I need Jesus' help

[looking4joy]

I am lost. I don't know who I am. I thought I was a Christian, but it seems like I was all wrong. I have never noticed lasting peace. It's all been a very bumpy ride filled with turmoil and grief and fear, been this way for over 20 years. The first time I was introduced to Christianity after my young teen years were over was in college. He confronted me because I was sleeping with a woman who I wasn't married to. I didn't respond much to the theology at the time. But later in that sexual relationship I was feeling a tug to confess my sin and to break up with her. I was having a hard time believing God existed, let alone a rewarder of those who seek Him. So my faith was pretty bland.

I did break up with her, and I developed at that time a mental illness. I was eventually diagnosed with bipolar and schizoaffective disorder, with OCD issues. All I did was obsess over religion, and felt condemned by the bible instead of finding salvation. This has lasted for over 20 years until now.

Now I struggle with sexual immorality again. I have a pornography problem (self medicating helps me cope with my stress) and I am having sex with my girlfriend, but I really feel trapped by it. I don't want to look at porn and I don't want to have sex with her anymore. I have told her this but she can't seem to understand how much I am convicted about this, so I keep playing along as to not hurt her feelings. And I don't want to hurt her emotionally about breaking up. I really care for her. My health costs make it hard to marry because if we do my coverage stops, and we are on the borderline of not being able to afford health care for my hefty medicine costs and frequent doctor visits.

I have gotten myself into a huge mess. Spiritually I am dealing with guilt, low self esteem, and condemnation. I cry out daily for Jesus to help me get me out of this mess. God knows I have prayed so I don't know how to pray about this anymore. It seems like nobody is going to help me, and I don't know how to change things. I keep reading, "the sexual immoral people will not inherit the Kingdom," from Galations and Ephesians. I sometimes am afraid my lack of courage to break this relationship off is causing me to be considered "continuing in sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth," as described in Hebrews, for which there is no repentance for those people.

I am scared, I need someone to reply with some insight and maybe something I'm not thinking clearly about. I know I am a sinner, it's obvious. I know I can't help my own situation. I can't save myself. And I need Jesus' help.

 

[1watchman]

Yes, you (and us all) need Jesus' help. Close out your racing thoughts, go to a quiet place alone with your Bible, and talk to God.
1) Read John 3; John 14; John 17, and thank the Lord Jesus for suffering on the Cross for you;
2) Receive Him into your heart by confessing that to Him. He will come, though you may feel nothing, and you can thank Him for His presence and care;
3) Then live in the good of that by walking and talking with Him all day. If your heart is right before God in this, you will be saved forever by the indwelling and sealing of the Holy Spirit, though you probably won't feel anything ---just reckon it is done.

Peace and joy will fill you if you are living in the good of His promise; otherwise, you are not living by faith and trust in Him, but just your own ideas like doubting Thomas did in the Bible. I will pray for you, friend.

 

[Lukaris]

I think it would also be good if both of you could speak to a professional & Christian therapist to work out the issues you are facing. Here is a Catholic site of therapists who can be researched:

CatholicTherapists.com


May God bless you both in hopefully finding marriage & reconciliation of coverage for medical needs.

 

[andy b]

good luck brother

 

[orangeness365]

That's really sad. Yeah, both schizophrenia and bipolar suck. Is it possible that you could both still see each other without having sex? That's really sad that you can't financially afford to get married to each other. Just remember that you don't need sex. It's not food. I wouldn't kick her out of your life though. You obviously love her. I dunno. I do know that Jesus loves you, he loves everyone. Maybe you should ask a chaplain about this?

 

[Receiver]

...
I am scared, I need someone to reply with some insight and maybe something I'm not thinking clearly about. I know I am a sinner, it's obvious. I know I can't help my own situation. I can't save myself. And I need Jesus' help.

Hi,
You were designed by the best, for the best . . . to be a son of God and have a daily 2-way relationship with God. This will make your life a voyage of discovery of the good things he has prepared before time.
This world cannot give it to you, not even religion or your own best efforts.

