I finally met my online guy friend...and not sure where to go from here.

[pinkjess]

I posted about this guy on here four years ago. I met him on Reddit during a time I was searching for a special friend. I had prayed to God for weeks to send me someone I could feel connection to. We hit it off pretty well and could talk for hours. We took to texting and calling and video messaging. He is a believer as well.

I took a flight to see him last week. It was just a day trip and I made sure my dad knew where I was going and when I expected to be back. We spent the day visiting parks and driving around. He showed me his town and the places where he grew up. I had a good time. When it was time for me to go back home he waited with me at the airport until my flight was ready. We held hands and it was the most amazing feeling ever. I felt so comfortable around him! I thanked God on my flight home for letting me experience that. I am 28 years old now and have never been in any sort of relationship with a guy before, so this was quite special to me.

A week before my visit, we had talked about moving on with our lives. The truth is, neither of us is willing to relocate if things were to get serious. We're both resistant to change. The purpose of my visit was really to have closure and say goodbye.

But now that I visited him, I have been finding myself wanting to see him again. I really would like to continue getting to know him in person. I felt peaceful around him. I have talked to him online for four years and it was just crazy how we finally got to spend time together in real life. It went better than I thought.

We aren't talking anymore, but I just can't help but feel sad.

My friend is autistic and has some issues, he was apparently abused by a church when he was little and has trouble believing God loves him. His whole family is a wreck and his dad is toxic. He is also very, very depressed. But I still care about him, and I want him to get help and become a healthy person.

Part of me wants to reach back out to my friend and ask if he wants to continue getting to know each other in person. But the logical part of me says to just let it go if this is what he wants and to respect that. This was such a special relationship in my life and it just doesn't feel right to let it fly away like this.

 

[sandman]

I would encourage you to reach out ....There are three answers: Yes ...that would be nice. No... I am not ready for a relationship Maybe ... let me finish this video game and I'll get back with you.
Don't leave that an open question in your life.
The other thing I would strongly encourage is.... don't get involved with someone who is not a believer. I am not saying it never works out but 99% of the time it is a struggle and the Word of God is the common bond, meeting point, center...etc....of any relationship.

 

[Michie]

I posted about this guy on here four years ago. I met him on Reddit during a time I was searching for a special friend. I had prayed to God for weeks to send me someone I could feel connection to. We hit it off pretty well and could talk for hours. We took to texting and calling and video messaging. He is a believer as well.

I took a flight to see him last week. It was just a day trip and I made sure my dad knew where I was going and when I expected to be back. We spent the day visiting parks and driving around. He showed me his town and the places where he grew up. I had a good time. When it was time for me to go back home he waited with me at the airport until my flight was ready. We held hands and it was the most amazing feeling ever. I felt so comfortable around him! I thanked God on my flight home for letting me experience that. I am 28 years old now and have never been in any sort of relationship with a guy before, so this was quite special to me.

A week before my visit, we had talked about moving on with our lives. The truth is, neither of us is willing to relocate if things were to get serious. We're both resistant to change. The purpose of my visit was really to have closure and say goodbye.

But now that I visited him, I have been finding myself wanting to see him again. I really would like to continue getting to know him in person. I felt peaceful around him. I have talked to him online for four years and it was just crazy how we finally got to spend time together in real life. It went better than I thought.

We aren't talking anymore, but I just can't help but feel sad. I know I need to move on. I have been trying to talk to other guys and be open to new friendships. But none of them are Christian. It's really hard to find a Christian guy who is single now that I am almost 30 years old. One of the guys I have been talking to lives near me and already wants to take me out but he isn't a believer and I am not sure what his intentions are. I don't feel the way with them the way I did with my Reddit friend.

My friend is autistic and has some issues, he was apparently abused by a church when he was little and has trouble believing God loves him. His whole family is a wreck and his dad is toxic. He is also very, very depressed. But I still care about him, and I want him to get help and become a healthy person.

Part of me wants to reach back out to my friend and ask if he wants to continue getting to know each other in person. But the logical part of me says to just let it go if this is what he wants and to respect that. This was such a special relationship in my life and it just doesn't feel right to let it fly away like this.

If neither one of you are willing to relocate it is not meant to be. God has someone in store for you so do not be in a hurry.

 

[pdudgeon]

I posted about this guy on here four years ago. I met him on Reddit during a time I was searching for a special friend. I had prayed to God for weeks to send me someone I could feel connection to. We hit it off pretty well and could talk for hours. We took to texting and calling and video messaging. He is a believer as well.

