I have absolutely no reason to live whatsoever. I don't know why I am still here. What to do?

[plsletmevanish]

I am right now having one of those days where depression and despair hit hard. It has to do with something that has been physically and mentally been a major disturbance in my life but no matter how much I pray for God to do justice for me, those who are evil remain unpunished.

This nuisance often makes me reflect on all the other pains in my life and here I will enumerate some of them:

-I was born in a very abject third-world country, with a helplessly ignorant population.

-I was born to a household with a history of sinful practices like alcoholism from both sides, sexual deviance, mental problems, intense hate and enmity, lack of natural affection.

-I am a failure in all areas of life. All of them. Professional, personal, financial. You name it.

-All my problems are like chains binding me from taking the leap to try a new life. I have no one to run to. I have no money nor resources to leave my family and my city and restart life somewhere else, far from them.

I don't know why I am still here. Ever since I turned 14 life has only been a series of disappointments, losses and trauma and I want to understand what God gains by letting such things happen and not just letting me die instead. I keep praying for something to take my life but nothing happens. I really can't see why I am here. I have no attachment to anything anymore. I hate each member of my family. I crave no experience like travel, food or games. I don't feel pleasure in any pursuits and hobbies.

I am just tired of suffering and it seems that while there is life, there is pain in some form. Sickness, evil people, injustice, poverty. The list goes on.

I see no point in resilience. All the people I know who have been resilient during all their lives have gained nothing from it. They are still in the same poor conditions, with the same people who hurt them, and worse still, they are now just wrinkled from old age and toil. Their life is not any better than it was 20 years ago.

I don't know what else to say. Existing is pointless. I want to disconnect from this life because I have had enough. What does God want from me that He can't get some someone else? Why keep me here? I feel trapped and wanting to escape. I just want to sleep and never wake up again.

I need to die. I need to die. I need to die.

 

[Jesus is my Superhero]

There is counselling available here on this site. Perhaps seek advice. Meanwhile, I am praying for you.

 

[StevenJ]

You must Hold your Faith. You cannot give up, you cannot allow others to push you from your chosen path. I Pray for you to find inner peace. Father is aware of all, and He does come.

 

[Mark Quayle]

I am right now having one of those days where depression and despair hit hard. It has to do with something that has been physically and mentally been a major disturbance in my life but no matter how much I pray for God to do justice for me, those who are evil remain unpunished.

This nuisance often makes me reflect on all the other pains in my life and here I will enumerate some of them:

-I was born in a very abject third-world country, with a helplessly ignorant population.

-I was born to a household with a history of sinful practices like alcoholism from both sides, sexual deviance, mental problems, intense hate and enmity, lack of natural affection.

-I am a failure in all areas of life. All of them. Professional, personal, financial. You name it.

-All my problems are like chains binding me from taking the leap to try a new life. I have no one to run to. I have no money nor resources to leave my family and my city and restart life somewhere else, far from them.

I don't know why I am still here. Ever since I turned 14 life has only been a series of disappointments, losses and trauma and I want to understand what God gains by letting such things happen and not just letting me die instead. I keep praying for something to take my life but nothing happens. I really can't see why I am here. I have no attachment to anything anymore. I hate each member of my family. I crave no experience like travel, food or games. I don't feel pleasure in any pursuits and hobbies.

I am just tired of suffering and it seems that while there is life, there is pain in some form. Sickness, evil people, injustice, poverty. The list goes on.

I see no point in resilience. All the people I know who have been resilient during all their lives have gained nothing from it. They are still in the same poor conditions, with the same people who hurt them, and worse still, they are now just wrinkled from old age and toil. Their life is not any better than it was 20 years ago.

I don't know what else to say. Existing is pointless. I want to disconnect from this life because I have had enough. What does God want from me that He can't get some someone else? Why keep me here? I feel trapped and wanting to escape. I just want to sleep and never wake up again.

I need to die. I need to die. I need to die.

For whatever it is worth, dying is not for the purpose of solving your problems. Your life (and your death) is not about you.

 

[ripple the car]

I am right now having one of those days where depression and despair hit hard. It has to do with something that has been physically and mentally been a major disturbance in my life but no matter how much I pray for God to do justice for me, those who are evil remain unpunished.