You need to receive His Spirit. For that you simply need to a point of wanting nothing more, and for that you should really do as I did and meet with people who have it - you will see the difference, more than words.

The only small problem is that the majority of "Christians" don't have it, so you need to find people who really have.

Here's my personal story:

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]I was brought up Church of England, but I only went because my dad wanted me to go, there was nothing inspiring there for me so when I left for University I stopped going. While there I started to consider the purpose of my life, and realised I didn't have one that satisfied me, "the world was my oyster", but there was no pearl ![/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]
So when some people who obviously believed in the bible spoke to me I decided to investigate properly. I started going to various church meetings and was told to pray a [/FONT][FONT=Arial, sans-serif]“sinners prayer”[/FONT][FONT=Arial, sans-serif], believing, and as such I was [/FONT][FONT=Arial, sans-serif]"a Christian"[/FONT][FONT=Arial, sans-serif]. For the next 18 months I continued going to meetings and reading books by people considered to be "Christian leaders" to try and work out God's will for me, without success! All I got was opinions.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]
Then I met people who were not going to different churches and reading lots of books about God, they had a confidence and contentment I had not attained to, despite my efforts. I realised my relationship with God was mostly one-way, from me, not the daily, growing 2-way relationship they seemed to have.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]
They had received the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues (an unlearned prayer language that God leads his people in as only he knows his perfect will for us, it allows him to minister his grace & love to our hearts - 1 Cor. 14v2, 4; Jude 20-21). They also had other direct input and leading from God. After a while I realised I was getting nowhere spiritually so for the first time I actually prayed expecting God to *do* something... namely give me the same as them or whatever else I needed. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]
One evening I was alone in my room, not doubting or fearing, just believing God had said yes to me (because he could have no favourites), and wanting nothing more, I prayed and spoke in tongues and in the days that followed I realised I had the Life spoken of in the bible, whereas before I was trying to be something I was not! I used to worry and get bored, now I see God opening my understanding about why things are the way they are, and more importantly, what life can be like.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]I left the old churches because I could see they was as I was before, not as I wanted to be. The church I'm now in is like the one in the new testament, all members have the new Life, we have a unity I never found before. I now have contentment and fulfilling purpose that only the living God can give. I am now able to know God's thoughts and live according to His nature because I have His heart and mind through the Holy Spirit in me, so long as I'm disciplined to look at things God's way . . . that's the "good fight". [/FONT]


[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]I know that God has no favourites, what he has done for one, he will do for another.[/FONT]

 

[Emmy]

Dear looking4joy. Jesus our Saviour died to save us, and He is always ready to help and lead us. Matthew 22: 35-40: Jesus tells us: " The first and great Commandment is: " Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it: love thy neighbour as thyself." Jesus points out this great truth: " On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." God is Love, and God wants Loving sons and daughters.
In Matthew 7: 7-10: we are told: " ask and you shall receive," we ask for Love and Joy, then thank God and share all Love and Joy with our neighbour:
all we know and all we meet, friends and not friends. We keep asking and receiving, then thank God and share all Love and Joy with our neighbour.
God sees our loving efforts, and God approves and blesses us.
The Bible tells us to " Repent and be Born Again," that means change our selfish and unloving ways, to be loving and caring and compassionate.
The Holy Spirit will help and guide us, and Jesus our Saviour will lead us all the way: JESUS IS THE WAY. We might stumble and forget sometimes, but then we ask God to forgive us, and carry on loving and caring.
In Luke 10: 25-28: Jesus is asked: Master, what must I do to inherit eternal life? Jesus tells him: " you have heard of the two Commandments to Love God and love your neighbour? DO THIS AND YOU SHALL LIVE.
That is not very hard to do, looking4joy, show God and show Jesus that you
are ready to follow God`s Commandments, and ask Jesus to help you,
and you will find that all the help and Love are there, ready to be yours.
I say this with love. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.