i really need help

[cmarie423]

To make a somewhat long story short (and I'm sorry if this post ends up being a bit messy because I am posting off of my phone) I was with my fiance for two years, and throughout being out of touch with God for a while we both ended up doing bad things and I ended up getting pregnant. I'm 15 weeks but we are both getting back in touch with the faith and doing the best we can as we are staying with my mom and step dad at the moment. I know they are doing a great thing for us but my step dad is always trying to use our religion against us. He never stops making us feel horrible and telling us how bad of catholics we are because we aren't married. We do plan on getting married but my fiance was raised catholic but he didn't get communion or confirmed when he should have so we have been thinking of getting married by the court and getting it blessed if that is an option, but we really do want to do everything the right way. I just can't take my step dad doing this to us. It's bad enough I've made this mistake but I don't want my religion to be used against me and constantly feel bad for a mistake I made. I'm sorry if this is confusing but I really need advice...

 

[Michie]

Your stepfather should realize that Christianity is full of imperfect people that make mistakes. He is being immature & nasty.

You should really make an appointment to discuss these issues with your priest.

Bulletin board advise is dangerous to say the least.

Prayers for you & your situation. *hug*

 

[Winter]

Option 1: Speak to your mother about this and hopefully she will take your side on this and talk to your step-dad. You are her daughter - and she should defend your feelings. She is also a mother and would understand the position you are in since you are now a mother yourself.

Option #2: If he keeps it up, then you need to tell him straight out: "you're not helping me. You are making me anxious and depressed and its not healthy for me to be that way since I am pregnant. You've told me a million times that I'm a "bad Catholic" - enough. My situation is between me and God."

I don't know what your relationship has been like with your step-dad, but chances are he is probably worried about you and confused about your situation. I don't think any adult wants to see a young 18 year old in this position - out of concern. Because trying to raise a child nowadays in this economy without work experience is tough. He is most likely worried - and since he's a man (no offense to men out there) - he doesn't know what the right words are, so he's saying one thing when he means another.

We all make mistakes. Noone is perfect. And sometimes its when we make mistakes that we grow up fast and grow spiritually. Sometimes we need to be caught in a difficult circumstances because it draws us closer to the faith.

Don't be afraid. God loves you and He will help you through this.

 

[Eucharisted]

Speak to a priest at your parish, ask him what to do

 

[singalovesong]

I will be praying for you, your fiance, and your new baby.

 

[Thomas_Didymus]

As Winter said, your step-father is probably reacting badly to a situation he's not sure how to handle. I'm sure that seems a bit rich from your perspective - and it certainly doesn't excuse his behaviour - but it might explain it somewhat.

Sorry to be repetitive, but I can't think of any advice better than that given by Michie and Winter already. Talking with your mom and step-father is a must - but if that's difficult, I'm sure your priest will have experience with families in a similar situation and should be able to help.

Praying for you and your fiance.

 

[AMDG]

I too think the advice by Michie and Winter is good.

Oh and the baby is still a blessed event. Sometimes God just has to send a baby to make things right.

Prayers.

 

[Rhamiel]

talk to your priest
stop having sex, whatever you did in the past is in the past, Christ loves you and is all forgiving, but just because you made mistakes in that past does not mean that you should keep making the same mistakes
oh um... I do not want to give bad advice, but do not get married just for the baby, only do this if you really love him

 

[benedictaoo]

If step dad is all about the faith, why is he allowing your boyfriend to live with you under his roof? That is absolutely inappropriate.

So I don't understand... Or maybe it's becuase he's not the big meanie you portray him to be? I dunno...

Something my grandma used to say all the time, actions speak louder than words... talk is cheap.

Why don't you try to focus on the things he maybe has done for you and is and will do for your baby... that can not be easy on him, rather then focusing on the things he says out of stress, frustration and disappointment.

Just a suggestion.

 

[_Shannon_]

My advice is to not give a crap what other people say about you--there will ALWAYS be people who don't like something about what you're doing. No one can make you feel anything--you are responsible for your feelings.

And also--to wait---wait a long time--to get married. Let your boyfriend be confirmed and make communion, at the very least.

As Rhamiel wrote, stop having sex--and make sure you forgive yourself. Have the courage to discover who you are before making the commitment to marriage. Dig deep and get some counseling to help root out, bring to the surface, hurt from and heal the wounds which led you to this point in the first place.

The last time a young woman in this forum got pregnant as a teen I gave similar advice. They got married and then divorced. They do have a beautiful little one-which is an immense blessing--but there was so much hurt involved.

Congratulations on your little one!! I know he or she will be a blessing to you and likely your greatest teacher.

(Or so says the woman who has made a lifetime out of unplanned pregnancies)
Prayers for all involved!

 

[Glorthac]

I too think the advice by Michie and Winter is good.

Oh and the baby is still a blessed event. Sometimes God just has to send a baby to make things right.

Prayers.

Hooray for babies! And prayers coming your way.

 

[servant of Merciful Love]

Praise God for the precious life within
Praying for you and your fiance, and your spiritual journey

 

[Glorthac]

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