This nuisance often makes me reflect on all the other pains in my life and here I will enumerate some of them:

-I was born in a very abject third-world country, with a helplessly ignorant population.

-I was born to a household with a history of sinful practices like alcoholism from both sides, sexual deviance, mental problems, intense hate and enmity, lack of natural affection.

-I am a failure in all areas of life. All of them. Professional, personal, financial. You name it.

-All my problems are like chains binding me from taking the leap to try a new life. I have no one to run to. I have no money nor resources to leave my family and my city and restart life somewhere else, far from them.

I don't know why I am still here. Ever since I turned 14 life has only been a series of disappointments, losses and trauma and I want to understand what God gains by letting such things happen and not just letting me die instead. I keep praying for something to take my life but nothing happens. I really can't see why I am here. I have no attachment to anything anymore. I hate each member of my family. I crave no experience like travel, food or games. I don't feel pleasure in any pursuits and hobbies.

I am just tired of suffering and it seems that while there is life, there is pain in some form. Sickness, evil people, injustice, poverty. The list goes on.

I see no point in resilience. All the people I know who have been resilient during all their lives have gained nothing from it. They are still in the same poor conditions, with the same people who hurt them, and worse still, they are now just wrinkled from old age and toil. Their life is not any better than it was 20 years ago.

I don't know what else to say. Existing is pointless. I want to disconnect from this life because I have had enough. What does God want from me that He can't get some someone else? Why keep me here? I feel trapped and wanting to escape. I just want to sleep and never wake up again.

I need to die. I need to die. I need to die.

I hear you. Hang in there. Trust in Christ. Follow Him. He uses broken, messed-up people every day. He saves them, and turns them into Saints, too. Keep looking forward, friend, not back. Will pray for you. You are valuable. You are worth it. Christ died for you, and loves you. Hold on to that, and look to Him.

 

[Eftsoon]

I am right now having one of those days where depression and despair hit hard. It has to do with something that has been physically and mentally been a major disturbance in my life but no matter how much I pray for God to do justice for me, those who are evil remain unpunished.

This nuisance often makes me reflect on all the other pains in my life and here I will enumerate some of them:

-I was born in a very abject third-world country, with a helplessly ignorant population.

-I was born to a household with a history of sinful practices like alcoholism from both sides, sexual deviance, mental problems, intense hate and enmity, lack of natural affection.

-I am a failure in all areas of life. All of them. Professional, personal, financial. You name it.

-All my problems are like chains binding me from taking the leap to try a new life. I have no one to run to. I have no money nor resources to leave my family and my city and restart life somewhere else, far from them.

I don't know why I am still here. Ever since I turned 14 life has only been a series of disappointments, losses and trauma and I want to understand what God gains by letting such things happen and not just letting me die instead. I keep praying for something to take my life but nothing happens. I really can't see why I am here. I have no attachment to anything anymore. I hate each member of my family. I crave no experience like travel, food or games. I don't feel pleasure in any pursuits and hobbies.

I am just tired of suffering and it seems that while there is life, there is pain in some form. Sickness, evil people, injustice, poverty. The list goes on.

I see no point in resilience. All the people I know who have been resilient during all their lives have gained nothing from it. They are still in the same poor conditions, with the same people who hurt them, and worse still, they are now just wrinkled from old age and toil. Their life is not any better than it was 20 years ago.

I don't know what else to say. Existing is pointless. I want to disconnect from this life because I have had enough. What does God want from me that He can't get some someone else? Why keep me here? I feel trapped and wanting to escape. I just want to sleep and never wake up again.

I need to die. I need to die. I need to die.

Our hearts go out to you. You are absolutely in the throes of depression. Everything that you feel is real to you now. It's inescapable. There's no arguing with experience. However, it can change in a heartbeat because it is all about the way that you frame and approach each of these aspects of your life.

Depression is brutal. It holds a huge filter between you and every experience and it colours everything. It is possible to look around the filter and see the true shape of reality. There's opportunity and potential and room for growth and change and hope. Life is just packed full of vital stuff.

