I need help

[TheFound]

I know the bible. I know what god did. I know what Jesus gave... but why do I feel like I don't deserve it. I know god loves me... but part of me wants to say god hates me. That I'm too far gone and can never be forgiven. Ya see it's been a while since I posted with this account but when I first made it I was first back in Christianity after being an atheist for a decade. I was lost, but now I'm the found... but now I just feel like the lost again. Like I don't even own my name. That somehow I did the impossible and had god turn from me but in the end I know that god would never turn from me... but my sin. I still sin. I'm supposed to be born again I was supposed to turn away from it... after being born again... but I didn't. Ya see when I was 15 years old I realized I didn't have any relations or desires to be with girls. I was gay... I know what some of you are going to say... that I'm an abomination. Some may say I'll never go to heaven... part of me believes that. That I'm ugly broken and beyond prepare so disgusting why would god ever want me to spend a eternity with him.... I cry out for forgiveness daily but don't turn from my sin making me the biggest hypocrite. If Jesus seen me when he was alive he'd see me for who I was a hypocrite whose not worthy of god's love.... I know that's not true but man I feel I am constantly demonically attacked. Depression is taking over part of me just wants to give up. To not see the point of working cleaning taking care of myself there had been points over the past week where I would go days without eating... or sleeping. Cus I just didn't see the point. I'm desperate for help. For prayer. For gods love. To just know that I'm not tarnished to the point that god would turn from me. So I don't know what I need or what I want to be prayed for... but please pray something. I feel like my hold on life is slipping away and my reasons to live are dwindling. I need help... I'm sorry for bringing anyone down who reads this... if anyone will. Thank you.

 

[Tolworth John]

but now I just feel like the lost again.

Two things, Jesus knows you, he knows your nature, you have not surprised him and he loves you.
He gave his life to save you and he is not letting you go.

Please talk to someone, the minister of the church you attend each week, your doctor someone you trust. You sound depressed and you need to get that checked out.

All Christians sin and have to constantly return to Jesus for forgiveness.
Read 1 John1:8+9.

Tell God you are sorry, start living for him again and please talk to someone.

 

[Paul4JC]

So I don't know what I need or what I want to be prayed for... but please pray something.

We pray you may know that God still loves you, alot. We pray that you get through these troubles your in, no matter what caused them and cling to Jesus. He know us. That you wouldn't let the devil kick you around any more. Thanks God that if we confess our sins, you are faithful to forgive us. Help our friend to to move forward a new, and know your, love, forgiveness, grace and power. In Jesus name, Amen.

Get back in his word. God bless you.

1 John 1
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Luke 18
10“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

13“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

14“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

 

[shortangel]

Jesus cares very deeply for you, he has not forsaken you? do you have a counselor that you can talk to??? will keep you in prayer

 

[Dave G.]

Ya know what TF ? Absolutely non of us deserves what God did for us, Jesus loves us anyway. He loved us enough since before the foundation of the world to go get murdered on a cross for us, that who should believe on Him may be saved. We all have sin, He will work with us on that if we agree with Him. Sometimes we have to live with a thorn, Paul did ! It doesn't mean we like it, it doesn't mean we are active in it, it's just there. It becomes our test in life that we continually turn to God for help with.

 

[ZNP]

I know the bible. I know what god did. I know what Jesus gave... but why do I feel like I don't deserve it.

You don't deserve it, that's why you feel this way. But it is not for your glory, it is not because of anything you have done, it is "to the praise of His glory". Jesus will be glorified in your salvation.

 

[Romansthruphilemon]

I know the bible. I know what god did. I know what Jesus gave... but why do I feel like I don't deserve it. I know god loves me... but part of me wants to say god hates me. That I'm too far gone and can never be forgiven. Ya see it's been a while since I posted with this account but when I first made it I was first back in Christianity after being an atheist for a decade. I was lost, but now I'm the found... but now I just feel like the lost again. Like I don't even own my name. That somehow I did the impossible and had god turn from me but in the end I know that god would never turn from me... but my sin. I still sin. I'm supposed to be born again I was supposed to turn away from it... after being born again... but I didn't. Ya see when I was 15 years old I realized I didn't have any relations or desires to be with girls. I was gay... I know what some of you are going to say... that I'm an abomination. Some may say I'll never go to heaven... part of me believes that. That I'm ugly broken and beyond prepare so disgusting why would god ever want me to spend a eternity with him.... I cry out for forgiveness daily but don't turn from my sin making me the biggest hypocrite. If Jesus seen me when he was alive he'd see me for who I was a hypocrite whose not worthy of god's love.... I know that's not true but man I feel I am constantly demonically attacked. Depression is taking over part of me just wants to give up. To not see the point of working cleaning taking care of myself there had been points over the past week where I would go days without eating... or sleeping. Cus I just didn't see the point. I'm desperate for help. For prayer. For gods love. To just know that I'm not tarnished to the point that god would turn from me. So I don't know what I need or what I want to be prayed for... but please pray something. I feel like my hold on life is slipping away and my reasons to live are dwindling. I need help... I'm sorry for bringing anyone down who reads this... if anyone will. Thank you.

Sent you a PM

 

[TheFound]

I read a lot of peoples responses and I got to say thank you for the positivity. And yea as you guys said I'm struggling with depression and I think as well mental illness. I live with my grandmother who has severe bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I'm having all the symptoms she has and her disorders has her on disability. I myself do not have a doctor and I don't have any medical insurance. I've talked to my mom about it and she doesn't believe in the existence of mental illness and that if I pray and study the word god would heal these mental issues I'm having which to her all mental illness are just demonic manifestations. I feel a bit better now cus I finally got some sleep but that's one of my issues I have super lows and good highs... and my lows are much worse then my highs and I just feel like I'm on a pendulum where I go from happiness to disabling depression on a drop of a hat... but I truly think prayer helps so thank you everyone.

 

[Dave G.]

Some mental illness is demonic oppression, true. Some folks see all sorts of counselors, doctors, put on drugs and find out deliverance cures them and they don't need any of that. But then again some folks simply have a chemical imbalance and the medical route helps them. The thing is to find out where you stand in all that. But my thought is you're 26 yo, you should be able to handle some of this without your mom and go seek some help for yourself. You're not exactly a little kid anymore. Meanwhile keep praying and we will pray for you as well..

 

[TheFound]

Some mental illness is demonic oppression, true. Some folks see all sorts of counselors, doctors, put on drugs and find out deliverance cures them and they don't need any of that. But then again some folks simply have a chemical imbalance and the medical route helps them. The thing is to find out where you stand in all that. But my thought is you're 26 yo, you should be able to handle some of this without your mom and go seek some help for yourself. You're not exactly a little kid anymore. Meanwhile keep praying and we will pray for you as well..

Of course I can do things my self I am 26. You are right but people are telling me to find people to talk too and one of the people I talk too is my mom. Is that wrong?