I have depression...

[blerg1234]

I've had depression my entire life... I'm not  joking.  I think I might have actually been happy for maybe a total of two weeks.  To put it bluntly, my life utterly sucks . Nobody else knows I have depression, simply because there is only one person who I would tell and I would have already if I'd realised what the problem was.

I don't want counseling or anything because all a counselor is is a person who tells people what's wrong with them, and charges them obscene amounts of money.  I already know what's wrong with me, and unfortunately there's nothing I can do about it - I need OTHER people to help me out...  Specifically, I'm very lonely - the only way I can fit in with people who live in my area would be if I was a non-Christian, preferably alcoholic and drug-abusive.  I live in the suicide capital of the entire WORLD.  I'm not joking either - Australia has the highest suicide rate in the world, and I live in the town in Australia with the highest suicide rate in Australia.  It's not a nice statistic, but it's mainly because almost everyone is a no-hoper.  As harsh as that is, it's the way things are here...

I do have a few friends... but my closest friend I MAY see once a week.  Nobody ever calls me, except the non-Christian guys in my band when we're organising a practise.  Nobody ever asks if I'd like to come out any time or anything.  I swear, I have that much faith that God is going to bring me out of this that I should be considered legally insane after what I've gone through my entire life.

I've never been abused or anything... just neglected.  I'm in love with a girl (she lives in the same suburb as me, and she is like a single lit candle - along with her sister - in the midst of some sort of huge dark, misty cave...  From my point of view she is literally the most beautiful person I've ever seen both physically and emotionally, she's a fully devoted Christian and goes to my church.  I've never felt this way about anyone else before, but I'm just scared that I'm getting my hopes over her for nothing...  Something I decided a long time ago would be that the next person I am with will be the person I stay with, but I've been rejected that many times it makes me feel like I have absolutely no chance with her...

All my feelings are a contradiction of themselves as well...  Which makes it really hard.  I've asked God to get rid of the depression and pessimism from my life, yet at the same time I want to stay that way because I want the sympathy.  And as well as that, I don't want the sympathy because I don't want people to feel sorry for me.  So as you can imagine, I get extremely confused about what I actually want from other people.

So anyone who's read this far... thanks...  I would really appreciate some prayer.

By the way, I have absolutely no doubt in God's existance and what he has for me in the future...  I just want companionship because that is the only natural way I can be cured of my depression.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Hey man. You sound like me. I'm on meds now. It's the first time I've been happy and enjoyed living in 30 years. It runs on my mom's side so I guess I was ever so lucky to continue the family tradition.
I do recommend counseling. Why? Cause I never went till I crashed last year. Man, don't do that to yourself. Maybe counseling will straighten you out, maybe, like me, it's physiological. But you can fight the monster. Don't put up with it. The monster lies to you.
Psalm 119:81 helped me out when I was at my worst.
If I had taken care of this years ago, life would be so different.
Fight the monster. Give him a nice swift kick in the backside for me.

 

[blerg1234]

Well I've been reading the bible from the start for several months now, I'm up to about Psalm 37 (I don't read much) so yah it won't be long for that one

 

[blerg1234]

Ok well my friend (who I talk to about everything) suggested I talk to one of the counselors at her church (I go to the youth group of that church, but I go to another church for the services but I am considering leaving because I dislike the leadership in the church) and so I'm gonna go see a counselor... I don't really want to tell my parents because they won't believe me if I told them I have depression (I have a poor short term memory, and I've been forgetting 'little' things for years, yet they still refuse to believe me when I say so...) so uhh... yeah... I don't really want to go on anti-depressants but I suppose... it is an attraction that I might actually be happy

 

[Ryder]

I'm confused about anti-depressants. It's that whole circular argument about a Believer needs anti-depressants to feel ok when He/She should only need God to feel ok so if they need them are they right with God,,,,, etc etc

But I'm too introspective and compulsive, btw I took anti-depresants for a couple of weeks once. The thing that bugged me was they made it difficult (in a sense) to see if God was helping because of them..... Grrrrr, now I'm gonna start thinking about that all over again.

My advice, shut your brain off, thinking is not cost effective when it comes to negative things. Get good and pre-occupied with something good (easier said than done). I'd recomend the counselor over the drugs.

 

[Caedmon]

Originally posted by DavidPartay
I've had depression my entire life... I'm not  joking.  I think I might have actually been happy for maybe a total of two weeks.  To put it bluntly, my life utterly sucks . Nobody else knows I have depression, simply because there is only one person who I would tell and I would have already if I'd realised what the problem was.