One thing that struck me is that there is resentment and hatred there. I'm not judging you at all. I'm just concerned about you. Hatred and resentment will eat away at you and poison everything. Can you see a way of letting go?

Sometimes focusing on others and what you can do to serve them can bring people out of depression. When you become other-oriented, life and love begin to flow again.

We're here for you, standing with you. The everlasting arms are bearing you up.

 

[Pavel Mosko]

I am a failure in all areas of life. All of them. Professional, personal, financial. You name it.

-All my problems are like chains binding me from taking the leap to try a new life. I have no one to run to. I have no money nor resources to leave my family and my city and restart life somewhere else, far from them.

I don't know why I am still here. Ever since I turned 14 life has only been a series of disappointments, losses and trauma and I want to understand what God gains by letting such things happen and not just letting me die instead. I keep praying for something to take my life but nothing happens. I really can't see why I am here. I have no attachment to anything anymore. I hate each member of my family. I crave no experience like travel, food or games. I don't feel pleasure in any pursuits and hobbies.

I am just tired of suffering and it seems that while there is life, there is pain in some form. Sickness, evil people, injustice, poverty. The list goes on.

I identify with what you said a lot. Lots of time, I was depressed, and thinking about things like suicide.
But I've come to the conclusion that is not God's will, or definitely not something a believer should do. Basically it is not compatible with Faith in God etc.


I got my own issues of failure, and trying to figure out what my purpose in life and to some degree I'm still figuring that out, but I do find some meaning and purpose in helping others. I do believe that is some of the reason these things happen to us. If you make it through this time of suffering you will be well equipped to help others you meet in life that have similar problems. That and suffering when done in Faith can benefit you spiritually. Lots of Bible verses on that.

I wish the best, and I will pray for you that you find some kind of solace and direction and purpose for your life.

 

[royal priest]

I am right now having one of those days where depression and despair hit hard. It has to do with something that has been physically and mentally been a major disturbance in my life but no matter how much I pray for God to do justice for me, those who are evil remain unpunished.

This nuisance often makes me reflect on all the other pains in my life and here I will enumerate some of them:

-I was born in a very abject third-world country, with a helplessly ignorant population.

-I was born to a household with a history of sinful practices like alcoholism from both sides, sexual deviance, mental problems, intense hate and enmity, lack of natural affection.

-I am a failure in all areas of life. All of them. Professional, personal, financial. You name it.

-All my problems are like chains binding me from taking the leap to try a new life. I have no one to run to. I have no money nor resources to leave my family and my city and restart life somewhere else, far from them.

I don't know why I am still here. Ever since I turned 14 life has only been a series of disappointments, losses and trauma and I want to understand what God gains by letting such things happen and not just letting me die instead. I keep praying for something to take my life but nothing happens. I really can't see why I am here. I have no attachment to anything anymore. I hate each member of my family. I crave no experience like travel, food or games. I don't feel pleasure in any pursuits and hobbies.

I am just tired of suffering and it seems that while there is life, there is pain in some form. Sickness, evil people, injustice, poverty. The list goes on.

I see no point in resilience. All the people I know who have been resilient during all their lives have gained nothing from it. They are still in the same poor conditions, with the same people who hurt them, and worse still, they are now just wrinkled from old age and toil. Their life is not any better than it was 20 years ago.

I don't know what else to say. Existing is pointless. I want to disconnect from this life because I have had enough. What does God want from me that He can't get some someone else? Why keep me here? I feel trapped and wanting to escape. I just want to sleep and never wake up again.

I need to die. I need to die. I need to die.

I'm sorry that you feel the way you do.
People have different ways of dealing with life, but the most important thing we can do is strengthen our faith in the goodness and mercy of God.
Humanly speaking, nobody had it worse than Jesus. But the King of Kings tells us that He did not come to be served, but to serve and offer up His life as a ransom for many people. And if we are one of His ransomed, then we ought to do the same. And being ransomed from sin and eternal death, what more do we need? All of our needs are met in Christ.

 

[Eftsoon]

I identify with what you said a lot. Lots of time, I was depressed, and thinking about things like suicide.
But I've come to the conclusion that is not God's will, or definitely not something a believer should do. Basically it is not compatible with Faith in God etc.


