I need some advice

[aussie4god]

Hi all,

I got saved and became a Christian about 12 months ago. The year has been great

A couple of months ago I started seeing a girl, however I recently had to call the relationship off as I wanted to concentrate on being right with God. This was upsetting for both of us.

Within days of the breakup, I noticed a friend of mine, the very friend who had introduced me to Church and helped get me saved was hanging around my ex. I didn't mind this so much as we all go to the same church, however I did ask my friend not to pursue a relationship with her, as we were both still upset by the breakup and feelings were involved.

He assured me he wouldn't and even if he did have an interest in her he would do the right thing and ask me first.

Tonight I found out that the very same day we had that conversation, he began pursuing her and is now dating her.

Most of my friends are shocked as many know that neither of us have gotten over the relationship (we broke up 2 weeks ago) and feel that he has taken advantage of her in her upset state.

I also feel betrayed and I am greatly upset that the very friend who introduced me to church could go behind my back after telling me that nothing would go on and do this to me.

I know what I would have done in my pre-Christian dats, but thats not my life anymore.

How do I deal with forgiving him for this betrayal??

I'm really struggling with it, especially being a new Christian. And the worst thing is the one of the people I would have sought advise from is the one who has done it.

If anyone can give me some adviseon this I would really appreciate it.

In Christ,

Chris (aka Aussie4God)

 

[LadyAngel]

Hi all,

I got saved and became a Christian about 12 months ago. The year has been great

A couple of months ago I started seeing a girl, however I recently had to call the relationship off as I wanted to concentrate on being right with God. This was upsetting for both of us.

Within days of the breakup, I noticed a friend of mine, the very friend who had introduced me to Church and helped get me saved was hanging around my ex. I didn't mind this so much as we all go to the same church, however I did ask my friend not to pursue a relationship with her, as we were both still upset by the breakup and feelings were involved.

He assured me he wouldn't and even if he did have an interest in her he would do the right thing and ask me first.

Tonight I found out that the very same day we had that conversation, he began pursuing her and is now dating her.

Most of my friends are shocked as many know that neither of us have gotten over the relationship (we broke up 2 weeks ago) and feel that he has taken advantage of her in her upset state.

I also feel betrayed and I am greatly upset that the very friend who introduced me to church could go behind my back after telling me that nothing would go on and do this to me.

I know what I would have done in my pre-Christian dats, but thats not my life anymore.

How do I deal with forgiving him for this betrayal??

I'm really struggling with it, especially being a new Christian. And the worst thing is the one of the people I would have sought advise from is the one who has done it.

If anyone can give me some adviseon this I would really appreciate it.

In Christ,

Chris (aka Aussie4God)

First and Foremost pray and ask God to heal you of your hurt and Pain.
IMO your girlfriend has felt rejected so she feels that the only solution is to get with you best friend.
If my friend broke up with her man i would never go there because i feel that it is so wrong.
Dont depend on man cos they will always fail you. Trust in the Lord with all you heart. Everything that happens is for a reason. God may have a better plan for you. She may not be the one for you which is why this may of had happened.
Dont worry all is well. Forgive your friend for what he has done and pray that God will open his eyes that he will see what he has done.

 

[YouthPastor]

chalk it up as a learning lesson.

I say that what they did is pretty low (she may be doing it in part to make you jealous - especially if you were the one to call it off - or she might be doing it because she is mad at you for breaking up.

obviously if your friend agreed to ask you first before he persued her and did not - his word is not worth much.

a couple weeks after your breakup is too soon for him to go after your ex anyway - a few months or longer is one thing - but two weeks!!!

by chance,,,, did he talk to you about needing to break it off with her so that you could focus on God more?

In all this remember - none of this is reflective of God. So do not hold this against him

 

[peanutbutter12]

This can be seen in a few ways.

First and foremost, a lesson to be learned is here that even the people you hold in high regard are still human prone to make mistakes or do stupid things.

Also, your friend broke a sacred covenant. You don't date your good friends exgirlfriends. It's just not right. Especially so soon and after the fact that you asked him not to. However, reread the above line.

It could be she is trying to make you jealous or is angry you broke up with her so shes trying to get back at you as stated above. Or she could be on a rebound and he was there. Or it could even be something as something just clicked between them, but thats when the rule about dating a friends ex comes into play... you just don't do it. At least not for a long while. Years...

The best thing to do in this case is not speculate. Just get your nerve up and talk to your friend and get answers for yourself. Otherwise you will just spend too much time torturing yourself...

CJ

 

[NoMoreTearsWithJesus]

i know what your going thru hes not a friend, i told my friend once a secret, that i told her to not tell anyone she promised she wouldnt tell she was like my sister..
then one day she called me and said she told her bf n her bf was my best friends bf so duhh then everyone found out it wasnt anything serious but still it hurt like i dont know what... i felt empty n betrayed.... so i decide to forgive her after a while... n again she backstabbed me... my point they never change...

