I once was lost.

[BarefootInWinter]

Brief back story...I was raised as a Christian and attended church as a kid. I was baptized. I stopped going to church when I was about 11. I stopped believing around highschool. I lived as a "spiritual" person and at one time fancied I had it all figured out. Science and knowledge combined with that...and I ended up as a person who "tried to be good" and thought things like "If there is a God, He made me with this brain and wanted me to seek answers everywhere." I was not ever a really bad person, but I did and said so many awful things. I have done so much that I can not take back.

In the last year or so, I unexpectedly found myself questioning so much that I thought I "knew" as a smart, liberal person. I don't remember any big epiphany or anything, but before I knew it, God found me. It sounds so cliché, but He really did.

When I realized who was there, I was uncertain. I have nobody I feel comfortable speaking with about it. Unfortunately, I feel embarrassed. I am the least likely person my friends and family would expect to be here. I fear what they will think or say...and I try to work that out inside myself.

I asked God to help me see if it was really Him. Some sign, feeling, or ANY thing. I had not talked to Him before, and I did not know what to look for. To my surprise, again cliché, He really did speak to me. I know it is Him.

I asked Him to work through my past mistakes. I asked for forgiveness. I was honest, and I told Him that my knowledge of science and history and everything else made it hard for me to believe the Bible. I still questioned the life of Jesus.

Slowly, He is helping me. I know He understands that I accept Jesus and my salvation in my heart- even if my "smart" brain isn't sure and seeks "proof." Every day, I ask for more faith and more strength to stay on this path.

I still fail quite a bit. I don't trust any one Church because I don't know how to pick a denomination. I fear finding a pastor or minister that teaches the wrong things. I am trying to study the Bible more, but it is hard to do so alone. There is so much information and opinion I don't know where to start.

Even through these struggles, I know God will get me there eventually. I trust Him.


My problem, though, is embarrassing because it sounds crazy. I feel silly saying the words because a few years ago, I would have thought "what a whacko!" and made coo coo clock sounds if somebody said it to me.

I can tell that Satan is very angry that I reject bad things as much as I can. When I fail, I turn closer to God. I ask for Him to step between me and Satan...to keep him away. Satan is trying very hard to make me feel guilty for my past. I believe he is trying to knock me down with anxiety and sadness. Satan keeps needling my mind with fears of God punishing me or teaching me a lesson by letting bad things happen. Satan knows I did things because of low self-esteem, and I worry about people finding out. He knows I fear ruining some family relationships, and he puts those doubts even higher.

The closer I get to a better me and the closer I get to God, the stronger I feel Satan's hatred of me. Tonight, I had my worst panic/anxiety ever. I was crying. I know what I felt was this struggle. I was afraid, and all I could do was pray for God to step in between and shield me.

Is this normal? I know about the typical doubt or anger or fear that is put upon Christians by evil, but I wasn't prepared for this. I feel like now that I can hear God speaking to me...I realize how much Satan was in my ear before this. I was aware of those feelings and anxieties, but only now do I understand that was always Satan. I can recognize and feel the difference since I have experienced something wonderful.

Is there ever going to be a point where it gets easier? Will Satan ever leave me alone or will God block him out for me? I know it won't be easy, ever, but does it get better?

Is this the way it will be forever because I let Satan take such a strong hold of me for so long?

Sorry for writing a book.

 

[AsPatat]

This is just my opinon, based on my own experience. I have a very similar background to yours. At age 21 God found me and I started "hearing" His voice. But as you know, that was not the happy ending to the story. I am much older now. Over the years it has gotten worse at times, and then better again. This has happened many times. I think that the times it got worse, were often times when I grew so "strong" that I forgot to rely on God only, and trusted myself a little too much.

As long as you rely on Him he will always be there and you will be well even when it is not easy. You are on a journey with Him now and He will never leave you. The journey is just beginning and there will always be ups and downs. But as long as you rely on God it will gradually get better. Sometimes it might feel as if it not getting better, but as you look back 5, 10, 15 years from now you will see the growth, and realize that every "better" if even better than the previous one. I hope that makes sense. Hope you have a wonderful journey!

