So, lately I've been thinking of giving up on the whole idea of dating or marriage. I'm not just talking about online but period. I have two health issues that while they will not shorten my life, do complicate it and produce limitations on how I live everyday. I realize God can heal me if it's his will but so far that has not been his plan. Is it wrong to say I don't think any man deserves to have to put up with what I face? I'm just trying to think things through logically. I can still walk and move but I am greatly reduced in what my body can handle for a day or even for an hour. I am starting to think it may be selfish to date or marry anyone all things considered. Maybe my thinking is off or my reasoning false. Sorry, that's all a bit depressing. I just needed a sounding board of sorts and the people I would normally talk to are too close to the situation. They think my health issues shouldn't prevent me from dating or marrying but at this point I cannot agree with them.
I made my decision not to marry and my health was a part of that but not the entire reason. I think you have to know what's right and what really works for you. This can change from time to time. I know it did for me. I think that's why I don't really like people saying “God said” when it comes to marriage or singleness. I think either is fine with Him as long as we are in obedience to His Word. You may find that you don't want to date right now for whatever reason. That's okay and that is your prerogative. You may go down the road and find now you're ready to open your life to the possibility of marriage. That's alright too. I don't think you have to make a permanent choice one way or the other unless you want to do that.
I do think you have to effectively communicate where you're at so that the men that come into your life can choose as well. Everybody does their “reveal” differently. Me? I was always upfront about my illness because I don't like confusion or someone feeling that I'm rejecting them when that is not the case. I was surprised to find out that illness is not always a deal breaker. You really don't know what another person's deal breakers are until they tell you. So it sounds like you may be projecting how YOU feel about your health. I would say only you and God can resolve that. Psalm 139 has been of great help and comfort to me, maybe it will be that for you as well (I especially like to take my time and read it out loud).
So I would say RELAX. Today you feel
this way, tomorrow you'll feel
that way, and the day after that who knows? I think in part that's why the Lord tells us in Matthew 6:25-34 to not worry. I remember when that was really hard for me because I was full of “what if's” especially having an illness. Those “what if's” took my attention away from the things of God and put me in a world of worry and fear. I also wasn't making the best relationship choices because I was in fear. But when I let all that go and decided I was going all out to pursue Christ and just Him, life got infinitely better. It is like a night and day difference.
In pursuing Christ I no longer make decisions in fear. I make decisions knowing that God loves me and He's with me regardless. He will be with me in whatever I have to go through because that's what He promised me, because that's the kind of God He is. So I came to the conclusion that even if I had a mate, my dependency would still be on Christ where it belongs. So that's how I live my life, in dependency on Christ. If I ever changed my mind and started moving toward marriage (which I doubt), I would hope that the man who comes into my life would have the same dependency on the Lord. Well in truth he would have to. Then we would serve each other instead of sucking the life out of each other. At least that's the way I think it's supposed to be.
So give yourself a break. You don't have to make any concrete decisions. You can take life as it comes and God will be with you every step of the way.
I hope I made sense...
Sorry for rambling...
