I don't knwo anymore...

That's right. It's ok you don't FEEL anything. Remember your feelings aren't the truth. Jesus is the truth and He does love you. You wouldn't believe in Him if He wasn't with you.

I dont know if I even believe, and thats scary.
But so you cannot committ this sin by saying stuff in your head, right? bc its like im being tempted to say these bad things about the Holy Spirit and then all this anxiety builds up and i end up saying it in my head.

Only a believer worries about whether they believe or not.An unbeliever does not care about whether or not they believe.The fact you worry about whether you believe is proof that you believe and faith the size of a mustard seed is more than enough.

It is just anxiety that makes you worry about it.You are so scared about it that ocd makes you think you might accidentally.
Jesus totally understands all this.
It is just ocd.
You cannot do this accidentally.
ocd is trying to deceive you that you might.
You never will caty,you are safe inm Jesus hand.
Nothing can seperate you from Jesus love.

You cannot do that in your head.
no matter what thoughts ocd puts there or anxiety
You do not want this.You want it all to end.
It is not you.
It is ocd.
You want it all gone.
Jesus knows this.
You have an illness.
You have ocd.
it is not you.
You want it to stop.
Jesus understands and is not upset with you.
You are very precious to Him.
He is your Good Shepherd ,keeping you safe forever.
He gave His life for you.
You are not your own.
Jesus has already bought and paid for you with His own Precious blood.

speak out, to express one's opinion openly and unreservedly: He was not afraid to speak out when it was something he believed in strongly.

I think this is the kind of speaking Jesus was talking about.Speaking a persons views openly and unreservedly.

Jesus was not referring to someone with ocd affliction , a disorder or affliction that does not reflect their views and is a disorder just like any disorder ,just like stuttering or having any illness.
People with ocd are not thinking or expressing their views,they do not want the disorder and want the thoughts and all afflictions that accompany ocd to end.
They want all this to go away, because they do not believe in this.
This is not their views.This causes them to suffer because they do not want it.
It is not them,
It is ocd.
Jesus knows this.
He knows they want this to stop because they are against the disorder and want it to stop.
The pharasees who were doing this were openly and unreservedly expressings their strong views.
They did not have ocd.
Their views caused them no distress.
They liked their views.
The views came from their heart.

You want forgiveness
you want salvation
You want a Saviour
you want Jesus
you have come to Jesus and will never ever be cast out.
love
annrobert

but i know that with anger or frustration ive done this, said it and meant it in my head.

I think it was the ocd you were angry and frustrated at.
Furthermore it is not your opinion.(see above post)
Also you did not and do not mean it , if you did you would not concerned about it at all, and you would not want Jesus.
You do want Jesus.
Jesus says he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.
Jesus words never pass away.
blessings
abbrobert

there is just so much, i cant even go through it, of the thigns that are runnig through my head. wondering if Jesus was really who He said He was, how do I know I want Him or if I just want to escape Hell, how do I know I'm pretty sure Ive been mad at God whenever Ive said these things, I don't think im truly sorry, and I dont know if I truly believe, and Im worried God is slowly giving me over to a lie. I regret coming to God when I did cause I think maybe if I had waited or somethig this wouldn havt happned to me. I hate who I am and I am depressed about growing up bc I know that every min of the rest of my life is going to be this dread an worry i have. i know i have most likly meant these thigns cause im mad because of the way i am, why even make me if He knew this was gonna happen???? I dont get it. Im am living Hell, and Im going to Hell when I die, why even make me???? I know God will never forgive me, Ive lost all my desires, I feel emotionally dead.

Caty said:

there is just so much, i cant even go through it, of the thigns that are runnig through my head.

That happened to me caty too,when I was going through severe ocd and terror.


wondering if Jesus was really who He said He was, how do I know I want Him or if I just want to escape Hell,

Jesus did not say come to Me unless you fear hell.
Jesus said come to Me and I will not cast you out,no exceptions.
Jesus said come to Me and I will give you rest.No exceptions.
Infact coming to Jesus a person can receive rest from fearing hell.
Jesus wants all to repent,even those who fear hell.He wants all to repent and come to Him and they will not be cast out,they will be given rest.

