i dont want to be this way..

[DMajor2012]

im about to go off to college soon and start the next chapter of my life and yet im still carrying this baggage with me. ive been a bisexual since i was in seventh grade amd i hate it. i hate the sin. i hate myself for thinking thoughts i know god abhors but i dont know what to do i really dont. ive gotten so desperate that ive slipped into self harm because i dont want to be here any more. i dont want to deal with the hurt. i dont want to deal with knowing im disappointing my family, myself, and the lord. someone, anyone, help me..

 

[DMMullinax]

I think the best thing for you is an accountability person. I have a sexual accountability group at college that meets Tuesdays and Thursday nights, and I can tell you it's helped me a lot in controlling both my thought life and actions. It's a real turn off to my own temptations to have to tell a group of my friends what I sinned in. So I'd find someone who can be there to ask you how you've been doing in that area and who will love you, but also get on you about control and purity and build you up.
While having bisexual urges is definitely a struggle, it's no different than any other kind of sexual struggle. It's all sexual immorality, it's no worse than heterosexual sin in thought and action. They're in the same class, all sin. So don't think that because it's bisexual urges you're doing something that's kicking it up another level. But find help in friends and stay in the Word. Staying in God's Word daily will help to keep perspective. And lastly don't reside in guilt. Jesus died so that there would be no guilt if you are in Him. He paid for all of that. Beating yourself up mentally and physically after sinning is like saying that the sin isn't fully covered and more must be done; but Jesus took ALL of that. His grace abounds. You just have to trust what's done is done and when you slip ask forgiveness and just fortify yourself for the next attack of temptation. I hope that helps some? You're definitely not alone though. Sexual sin and the struggle with that is rampant, but we don't have to live in defeat. We're not dead anymore, we're alive in Christ.

 

[DMajor2012]

thank you so much. this was very insightful and definitely gave me a new look on some things. the only problem i face now is finding someone i trust enough to let them in on this issue. ya see, i havent told anyone that ive been having thses thoughts and feelings. its been a very well kept secret. what if i tell someone and they hate me for it? or im totally humiliated? i think youre right, what i need is someone to hold me accountable for my actions but where do i find someone like that?

 

[Anihilus]

Christ can save to the uttermost those who come to Him. Before the Lord saved me I remember having a similar struggle but since then the struggle seems to have diminished greatly. Here are some testimonies you might help you. They are not meant to discourage you but rather show you the power Jesus Christ has to cleanse any who come to Him in faith.

As a side note, seeing that you are in San Antonio, a lot of these testimonies are from members of Grace Community Church in San Antonio

http://gccsatx.com/

You might go give them a visit.

Saved from Spiritual Cancer; Content with Physical Cancer - YouTube

A Young Man's War Against God in a Perverted World - YouTube

Jesus Christ Saved Me from 27 Years of Homosexuality - YouTube

Freedom from Homosexuality - Testimony - YouTube

 

[DMMullinax]

thank you so much. this was very insightful and definitely gave me a new look on some things. the only problem i face now is finding someone i trust enough to let them in on this issue. ya see, i havent told anyone that ive been having thses thoughts and feelings. its been a very well kept secret. what if i tell someone and they hate me for it? or im totally humiliated? i think youre right, what i need is someone to hold me accountable for my actions but where do i find someone like that?

Do you have any Christian friends? If you ask the right person to help you, they won't hate you for it or make you feel humiliated. It's really your judgement for who you think would help you the most and is most trustworthy. Just make sure they're strong in Christ, because you need someone who will be proactive in talking to you about it and asking you and encouraging you.