I have been single most of my life and it is bothering me

[pc_76]

I have been single for all but 12 months of my life so far and I hate it, it bothers me. Especially if when Jesus talked about no marriage being in Heaven, if it's really actually true there are going to be no more individual romantic and sexual companionships at all, combined with my anxiety about the end of this earth coming, its not helping. And it comes off as very smug and judgmental too. There isn't any Christian teaching as depressing to me as that one.

I want to talk too about that I have had crushes, and I hated the feeling of having something I can't have and I still do sometimes. I just want to have that one thing I desired, but there is a possibility that won't happen at all, in this life or the life after.

 

[ewq1938]

I have been single for all but 12 months of my life so far and I hate it, it bothers me. Especially if when Jesus talked about no marriage being in Heaven, if it's really actually true there are going to be no more individual romantic and sexual companionships at all, combined with my anxiety about the end of this earth coming, its not helping.

I like to believe that in the next world there is something far better than romantic and sexual companionships. I know that is little help for this world's loneliness but at least something to look forward to.

 

[Sketcher]

I've been single all of my life - been on a few dates, no relationships - and it bothers me. And I'm not in my 20's anymore.

I find it unfortunate that I won't be able to marry and start a family in Heaven. But Heaven is supposed to be good enough that I won't be concerned about that when I'm there, so there is that.

 

[pc_76]

I've been single all of my life - been on a few dates, no relationships - and it bothers me. And I'm not in my 20's anymore.

I find it unfortunate that I won't be able to marry and start a family in Heaven. But Heaven is supposed to be good enough that I won't be concerned about that when I'm there, so there is that.

It still doesn't take away my feeling. I suppose God has some explaining to do if I die tomorrow and have never got to experience or have something I wanted for years but never materialized.

It's not helping with the way society seems to be today, it's harder to find a date, let alone get married in today's climate.

The model of relationships in Heaven sound more similar to North Korea or those places that are totalitarian.

 

[pc_76]

Also, for many years I admit I was slightly more into looks, but still what is wrong with that? Somebody I find personally physically attractive, even relatively compared, is rare, let alone both that and being non-bad.

But, yeah I still feel like a slap in the face.

 

[Llewelyn Stevenson]

But, yeah I still feel like a slap in the face.

I have a feeling that you meant you feel like you've been slapped in the face, I'm pretty sure you don't want one.

All I can say is, as long as you continue to focus on things of the flesh you will neither be happy nor satisfied. There's a high probability if you did find a relationship it would go bad and you'd be still unhappy.

Why not get some joy into you and you might find someone of the opposite sex is actually attracted to you?

 

[Freth]

I'll be fifty in June. I've been single most of my life.

Before I graduated high school, I made up my mind that I wanted to experience life before settling down. That's exactly what I did. Unfortunately, I became very independent, which kept me from committing to the point of getting married and having kids. Not for lack of trying, I've dated plenty, but still I've been alone most of my life.

It's true that there is no marriage in heaven, because we will be as the angels (Matthew 22:30, Mark 12:25). Our tears will be wiped from our eyes and the former things will pass away (Revelation 21:4). God has something greater in store for us, beyond our imagining (1 Corinthians 2:9). Things will be so glorious, this earthly existence will seem like a distant memory. Our eternal existence will be far from disappointing, far from boring. We will have a heavenly perspective instead of an earthly one.

You touched on something. Companionship. In my short years on this earth, I've learned that companionship is a strong loving friendship and has nothing to do with physical attraction. There's a deeper bond that transcends the physical. Love.

I spent a lot of years away from Christianity, sowing my wild oats. I can tell you I regret that aspect of my life way more than I do being alone for so many years. I regret having the wrong perspective on relationships. Wanting those trivial things that don't matter. Not finding happiness in them. Had I married during that period of my life, I never would've learned the truth.

Jesus said to love God and love others. So great were these two commandments that He hung all of the law and the prophets on them; not doing away with the law and the prophets, but improving our understanding of the nature of God's character and what true love is. Love is unconditional and selfless.

This is how we were designed. To love—not for ourselves, but for others. In doing so, we are fulfilled.

I am not disappointed I never married and never had kids. I am disappointed it took me this long to realize that this world is skewing our perspective and causing us to want things that are superficial and temporary; but heaven is eternal and so is love.

 

[David Hunter]

What makes it a depressing Christian teaching is that you continue to focus on the singleness and the things you say you can't have. It's a mind set change. Focus on the eternal and not the temporal.