I got my own issues of failure, and trying to figure out what my purpose in life and to some degree I'm still figuring that out, but I do find some meaning and purpose in helping others. I do believe that is some of the reason these things happen to us. If you make it through this time of suffering you will be well equipped to help others you meet in life that have similar problems. That and suffering when done in Faith can benefit you spiritually. Lots of Bible verses on that.

I wish the best, and I will pray for you that you find some kind of solace and direction and purpose for your life.

Yes. Absolutely.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so also through Christ our comfort overflows" 2 Corinthians 1:4

 

[Lost4words]

You are suffering my friend. You are not alone. Truly, you are not.

Offer up your sufferings to God. Lay them all at His feet. Pour out your heart to Him. Be persistent in prayer, no matter how hard it gets.

We all suffer in different ways. I myself have asked God to take me. So many times! Life can be unbearable. So unbearable. But, we have to try our best to remain strong. We cant do anything without God. Let God take your sufferings.

Please, be strong my friend. Trust in God.

Jesus is carrying you, while you carry your cross.

Focus on God.

Seek help if you can too. Dont carry all these problems on your own. God will guide you.

May God protect you, guide you and lay his loving and healing hands on you my friend.

God bless you

 

[Tolworth John]

I am right now having one of those days where depression and despair hit hard. It has to do with something that has been physically and mentally been a major disturbance in my life but no matter how much I pray for God to do justice for me, those who are evil remain unpunished.

Life can be very hard, unfair and unjust.
Despair and the results of despair, depression etc are never the answer.

As you have said you are having a day when every thing is black, not worth doing or living.

This is not a true picture of your world or of your life. Yes it is tough, unfair etc, but there is more that you have not remembered.

You are loved by your creator. Yes in your depression and misery it doesn't seem to be worth much.
take your time to think of what it means.

You have been saved from Hell, from an eternity without God and all the good things he gives.

you have a promise of being valued for who and what you are.

Think on these good things, look up at that which is worth thinking about and not at those things that bring you down.

please also talk to your doctor.

 

[splish- splash]

Maybe you've become so fixated on your problems this is why. Christ never promised us an easy life on this earth but He has promised to be with us all the way.

Seek God's face regarding, what you should be doing in this earth for His Kingdom and when you start focusing more on Christ, He will also start to restore your life in areas that He feels you should be restored in.

Be grateful that you have even found favour in God's eyes, as many have died in their sins, meaning they never got the opportunity to come to Christ.

 

[Hezekiah81]

I am right now having one of those days where depression and despair hit hard. It has to do with something that has been physically and mentally been a major disturbance in my life but no matter how much I pray for God to do justice for me, those who are evil remain unpunished.

This nuisance often makes me reflect on all the other pains in my life and here I will enumerate some of them:

-I was born in a very abject third-world country, with a helplessly ignorant population.

-I was born to a household with a history of sinful practices like alcoholism from both sides, sexual deviance, mental problems, intense hate and enmity, lack of natural affection.

-I am a failure in all areas of life. All of them. Professional, personal, financial. You name it.

-All my problems are like chains binding me from taking the leap to try a new life. I have no one to run to. I have no money nor resources to leave my family and my city and restart life somewhere else, far from them.

I don't know why I am still here. Ever since I turned 14 life has only been a series of disappointments, losses and trauma and I want to understand what God gains by letting such things happen and not just letting me die instead. I keep praying for something to take my life but nothing happens. I really can't see why I am here. I have no attachment to anything anymore. I hate each member of my family. I crave no experience like travel, food or games. I don't feel pleasure in any pursuits and hobbies.

I am just tired of suffering and it seems that while there is life, there is pain in some form. Sickness, evil people, injustice, poverty. The list goes on.

I see no point in resilience. All the people I know who have been resilient during all their lives have gained nothing from it. They are still in the same poor conditions, with the same people who hurt them, and worse still, they are now just wrinkled from old age and toil. Their life is not any better than it was 20 years ago.

