I am extremely ashamed to even write this;I have done something truly horrible that no one else has done,and I am sure I am lost but unsure of what to do at this point,I became a christian after having multiple spiritual experiences,but then,I started to develop really bad religious anxiety,I always was an anxious person and learning about the unforgivable sin i would get so many thoughts cussing God and saying bad stuff about him,and it made me veryyy terrified and I didnt what to do,but then,I learned online that the true unforgivable sin was to call God demonic,and since then,I kept having so many intruisive thoughts of that,up until then,it was ok bc these thoughts were nothing but intruisive (only now i realize this,but in the moment i thought i was truly lost)but then,doubts about my faith started to come,and then thats where I got into the dangerous zone,everytime i would have doubts,those intruisive tjoughts will be like what if God was really;;;;u know what,and I was so lost bc I just kept having bad thoughts against God and nothing I can do could help at all,i started to isolate from everything bc everything made those thoughts worse(I will see non christian people and wonder why God made them only to put them in hell forever and then I will get these bad thoughts,I will try to read the bible and then I got them)Im scared at that point even though those were intruisive thoughts i was listening and dwelling on them which I REALLY shouldnt have done,and i was only focusing on them nothing else,well,I believe I definetely may have mumbled these thoughts or said them out loud a bunch of times,and I definetely semi believed them,I used to try and calm myself by saying the unforgivable sin is actually unbelief but now I realize its really not it clearly says whoever speaks;so its a spoken thing;and it says that its unforgivable in this age,and unbelief is forgivable if you repent,its clearly a one time thing,I am only 15 years and I am very much going to hell forever,I dont know what to do,I am only writing this to ask what should I do?is seeking God even worth it atp?I dont feel true repentance nor forgiveness,just intelectual fear of hell that i even can turn off sometimes;ibut its also so bad and it makes me feel liek im going crazy idk what to do