I really need counselling about this...

LightShadow · Jun 5, 2007

First and foremost of all, I'm new here and I hope I'll meet lots of good people I'll get to know better about later on.. I will introduce myself in the correct folder later on, but for now, I wanna focus on why I came here in the first place.

I really really have a major psychological problem.. you see, something I get these urges that I'm attracted to underage people... mostly pre-pubescent.. and I know it's wrong, I myself feel sickened when I get those thoughts, but there's nothing I can do to prevent them... sometimes I see kids and I feel sexually attracted to them. And I really don't like this at all. It's just.. wrong and sick.. I don't know why this happens, and it bothers me alot every time I see/think of some underage person in a wrong way.. every day I'm reminded of this sickness and I don't know what to do.. I came here because it seems like this could be the place where I could get some advice on what to do. And also because I have nowhere else go to about this. It's not like I can tell my parents that I'm attracted to kids.. that would be the biggest most embarrassing thing I would have ever done. And it would just not be the same afterwards either... so this is the only recourse I can go to for a little bit of help..
I've seen attracted to kids since I was about 14 or 15. And back then, I saw it as normal, as I wasn't too far off from their age to mine.. but then it just stuck with me... I am currently 19. And that attraction just cannot keep with me for long. I just can't. It's.. not right..

I don't know what my problem is, because I am in denial about this. You see, I'm attracted to kids, but at the same time when I see them, I think to myself "What is wrong with you? That is sick" and I literally feel sick about it.. it's like I'm not really attracted to them, but at the same time, I am.... I am very confused, and I have been since I knew I had some sexual attraction to minors.. I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I wonder if God put this thing on me so I can pass through it as a test, but it's just too unbearable...

And don't worry, I would never hurt any kids like that. I don't think I could ever do such a thing as to lay a finger on them.. kids are God's precious gifts to the world and should be appreciated for how they are. No one has the right to take their innocence away by forcing them to do sexual stuff they're not even supposed to do.. it's just not right and it's evil..

So please, if anyone has some advice about what I can do about this, I would appreciate it... though I don't think I could talk to anyone in person about this. It would just be too embarrassing and I don't want anyone to ever find out about this thing I have...

Thanks to everyone in advance. I'll be checking for responses if anyone has some.. and I don't know if this thread is allowed or not, I'm not sure. But I hope so, as I don't know where else to turn for advice.

Everlasting33 · Jun 5, 2007

LightShadow said:
First and foremost of all, I'm new here and I hope I'll meet lots of good people I'll get to know better about later on.. I will introduce myself in the correct folder later on, but for now, I wanna focus on why I came here in the first place.

I really really have a major psychological problem.. you see, something I get these urges that I'm attracted to underage people... mostly pre-pubescent.. and I know it's wrong, I myself feel sickened when I get those thoughts, but there's nothing I can do to prevent them... sometimes I see kids and I feel sexually attracted to them. And I really don't like this at all. It's just.. wrong and sick.. I don't know why this happens, and it bothers me alot every time I see/think of some underage person in a wrong way.. every day I'm reminded of this sickness and I don't know what to do.. I came here because it seems like this could be the place where I could get some advice on what to do. And also because I have nowhere else go to about this. It's not like I can tell my parents that I'm attracted to kids.. that would be the biggest most embarrassing thing I would have ever done. And it would just not be the same afterwards either... so this is the only recourse I can go to for a little bit of help..
I've seen attracted to kids since I was about 14 or 15. And back then, I saw it as normal, as I wasn't too far off from their age to mine.. but then it just stuck with me... I am currently 19. And that attraction just cannot keep with me for long. I just can't. It's.. not right..

I don't know what my problem is, because I am in denial about this. You see, I'm attracted to kids, but at the same time when I see them, I think to myself "What is wrong with you? That is sick" and I literally feel sick about it.. it's like I'm not really attracted to them, but at the same time, I am.... I am very confused, and I have been since I knew I had some sexual attraction to minors.. I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I wonder if God put this thing on me so I can pass through it as a test, but it's just too unbearable...

