"I know exactly how you feel!"

[Manna]

Does this statement irk anyone else? I have a problem accepting that from family, friends, strangers, anyone. I also try my best to NEVER utter those words! The way I see it is that the only One who truly understands what I am feeling is Jesus Christ. Someone may have gone through an experience similar to mine, but that does not mean that I know exactly how they are feeling. I've always felt that those words down-play the sincerity of someone else's situation and feelings. I know I am merely venting here, but was simply wondering if there are any others that share my feelings!

Anna

 

[oldrooster]

Yep, when I was going through my divorce, I wish I could have shot everyone that uttered that phrase....

 

[Mayzoo]

Yeah, the most worthless 5 words compiled into a sentence, that truelly only show the ignorance of the person uttering them. They may have good intentions, but boy do I wish they would go horse for a week once they get the "I know........" start out.

But the good thing out of hearing so many utter those words in such ignorance....I am more enlightened not to utter them myself!!

 

[bkg]

Used to. Not anymore.

Someone once told me that I have too narrow a view on (subject). That irked me. Until I thought about it - God was very clear that all of our trials would be "common to all men". The fact of the matter, as much as I like to think that I'm unique and that my situation is unique, is that it's not. It's all common to man.

Sometimes I do get caught up in a prideful moment of "you don't know me", "you don't know how I feel", etc. with friends and family. But I've found, for me, that I'm denying these people their experiences, their emotions, the wisdom they've gain from sharing the trials that are, once again, common to man. So I try much harder these days to look past those 5 words into the person who is saying them (and into my own heart) and allow the possibility that the person does indeed know how I feel.

 

[mghalpern]

Very, very wise bkg...Michael

 

[Mayzoo]

Well, so far the most memorable times I have heard those words were when I was 22, just married 4mo, and my husband was drafted back into the military to be sent to Iraq in '90 for a minimum of a one year tour. And who told me those great words....an 18 yr old who self proclaimed she had never been in one single serious relationship, and really had no intrest in ever being in one. The conversation went like this...."Gee, I know exactly how you feel. Hey, I get to go to this cool party this weekend, lots of guys and drinking...cool huh?" No, she was not inviting me, not that I would go, but she was just bragging/rambling about all the fun she was going to have "partying" over the upcoming weekend while I was saying my final goodbyes to my husband that weekend.

The next most memorable time I heard these words were when I lost a child. People who did not want kids, never had kids, and never lost a child told me those five words....and of course they followed them with proof of how they knew...."Oh well, you can always have another kid." Children are like bic lighters you know......lose one replace it with another.

I agree you need to consider the source when those words are uttered......but I honestly still believe they have no value if you are truelly trying to comfort someone. I believe, on the whole, while the injury is still fresh, those words inhibit a person's ability to receive comfort.

 

[Mayzoo]

As I think back, either credible sources in my life have not used those words, or if they did it did not irritate me to the point of leaving a "burr under my saddle". I really think most my family does not choose that wording, when they try to comfort. And I know I don't use those words to comfort.