I've had problems with concentration ever since the 1st grade. But hey, nobody believes me, not even my own parents, heh.

I don't want counseling or anything because all a counselor is is a person who tells people what's wrong with them, and charges them obscene amounts of money.  I already know what's wrong with me, and unfortunately there's nothing I can do about it - I need OTHER people to help me out...

Yeah, I went to a college counselor for one semester. The guy gave me all these generalities, and I guess it helped a little bit, but I didn't trust the dude to listen to my deepest pain any further than I could toss him.

I do have a few friends... but my closest friend I MAY see once a week.  Nobody ever calls me, except the non-Christian guys in my band when we're organising a practise.  Nobody ever asks if I'd like to come out any time or anything.  I swear, I have that much faith that God is going to bring me out of this that I should be considered legally insane after what I've gone through my entire life.

Dude, you sound just like me. I NEVER had social interaction growing up, just went to school and a few other things. I didn't have any big time "best" friends, nobody called me up, and I didn't have anybody to call.

All my feelings are a contradiction of themselves as well...  Which makes it really hard.  I've asked God to get rid of the depression and pessimism from my life, yet at the same time I want to stay that way because I want the sympathy.  And as well as that, I don't want the sympathy because I don't want people to feel sorry for me.  So as you can imagine, I get extremely confused about what I actually want from other people.

That is EXACTLY what I feel about things. It's just like that. I couldn't explain it any better.

I just want companionship because that is the only natural way I can be cured of my depression.

Me too... there's a serious shortage of companionship in my life. I don't feel like I have any real-life friends. All I have is a few people I see every now and then, maybe once or twice a week. It's a pit of loneliness. Then again, I'm almost used to it. I've never known any different...

 

[blerg1234]

Well I've just come out of a pretty major mood swing... it's the worst one I've ever had, which is why I actually wrote up this topic.

Thanks for the input guys... I will be seeing a counselor when I can find a good one. I don't really want to tell my parents because they wouldn't believe me they'd just say it's in my head, but since they don't believe I have a poor short term memory even though I forget all these little things on a daily basis and have done so my entire life, they still don't believe me.. heh.... oh well.....

 

[DaveKerwin]

Joe, meet David, you guys should be buddies!

David, sounds like a tough spot to be in. It seems that there are some issues from childhood that you need to deal with. I think seeing a coucelor would be a good idea. Christian couceling is the way to go. Find out what credentials they have, and what they specialize in, then pick one and go for it. If you cannot afford it, see what they might be able to help with. But minimally, you need to talk with someone, perhaps a mentor or someone who may disciple you. Do you get plugged in at church?

 

[blerg1234]

Actually my church isn't very good and I'm thinking of leaving, I posted a topic on that in the Deeper Fellowship forum...

The only issues from childhood are things like the way my dad oppressed me like a dictator would, I was a VERY fussy eater for no actual reason which made me very underweight, and the fact that I've never really had too many good friends...

Well it was good though because I had a go at my dad one night a couple of years back because he was being absolutely ridiculous about stuff and then he got the hint that he's being too oppressive... so he's lightened up a lot, and now that I'm 18 he doesn't do anything that interferes with me .

 

[GateKeeper]

Depression is something I wish no one experienced. I deal with it myself and so does almost everyone I know. I just put on music and try to hang around positive people and read the bible when I'm down. It helps so much to just talk. This is why I like coming to this message board and actually paying attention to everyone's posts and really follow up on their progress...I must be going now.....gotta get to work
The Lord is there for you and so are all of us

 

[paveletsky]

Hi, everyone!

I never really had serious depressions and therefore cannot fully relate. The origin of depression lies in one's disappointment and disillusionment with the life in this world. That's where depression stems from. The world around us can be pretty frustrating. Humans suffer from depression simply because there's something else to this world than what we can actually see. There's the One, without whom we will always feel empty and pressed down. And He revealed to us the real key to overcoming depression, the only medication that helps. It is called FAITH and it is namely by faith that Christ healed everyone, if you remember. However, one must distinguish between human understanding of faith and what God implies by that. What we need is real, living faith and depression will evaporate right away. Simply drink the pill of faith to cure your depression. Real faith opens the gateway into the Heavenly Kingdom and things unseen. It never concentrates on this material world, having the power to move mountains. So move your one!

 

[blerg1234]

actually clinical depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in your brain... I don't know all the details though. But some depression can be influenced by the 'real world' things, as you say. I'd say mine is a bit of both, because of the mood swings I get.