And don't worry, I would never hurt any kids like that. I don't think I could ever do such a thing as to lay a finger on them.. kids are God's precious gifts to the world and should be appreciated for how they are. No one has the right to take their innocence away by forcing them to do sexual stuff they're not even supposed to do.. it's just not right and it's evil..

So please, if anyone has some advice about what I can do about this, I would appreciate it... though I don't think I could talk to anyone in person about this. It would just be too embarrassing and I don't want anyone to ever find out about this thing I have...

Thanks to everyone in advance. I'll be checking for responses if anyone has some.. and I don't know if this thread is allowed or not, I'm not sure. But I hope so, as I don't know where else to turn for advice.

First off, welcome to christian forums and I hope that you find this to be a fun and relaxing place where you can share your ideas and make friends!

Secondly, I understand that speaking out about your problems is extremely difficult and I commend your courage to come on CF to address them. I also understand how the stigma of your specific problem can carry a lot of guilt, shame, and hopelessness, so I empathize with all of your conflicting emotions right now.

Although I wish I had the answers for you ( I am sure you wish you had them too), my best advice is to go see a professional who has years of experience and knowledge about your specific problem. I understand that going to see someone about this is extremely difficult, but I am certain that receiving professional counsel and guidance will encourage recovery and healing.

Your psychologist (if you ever decide to go) will assist you in finding the root of this problem and possibly why you are attracted to children. I am a studying psychology student and I know that your problem can only be best met with a professional.

You probably are pretty apprehensive about seeing a professional but I guarantee that that is your best and probably only option for receiving help and solace.

I will be praying for you and I am here for your support and encouragement!

God Bless,

Remember Phil. 4:13~
</IMG>

tapero · Jun 11, 2007

MOD HAT note:

moved from other General Mental Health to Struggles with Sexuality

sinneD · Jun 11, 2007

Hey Brother...

I'm not really able to offer advice for something like this.. I think Tapero is right, you really need to sit down with a professional.. I know that is tough, but you need to let them help you work through this..

But I AM available to offer you encouragement or possibly advice in other areas.. feel free to PM or email me if I can help..

Oh - and welcome to CF.

Akathist · Jun 11, 2007

There are therapist who specialize in helping people with problems like this. There are special behavioral techniques that work very very well to help you reduce this attraction.

I hope that you find someone who can help you with this. I know that you have not done anything criminal or anything, but the people who specialize in this kind of treatment can best be found if you try to find someone who treats "sexual offenders". They have the extra training to help.

You do not have to have done a crime to get help with them. They could just see you indiviudally as a regular kind of counseling.

My suggestion is this. Contact the local parole office for your State. Call them and ask to speak to the parole officer (or agent) who works with sexual offenders.

You do not have to say who you are. You can say something like this: "I have a friend with this problem of being attracted to kids. He hasn't touched any or anything, but I wonder if you can tell me who you send people to who are on parole for help with this sort of thing."

They will give you the name of one or more mental health professionals in your area who have had the proper training to help you.

In the meantime, if you tend to look at pornagraphy (even of adults) I would suggest that you stop doing this and get it out of your house. A preoccupation with sexual images can cause you to view all people in a more sexual manner.

www.settingcaptivesfree.com is a great website that has a program to help people stop using porn. (It is not specific to your problem, but it has some great material on it.)

I would also encourage you to go to talk to your Priest about this. Go to confession. Don't miss services at your church, get back into a routine of daily prayer and bible reading.

LightShadow · Jun 12, 2007

Steelerbred33 said:
First off, welcome to christian forums and I hope that you find this to be a fun and relaxing place where you can share your ideas and make friends!

Secondly, I understand that speaking out about your problems is extremely difficult and I commend your courage to come on CF to address them. I also understand how the stigma of your specific problem can carry a lot of guilt, shame, and hopelessness, so I empathize with all of your conflicting emotions right now.

