life again...............

 

[TheWire-30-]

I think I know how you feel bro. You just get really like worried and start thinking about it a bunch and questioning yourself about what you're thinking and that you might be gay and yeah, it really does suck. I think I've gotten a lot better with it recently though, which is good. I'l' be prayin' for you man.

 

[Silver2001]

Gentlemen,

<staff edit>Right now, you might think that the solution is to run and lust after women, then you would make yourself feel good. But that is wrong; what you should do is to run to God and let him deliver you. Here is a verse that might help you.

II Tim 2
21So whoever cleanses himself [from what is ignoble and unclean, who separates himself from contact with contaminating and corrupting influences] will [then himself] be a vessel set apart and useful for honorable and noble purposes, consecrated and profitable to the Master, fit and ready for any good work. 22Shun youthful lusts and flee from them, and aim at and pursue righteousness (all that is virtuous and good, right living, conformity to the will of God in thought, word, and deed); [and aim at and pursue] faith, love, [and] peace (harmony and concord with others) in fellowship with all [Christians], who call upon the Lord out of a pure heart.
23But refuse (shut your mind against, have nothing to do with) trifling (ill-informed, unedifying, stupid) controversies over ignorant questionings, for you know that they foster strife and breed quarrels.


The shut your mind part is very important. That is a weapon that you can use against any thoughts that might come to your mind.

Hope this helps!

 

[Dragons87]

Haha. Spare a thought for those of us who do actually struggle with homosexual desires, will you?

Why don't we explore the question a bit more rationally to begin with? What if you were gay? What would happen that makes you so freaked out by it?

 

[TheWire-30-]

Haha. Spare a thought for those of us who do actually struggle with homosexual desires, will you?

Why don't we explore the question a bit more rationally to begin with? What if you were gay? What would happen that makes you so freaked out by it?

Sorry if I came of as disrespectful bro, didn't mean to.

But I guess the idea of being with a man rather than a woman just scares me, or the idea that I have some sort of innate attraction toward men, but I want to be with a woman. Being with a woman feels more natural, traditionally and personally. I like the idea of being with women for the rest of my life, but I'm afraid that what if some how I like dudes. But I don't want to, I just have this "what if" senior playing through my head, and that is what scares me.

 

[MrStraightforward]

@TheWire-30- & Vorbis5,

Gentlemen! Neither of you appear to have homosexual attractions or orientation. Both of you may be prone to obsessive compulsions, which is a serious psychological condition. It is unlikely that you will be able to control these compulsions on your own, or with prayer. It is more like a medical condition that needs attention.

The GREAT NEWS is with the proper professional help, you can greatly diminish, if not altogether eliminate, these intrusive thoughts in just a few months of therapy(sadly this isn't the case with sexual orientation). Find a referral service in your area, and if you don't have medical insurance, ask for "sliding scale" or talk to your medical doctor about this. He/She will not laugh or ask you to just "accept yourself."

 

[Episaw]

Our understanding of God will colour our perceptions in this area of life. The scriptures tell us that he knows the thoughts and intents of the heart so whatever we think he knows what our real intentions are.

We may think about sex with men but he will know if we have any intention of following through on it.

We may think about sex with women but he knows if we have any intention of follwing through on it.

When God knows us to that extent, it seems silly beating ourselves up about what we think. What he is saying is that He knows all about us down to the last detail.

If he was going to punish us for thinking the way we do, it would have happened long before now. The fact that he hasn't shows that we have a loving and gracious God who is slow to anger and quick to forgive.

He has said that if we confess our sin, he will be faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness.

All of life for us is a journey towards purity and holiness so that he can make us like Jesus who in turn showed us the Father. As he said, we are being changed from glory to glory.

It is not what we are but what we are to become that is important so we need to focus on God at work in us and what he wants us to be for his glory.

The answer then is to die daily. A dead man has no rights other than to be dead so we need to adopt that attitude and allow God free reign to get rid of the muck and conform us to his image.

Struggling with homosexual thoughts is only one of a wide spectrum of issues that stand in the way of our purity and holiness. Others have such issues that are just as troubling.

God is able and when one dies to self He is more able because the old man is not standing in the way demanding that his needs be satisfied.

Every day should be the first day of the rest of our life.

 

[bendslikeawillow]

ALL teenagers question their sexuality at one point or another. My husband spent six months during his 16th year terrified that he was going to end up being gay, despite only being attracted to women (and it sounds like you guys are like he was). He was so scared of what would happen if he WAS gay that he almost convinced himself he was!! In the end, he is very, very straight. So stop fretting, guys, one day you will all be wonderful, strong, Christian husbands and fathers (and the world needs a lot more of those).

On a side note, he does have OCD. It would definately be worth talking to your doctor about the possibility that you may have OCD as well. It can be treated with medication and therapy, and is a lot more common than you think.