I don't know what else to say. Existing is pointless. I want to disconnect from this life because I have had enough. What does God want from me that He can't get some someone else? Why keep me here? I feel trapped and wanting to escape. I just want to sleep and never wake up again.

I need to die. I need to die. I need to die.

[The set-apart Spirit gave me this to share with you in your despair, for God does hear your prayers.] (Numbers 11:10-15) 10 Then Moses heard the people weep throughout their families, every man in the door of his tent: and the anger of the Lord was kindled greatly; Moses also was displeased. 11 And Moses said unto the Lord, why have you afflicted your servant? and why have I not found favor in your sight, that you lay the burden of all this people upon me? 12 Have I conceived all this people? Have I begotten them, that you should say unto me, carry them in your bosom, as a nursing father bears the sucking child, unto the land which you swore unto their fathers? 13 Where should I have flesh to give unto all this people? For they weep unto me, saying, give us flesh, that we may eat. 14 I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me. 15 And if you deal so with me, kill me, I pray you, out of hand, if I have found favor in your sight; and let me not see my wretchedness. (1 Corinthians 10:13) There has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it. (1 Peter 5:7) Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you. [In your tribulation cling to your God, trust in him, believe the promise he will make a way. I pray you receive this in your spirit and God bless you.]

 

[Mark Quayle]

Life can be very hard, unfair and unjust.
Despair and the results of despair, depression etc are never the answer.

As you have said you are having a day when every thing is black, not worth doing or living.

This is not a true picture of your world or of your life. Yes it is tough, unfair etc, but there is more that you have not remembered.

You are loved by your creator. Yes in your depression and misery it doesn't seem to be worth much.
take your time to think of what it means.

You have been saved from Hell, from an eternity without God and all the good things he gives.

you have a promise of being valued for who and what you are.

Think on these good things, look up at that which is worth thinking about and not at those things that bring you down.

please also talk to your doctor.

Add to this the fact that one is considered useful by the most amazing being ever —God himself— and is even created by God for that purpose. It may not be fun, but it is amazing.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

I need to die. I need to die. I need to die.

I recall Paul said that he died daily in the resurrection chapter of 1st Corinthians.

The thought that comes to me (other than, don't give up) is to proclaim the gospel boldly, the original evangelists didn't love their lives either.

 

[aiki]

I am right now having one of those days where depression and despair hit hard. It has to do with something that has been physically and mentally been a major disturbance in my life but no matter how much I pray for God to do justice for me, those who are evil remain unpunished.

God will do justice but on His schedule, not yours. Will you trust Him to act perfectly, as only He can do? Will you let Him be God, choosing the way and time He wants to enact justice upon the wicked? God has not forgotten you. He sees all that is going on in your life. And He knows the way to lead you out of its misery into a joyful life with Him. Will you set aside what you want and what you think you know, submit yourself to God, and follow His will and way to light and life? It's what God made you for.

Matthew 11:28-30
28 "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

-I am a failure in all areas of life. All of them. Professional, personal, financial. You name it.

-All my problems are like chains binding me from taking the leap to try a new life. I have no one to run to. I have no money nor resources to leave my family and my city and restart life somewhere else, far from them.

And so, if you'll let Him, God will teach you to prosper spiritually in the house of your enemies - just as He did for Daniel, Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego, Nehemiah, David (before he was king), Elijah, and others. God will do this by changing you, not your circumstances necessarily, but your thinking, your desires and your attitudes, giving you liberty, joy and stability in the midst of trouble.

Psalm 23:1-6
1 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
3 He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

I don't know why I am still here. Ever since I turned 14 life has only been a series of disappointments, losses and trauma and I want to understand what God gains by letting such things happen and not just letting me die instead.

Because He put you on the earth to know Him, to love Him and to enjoy Him. Everything else in life is secondary to these things. Pursuing anything above and before these divine purposes for your creation will always lead to the sort of despairing experience you're having. Fulfillment and joy of the sort for which God made you are found ONLY in Him. And so, the apostle Paul prayed the following for the Ephesian Christians:

Ephesians 3:14-19
14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,
15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,
16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,
17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

I really can't see why I am here. I have no attachment to anything anymore. I hate each member of my family. I crave no experience like travel, food or games. I don't feel pleasure in any pursuits and hobbies.

