I feel defeated

[thesunisout]

Barry,
You are the only one who has gotten the closest.. I suffer from schizoaffective, which is bipolar and schizophrenia combined. Common themes with people like me is slow cognitive strengths, false fixed beliefs, guilt, and the worst is that other people judge me in their hearts and say I am holding on to sin, that I am getting in the way of Christ working in my life, when if you talk with others with the same diagnosis you find it's more than just spiritual. It's clinical and physical.

I do have medical professionals helping me, like a psychiatrist and a Christian counselor.

I sympathize with you, I really do. I've been involved with a couple of people who have schitzoeffective disorder. What you should know is that God is not limited by our weaknesses. God gave us a Spirit of a sound mind, which means He can help you overcome your sin regardless of your issues. If you see yourself as simply a victim of your condition then how will you ever change? It all comes down to surrender to Christ. God promises to set us free from sin when we are willing to surrender it to Him. You say you're not holding on to sin and have done everything you can, and you blame your condition. Who is right, you or God?

 

[rgleason]

The mistake you're making is that you think Gods love is conditioned upon your performance, when scripture says that even while we were sinners, Christ died for us. That is the heart of God displayed for all of the world to see. God loves you enough that He sent His Son to die for your sins, and even if it was just you, He still would have done it. There is no way you could believe He doesn't love you if you would only acknowledge the sacrifice of His Son for you on the cross. Jesus took your punishment upon Himself so that you could be reconciled to the Father, and His blood is the provision for your sins:

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The devil is trying to get you to believe a lie, that you are condemned. When Jesus died on the cross He said "It is finished". You are Gods child, and the blood of Jesus covers your sins. Notice it says that when you confess you are cleansed from *all* unrighteousness? That means you are holy and blameless in His sight. Do you think the blood of Jesus is not sufficient to cover your sins? That is what you are believing when you think you are too bad for God to love you. That is one of the devils favorite lies to tell Gods children.

You don't need to believe in Gods love, you need to receive it. You need to understand it as a fact based on Gods truth and not based on what you can do for God.

There are two reasons why you are stuck in your sin. The first is that you haven't let it go. You are still holding on to it and making allowance for it in your life. You have not yet completely agreed with God about your sin and turned your back on it. That is why you are being defeated over and over again. The second reason is that you are trying to do it under your own strength. You said things like "I am trying so hard" and "the best of my ability" and so forth. The fact is that your best is not good enough:

Isaiah 64:6 But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.

Our righteousness is like filthy rags to a holy God. There is nothing good within us apart from Christ. That's why He said this:

John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

Apart from Him you can do nothing, including overcoming your sin. Your belief that God is turning His back on you is what is preventing from receiving the help you need. God put His Spirit IN you to help you and teach you, to make you a new man. You are not distant from God; He lives inside of you and He wants to help you overcome these hurdles, but you have to be willing to surrender to His control. You can't free yourself but God promised to free you from sin:

Micah 7:19

He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.

Are you ready to stop fighting this battle under your own strength and surrender? That is where victory is, because Christ already won this battle at the cross. You are trying to fight against a defeated foe; Jesus wants you to step into the victory He got us at Calvary by submitting to His Lordship and letting Him fight this battle for you.

May the Holy Spirit give LIFE to Christowns me with your words of life, in Jesus holy name, AMEN!

 

[CGL1023]

I admit, although there are times I think I am making progress, on the other hand I feel like I understand nothing and am in darkness. I'm at the point where I am very very aware of my sins, particularly one which I can't get much control over.

I feel defeated and that God is shaking his head at me and is not happy with anything I do. I don't grasp God's love and mercy for me. I believe the Gospel message and I believe on Jesus Christ to the best of my ability. But I have no joy in my life because I am trying so hard to believe in God's love for me, and I just utterly fail.

I guess I'm looking for words of comfort and maybe someone who has gone or is going thru the same things.

Have you characterized God accurately?--"shaking His head and not happy with anything I do";

You have Jesus making intercession for you, Heb 7:25. He says He'll never leave you or forsake you (at least three different verses). If you have received the Holy Spirit, you have God in you. You don't need anything more.

When you say you are trying hard to believe, does that mean you are gaining faith by hearing the Word. See Rom 10:17; Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.

I would say, just get into the Word and meditate on it; see Joshua 1:8. The Word is living and powerful. It can change you if you let it.

 

[Hopes]

I admit, although there are times I think I am making progress, on the other hand I feel like I understand nothing and am in darkness. I'm at the point where I am very very aware of my sins, particularly one which I can't get much control over.

I feel defeated and that God is shaking his head at me and is not happy with anything I do. I don't grasp God's love and mercy for me. I believe the Gospel message and I believe on Jesus Christ to the best of my ability. But I have no joy in my life because I am trying so hard to believe in God's love for me, and I just utterly fail.

I guess I'm looking for words of comfort and maybe someone who has gone or is going thru the same things.

If your His child you are never defeated. People can say or do whatever they want and even through the darkest of circumstance He will always be with you. Actually He is never closer then when your at your lowest so that's a special secret blessing.

Don't let it get you down (or do) but a child of His is never defeated.

 

[Colleen1]

Ephesians 3:14-21 is one of the main passages and probably the one I refer to the most in life when healing / struggling / trying to understand God's love. It expresses so very many important things. That God is love, that together with other Christian people we can be edified and we don't need to be in our struggle alone. That with God's love and faith we can persevere. It also tells me that inner strength is important to God and he desires we heal. I think the vast majority of times healing is a process. It's also so beneficial to get help and support from safe people who understand.

14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Psalm 139 is also very helpful and insightful when it comes to God's love and my relationship with Him. The whole passage is wonderful but I've only included a couple verses below:

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.