I guess I'm going to hell

[paul1149]

No matter what your circumstances, the first step is to understand that God is for you, not against you. Think of the unspeakable value of the shed precious Blood of the only Son of God. Now compare the weight of that to anything you can do in terms of failing, or any adverse circumstance you are thrown into. Do you see there is no comparison? Having already shed His blood for you, willingly, with full knowledge and forethought, Jesus is going to do anything He can to see you through to victory. This is why Romans 8 says "if God be for us, who can be against us?". The answer is, no one can successfully be against us.

If you get that settled, the rest of your problems will be placed in true perspective. If you understand even a little bit of the astonishing love God has for you, peace will enter in, and rest. From there you will receive wisdom on how to proceed on the practical level.

Maybe you need professional help to wean yourself off these drugs. But whatever you go through, it will be so much easier if you know that God is on your side. You won't have to carry around this burden of malignant fear about being alienated from God or going to hell.

From what I've seen, OCD is a self-perpetuating mindset that feeds on the fear it produces. You are afraid that you haven't done enough, or that you’ve done too much. No matter what, you're never acceptable as you are. That increases the fear, which makes the thought patterns that much more desperate. You can see that there's no rest in that.

The Word of God has an answer: "it is good for the heart to be established by grace" – Heb 13.9. Indeed, grace is the ONLY way the heart can be established, because anything else is the filthy rags of our own self-righteousness, which is worth nothing.

Jesus gave so much so that you can escape the trap of dead works and performance salvation, so that you can be accepted in the Beloved and rest in Him and enjoy His love. Don’t let His already-completed work go to waste. Take Him up on His gracious offer of rest (Mt 11.27-30), and accept salvation at face value (Rom 10.6-10). Let the grace flow in and begin to heal you.

 

[North By Northwest]

I know you are struggling and need a healing. Sometimes God heals miracuously. Sometimes God heals through the miracles of modern science ( ie. doctors and medicines) And sometimes God will have someone live thier life without healing because He has other plans. It is the same for physical sickness and injury. Some people will be healed and some won't, we just need to seek the Lord and ask that His will be done.

But here is one certaintity..the Lord who created you loves you. He wants a relationship with you. Jesus loves you so much that he came to earth as man and bore the cross for our sins. He is still alive and will be forevermore.

Addictions are hard. They make people do what they normally wouldn't. If you repented of your sins and if you love Jesus, then just do your best to live the way you know you should. Will you struggle and sometimes fall? Yes- WE ALL DO. Who do you know is perfect? No one! Every Christian, even though we try, we still struggle. We still say or do or think things we shouldn't. But just talk to God. He is listening! Tell him about your struggles and ask for help. Jesus will never turn his back on you!
Dont let anybody tell you you are going to Hell. Yes, there is a hell. Yes, peopleill go there. But as long as you are on this earth you can choose what course you will take.

 

[woodpecker]

I WENT TO HELL! - YouTube

 

[thankful40plus]

There's hope.