I am just tired of suffering and it seems that while there is life, there is pain in some form. Sickness, evil people, injustice, poverty. The list goes on.

Which is why God wants us to get on track with His eternal goals. The life for which we were really made begins after this one. But this life prepares us for the next; we can't skip the vital things we must do and know while we are here on the earth.

Living your way will always, God promises, lead to despair and darkness. He made you to live His way. When you do, when you submit yourself to His will and way every day, all day, He will move in your life to change you, forming in you His character, giving to you Himself and the peace, love, joy and truth that He is. (Galatians 5:22-23) Surely, this is a more attractive life than the one you're presently living.

I see no point in resilience. All the people I know who have been resilient during all their lives have gained nothing from it. They are still in the same poor conditions, with the same people who hurt them, and worse still, they are now just wrinkled from old age and toil. Their life is not any better than it was 20 years ago.

But this is taking a very short, self-centered view of why God made you. You are here for His purposes, not yours. When you yield to this reality and live in it, resilience will take on a whole new value and meaning.

I don't know what else to say. Existing is pointless.

Without God seated on the throne of your heart, ruling your life, yes, it pretty much is. Will you let God reign in your life? Only in Him can true fulfillment and abiding joy be found.

I need to die. I need to die. I need to die.

No, friend. This is a lie of the devil. You need to live for God, according to His will, as He made you to do.

Proverbs 3:5-8
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
8 It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

 

[Mark Quayle]

God will do justice but on His schedule, not yours. Will you trust Him to act perfectly, as only He can do? Will you let Him be God, choosing the way and time He wants to enact justice upon the wicked?

Agreed. "Such things must come. But woe to the one through whom they come!" Matthew 18:7

 

[longwait]

I am right now having one of those days where depression and despair hit hard. It has to do with something that has been physically and mentally been a major disturbance in my life but no matter how much I pray for God to do justice for me, those who are evil remain unpunished.

This nuisance often makes me reflect on all the other pains in my life and here I will enumerate some of them:

-I was born in a very abject third-world country, with a helplessly ignorant population.

-I was born to a household with a history of sinful practices like alcoholism from both sides, sexual deviance, mental problems, intense hate and enmity, lack of natural affection.

-I am a failure in all areas of life. All of them. Professional, personal, financial. You name it.

-All my problems are like chains binding me from taking the leap to try a new life. I have no one to run to. I have no money nor resources to leave my family and my city and restart life somewhere else, far from them.

I don't know why I am still here. Ever since I turned 14 life has only been a series of disappointments, losses and trauma and I want to understand what God gains by letting such things happen and not just letting me die instead. I keep praying for something to take my life but nothing happens. I really can't see why I am here. I have no attachment to anything anymore. I hate each member of my family. I crave no experience like travel, food or games. I don't feel pleasure in any pursuits and hobbies.

I am just tired of suffering and it seems that while there is life, there is pain in some form. Sickness, evil people, injustice, poverty. The list goes on.

I see no point in resilience. All the people I know who have been resilient during all their lives have gained nothing from it. They are still in the same poor conditions, with the same people who hurt them, and worse still, they are now just wrinkled from old age and toil. Their life is not any better than it was 20 years ago.

I don't know what else to say. Existing is pointless. I want to disconnect from this life because I have had enough. What does God want from me that He can't get some someone else? Why keep me here? I feel trapped and wanting to escape. I just want to sleep and never wake up again.

I need to die. I need to die. I need to die.

I am currently reading the book of Job and you sound a lot like him. For all the unjust sufferings that you are going through now know that you will be rewarded greatly in your eternal life.

“Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.
Blessed are you who hunger now,
for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.
Blessed are you when people hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you
and reject your name as evil,
because of the Son of Man.

“Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their ancestors treated the prophets.

“But woe to you who are rich,
for you have already received your comfort.
Woe to you who are well fed now,
for you will go hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now,
for you will mourn and weep.
Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you,
for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets. Luke 6:20-26

So there is no reason to envy those who have it all now.

Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD.
There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 23:17-18

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33