Greg J and throughfireytrial, I'm writing this to both of you, because I feel like you are both saying the same thing to me. I really appreciate what you are saying, and that you are trying to protect me. It means a lot. I partly agree with both of you. But you do not understand my situation fully (and you couldn't, because you're not me). Throughout the whole day, I've felt like a huge conviction to share something.
I am young still (I turned 30 last year), and still new to the faith (two years), so I don't know everything, or even a lot yet, but I have a strong relationship with the Lord, because He has done so much for me. I've changed so much, and I've learnt so much. And I've been attacked by the enemy almost constantly. Jesus has always brought me victory in all attacks though. I've learnt to test and discern the spirits.
Here is why: before I was a Christian, about 10-15 years ago, I was practicing witchcraft. I used to worship and summon false gods and goddesses. I even asked them to come live in my body. Needless to say, I got possessed. My life was absolute chaos and horror for many, many years, and I had a lot of supernatural experiences (I could see the future, see people's auras through walls, know things and see things I shouldn't know etc). My mind was so corrupted, and I turned more and more evil and depressed every day, until I couldn't even see straight. I know how powerful Satan can be, and I know a lot of the tricks he uses, because I've been so fooled by them. When I finally decided to turn to Christ, He made it all go away, and I felt such inner peace for the first time in my life. I could focus my mind clearly, and I fell in love with God and Christianity because it's based on Truth and logic, and direct communication with Him. It was so freeing.
I didn't really understand any of this in the beginning, how I could have had such experiences from another religion, because I didn't know that demons were real or how Satan works, and I kept wondering if Christianity really is the one true religion, until God did something big one day.
I was out walking and I passed by a small petting zoo. I was looking at some baby animals, and I saw a small lamb. I immediately had the thought: "the lamb of God". Just a random association. Then I realized that I did not feel any love towards any of the animals, which I usually do. My heart melts whenever I see baby animals. I couldn't feel love, I kept feeling hatred and despair and I didn't care about anything. So I cried out to God to help me. I left the petting zoo and after a while I saw three numbers in my phone. The Spirit told me to look them all up. The first one was John 1:29 "The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!", the second was Proverbs 14:32 "When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down, but even in death the righteous seek refuge in God." and the third one was Matthew 12:43 "When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none.44 Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished.45 Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation." I got really, really scared. I called out to God to please deliver me if there were demons inside of me. After a little while, about seven or eight evil spirits came out through my mouth. I felt peace again.
You may believe what you want, but I know that this was God. Letting us know that Satan and his demons exists, is one of the things that enemy would never, ever do. This changed my whole understanding of the world, and I became very aware of how true the Bible really is and how real evil is. The reason that I got attacked by these evil spirits was because I hadn't really turned away from my old ways yet. Not completely, because I wasn't sure. But I did immediately after this happened. I became 100% committed to Christ after this happened.
I will also tell you a story from when I was a practicing wiccan. I was at a theme park, and there were those spinning wheels where you choose a number and you can win chocolate or something. There were three of them next to each other. I wanted to win, so I asked whatever false god or goddess I was worshiping at the time what number I should play. A voice said "11", so I played 11, and won. Then the voice said "pick 11 again on the next wheel". I did, and I won again. The voice said "pick 11 on the next wheel". I got scared at this point and I didn't. Instead a man picked number 11 and won.
I'm not making any of this up, and it was not all in my head. And it certainly wasn't God. Satan really does have more power that any of us can imagine, and I know that I have to be careful. But God is Almighty, and nothing is out of His reach. We cannot restrict Him or His ways, or stop listening out of fear because of the tiny false miracles that Satan can do. If God wants to say something, He will talk. It will always be according to His Word, but He can do it in so many, many ways.
I really hate talking about all of these experiences, but I needed to share it. I believe that it is really bad advice to tell somebody to just ignore signs from God. It can cause a person to seriously doubt experiences that God has used to build them up in the faith, like He has with me. I have learnt to discern whether they are from God, and He has done this many times. Discernment comes from God, and not from our own limited understanding. He usually does this as a confirmation of something I've learnt from the Holy Spirit. It's how I learned to listen to His voice. Remember, I'm all alone and have no one to teach me, and I was completely broken before, so God has gotten deeply involved in every aspect of my life. It might not be the "normal" way He does things, but it is how He communicates with me sometimes.
And I know that it is God, not only because I've seen Him do huge miracles, but mostly because of how He has changed me. I grow to be more like Jesus every day. Satan couldn't and wouldn't do that.
No one should seek signs, ever! But we all need to keep our eyes open and be aware of them, IF God decides to speak to us through them, especially if we are going through trials. Life isn't as black and white as most people think. It's never an either or situation. Not all signs and experiences are from God, and not all are from Satan. In the end, if something gets you closer to Jesus and away from sin, it's from Him.
I read the Bible almost daily, and I talk to God all the time. I'm NOT basing my faith on numbers and signs, it's just a part of the way He communicates with me. I want you to not be worried about that, because it is something that God does to comfort me. I didn't ask for it, nor did I look for it.
For a long time, last year when I was under horrible spiritual aggression, I got paranoid about the numbers, and lived in a way that I really shouldn't. I was scared of everything, and because of that I wouldn't buy anything or watch a Youtube video that had certain numbers in them, and I followed other numbers, which led me down the wrong path. That is how Satan tricks you, and it is the wrong way to live, and God has gotten me through that.
In fact, God just did this again. At least three people on this thread has told me to read Daniel, and especially the part where they are thrown into the fire. I did that last night. It was amazing, because it was so very close to what I am going through. I felt so comforted and strengthened. And God has through numbers pointed me towards this verse this whole week: "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2. Once again, He confirmed something to me in this way. Do you still think that this is Satan doing this?
I just really wanted to be clear about this, just because it felt important. Again, I really appreciate the fact that you both reach out and try to help me, but there are better ways. Discernment is all about testing, and you cannot test something that you ignore.
I would love both of your perspectives on this, even if you just think that I'm being deceived. And please tell me if there is something I'm not clear about. My English is far from perfect, and I have troubles explaining some things sometimes.
And throughfireytrial, please continue to pray for me. I really need it. I'm going through so much right now, and I have no one else in my corner (except God, who will be with me).