"I have to forgive but I don't have to forget."

[Sketcher]

"I have to forgive but I don't have to forget."
What ought it mean?

It ought to mean that even though the person cannot forget what happened - take for instance, a burn victim who no longer looks like a normal person despite many painful plastic surgeries - that person always extends grace to the person responsible. There was a young man who gave a talk about this at my church some years ago. A drunk truck driver had rear ended his car and it caught fire. His parents barely were able to save his life, but if you do an image search for "face burn victim" he looks like one of the worst results you will see. He can't forget. But he forgives.

Another example would be Corrie Ten Boom. During WWII, her family was part of an underground railroad that helped Jews escape. They got found out, and got sent to the camps. She never saw her father again after their arrest, and her sister died when they were at Ravensbruck. She gave a talk on her experiences after the war, and a former SS guard at that camp who had found Christ since had greeted her. It was very hard at the time, she could not forget, but she received him in forgiveness.

What does it really mean when someone makes the effort to say it to you?

Depends on how they're saying it. If they're saying it angrily, then they're holding back forgiveness. If they're trying to teach someone about forgiveness or encourage them to forgive, then I'd say they're making a commendable effort.

When is bitterness a virtue?

Never. The best you can say about it is that the person is less likely to make the same mistake of trusting certain untrustworthy people twice. But bitterness is more than just that. It's compound interest on any useful lessons learned from the experience of being wronged. It's leaving something in the wound that keeps cutting you from the inside over and over again.

 

[Phil 1:21]

If someone is saying I can forgive but can't forget. That to me means they have not forgived.

If by "forget" you mean that you still harbor resentment over past transgressions, then you are correct. To forgive is to let go of that bitterness. But if by "forget" you mean allow the person in question to repeat their transgression, then I strongly disagree.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say we are to tolerate the transgressions of others. As a matter of fact, when Jesus forgave the lady accused of adultery, he specifically told her to leave her life of sin. He didn't say, "I forgive you, now feel free to sleep with half the town." Just because a battered wife forgives her husband doesn't mean she has to put herself in the position of being beaten again.

 

[Rajni]

"I have to forgive but I don't have to forget."
What ought it mean?
What does it really mean when someone makes the effort to say it to you?

When is bitterness a virtue?

Forgiveness erases the bitterness, so it's not even a factor.
What should not be forgotten is the lesson learned from the experience. Bitterness isn't required for that.

 

[Tolworth John]

If by "forget" you mean that you still harbor resentment over past transgressions, then you are correct. To forgive is to let go of that bitterness. But if by "forget" you mean allow the person in question to repeat their transgression, then I strongly disagree.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say we are to tolerate the transgressions of others. As a matter of fact, when Jesus forgave the lady accused of adultery, he specifically told her to leave her life of sin. He didn't say, "I forgive you, now feel free to sleep with half the town." Just because a battered wife forgives her husband doesn't mean she has to put herself in the position of being beaten again.

Jesus told us we must be prepared to forgive a believer 70x 7 times i.e. an infinity of times if thet ask for forgiveness.
Just as God forgives us an infinity of times so we should do the same.

In practicle terms I would avoid someone who kept on needing my forgiveness.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

In practicle terms I would avoid someone who kept on needing my forgiveness.

This seems to be an interesting thought -
Jesus did not avoid the disciples, did He? They kept on needing His Forgiveness.
Thankfully Jesus does not keep on avoiding us either, eh? We keep on needing His Forgiveness.

As for as the frequent phrase "cannot forget" - by God's Grace it is possible to forget, as well as forgive. It is accomplished in Him, not without Him. It is a choice to be willing to forget, as well as to be willing to forgive. Then He accomplishes this, both forgiving and forgetting, in His children. Yes, this really happens in this life on earth. Without a struggle - it is not by human effort, except being willing to do what God says day after day, every day, as He works in and through us in Christ Jesus Savior Messiah King Healer Comforter.

 

[Tolworth John]

This seems to be an interesting thought -
Jesus did not avoid the disciples, did He? They kept on needing His Forgiveness.
Thankfully Jesus does not keep on avoiding us either, eh? We keep on needing His Forgiveness.