 

[*~DJ~*]

It is very hard to dal with. You were betrayed by 2 people you care about. But you did break up with her to focus on God, so focus on God. He will help you forgive your friend and heal you. They should not have done such a thing! I wonder- was she really upset about it? My first impression reading this was that she may not have really cared as much as you thought, especially if she's dating a close friend of yours. Talk to your friend and tell him how it made you feel. Remember, lean on Jesus, He will guide you through this better than any of us can.
God Bless and good luck.

 

[stevezak11]

Jesus Christ was also betrayed...meaning it can happen to anyone.

Don't beat yourself up with bitterness toward the two of them...at the very moment of His death, Christ said "Father, forgive them; for they not what they do" (luke 23:34)

God is calling you to be just like His Son...just do what Jesus would have done in your position.

 

[superdave]

Well, its natural to feel emotions of betrayal and anger. We as Christians, also need to realize we are human. And those feelings are not bad. Because the truth, is you were betrayed and it's ok to feel a little anger, because, its tough. But, remember this- YOU HAVE TO KNOW what to do with those emotions. The minute those emotions start ruling you, that's when it becomes the problem. Just step back for a while, Tell them both how you feel. Tell your friend, "Listen, I am angry because...." and then back off, tell him you need time to pray and get this off your shoulders and do that. Ask God for grace to help you!!!! Because its hard... It really is hard to be betrayed by a person you care about!!!!!

But do what you said, focus on God. You must remember, you ended the relationship. So do what you said you were going to do. This is being a man and not acting like a child.

Good luck!
Dave.

 

[sherri]

So sorry you were hurt . I've found with forgivenss that the best way to do it when it's really tough is to ask God to help you and then just say the words (even if you don't mean them). Then pray for the people involved. Praying for someone you almost (or do) hate can be one of the hardest things you can do as a christian but it's the fastest way to forgive. And keep praying until you really feel the whole thing resolved. If you involve him, God will help you, don't worry.

We forgive because we have to but we also forgive because it cuts off the ability of the thing that those people did to us to continue to hurt us.

So it's actually for our benefit as much as others (although God doesn't give us a choice anyway lol - 'for unless we forgive others their sins against us, our sins will not be forgiven'.

Really sorry that you were betrayed by this guy - the whole situation sounds pretty unpleasent.

 

[aussie4god]

Hi all.

I just want to thank everyone for there advise and words of encouragement.

Forgiveness can be tough especially when you are betrayed by those closest to you but I believe that it is Gods will for us to forgive.

To give you all an update, they broke up. She was very apologetic and told him that she couldnt be with him because she still had feelings for me.

As soon as this happened he tried to mend the friendship, although I feel that it's probably to little to late after what he did.

I have however forgiven, although I have not forgotten.

Once again, thankyou to everyone for there advise and kind words.

God Bless you all

Chris

 

[YouthPastor]

Hi all.

I just want to thank everyone for there advise and words of encouragement.

Forgiveness can be tough especially when you are betrayed by those closest to you but I believe that it is Gods will for us to forgive.

To give you all an update, they broke up. She was very apologetic and told him that she couldnt be with him because she still had feelings for me.

As soon as this happened he tried to mend the friendship, although I feel that it's probably to little to late after what he did.

I have however forgiven, although I have not forgotten.

Once again, thankyou to everyone for there advise and kind words.

God Bless you all

Chris

Hmmm they break up and he tries to mend it with you!!!!

you can still be friends. BUT how good of a friend??

HOnestly I would say the same about your "ex" girlfriend. it took both of them to get together...... granted she broke it up because she had feelings for you.... but the fact is 2 weeks after you broke up she was trying to get involved with YOUR BEST FRIEND!

that puts up a red flag for me should she ever be interested in the two of you getting back together

 

[aussie4god]

Hmmm they break up and he tries to mend it with you!!!!

you can still be friends. BUT how good of a friend??

HOnestly I would say the same about your "ex" girlfriend. it took both of them to get together...... granted she broke it up because she had feelings for you.... but the fact is 2 weeks after you broke up she was trying to get involved with YOUR BEST FRIEND!

that puts up a red flag for me should she ever be interested in the two of you getting back together

Yeah, theres no chance of ever getting back together with her. Thats a guarantee. But mending the friendship is a tough one. He suggested that maybe we get one of the pastors or elders from church involved to see if we can reslove the issue. I dunno though. Once someone does something like that ti you, you kinda lose interest in them pretty quick.

 

[YouthPastor]

Yeah, theres no chance of ever getting back together with her. Thats a guarantee. But mending the friendship is a tough one. He suggested that maybe we get one of the pastors or elders from church involved to see if we can reslove the issue. I dunno though. Once someone does something like that ti you, you kinda lose interest in them pretty quick.

Correct, forgiveness is one thing. Trust/close friendship is anotherthing once you have been "betrayed"

trust/close friendship - if it were to come back - is probably a long way in coming. it is alot hard to regain trust than it is to lose it