Romans 8:5-6 "Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace."

I was at a men's retreat a couple of years ago, and one of the guys was telling all the single guys, "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that you have to seek Him to find it."

Think about it...

 

[bèlla]

At 29, how does singleness comprise most of your life? Assuming you began dating in your teens, you’re looking at half at best. That would assume pairing throughout high school and your twenties.

Barring social or other impairments which diminish opportunities, it appears most in your shoes came from religious backgrounds where dating was downplayed or were reared in environments where relationship readiness wasn’t stressed.

I suspect the latter is the culprit for many grappling with singleness. When I speak of readiness I’m addressing relational education and hands-on instruction regarding personal and behavioral improvements that enhance your appeal with the opposite sex.

Many are left to their own devices to figure things out and don’t benefit from the wisdom and experiences their parents or relatives encountered. They make unfortunate mistakes that extend their period of aloneness.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

I am in same boat as you. It's horrible. If you need someone to talk to about it, let me know. I I know for those who haven't been in our situation, they can't really grasp it & can be harsh at times. I can be an ear for you, a companion for the time, if you'd like. Let me know. At the same time, I understand that sometimes getting a group's feedback is beneficial.

We need some more information about you first. How old are you? Do you try? Putting yourself out there, meeting single women, etc.? Your situation may not be as hopeless as you think. You've had GF, that's more than what I can say!

I know it can be tough, but don't dwell on sex. There's a lot more to relationships than that, & (speaking of limited experience here, mind you) those things are what makes the relationship worth it, & IMO, are what is worth stressing over.

 

[pc_76]

At 29, how does singleness comprise most of your life? Assuming you began dating in your teens, you’re looking at half at best. That would assume pairing throughout high school and your twenties.

Barring social or other impairments which diminish opportunities, it appears most in your shoes came from religious backgrounds where dating was downplayed or were reared in environments where relationship readiness wasn’t stressed.

I suspect the latter is the culprit for many grappling with singleness. When I speak of readiness I’m addressing relational education and hands-on instruction regarding personal and behavioral improvements that enhance your appeal with the opposite sex.

Many are left to their own devices to figure things out and don’t benefit from the wisdom and experiences their parents or relatives encountered. They make unfortunate mistakes that extend their period of aloneness.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

I didn't pair in high school. I only paired with someone of the opposite sex once, and it was 12 months long. To be fair, even that is longer than many firsts I guess.

 

[pc_76]

I am in same boat as you. It's horrible. If you need someone to talk to about it, let me know. I I know for those who haven't been in our situation, they can't really grasp it & can be harsh at times. I can be an ear for you, a companion for the time, if you'd like. Let me know. At the same time, I understand that sometimes getting a group's feedback is beneficial.

We need some more information about you first. How old are you? Do you try? Putting yourself out there, meeting single women, etc.? Your situation may not be as hopeless as you think. You've had GF, that's more than what I can say!

I know it can be tough, but don't dwell on sex. There's a lot more to relationships than that, & (speaking of limited experience here, mind you) those things are what makes the relationship worth it, & IMO, are what is worth stressing over.

I'm 29. I have tried more-or-less but COVID has really interfered with it, and I think online dating feels like more effort than it should be worth. And I'm skeptical that COVID restrictions may last for eternity (of course I'm using that figuratively), but let's not get too into politics here. I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome as a kid, I improved a lot and function reasonably well, but not sure enough if it's still enough not to come off odd for dating.

I have the feeling that if I was born in an earlier era (a generation before, at least) that I would have relatively more success in life.

 

[pc_76]

I have a feeling that you meant you feel like you've been slapped in the face, I'm pretty sure you don't want one.

All I can say is, as long as you continue to focus on things of the flesh you will neither be happy nor satisfied. There's a high probability if you did find a relationship it would go bad and you'd be still unhappy.

Why not get some joy into you and you might find someone of the opposite sex is actually attracted to you?

Honestly, I'd rather have a poor connection with someone than none at all.
Besides, I see where your going at with this. Doesn't mean I necessarily feel better about it but I do get it.

 

[DaveM]

I have been single for the last 20 years Praise Jesus, what Joy to be able to focus on Jesus and not worry about pleasing another person. I consider it a privldge I Got born again single and single I plan to stay, although its not for everyone. the bible has a lot to say on this subject you should do a study on it.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

 

[bèlla]

I didn't pair in high school. I only paired with someone of the opposite sex once, and it was 12 months long. To be fair, even that is longer than many firsts I guess.