As for as the frequent phrase "cannot forget" - by God's Grace it is possible to forget, as well as forgive. It is accomplished in Him, not without Him. It is a choice to be willing to forget, as well as to be willing to forgive. Then He accomplishes this, both forgiving and forgetting, in His children. Yes, this really happens in this life on earth. Without a struggle - it is not by human effort, except being willing to do what God says day after day, every day, as He works in and through us in Christ Jesus Savior Messiah King Healer Comforter.

How would you deal with the person who is constantly rude to you, is told thats rude and comes begging forgiveness only to say the exact same thing to you next time you meet him?

There are people who won'tlearn and I'm not talking about the mentaly ill.

 

[bhsmte]

"I have to forgive but I don't have to forget."
What ought it mean?
What does it really mean when someone makes the effort to say it to you?

When is bitterness a virtue?

It is beneficial not to forget. This is how learn and gain experience in life, by remembering what we go through.

 

[Hank77]

If one cannot or will not forget how can one say that it has been forgiven.

Bitterness is never a virtue, it is a cancer that eates one up.

Forgiveness means that one does not wish harm on the other person/s and does not seek revenge. For those who pray they can pray for the person/s who harmed them.

One does not have to forget in order to forgive.

Maybe it's matter of semantics? What is your definition of forget?

 

[Hank77]

In practicle terms I would avoid someone who kept on needing my forgiveness.

I agree.

As for remember and bitterness. What is bitterness?
Can one be bitter towards a particularly bad experience and not hold bitterness towards the person who caused that experience?
In my experience it can be done. I wish no ill or revenge on that person, but I certainly do have bitterness towards the methods used in that experience.

People who advocate for protection of some group of people were often victims themselves. They have not forgotten the harm that was caused and even hate, or are bitter, towards that harm and how it is sometimes allowed to go on.
However, that does not necessary mean that they have not forgiven their abuser.

 

[Rodo7777777]

Luckily for us, God does both...We should follow His example...

IF YOU spend a great deal of time remembering IT, chances are it is not forgiven.

 

[BryanJohnMaloney]

If by "forget" you mean that you still harbor resentment over past transgressions, then you are correct. To forgive is to let go of that bitterness. But if by "forget" you mean allow the person in question to repeat their transgression, then I strongly disagree.

It has been my 100% without exception experience that "I have to forgive but I don't have to forget." Means EXACTLY "I am going to still harbor resentment until I die."

 

[BryanJohnMaloney]

Okay, so you folks want God to "forgive you" and spend the rest of eternity reminding you of your transgressions, from time to time. Because, after all, that's "forgiving but not forgetting", right?

Think about the joy of Paradise: Hundreds, thousands, MILLIONS of years of God Most High reminding you of how you have sinned, forever and ever and ever and ever--but He "forgave" you, so everything is copacetic!

 

[Petros2015]

When is bitterness a virtue?

Amongst the damned, I have heard them call it such.

 

[Phil 1:21]

It has been my 100% without exception experience that "I have to forgive but I don't have to forget." Means EXACTLY "I am going to still harbor resentment until I die."

Well, hopefully one day you'll get past that. God bless.

 

[Dave-W]

Think about the joy of Paradise: Hundreds, thousands, MILLIONS of years of God Most High reminding you of how you have sinned, forever and ever and ever and ever--but He "forgave" you, so everything is copacetic!

So you would rather be in the frying pan forever and ever and ever?

 

[BryanJohnMaloney]

So you would rather be in the frying pan forever and ever and ever?

So, your "god" will torment all in paradise by constantly reminding them of how they should not be there. What an evil being your "god" is, what a sadist.

 

[BryanJohnMaloney]

Well, hopefully one day you'll get past that. God bless.

I will get past that? Okay, since you consider yourself to be omniscient, can you quote the specific instances in which I indulge in that behavior? Are you quite certain I didn't ask because I have been (and still am) subject to that behavior from others?

 

[Aseyesee]

"I have to forgive but I don't have to forget."
What ought it mean?
What does it really mean when someone makes the effort to say it to you?

When is bitterness a virtue?

Bitterness is a virtue of the mind that is at enmity with God.

 

[Dave-W]

So, your "god" will torment all in paradise by constantly reminding them of how they should not be there. What an evil being your "god" is, what a sadist.

Hmmm. I think you totally misunderstood my post.