 

[LilShepherdBoy]

I don't remember any big epiphany or anything, but before I knew it, God found me. It sounds so cliché, but He really did.

When I realized who was there, I was uncertain. I have nobody I feel comfortable speaking with about it. Unfortunately, I feel embarrassed. I am the least likely person my friends and family would expect to be here. I fear what they will think or say...and I try to work that out inside myself.

I asked God to help me see if it was really Him. Some sign, feeling, or ANY thing. I had not talked to Him before, and I did not know what to look for. To my surprise, again cliché, He really did speak to me. I know it is Him.

I asked Him to work through my past mistakes. I asked for forgiveness. I was honest, and I told Him that my knowledge of science and history and everything else made it hard for me to believe the Bible. I still questioned the life of Jesus.

Slowly, He is helping me. I know He understands that I accept Jesus and my salvation in my heart- even if my "smart" brain isn't sure and seeks "proof." Every day, I ask for more faith and more strength to stay on this path.

I still fail quite a bit. I don't trust any one Church because I don't know how to pick a denomination. I fear finding a pastor or minister that teaches the wrong things. I am trying to study the Bible more, but it is hard to do so alone. There is so much information and opinion I don't know where to start.

Even through these struggles, I know God will get me there eventually. I trust Him.

My problem, though, is embarrassing because it sounds crazy. I feel silly saying the words because a few years ago, I would have thought "what a whacko!" and made coo coo clock sounds if somebody said it to me.

Hi. Welcome to CF. I have three questions to ask you about the above your experiences I quoted and highlighted in red.

1) When God found you, did you feel an overwhelming amount of peace and happiness that day?

2) The problem you mentioned as embarrassing, was it some type of tribulation or hardship (as in problems in life of any kind) you went through before God came to you? You don't have to tell me what it is. Just a yes or no answer is fine.

3) Did your experience resembled anything like how Jesus described in John 16:21-24?

a) Just like a pregnant woman before giving birth, she was in tribulation.
b) But after pain is gone, she's happy after giving birth.
c) You were filled with an overwhelming sense of joy.
d) You're asking God in prayer and requests and He is answering them.​

John 16:21-24 ERV
21 “When a woman gives birth to a baby, she has pain, because her time has come. But when her baby is born, she forgets the pain. She forgets because she is so happy that a child has been born into the world. 22 It is the same with you. Now you are sad, but I will see you again, and you will be happy. You will have a joy that no one can take away. 23 In that day you will not have to ask me about anything. And I assure you, my Father will give you anything you ask him for in my name. 24 You have never asked for anything in this way before. But ask in my name, and you will receive. And you will have the fullest joy possible.











.

 

[BFine]

Savior...
John 14:6
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Our sin debt is paid by Jesus...
1 John 2:2
"He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world."

Whosoever believes:
John 3:16
“For God so loved the world,that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."

 

[paul1149]

The closer I get to a better me and the closer I get to God, the stronger I feel Satan's hatred of me. Tonight, I had my worst panic/anxiety ever. I was crying. I know what I felt was this struggle. I was afraid, and all I could do was pray for God to step in between and shield me.

Is this normal? I know about the typical doubt or anger or fear that is put upon Christians by evil, but I wasn't prepared for this. I feel like now that I can hear God speaking to me...I realize how much Satan was in my ear before this. I was aware of those feelings and anxieties, but only now do I understand that was always Satan. I can recognize and feel the difference since I have experienced something wonderful.

Is there ever going to be a point where it gets easier? Will Satan ever leave me alone or will God block him out for me? I know it won't be easy, ever, but does it get better?

Is this the way it will be forever because I let Satan take such a strong hold of me for so long?

Your discernment is increasing. The enemy does not want anyone to escape his grip, and does what he can to discourage or frighten us away. Commit yourself not to yield an inch. Call on the name of Jesus. If you have invited Him in and given yourself to Him, you have delegated authority over the evil one, and you need not fear.

