I need some help

[KindaMondayne]

So this is a little weird since I don't generally join in the whole discussion forum thing...but I'm at a point right now where I can't talk to anyone I know and I'd really like to get some good, sound Christian perspective. So...here goes nothing. A little while ago I started dating a really great guy. He and I met and pretty soon afterward we started dating without really a chance to let a friendship grow...I think I regret that a little because I wish that we really had known each other before the relationship got into it. It's definitely harder to be "just friends" after you've been more. Well, at first it was great. And it still is sometimes. But lately there has been this humongous struggle. See, I'm in a leadership position in my church and such and I know that this carries a large amount of responsibility. For my entire life I've had this passion to be set apart and pure. This yearning grows every day, but lately- my boyfriend and I have stumbled BIG TIME. See...*this is so hard for me to tell anyone...no one knows*...I let him touch me once. And it wasn't the kind of thing where I made a move to stop him either. We just let it go. Both of us felt beyond terrible afterwards, and it was as though I couldn't even function. He has a past with going too far with a girl, and sometimes I wonder...he has tried to do the same thing again, and every time he apologizes and feels horrible for it. But I'm just wondering...how many times do I let it go and forgive before it becomes too much? He asks for forgiveness every time, and he has it. But...I don't know. Anyhow- my questions are these: are there any guys out there who struggle with the same temptation as he does? Are there any guys out there who struggle with the temptation and fail as he has or have overcome the temptation? And are there any girls out there who are struggling with the same thing I am in that I just have no idea what to do about this...we're in situations where leaving each other is pretty harsh because of past situations with parents leaving, loved ones leaving, etc. and I cannot bear the thought of being another person to leave. He's sweet and amazing most of the time, but this is just holding me back. I've found that it's harder to forgive myself than it is to forgive him. And I've found that it's harder to accept God's forgiveness for this than anything else. So yeah...someone please help me. Cause I'm just...confused. Thanks...

 

[JOYfulbeliever]

A huge piece of advice from JOYful...

avoid the situation!

It's incredibly easy to give into temptation if you guys are alone at home together. Don't let yourself be at home alone together.

It's something you guys, together, have to work on. Instead of putting yourself in that situation take the time that you are "alone" and limit it - and use it for doing devotions together or something like that.

 

[HolyRoller]

A huge piece of advice from JOYful...

avoid the situation!

It's incredibly easy to give into temptation if you guys are alone at home together. Don't let yourself be at home alone together.

It's something you guys, together, have to work on. Instead of putting yourself in that situation take the time that you are "alone" and limit it - and use it for doing devotions together or something like that.

It's hard to do but Joyful is correct. Well, said

 

[JPPT1974]

Did you ask him if he is a Christian because no offense but he sure doesn't either act much even less sound like one. I have men that are just friends and nothing more. Just strictly platonic. In order to show his forgiveness to you, he has to PROVE IT!! Seems like he has done this to other young ladies as well and not just you. You aren't probably the first and definately won't be the last. Take it to the Lord in prayer. Let us know about how you are doing as we will be praying for you also.

 

[markmayer23]

Well, I also have the same problem your boyfriend has... I've realized that I was wrong when doing that to my girlfriend and it really convicts me because eventhough there's no person that saw us, i do believe that God has seen us... and it really affects me.... God has caught us in the act always.... I feel ashamed of myself when I've done that. So I talked to my girlfriend it for many days... And I ask for forgiveness and swear not to do those things until we got married... I swear not to touch on all vital parts... I've offered hold hands, embrace and hugs only... kiss only on hands... Because kissing on the lips and face has an important thing in our marriage. So I promised her not to kissed her until the pastor will declare that we are husband and wife. With your situation, I do pray that you talked with your boyfriend. Set some limits and warn him that if he ever do that again, you'll break off your relationship... Start on getting to know each other for awhile until your friendship grows and deepens... if he really loves you, he will respect you and your principles in life... I'll pray for you...

 

[fishstix]

Be aware that forgiving him does not mean that you have to keep going out with him. You said that this has happened more than once and that it is dragging you down. It might be a good idea to separate from each other, at least for a while. Because unfortunately, touching leads to more than touching and one of these times he may not be able to stop himself from going even further. And while both of you may regret it afterwards, some things cannot be undone. It's better to take preventative measures ahead of time, which in this case I would say is breaking the relationship off. And while it is understandable that you don't want to cause him pain by leaving; it would be even more painful for both of you if you guys end up having sex, especially if it results in a pregnancy.

 

[KindaMondayne]

Ah, thank you so much for the advice and even moreso for the prayers. Last night he and I had a much needed talk about the issue and he suggested that if he does anything else, we break off the relationship completely. Along with that decision, we also made the decision to not spend so much time together (that may not be too hard since I'm leaving in less than a week...and then we won't see each other for about three or four months. Kinda crazy, huh?), and also we decided that we aren't going to spend time with each other unless we are in plain view of other people. It was a great time since finally we got the issue out there and taken care of. Thank you also for letting me know that others have had similar struggles...it helps so much to know that I'm not the only one who's going through this. --KM

 

[markmayer23]

I'm glad you've made the right decision... God bless You so much!!!

 

[Kepa]

Ah, thank you so much for the advice and even moreso for the prayers. Last night he and I had a much needed talk about the issue and he suggested that if he does anything else, we break off the relationship completely. Along with that decision, we also made the decision to not spend so much time together (that may not be too hard since I'm leaving in less than a week...and then we won't see each other for about three or four months. Kinda crazy, huh?), and also we decided that we aren't going to spend time with each other unless we are in plain view of other people. It was a great time since finally we got the issue out there and taken care of. Thank you also for letting me know that others have had similar struggles...it helps so much to know that I'm not the only one who's going through this. --KM

That's a good idea. I would recommend you tell someone that you know about this, and can be held accountable to. Because even though you've made a big decision like this, it can be easy to compromise it and fall back into old ways.