Hi again Robert
God touches people's lives and brings people closer to Himself in many different ways. Some people get very dramatic conversions, such as the case of Saul, and others have more gradual journeys into the faith. I will share with you my journey into the Christian faith.
I believed in God at very early age. I was brought up in the Church of England, which is part of the Anglican/Episcopal tradition and went to Sunday school there. Over the years, I drifted away for a while, but finally came to faith during my first year of university. Although I felt for a long time that my heart was being drawn to accept Christ and join the church, I was hesitant to join for quite a while. I eventually did, and at the beginning I was very aware of God's presence. Over the next few years, there were times when I was aware that God was very close to me, and as I described in an earlier post, there were times when God seemed very distant and I went through periods of serious doubts about my own salvation. Towards the end of my university years, my faith got much stronger and I became more and more involved in the life of the church.
However, within months of leaving university, I started drinking and for the next ten years plunged into the depths of alcoholism. During that time, my church activity dwindled, my faith got weaker and weaker and there were periods when I literally thought that God had totally given up on me and wondered why he wouldn't change me.
Within the last three years, I have been given help and support for my alcohol addiction and have been totally abstinent for two years now. I could never have done that on my own effort alone and believe that I was helped by God's grace. I started participating more in the life of my local Methodist church. They have been extremely and supportive towards me and have been models of true Christian love.
Although I believe that God does sometimes reveal himself to people in supernatural ways, such as signs, wonders, and experiences, I also see God ministering through the love and compassion of fellow believers. My friends in the church and my friends in my support groups helped me to overcome the personal problems that caused and which were exacerbated by my drinking and they have encouraged me during my journey of sobriety.
Today I am a much happier and contented person what I used to be. I have learned not to compare myself with other people's experiences and to value myself as an individual. I learned for the first time that it is OK to come to him just as I am. It is the first time I have felt true peace for many many years. The fear I have of being rejected by Him has totally gone now.
I hope this is an encouragement to you Robert and others reading this post. God indeed works in mysterious ways and often not in the ways we would expect. Just because you are going through a difficult time in your life at the moment and that you don't feel close to Him does not mean that He has left or abandoned you. Maybe you have felt God's presence in your life in a certain way a number of years ago. But your future experience of God may be very different - as the scriptures say, God is always doing something new.
God is interested in all aspects of your life and He wants you to be liberated from your fear and despair. Perhaps wants you to get proper help with your depression and anxiety. Perhaps some of the people you meet on that journey of recovery will be those that God has put there for you, those who will encourage you, those who will understand you, and those who will make a real difference to your life. And in time to come, you will look back to today and thank God for bringing you through and you will realise that He was with you all the time looking after you and protecting you.
God bless.