Does it ever end? This will pass, but the devil never really gives up. Even with Jesus, after tempting Him in the desert, satan left only until "an opportune time" (lk 4.13). So we always have to be on guard.

With each test, though, you will get stronger. We go from faith to faith, and from glory to glory. The key is to rest in Jesus. Put on His strength (Ephesians would be good reading for you, in particular the first and last chapters.) You don't have to fight this on your own, in your own strength. Rest in Christ and let Him work in you. The battle belongs to Him. This whole thing is His idea.

Never forget, your past has passed. It is in the sea of God's forgetfulness, and you should not fret over it. That would only harm you, and Jesus doesn't want that. If you have made the good confession of Romans 10, you are a new creature in Christ Jesus. "Old things have passed away; behold, all things are made new" (2Cor 5-17-ff). Continue in His word, to learn of Him, and you will grow more and more free.

 

[BarefootInWinter]

Hi. Welcome to CF. I have three questions to ask you about the above your experiences I quoted and highlighted in red.

1) When God found you, did you feel an overwhelming amount of peace and happiness that day?

2) The problem you mentioned as embarrassing, was it some type of tribulation or hardship (as in problems in life of any kind) you went through before God came to you? You don't have to tell me what it is. Just a yes or no answer is fine.

3) Did your experience resembled anything like how Jesus described in John 16:21-24?

a) Just like a pregnant woman before giving birth, she was in tribulation.
b) But after pain is gone, she's happy after giving birth.
c) You were filled with an overwhelming sense of joy.
d) You're asking God in prayer and requests and He is answering them.​

.

1 - Absolutely!
2 - Yes, it was a combination of hardships.
3 - I would say yes, it was like that.

What I experienced, I would say fits well the idea of birth/labor.

I was hurting mentally and emotionally. Feeling quite desperate. After a few hard weeks of thinking about my life...I guess things were getting to me. I had felt like God had been trying to get me to pay attention...to stop hiding from the big picture. I was in tears, and I knew that I needed to ask God to help me because there was nothing in this world I could physically do to help myself.

I literally got down on my knees...and I don't even know how long I talked to Him that night. I asked Him to just lead me where I needed to go, and I have made a point to talk as often as I can every day. I felt drained that night. Everything felt ok. I can't describe fully how I felt other than that I no longer felt that emotional pain anymore...I felt free, maybe. I knew I experienced something real.

Since then, I know that when I'm struggling, I can ask God for assurance. Sometimes, I don't hear anything or feel anything. I have learned that this happens when I am not fully facing my part of a situation...or I am not asking the right things and need to think about it further. I have been surprised how often I do get answers or encouragement. I have done some things like subscribed to a daily Bible verse email so that each day starts out with a reminder. I am going this alone, so I found things like that (which may seen weird to some). More than once, I've gone to sleep or woke up with certain questions or fears that wouldn't go away...only to find that verse email for the day seems to offer some insight that always makes me laugh because I JUST asked something related to it. Other times, after talking with Him, I'll get a phone call from somebody or a friend will text...and the conversation will give me a chance to practice what I JUST learned.

so, hopefully that answers those questions!

 

[LilShepherdBoy]

1 - Absolutely!
2 - Yes, it was a combination of hardships.
3 - I would say yes, it was like that.

What I experienced, I would say fits well the idea of birth/labor.

I was hurting mentally and emotionally. Feeling quite desperate. After a few hard weeks of thinking about my life...I guess things were getting to me. I had felt like God had been trying to get me to pay attention...to stop hiding from the big picture. I was in tears, and I knew that I needed to ask God to help me because there was nothing in this world I could physically do to help myself.

I literally got down on my knees...and I don't even know how long I talked to Him that night. I asked Him to just lead me where I needed to go, and I have made a point to talk as often as I can every day. I felt drained that night. Everything felt ok. I can't describe fully how I felt other than that I no longer felt that emotional pain anymore...I felt free, maybe. I knew I experienced something real.