I took a flight to see him last week. It was just a day trip and I made sure my dad knew where I was going and when I expected to be back. We spent the day visiting parks and driving around. He showed me his town and the places where he grew up. I had a good time. When it was time for me to go back home he waited with me at the airport until my flight was ready. We held hands and it was the most amazing feeling ever. I felt so comfortable around him! I thanked God on my flight home for letting me experience that. I am 28 years old now and have never been in any sort of relationship with a guy before, so this was quite special to me.

A week before my visit, we had talked about moving on with our lives. The truth is, neither of us is willing to relocate if things were to get serious. We're both resistant to change. The purpose of my visit was really to have closure and say goodbye.

But now that I visited him, I have been finding myself wanting to see him again. I really would like to continue getting to know him in person. I felt peaceful around him. I have talked to him online for four years and it was just crazy how we finally got to spend time together in real life. It went better than I thought.

We aren't talking anymore, but I just can't help but feel sad. I know I need to move on. I have been trying to talk to other guys and be open to new friendships. But none of them are Christian. It's really hard to find a Christian guy who is single now that I am almost 30 years old. One of the guys I have been talking to lives near me and already wants to take me out but he isn't a believer and I am not sure what his intentions are. I don't feel the way with them the way I did with my Reddit friend.

My friend is autistic and has some issues, he was apparently abused by a church when he was little and has trouble believing God loves him. His whole family is a wreck and his dad is toxic. He is also very, very depressed. But I still care about him, and I want him to get help and become a healthy person.

Part of me wants to reach back out to my friend and ask if he wants to continue getting to know each other in person. But the logical part of me says to just let it go if this is what he wants and to respect that. This was such a special relationship in my life and it just doesn't feel right to let it fly away like this.

I would reach out to him again online.
Thank him for the visit, and invite him to your town for a day.
Take him to low key, peaceful places, where he can look around, maybe pack a picnic lunch and go to a park for lunch, or show him your church.
If you call ahead, they could probably have it open for you, and you could show him around, without the pressure of lots of strangers looking at him.
Find out what he likes to do, and take him to similar places in your city, so that he has a chance to relate, and form bonds slowly.
After that, let him take the lead, and see where he wants to go with the relationship.
It sounds like he will have to build trust and familiarity in the relationship, so doing new things should be a very slow, low key process.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I would friend zone the guy for now and back off. It is unlikely he is going to truly have a mature relationship with God in the near future but depending on how much he wants you he could just pretend to be a Christian which is worse than being true to himself you could cause him to live a lie for your sake and if so he will hold that against you in time. A toxic family in a relationship with someone that cannot or will not divorce them from their life is a deal breaker. Any relationship that is serious and starts into romantic territory one has to consider you are marrying the family along with the individual because their baggage will intrude upon your life and it is quite likely you will find a 3 way battle, you vs his family, him vs his family, and sadly him vs you.

 

[Albion]

Offhand, I'd think getting back in touch is harmless and worth doing. Were you to start talking about something like the future of you two together, it would be a mistake, which you already know. However, just to check in and share some pleasant thoughts, etc. is nothing to be afraid of.

If you don't do this much, you'll probably wonder evermore what might have been his reaction. But do be prepared for his reply to be almost anything, good or bad.

 

[Sketcher]

I posted about this guy on here four years ago. I met him on Reddit during a time I was searching for a special friend. I had prayed to God for weeks to send me someone I could feel connection to. We hit it off pretty well and could talk for hours. We took to texting and calling and video messaging. He is a believer as well.

I took a flight to see him last week. It was just a day trip and I made sure my dad knew where I was going and when I expected to be back. We spent the day visiting parks and driving around. He showed me his town and the places where he grew up. I had a good time. When it was time for me to go back home he waited with me at the airport until my flight was ready. We held hands and it was the most amazing feeling ever. I felt so comfortable around him! I thanked God on my flight home for letting me experience that. I am 28 years old now and have never been in any sort of relationship with a guy before, so this was quite special to me.

A week before my visit, we had talked about moving on with our lives. The truth is, neither of us is willing to relocate if things were to get serious. We're both resistant to change. The purpose of my visit was really to have closure and say goodbye.

But now that I visited him, I have been finding myself wanting to see him again. I really would like to continue getting to know him in person. I felt peaceful around him. I have talked to him online for four years and it was just crazy how we finally got to spend time together in real life. It went better than I thought.

We aren't talking anymore, but I just can't help but feel sad. I know I need to move on. I have been trying to talk to other guys and be open to new friendships. But none of them are Christian. It's really hard to find a Christian guy who is single now that I am almost 30 years old. One of the guys I have been talking to lives near me and already wants to take me out but he isn't a believer and I am not sure what his intentions are. I don't feel the way with them the way I did with my Reddit friend.