If you look up Celebrate Recovery or Addictions Victorious you will find thatt these ministries deal with Alcohol and Drugs as well as hurt and anxiety. You don't need to be part of any church to go. You can go to many different meetings. in different locations. The format differs in each church, and the atmosphere is different. The leadership can be very different too. But you don't need to be part of any church and you can go to several groups and pick one to go to or more. It is christ oriented 12 step and this is very different than a regular 12 step meeting, as there is real hope, singing and deeper people. Some people switch their group to a different night of the week because of change of hours at work or job changes. But there are groups every night of the week somewhere most likely in your area to fit your schedule to just find one you may go to. There are churches also that have 'recovery programs' that are called by a different name but have addiction or recovery in it. You can find in time I have heard prayer partners, accountability partners and sponsors. A sponsor is like a mentor or guide. I tried years ago and this one place had really rude stuck up people with flippant attitudes and another had music that was way way too loud at deafening levels along with strobe lights I hated as it made me feel dizzy and I made the mistake to not look to other groups. I have found they are all vastly different in my experience. The music time might be 15 minutes or 30 and the music might be calming or very loud too, the sermon may be 15 or 30 or it might be just about the program., the group time might be 45 to hour, and the fellowship after might be a half hour or an hour. It might be in a house or in a large cafeteria in a church. I've found that when it starts in a cafeteria, it will end there too with the fellowship and people will get food and sit at little tables which makes it harder to talk with them, because you feel you have to sit at a table but when its in a house type, people stand mostly with fellowship and there isn't that sense of needing to find a table to sit down to cliques or its easier to feel you belong and the space to move is smaller. I don't like so much when people sit at tables with others and everyone is unapproachable or talks to just people they know. The leadership can be vastly different. In some places the leadership can be all very tough people and others are all sensitive people. If everyone seems rude it may be the place, and not you.
I'm trying to say that you should try these places and to not give up if you feel that it is not for you and go elsewhere. Do not give up. Don't be afraid of pentocostal churches either because ironically that is the place I have seen the most humble people although that is not always the case with pentocostals. I was in one nonpentocostal group a few weeks back where the leader smoked pot for 31 years. and that shows that there is hope for people with long term addictions perhaps yourself. He's smoked pot longer than you've been alive. That was an addictions victorious group where it is one group with men and women mixed of all problems. The celebrate recovery groups have separate men and women's groups. You can find a men's group for just substance addiction. In the gender exclusive groups like celebrate recovery people open up more so than in a mixed men and women's group of addictions victorious. However there is less pressure to talk in the mixed group of addictions victorious. Although no one ever forces you to talk in any group at all. You don't have to talk and can listen. You can be vague too. There are other recovery groups names in other churches too by other names I think I said that. Look up different churches websites. All are welcome they say even if you do not have a drug/alcohol problem as I do not which I say for the benefit of others reading besides you. I have felt hopeless too. I know there is freedom in Christ's ways and that I need more than just a church service or a women's bible study group or counseling. Counseling can be good if you find the right person. I have met people with attitudes that I would not see again who degraded me within a few minutes of me sitting down with them.

You can call free prayer lines daily if you don't have people to pray with.
You can also go to pentocostal churches to visit to be prayed for.

I would try a men's Celebrate Recovery group on Friday nights when you may feel the most vulnerable and go to others too.

I wish you mercy and grace as I wish myself mercy and God's grace and all others here. It is hard and scary to go out to these places but if nothing changes, nothing changes, as they say. I also don't think I will go to a church that does not have a recovery group in the church anymore. I hope in time I will be able to go to church again and with friends that I see there and not be alone. In the bible, believers should be together helping each other emotionally and supportive it says. If you don't find it in the regular church, I am thinking that these groups might be like the real church we need. I am scared going here but I am going to try. I see such differences in the various kinds of groups that I don't think I am dealing with the type of people I met years ago. I hope not. I am saying that not to give up if you have a bad experience and go elsewwhere as I have. I actually had "the pleasure" of seeing someone from the group that was rude to me come to this other group I was in and argue with the leadership and dominate the conversation. This was not anyone I met at the other place before but she said she was from this other place and that was her main group and she was in leadership too there. I really wasn't surprised. It was confirmed that the people over there have an attitude when I saw this. It shouldn't be the case that anyone has an attitude in church at all but I don't want you to be surprised or give up on these places. It is like going to the doctor I suppose where you have bad doctors and good ones, and the bad ones can have the whole staff as bad. But you know that you will still go to the doctor elsewhere. It could be also likened to one job situation, one college class or one retail store but it wouldn't be right to say that every place of each type of situation is all the same.
There are videos too on youtube about celebrate recovery also. I don't have enough posts to post the links but they are short videos that are worthwhile to watch.

May God bless your soul and body. May you never ever ever give up. May you find supportive people who you love as well. I wish angels and spiritual protection around you.

 

[walk the talk]

I just want to say in my experience that guilt has two roads. It can lead us to a fear in God or a love for God.

A fear in God is from obeying his laws through a obligation to keep our salvation kosher with him and on the other hand, a love of God is created through voluntary obedience of his laws out of adoration for him under the blanket of his forgiveness and grace for us.

In my experience guilt also has two sources.

From the church and from the holy spirit. If you feel guilt from the teachings of the church in most cases it will be OK if you belong to a good evangelical church. But I would recommend that you get in the habit of backing up your guilt with scripture on your own time and not just take the teachings of the church for granted.

Guilt from the Holy Spirit is the most reliable source although most Christians today can't tell the difference between the prompting of the Holy Spirit and the guilt from teaching of the church. Back everything up with scripture, and don't be afraid to ask other children of God from other denominations to get their perspective. It will help you free your mind from what is denominational and biblical when it comes to biblical truths.

I think that once you have this figured out your peace will return and you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are in fact one of Gods children or not. Then you will be able to take the proper action and fight this thing and get back on track.