Yes, you did experienced something real, God sent you the holy spirit. It's about as close to a feeling of being in heaven as there is while still on earth. Congratulations! The holy spirit is an extremely powerful ally in your walk with God and will help you overcome many things as well as reveal many many things most people cannot comprehend when reading the bible, John 16:13.

Not all Christians have the holy spirit, and it's not given at baptism as some believe. It's a process and some evidence of devotion must be shown before this gift is given. But the moment you received it, you know without a doubt, something supernatural just happened. But this is the usual process for most Christians before God begins to reveal Himself, beginning with the promise of the gift of the holy spirit, Ephesians 1:13-14, John 14:15-17.


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The information below doesn't necessarily apply to you BarefootInWinter, but really for other Christians reading this who are taking this test going through all types of problems with life that never seems to stop. Hopefully this will help them finish their testing sooner than later. The key in passing this test is to love God with all your heart, soul and mind. And resist the devil as he'll try to deceive you intto thinking the problems are from God.

The process begins with the test, and this is the most painful of all tests you'll endure. The good news is there's a time limit on this test so you won't have to live in torment the rest of your life and all test afterwards are no longer painful. Christians going through this period of testing will endure a period of trial and tribulation. Basically they've been handled over to the devil without God's blessings and protection while taking the test. If you wanna know more about it, the book of Job describes this test. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job+1&version=ERV

Jesus also mentioned this test in Revelation 2:10. He also told us as Christians we will face tribulations in life. He was referring to the tribulation from this test. Once you pass this test, there's no more tribulation in life because you have shown God to be faithful under intense persecution. There will be other tests because the tests are designed to help us grow but you won't endure the (labor pains) anymore. You'll just have confusion trying to figure out how to pass your new tests but you'll continue in peace and joy from here on out.

And everyone who was ever someone to God all took this test too and went through their own tribulation. Before Saul became the apostle Paul, he became blind and was locked up in jail. Joseph was sold off by his brothers and locked up in jail for 13 years. Abraham had to sacrifice Issac. Jacob had to work an extra seven years for Rachel. Moses had to wondered in the desert for 40 years because he kept failing his test. David took the test and was punished for his sins, Psalms 38. I don't think many people know this. But even Jesus had to take the test.

Jesus was however given the holy spirit before His test. But immediately after He received the spirit, He was guided by the spirit into the wilderness and fast for 40 days and nights until near death, Matthew 4:1-11. He wasn't fasting to fast, He was fasting to get close to death and allowed Himself to be tempted as part of His test. When He was close to death, He allowed satan to come tempt Him. Knowing Jesus was starving to death, first thing satan does was tempt Him with food, "turn the stones into bread if you are the Son of God." (The devil is a pretty cunning snake tempting Him with food first). Next he tempted Jesus with riches. On all accounts and at a point of near death, Jesus resisted every temptation satan threw His way.

Since Jesus was sinless, why did He have to take this test? It's because He leading us by His example. Many times in the bible Jesus told us to follow Him. Everything He told us to do in the bible, He already did as an example for us to follow in His footstep, even taking that test. And Christians aren't required to fast, Luke 5:33-39.

This is how Christians can pass this test. Hold onto God with all your heart at all cost and resist the devil (at all cost) even when your life is hanging by a thread during the time of this testing, James 1:12. Christ will reward all those who pass this test, Revelation 2:10.

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I can tell that Satan is very angry that I reject bad things as much as I can. When I fail, I turn closer to God. I ask for Him to step between me and Satan...to keep him away. Satan is trying very hard to make me feel guilty for my past. I believe he is trying to knock me down with anxiety and sadness. Satan keeps needling my mind with fears of God punishing me or teaching me a lesson by letting bad things happen. Satan knows I did things because of low self-esteem, and I worry about people finding out. He knows I fear ruining some family relationships, and he puts those doubts even higher.