My friend is autistic and has some issues, he was apparently abused by a church when he was little and has trouble believing God loves him. His whole family is a wreck and his dad is toxic. He is also very, very depressed. But I still care about him, and I want him to get help and become a healthy person.

Part of me wants to reach back out to my friend and ask if he wants to continue getting to know each other in person. But the logical part of me says to just let it go if this is what he wants and to respect that. This was such a special relationship in my life and it just doesn't feel right to let it fly away like this.

Is this the same guy that you've been trying to break from for years?

 

[pinkjess]

Is this the same guy that you've been trying to break from for years?

Yeah.

 

[pinkjess]

I would reach out to him again online.
Thank him for the visit, and invite him to your town for a day.
Take him to low key, peaceful places, where he can look around, maybe pack a picnic lunch and go to a park for lunch, or show him your church.
If you call ahead, they could probably have it open for you, and you could show him around, without the pressure of lots of strangers looking at him.
Find out what he likes to do, and take him to similar places in your city, so that he has a chance to relate, and form bonds slowly.
After that, let him take the lead, and see where he wants to go with the relationship.
It sounds like he will have to build trust and familiarity in the relationship, so doing new things should be a very slow, low key process.

Thank you. I sent him one last message.

 

[pinkjess]

I would encourage you to reach out ....There are three answers: Yes ...that would be nice. No... I am not ready for a relationship Maybe ... let me finish this video game and I'll get back with you.
Don't leave that an open question in your life.
The other thing I would strongly encourage is.... don't get involved with someone who is not a believer. I am not saying it never works out but 99% of the time it is a struggle and the Word of God is the common bond, meeting point, center...etc....of any relationship.

Thank you. I sent him a message.

 

[pinkjess]

Offhand, I'd think getting back in touch is harmless and worth doing. Were you to start talking about something like the future of you two together, it would be a mistake, which you already know. However, just to check in and share some pleasant thoughts, etc. is nothing to be afraid of.

If you don't do this much, you'll probably wonder evermore what might have been his reaction. But do be prepared for his reply to be almost anything, good or bad.

Thank you!

 

[pinkjess]

I would friend zone the guy for now and back off. It is unlikely he is going to truly have a mature relationship with God in the near future but depending on how much he wants you he could just pretend to be a Christian which is worse than being true to himself you could cause him to live a lie for your sake and if so he will hold that against you in time. A toxic family in a relationship with someone that cannot or will not divorce them from their life is a deal breaker. Any relationship that is serious and starts into romantic territory one has to consider you are marrying the family along with the individual because their baggage will intrude upon your life and it is quite likely you will find a 3 way battle, you vs his family, him vs his family, and sadly him vs you.

Very true.

 

[JAM2b]

Getting romantically involved with someone who is not a believer is usually asking for trouble. Spiritual compatibility is very important.

 

[pinkjess]

Getting romantically involved with someone who is not a believer is usually asking for trouble. Spiritual compatibility is very important.

I agree. That is why I don't want to let go of my online friend. All the other new guys I am trying to talk to don't seem to be believers. My online friend was.

 

[tobyw]

.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I agree. That is why I don't want to let go of my online friend. All the other new guys I am trying to talk to don't seem to be believers. My online friend was.

Was? Sounds like he isn't a believer either if that is your criteria for keeping him as a friend not a very logical one.

 

[Macchiato]

If neither one of you are willing to relocate it is not meant to be. God has someone in store for you so do not be in a hurry.

Not only that but as a rule he shouldve came to see you. Did help pay for your flight atleast??

 

[Saucy]

This is a tough one. You both have feelings for each other. You enjoyed the visit and felt comfortable enough to hold hands with him. I think it is worth exploring. And never use the word "never" because you never know what God might work out later if it is meant to be. The reasons you have for never moving might not be there in a few years. It is possible that spending more personal time with him in this way might build into something beautiful that moving becomes worth it or you guys find a neutral place to settle down together and get married.

I know I'm probably not helping by throwing hope into the mix, but finding someone like this is rare. It's special. I wouldn't let it go for anything. Maybe because I'm a romantic at heart, but I would keep trying.

 

[Cute Peonies]

Were you dating or just friends? I've got so many things to say but it depends on the answer to that question

 

[pinkjess]

Were you dating or just friends? I've got so many things to say but it depends on the answer to that question

Well we were online friends for the longest time and confessed we had feelings for each other but never took it too serious because we hadn't met. Well we met last month and I def have feelings for him.