Although I wish I had the answers for you ( I am sure you wish you had them too), my best advice is to go see a professional who has years of experience and knowledge about your specific problem. I understand that going to see someone about this is extremely difficult, but I am certain that receiving professional counsel and guidance will encourage recovery and healing.

Your psychologist (if you ever decide to go) will assist you in finding the root of this problem and possibly why you are attracted to children. I am a studying psychology student and I know that your problem can only be best met with a professional.

You probably are pretty apprehensive about seeing a professional but I guarantee that that is your best and probably only option for receiving help and solace.

I will be praying for you and I am here for your support and encouragement!

God Bless,

Remember Phil. 4:13~
</IMG>

Thanks Chrissy!

LightShadow · Jun 12, 2007

sinneD said:
Hey Brother...

I'm not really able to offer advice for something like this.. I think Tapero is right, you really need to sit down with a professional.. I know that is tough, but you need to let them help you work through this..

But I AM available to offer you encouragement or possibly advice in other areas.. feel free to PM or email me if I can help..

Oh - and welcome to CF.

Thanks. I'll be sure to PM you if I ever have a question.

Akathist said:
There are therapist who specialize in helping people with problems like this. There are special behavioral techniques that work very very well to help you reduce this attraction.

I hope that you find someone who can help you with this. I know that you have not done anything criminal or anything, but the people who specialize in this kind of treatment can best be found if you try to find someone who treats "sexual offenders". They have the extra training to help.

You do not have to have done a crime to get help with them. They could just see you indiviudally as a regular kind of counseling.

My suggestion is this. Contact the local parole office for your State. Call them and ask to speak to the parole officer (or agent) who works with sexual offenders.

You do not have to say who you are. You can say something like this: "I have a friend with this problem of being attracted to kids. He hasn't touched any or anything, but I wonder if you can tell me who you send people to who are on parole for help with this sort of thing."

They will give you the name of one or more mental health professionals in your area who have had the proper training to help you.

In the meantime, if you tend to look at pornagraphy (even of adults) I would suggest that you stop doing this and get it out of your house. A preoccupation with sexual images can cause you to view all people in a more sexual manner.

www.settingcaptivesfree.com is a great website that has a program to help people stop using porn. (It is not specific to your problem, but it has some great material on it.)

I would also encourage you to go to talk to your Priest about this. Go to confession. Don't miss services at your church, get back into a routine of daily prayer and bible reading.

LOL I don't feel comfortable calling a parole officer and asking where they send sexual offenders to... I would never like to be called that, cause I'm not... :S But I see what you mean... but also, I would have paranoia about the police "knowing" that I got trouble with something like that.. and we all know how ignorant society is about this topic.. they see or hear about someone attracted to minors and they're automatically "monsters." Makes me sick... but oh well.

And thanks for the link... I don't wanna say something I shouldn't here, but you did good giving me that link... it'll help.
Also thanks for the advice about what pornography can do to you... I think thats true.

LillyDoll419 · Jun 12, 2007

I think one strong thing that could help you would be to take a swing on over to the survivors of abuse portion of this website and take a bit to read stories from people who were abused as children and how it has affected them to this day.
I was severly abused as a child.
Right now the guy who did it is sitting in jail. He has been there for 10 years, and will continue to sit there for quite some time...
People say they aren't going to do something, but a lot of the time thoughts lead to actions. You don't do something without first having the thought to do it.

we all know how ignorant society is about this topic.. they see or hear about someone attracted to minors and they're automatically "monsters." Makes me sick... but oh well.

The reason people think of someone attracted to a minor as a "monster" is because it takes a lot of evil to molest someone as innocent and small as a child.

Get help... NOW!

BelindaP · Jun 13, 2007

I do hope that you can find a counselor for this. My suggestion would be for you to find a qualified psychiatrist. He/she will be able to refer you to an appropriate treatment provider. Your problem is not as rare as many believe. In the meantime, you may find this link helpful.

http://www.girlshrink.com/articles/article/2365893/38453.htm

LightShadow · Jun 18, 2007

LillyDoll419 said:
I think one strong thing that could help you would be to take a swing on over to the survivors of abuse portion of this website and take a bit to read stories from people who were abused as children and how it has affected them to this day.
I was severly abused as a child.
Right now the guy who did it is sitting in jail. He has been there for 10 years, and will continue to sit there for quite some time...
People say they aren't going to do something, but a lot of the time thoughts lead to actions. You don't do something without first having the thought to do it.