The closer I get to a better me and the closer I get to God, the stronger I feel Satan's hatred of me. Tonight, I had my worst panic/anxiety ever. I was crying. I know what I felt was this struggle. I was afraid, and all I could do was pray for God to step in between and shield me.

Now that I have a better understanding of your situation, I can go back to your questions in your OP.

Yes, this was the part of your testing whenever you tried to get closer to God, satan will work overtime making your life even harder and want you to think the problems were coming from God. A simple rule-of-thumb, the more and more you're caved in, the more you love God. Satan will throw everything he can at you but you love God no matter what satan does to you. When you're completely brokenhearted and crushed in satan's grip, that when God will come to save you, Psalms 34:17-18.

Is this normal? I know about the typical doubt or anger or fear that is put upon Christians by evil, but I wasn't prepared for this. I feel like now that I can hear God speaking to me...I realize how much Satan was in my ear before this. I was aware of those feelings and anxieties, but only now do I understand that was always Satan. I can recognize and feel the difference since I have experienced something wonderful.

Yes, it's normal and the beginning of a real relationship with God through Jesus. Jesus is the one speaking to you through the holy spirit. He is the one guiding you and answering your prayers, John 16:12-14.

Is there ever going to be a point where it gets easier? Will Satan ever leave me alone or will God block him out for me? I know it won't be easy, ever, but does it get better?

Is this the way it will be forever because I let Satan take such a strong hold of me for so long?

Sorry for writing a book.

Yes, all the tests ahead are much much less painful. In fact, no pain at all, just confusion at times trying to figure out how to pass the tests. Satan will still tempt you in the future but you will be protected, Psalms 34:19-20. As long as he's still on the loose in the world, he'll search out his prey to devour. During that test, God removed His blessings and protection against satan. That's why that test felt like hell, satan had free reign at the time. If this world only knew how much God protects it daily.

With the the holy spirit guiding you, you'll continue to enjoy peace and happiness regularly because the test you passed will help you to understand the fear of the Lord and develop a reverence for God, Psalms 34:11-22.

Psalm 34:11-22
11 Children, come and listen to me;
I will teach you to respect the Lord.
12 Do you want to enjoy life?
Do you want to have many happy days?
13 Then avoid saying anything hurtful,
and never let a lie come out of your mouth.
14 Stop doing anything evil, and do good.
Look for peace, and do all you can to help people live peacefully.
15 The Lord watches over those who do what is right,
and he hears their prayers.
16 But the Lord is against those who do evil,
so they are forgotten soon after they die.
17 Pray to the Lord, and he will hear you.
He will save you from all your troubles.
18 The Lord is close to those who have suffered disappointment.
He saves those who are discouraged.
19 Good people might have many problems,
but the Lord will take them all away.
20 He will protect them completely.
Not one of their bones will be broken.
21 But troubles will kill the wicked.
The enemies of those who live right will all be punished.
22 The Lord saves his servants.
All who go to him for protection will escape punishment.

NOTE: What you're experiencing now won't last long. At some point, God will back away a bit to give you some space to grow on your own. But He's still be with you where ever you go. Right now, He came to you and is holding your hands guiding you every step you take. In the future, He'll remove His hand and let you walk on your own while still keeping an eye on you. When you get that empty feeling someday, remember I told you this. You'll still have peace and joy in your life for the rest of your life. It's just that moment in the future when He takes His hands off of you, then you'll begin to wonder if God had left you. No He won't, He just giving you space to let you grow. It happened to me four months after I received the holy spirit. I thought God had left me and it took me about 5 months of feeling empty till I understood what had happened. He's always there.








.

 

[1watchman]

From what you describe, Barefoot, it appears you are into religious ideologies, but not seeing the plain Gospel message. God says: "He that hath the Son, hath life" (see all of 1 Jn. 5:10-12). Read also John 14 and see what God is saying to you, friend. Forget about religion and reasonings, and find the Lord Jesus as your Savior and Lord of your life; then you won't be "barefoot" anymore, but have peace in knowing the Lord Jesus. God's Word has the answers in the New Testament if one will read it and trust it.