I need prayers and advice

[fabulous beast]

I wrote about my situation alread in another post. Basicly in short....My wife...well were just engaed for now. But she left me cus I was a jerk.

She is seeing a new person and ive come to accept it only by the blessings of christ and all those are praying for me.
But I asked her "what do you want me to do? Should I move on? should i keep making attempts to show you what a DRAMATIC change god has made in me?"
Long story short....she said "i said you have till July 11 to show me."

July 11 is our 5th year anniversary.
5 years ago before we were together, we went to an amusement park. While waiting in line she said "Are you gonna ask me? (to be her b/f)
So Jokingly I said "will you marry ,me?" She laughed and said no obviously.
But did agree to be my g/f.

Im going to giver space from this coming sunday till July 11. With phone calls here and there to tell her I love her. Then on the 11th, Ill take her to that amusement park. Around closing time I want to act like im going to ride that ride we had waited in line for 5 years ago.
Then I want the ride operators to call her out in front of eveyone before everyone enters the ride. Id then like to get on the ride operators mic and pour my heart out to her. Declare that I stand there before god and the crowd as witnesses to things i promise her. that she spent 5 years with a person ate up with personal demons, yet in the end....she saved me.
that she should stay with me as I have and still are changing for the better in the name of christ. Ill then drop down, whip out the ring she gave back and propose one last time.

This might work but it also has a great chance of hurting me greatly.
But I thought about it. July 11th is the date she set for the dead line.
If shes going to say no, she was going to tell me its over after we left the park anyway....without me proposing.
That Id rather show her that im madly in love with her. And that Im a changed and changing man with christ.
I just want to cause a scene because I want the world to know!
but I understand the risk I may be taking.

Perhaps I may take a more quiet approach. But I want it in the view of the public. I want ppl to see that I love this woman very greatly. I want them to hear me speak of the great changes god has made for me.
A support group in an odd way.

As my wife has told me that she loves me, but she dosent want to. Shes afraid of getting hurt.
That she clings on to old grief within her heart and WONT let it go. I pray for her everyday. But she wont pray for god to help her.
She dosent like to forgive or forget.

But I figured.....you spent 5 years with a jerk....now try me out again and spend the rest of lives together with a new man. A happy more appreciative loving man. Thanks to the father.

I dont know....
Please pray for me to make a decision. But mostly pray that god keeps me in my wifes heart and mind all the time, and that shell ask god for help with her grief. For her own sake.
What are your opinions on proposing like this though?
Shes a very closed up person. Dosent like to talk about things type.
But I seen her yesterday and she said she loved me and she gave me some kisses and we hugged. I poured my heart out to her and she seen that i was very truthful about everything I said. But she said her heart says that I wont change.
But i have changed.

Anyone have any advice for me regarding my idea of proposing.
I figure its do or die. Id rather try and fail than to have never tried.
Thanks and god bless

 

[jesuslovesme54]

I agree with you. I say give it all you have. That way you never have to second guess it. Many might now agree with me but I don't like leaving anything on the table. Very nice what you want to do. Hope everything goes good for you and I'm praying for the both of you.

 

[Remny]

To gain someone's trust and love "back" requires subtle and persistant effort, change and patiance. Not one big event. I think she probably knows you love her, its always good to say it, but what you should be doing now is telling her what will change about you that will make it easier on her, and talk about how you imagine a future with her where you two are happy. She is probably too afraid right now to fully imagine her own hopes and dreams with you, so you have to help her by talking about your hopes and dreams and then she will feel comfortable enough to join in.

Keep talking to her, tell her that she makes you feel special when she is with you, that you feel stronger because of her. Just keep talking though, don't bother her every hour of the day, but your persistant, pleasant, and patient efforts are what will 'cause her to believe in you. Keep telling her how sorry you are for whatever bad-jerk things you've done, and you've learned that that was the wrong way. Keep telling her that you believe in you guys as a couple, that in the future you promise to work through your problems and that you don't want to think of breakup as an option any more.

In my oppinion you should not do the big public thing. Try to find some other meaningful and subtle way. The way you discribed might just embarress her or make her feel pressured. Remember, you want her to choose you because she loves you and she believes in you, like you do her, not because she feels this enourmous pressure because dozens of people are watching.