The reason people think of someone attracted to a minor as a "monster" is because it takes a lot of evil to molest someone as innocent and small as a child.

Get help... NOW!

Wow, I feel bad about what happened to you when you were a kid... life must've been hard for you.

I don't think I could do such a thing to a kid, because like you said, it takes alot of evil to do something like that to an innocent child, and I am not evil... sure I get crazy sometimes, but not to that point.. you'd have to be a really twisted dark entity to do such a gross thing.. I just couldn't.
However, I had had fantasies about it... so I won't take it out of the question, cause you never know...

And I am trying to do whatever possible I can to find help.. it's not easy in my situation, but I'm trying to..

And thanks for the advice.

BelindaP said:
I do hope that you can find a counselor for this. My suggestion would be for you to find a qualified psychiatrist. He/she will be able to refer you to an appropriate treatment provider. Your problem is not as rare as many believe. In the meantime, you may find this link helpful.

http://www.girlshrink.com/articles/article/2365893/38453.htm

Thanks for the link! It's weird cause most of what it says in there kinda apply to me... this problem did occur in my early teen years.. and I also don't understand how this happened to me.. I wasn't abused in any way by anyone, so I don't know why me...

But thanks. I will read it all

UnitynLove · Jun 19, 2007

Praying for you!

Bianca01 · Jun 21, 2007

Hi LightShadow,

You stated that you don't think you could really talk with anyone in person. Yet your post title is: I really need counselling about this... So I think you know what you need to do. See a counselor!

I think, seriously, there could be underlying issues to this that go beyond the inappropriate attraction you are feeling. A counselor must remain confidential unless you are speaking out about a plan to actually harm yourself or someone else. Which you are not.

So will you please call a Christian counseling office in your area?

Thank you.

LightShadow · Jun 24, 2007

UnitynLove said:
Praying for you!

Thank you.

Bianca01 said:
Hi LightShadow,

You stated that you don't think you could really talk with anyone in person. Yet your post title is: I really need counselling about this... So I think you know what you need to do. See a counselor!

I think, seriously, there could be underlying issues to this that go beyond the inappropriate attraction you are feeling. A counselor must remain confidential unless you are speaking out about a plan to actually harm yourself or someone else. Which you are not.

So will you please call a Christian counseling office in your area?

Thank you.

I will try.. cause I really do want help.

And you're right... it's not only the attraction to kids problem... I got some other issues too, like low self esteem and some other things.. I really don't know what's wrong with me..

But then again, I'm poor.. I would have no money to pay a counselor, psychologist or whatever with.

sinneD · Jun 24, 2007

LightShadow said:
But then again, I'm poor.. I would have no money to pay a counselor, psychologist or whatever with.

Hey Brother..

Seek out a godly church and talk to the pastor or youth leader.. if you find it uncomfortable, then print out this thread and show it to them.. there is Christian counseling available, even if you can't afford it..

Blessing,
Dennis

LightShadow · Jun 24, 2007

sinneD said:
Hey Brother..

Seek out a godly church and talk to the pastor or youth leader.. if you find it uncomfortable, then print out this thread and show it to them.. there is Christian counseling available, even if you can't afford it..

Blessing,
Dennis

Thanks. You know, you gave me a good idea.. I haven't gone to confession in a little more than a year ago, but maybe I could talk to a priest in there... I have wanted to talk about it before, but I was always too uncomfortable about it and never actually gained the courage to do it... but maybe it's time I do... maybe the priest has some good advice about it..
Worth a try, I guess.

livin4love286 · Jul 30, 2007

there isnt much you can do on your own but i will be praying for you pm me if you ever want to chat because talking can somewhat help

I really need counselling about this...

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