I think it’s naive to expect someone to snag a spouse in today’s culture with limited life experience and knowledge of the opposite sex. This isn’t the fifties. Parents must realize their children are mating in a different environment and prepare them for the challenges ahead.

I’m forthright with my daughter. I give her advice, share my experiences, and role play. I don’t sugarcoat the truth or give the impression that partners grow on trees. We live in a different world. Getting to the altar is harder for most.

Don’t feel bad about your circumstances. There’s plenty in the same boat.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

I'm 29. I have tried more-or-less but COVID has really interfered with it, and I think online dating feels like more effort than it should be worth. And I'm skeptical that COVID restrictions may last for eternity (of course I'm using that figuratively), but let's not get too into politics here. I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome as a kid, I improved a lot and function reasonably well, but not sure enough if it's still enough not to come off odd for dating.

I have the feeling that if I was born in an earlier era (a generation before, at least) that I would have relatively more success in life.

Okay, you're my age. Perfect.

I had bad Anxiety most of my life. I too have improved & come a long ways. I was always functional, participated in extra-circulars, made friends (I've always found making male friends easy enough) , but I'l say I was never really thriving & I was doing just enough to get by, & that's flat-out not good enough to get dates. Today, although the Anxiety's largely gone, I still see the effects of it. Example: my social network is very small compared to what a non-Anxiety sufferer would have, & many psychological Ghosts of having suffered w/ Anxiety most of my life are still there.

So me & you have both had experiences w/ a psychological disorder.

Try not to focus on online dating. For whatever reason, many men have little luck w/ it. (& many women I suppose, tho TBH I haven't heard much on online dating in regards to women's experiences w/ success or failure)

Yes, I agree COVID's really interfered w/ meeting women & I hate it so much. I have a pair of women (one at work, one at church) I'd introduce myself to, but the crisis has really interfered w/ meeting them.

Okay, do you work? Are there coworkers? Do you have friends you could meet women thru? Do you have family that could assist (they know a girl or know someone who knows a girl)? Hobbies or interests you do w/ people you could meet a girl? Church?

 

[DragonFox91]

I didn't pair in high school. I only paired with someone of the opposite sex once, and it was 12 months long. To be fair, even that is longer than many firsts I guess.

Sorry I may've missed it, but how long ago was that?

Have you had other many positive experiences w/ women?

 

[Zoii]

I have been single for all but 12 months of my life so far and I hate it, it bothers me. Especially if when Jesus talked about no marriage being in Heaven, if it's really actually true there are going to be no more individual romantic and sexual companionships at all, combined with my anxiety about the end of this earth coming, its not helping. And it comes off as very smug and judgmental too. There isn't any Christian teaching as depressing to me as that one.

I want to talk too about that I have had crushes, and I hated the feeling of having something I can't have and I still do sometimes. I just want to have that one thing I desired, but there is a possibility that won't happen at all, in this life or the life after.

Have you thought of seeking out a good counsellor that can help you with both your anxieties and social skills?

 

[ReesePiece23]

I like to believe that in the next world there is something far better than romantic and sexual companionships. I know that is little help for this world's loneliness but at least something to look forward to.

Well, I would sincerely hope so. Lol

I'm more interested in meeting the characters from some of my stories, and going to all of the places I've painted on canvas. I'd like to take a seat next to God Himself and see what *I* created in its truest and fullest form. Then have tea with John Lennon, Little Richard and Jimi Hendrix.

Of course, meeting Jesus is going to be an epic, but that's a given.

Yeah, I'd feel a little hard done by if all of the worldly stuff carries over and has relevance in heaven. I want to evolve, not be the same.

Sorry, off topic I know, but a wonderful thing to muse over.

 

[DragonFox91]

I know sex in marriage is supposed to be a good thing from God, but I'm happy it apparently gets snuffed out. It can bring pain to people. Even if God wanted to take all the bad things it can entail out, I bet there's better things than that. (Of course, that easy for me to say, as I desire the emotional & psychological intimacy more than physical, tho I certainly do desire the physical!) Jesus many times uses the analogy of marriage for his relationship w/ us, where he's the groom & we're the bride, in reference to either End Times or his second coming. If that's a main analogy he uses for that, heck, it basically concludes the Bible in the Book of Revelation, we know we're in for really, really good things!

VCR, there's actually a thread I found on here that debates what Jesus means when he says what you're referring to.
Eternal Companions in Heaven
I guess decide for yourself what's heresy & what's not.