I have had a problem like this before myself. It was my persistant efforts that pulled me through. I reconsiled some things I must accept, and chose to be more mellow about things that make me angry, now every time I see my girlfriend, I make her feel loved. I have changed a lot about me, but she has changed too, and together we are much stronger. Your change may or may not have happened all at once, but it can only be proven over time. I'm praying for you buddy,

BEN

 

[Stephanie7]

What you want to do is nice, but I tend to agree with Ben. If you would like my advice about proposing, I feel it's better to wait until things are more definite between you. A proposal at this time would be putting her on the spot in front of a lot of people and that may cause her anger instead. But like I said this is my opinion and I pray God will lead you to do the right thing

Father God, grant this one discernment and wisdom and guide him to make the right choices and do the right thing.. Heal his broken heart and protect it from further hurts. Restore this relationship if it's meant to be. May he know for himself if a public proposal at this time is right for the woman he loves and himself, Whichever way You lead him I ask You to bless him, In Jesus Name, Amen

 

[romeo2]

#12 on todays prayer list: fabulous beast's relationship with wife.

 

[fabulous beast]

Thank you all for your advice and prayers
Only time will tell what choice ill make on that date.
If I propose, it will be by the ride at closing. because at closing, the park sets off fireworks every night. Adds to the romantic gesture.
But i am backing down. I have a date with her Saturday 28. i have alot planned. And i told her this several days ago. Im very excited. But i know that she is going on a date with this other guy tonight.
It hurts. Its like shes giving me a chance, yet wants to grow away from me.
A huge piece of me dosent even want to take her on the date.
But I trust in god. That god is here for me. As he has taken my pain away for now.
Im going to need his blessings for tomorrow mostly. But after the date, I dont even think I want to try. Ill call maybe once or twice in the week to say "Hi! I love you".
But its in the hands of the lord. As I am tired of the hurt and sorrow.
I love her to death, but whats the point if im only to be ignored?
Ive asked god to remove her from my mind and heart, but to leave the love I have.
that way I can focus on my life without obsessing over losing my family.
I just want to be able to wake up one morning, snuggled against her, and to have my 3 year old daughter jump on the bed like she always does saying "Mommy, daddy! You up?"
But I also understand this may be part of my trial. As I had a bad mouth and anger issues. That god is slipping off the blessings a bit, so that I will hurt. So ill be angry and upset. I think god wants to test me on how to deal with these emotions.
So I took it to him. its all I can do. Its all I want to do. Its the only thing that helps.
As I always ask for his forgivness when I think something mean or bad when the anger slips in.
-sigh-

 

[kdrmckinney]

I'm praying for you. Perhaps a good marriage counselor or pastoral counselor would help. God bless.

 

[SunMessenger]

Father we pray for Your Holy Spirit to enter these matters and meet all needs.
We know nothing is impossible for You and we pray for Your divine intervention.
It is in Jesus Beloved, Holy, Gentle and Mighty Name we pray.
Amen​

.

 

[fabulous beast]

PRAISE GOD!
The lord is answering my prayers!
But I still have much more pain ahead. I know this.
Keep praying for me. I feel so alone at times.
My mortal world is collapsing. but the father is helping every bit of the way.
I just want my family back! It hurts!

 

[fabulous beast]

UPDATE:
God had blessed me GREATLY!
She is still not in my life. But god is.
I took her on a date over the weekend and it went extreamly well.
She looked at me and held my hand the way she used too. I felt like i was falling in love all over again. But you see, she has many issues within her own life, so she wont come back. She dosent want to pray about it.
But depending on what the future may hold, ill have my wife back in my life again.
But Im calling it quits with her. Im not waiting while she goes out to do whatever kinds of things. That I told her that god changed me greatly and I told her to open the bible and put her finger in it randomly and to read what her finger landed on. She did, and it basicly described how a bad person is reborn new and fresh. I laughed at her and pointed at myself. I said "SEE!! thats me" god is great!
but before i took her home I reminded her that this was goodbye. That from this day forward, i refuse to call her or see her. but i told her to keep me in her heart, mind, and prayers. i told her that if she needed me, to call. If she wants to hang out, call me. She smiled real big and this filled my heart with great joy. Because ive been asking the father to work on her and to bless our weekend date. AND HE DID! EXTREAMLY! I sit here happy yet still slightly hollow and hurt. As I felt alive like I used to be when i first met my wife 5 years ago. i just hate goodbyes. Especialy when its with someone you love and when this person returned that love over our date. Please pray for me to focus forward in life on all positive things with christ andI really want the prayers focused on my wife the most. As she is filled with hurt and refuses to let go. But shes also got many things shes doing herself that has nothing to do with me, which is affecting her judgement.
Ive also learned to respect ppl with my words. It came to me, what if I said something out of anger to someone, and that person died a couple hours later. Anger passes and normaly we do not mean the nasty things we say when we are upset. I wouldnt be able to live myself knowing that the person that died, died thinking that I thought very little of them. i now turn to god! Where before I always reacted without thinking.
I thank you all very much for your prayers. Praying for a complete stanger. This is the best thing anyone could do for a person and I thank you all very much for your thoughts, prayers, and love. may you all find happiness within you lives with chrsit.