I hate this!!! (just venting)

[Celtic Camel]

Ok... so it's been a while since I've dropped in... I guess I don't like reminding myself of my ED history... but it's still there and I don't know what to do right now.
I've been all over the place... I keep trying to make good decisions, but I don't know if it's the ed-head or the depression... they feed off each other!
I just don't want to eat... can't be bothered...I know that part of it is cause I didn't eat properly last week... I know I need to stick to my eating plan and make sure I keep it healthy... last week I was doing some voluntary work and it put my 'routine' out and I started skipping meals again. I've been so good for the last 6 months! Now I can't get back...
So, I need to know... is this the depression making me revert to ed behaviours... or is the ed just taking over again and increasing the depression...
and of course, just when I am feeling really 'unsafe' to be by myself, my folks go away for the week and I'm meant to be moving house... I thought I was doing good now it's about to fall apart again
There's a couple of people I want to phone but I can't cause I would just waste their time and it would disappoint them so much... I'm meant to be beyond this... how am I meant to keep going?!?!?
When will it get better? When will I be free? I'm not suicidal, I'm just sick of this life.
anyway, I'll be fine... sorry for the inconvenience of this babble...thanks for listening...

 

[Soulwings]

I'm not sure if it's the ED making depression worse or vise versa, but please ... try to call someone. Especially if you think that you won't be able to get back on track. It wouldn't be a waste of their time and they won't be disappointed in you - they'll be proud of you for calling, for knowing that you need help. Try to consider that at least.

I wish I knew when it would get better for you, for me, for everyone who posts in this or any of the mental health forums. I only know that it WILL get better. Just keep fighting the ED thoughts, try and stick to your meal plan, and get help when you need help.

And it's not inconvenience, nor is it babble. I'm glad you posted.

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

Camel, I agree with April. You aren't wasting your friends time and they're not going to be disappointed with you. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you're not doing as great as you thought but your strength is shown when you talk to others about it.

We're always here to listen and talk Gorgeous!

Shalom,
Steffi

 

[goldenviolet]

lisa, you sweet butterfly from heaven. we all have ups and valleys. you are so very blessed. reach out with your head held high. look how far you have come. i'm so proud of you! keep up the good fight. God bless you.
i completely agree with the two posts already here.

 

[byebyebaby]

I've been concerned in the past about "wasting" my friends time or disappointing them but do you know what? Ive never done either of those things to my true friends and trust me I can be a big pain in the butt sometimes!

 

[Celtic Camel]

Thanks so much! I'm doing better than I was the other day...even managed to get my act together and go to bible study last night... one of the verses we read was :"And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do..." (heb 10:25)
Made me realise yet again that satan loves to get us by ourselves and make us believe we are isolated, and mess with our minds and emotions... I've been letting him do this I guess , especially as I'm alone in the house this week...
Right now I should be at work, but I nearly fainted this morning when I was getting ready and got this killer of a headache which I've just slept off... (and this is what happens when I eat properly! )
SO anyway, really just want to drop in and give you all a huge to thank you for your support.
All my love and prayers,
Lisa

 

[Soulwings]

Anytime sweetie. I'm so glad that things are going a bit better for you. You're in my prayers; take care of yourself and stay strong!! May God give you His peace and comfort.

 

[byebyebaby]

Made me realise yet again that satan loves to get us by ourselves and make us believe we are isolated, and mess with our minds and emotions... I've been letting him do this I guess ,

Lis,
That is so true. Maybe when you think about isolating you can come here. Oh and I'm always up for a chat on AIM