Thank you so much for your reply.
No, I sure would not have wanted my daddy in pain, I know I was being selfish in wanting him to stay longer, I just loved him so much, and now, I am alone, no family really to speak of.
My dear dad was sick for about 2 years, I could see him getting worse daily, but, he refused to go to a doctor; I am a Medical Assistant, so, I could tell things were not right, I took care of him the best I could. He was still able to ambulate and do things until the last few months of his life. One day, I had just gotten home from being out of town, from outside, I noticed the drapes were still shut the door locked, that was not like him, my friend and I went in, the house was dark, we went into his room and there he was, on the floor with a heavy book case and books on top of him. He could barely speak, he had been weak anyway, and now, he was worse, I guess he had been there a day or two, I will NEVER forgive myself for not being home, I had been out of town as I said for a few days due to a doctor visit and had a cold and did not want to bring it to him, but when I called and he did not answer, I came home. I still cry over it. Anyway, I called 911 and my dear friend helped him up and talked to the EMT's when they got there, they did not expect him to even make it to the ER. Well, when we got there, they hooked him to many IV's one for dehydration, I could not get him to eat or drink much, and of course, the EKG machine. At that time, actually, he was doing better and talking. His bruises were awful, he was known throughout the hospital in record time. His EKG was normal except for occasional PVC's, most blood work "normal" only issue they found at that time was the dehydration. Well, they admitted him and that was when all the tests started, they did it all, they were most thorough, for a small community hospital, they are wonderful. He was there about 2 weeks, it was at the end of the two weeks he started to want to die, he even told the nurses to stop all treatments and to let him "go" I walked in and started crying when they told me, I begged him to keep fighting, he gave in and accepted the treatments again. This one nurse was persistent in him signing the sheet that has all your wishes for when you can not speak, etc, he had signed that he wanted none, but then, due to my begging, signed a new one that stated he wanted "comfort meds" and anything else that might help. I can not think of the form, but I have seen it before, when mom was in the hospital, dying. They sent him to a nursing home/rehab center, they tried to do physical therapy on him, but he was too weak and getting weaker. I found out the day he was admitted there, that he had a "myeloproliferative disorder' She did not tell me what it meant, but, I knew it was a type of blood disorder, I did a research on it and discovered that he had the Polycythemia vera type, he had had all the symptoms, especially the itching. I was in denial a few days and kept praying he would get better, but, he did not. They gave him a few blood transfusions, but that only lasted a few days and then he was back to being lethargic and weak. They sent him back to the hospital, he was almost in a coma then, gave him another IV of blood, but this time, it did not work, he was admitted and that was when the doc told me he would not make it, that he had cancer and also now, Congestive heart failure. He lasted 4 days then he passed. It is all still a nightmare; he went from a robust, healthy man, who was never sick until mom died, to a weak frail man, I was heartbroken.
Thanks for letting me tell about it, it helps. You folks here and folks on another forum have been terrific, better than the so-called friends in this little community where I live.
I am glad that I can not loose my Salvation, lately, I have been angry with
God, and this scares me, I have never been this way before. I am so glad you are praying for me.
Hugs