 

[RayNay714]

David,
I understand what you mean when you say that you don't want to talk to a counselor. I went to one for about three months and she didn't help me, she didn't even act like she cared. It really made me mad, and now I don't go. I have been clinically dignosed with depression and am on Wellbutrin. I guess that I don't feel bad about taking them because since I was in grade school I have been a very moody person. I don't have severe mood swings like a Manic Depressive, but I tend to stick to the depressive side of it. I have tried to make it go away, and there are still days when I get that anxiety of just wanting out, but like you said...I know that there is a God and he will help me. It seems so easy for people to tell us that, but we want to scream to them, you come live in my reality for a couple of weeks and then you tell me that everything will be ok. Maybe that isn't how you feel at all, but that is what I face all the time.

A God Chaser,
Jess

 

[paveletsky]

Hi!

Every person has his times of trouble once in a while. We have our ups and downs, which God uses to teach us and strengthen our faith. However, I wonder if it is God's will that any of his children suffers from depression for so long. I guess, God has a cure from that, but it is for us to discover what it is and take it. As it is written about early Christians, they were filled with joy, although they went through great travail. Life abundant with faith and love is what God has in store for us. Depression, if I'm not mistaken, stems from the emptiness of heart plus, as you said above, medical reasons. But God is both great spiritual and physical healer and so I have no doubts that sooner rather than later His "power from on high" will free you from depression, which enslaves human souls. 

 

[blerg1234]

I actually have a really strong hope that my depression will be healed when I uhh... get closest to the person who I'll eventually marry

but I'm weird like that. I'm obsessed with getting married as soon as it's financially feasible and I'm in that relationship that it's gonna work as.

 

[paveletsky]

I don't really think depression can be healed through getting married or something of the kind. Sometimes if not always marriage only brings new problems to be dealt with. Apostle Paul even advised people not to get married so that they would remain free and have fewer problems. To an extent, he definitely had a point there. Anyway, depression must be overcome by faith in Christ and His love (faith coming first). I too have reasons to be pressed down but "greater is He, who is in us, than he, who is in the world". So, the victory is there for the taking. Once we totally dedicate all our lives and hearts to the Lord, there will be no more room for depression there. The heros of faith extinguished firy flames and avoided lions' teeth by the strength of their faith. So will you overcome the monster of depression by faith in Christ.

 

[OracleX]

I agree that counseling is a good place to start. The hard part is finding a good one. I had a great one that helped me a lot and depending on the person they cost is different. My health insurance covered counseling so I was not given a discount but if I didn't have coverage it would have been cheaper. Good counselors are there to help people heal not make a killing.

The other thing about a good counselor is that they don't 'heal' you. Depending on the person they will show you what you need to do. For me when I struggle with anger and rage, my counselor helped me indentify things that got me angry. Then help me learn where my limits where and what to do when I reached those limits. My counselor helped me understand what was going on in my life so that I could deal with it better. He was the second counselor that I had gone to. The first one I went to was not a good experience. In fact he made things worse.

Before you go to a counselor make sure you get some good references for that person. And of course make sure they are good practicing Christian counselors.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Originally posted by DavidPartay
I actually have a really strong hope that my depression will be healed when I uhh... get closest to the person who I'll eventually marry

but I'm weird like that. I'm obsessed with getting married as soon as it's financially feasible and I'm in that relationship that it's gonna work as.

David, if you think marriage is going to solve your problems, think again. It is not a cure. You cannot put a band-aid on depression, that will only be delaying the innevitable. There are reasons you are depressed, whether it be physiological or psychological. Don't have an unhappy marriage because you never got passed your depression before you wed. What do you think about this?

 

[blerg1234]

Dave - I know that marriage isn't going to solve any truly clinical problems, but I'm not just affected by clinical depression, I'm also affected by some other aspects such as me being rather lonely (ie. I don't have anyone to spend time with because they're either busy or live too far away), and the more time I can spend with people the happier I get. Notice I did actually say when I 'get together with' the person, not necessarily if I were to marry her.

I believe God is going to heal me of the clinical depression. I don't know when, but I do believe it's going to happen, and if I don't go through a mood swing within the next 2 months I'll know he's already done it .

 

[The-Doctor]

I've been depressed on and off for years but I saw a counsellor and she sit there and tell me what I had, we both knew why I was there, she just listened and if anything that meant more to me than anything. SOmetimes telling someone what is bothering you can ease your burden so I reccomend counselling.