Acts 17:30
And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:




how do I know I'm pretty sure Ive been mad at God

Jonah was mad too,he was mad that the people repented and that God then had mercy on them and forgave them.He was so angry about this that he wanted to die and he even told God this.

1But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry.

2And he prayed unto the LORD, and said, I pray thee, O LORD, was not this my saying, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil.
3Therefore now, O LORD, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live. 4Then said the LORD, Doest thou well to be angry?




whenever Ive said these things, I don't think im truly sorry,

God did not say to repent only if we think we are truly sorry.He knows we cannot change our hearts and that we can do no good thing.
When we come to Him He does not cast us out,instead He gives us rest and heals us and makes all things new including our hearts.He wants us to taste and see that He is good.He leads us to still waters and restores our souls.When we taste and see that He is good and He gives us rest and healing and restores our souls,we will know that He is good.

Acts 17:30
And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:





and I dont know if I truly believe,

only believers worry about that,unbelievers do not care.



and Im worried God is slowly giving me over to a lie.

God does not do that.You do not have to worry about it.
Jesus said he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.
Jesus said none shall snatch you from His hand and you shall never perish.



I regret coming to God when I did cause I think maybe if I had waited or somethig this wouldn havt happned to me.

It sounds like you are wondering why this happened to you and if there was possibly a way to have prevented it.These are normal type thoughts people have when in great suffering.


I hate who I am

I went throught that too caty and deep suffering can cause those feelings.

and I am depressed about growing up bc I know that every min of the rest of my life is going to be this dread an worry i have.

I thought that I was going to suffer terror and anguish and grief for the rest of my life also,but I was wrong.
Jesus healed me from it.
It seemed like forever that I suffered with it all and I truly thought it would be forever.
I did nothing to earn it or deserve it but Jesus healed me from it.
You will not be suffering forever,it will stop.Things will get better.
Just keep hoping and never give up.
Just wait on Jesus and keep coming to the throne of grace to receive mercy and grace in time of need.
It would be great if you had someone to pray with you sometimes as well as you praying privately.
This will not go on forever caty.



i know i have most likly meant these thigns cause im mad because of the way i am,

You did not mean those things,or else you would not be worried about it,you were mad because of the suffering.Suffering people often get mad because of the suffering.It is ocd causing the suffering,confusion etc.Fear often affects our thoughts and way of thinking as well as suffering.People who mean it keep on saying it without worry or fear and they keep it up til they die,they never stop.That is who means it.Not someone suffering in fear with ocd.You are scared Jesus does not want you and that causes the worse suffering there is.Once you realize that Jesus wants you and loves you and forgives you and will never ever not for any reason cast you out and that He is holding onto you and keeping you safe, your heart will rest.Jesus knows about your fears and ocd,He is not angry about it.
He wants you to just come to Him as you are, and you have come.


Jesus said he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.
Jesus said none shall snatch you from His hand and you shall never perish.



why even make me if He knew this was gonna happen????

caty, I asked myself those same questions too many times to count.
I do not know why this happened to me or you or anyone else it has happened to.
What I do know is it does not change Jesus love for us and He does not cast us out because it happened to us and we stay safe in His Hand through it all.He protects us and keeps us safe.
I thought it would go on forever and in my mind it went on too long.
It was excruiating and unrelenting 24/7 for way too long.
However it did not last forever.
Jesus did not cast me out.
I was in pain but I was safe.
Jesus did not cast me out.
Jesus will never cast you out.
You are safe.
It does not go on forever.
We have everlasting life with Jesus.
He wipes all tears from our eyes.



I dont get it. Im am living Hell,
Yes it truly feels like hell.That is true.


and Im going to Hell when I die,

Not true.
Jesus has you in His hand and none shall snatch you out and you shall never perish.
Jesus will never cast you out.
Jesus words never pass away.

why even make me????

To have everlasting life with Jesus and He will wipe all tears from your eyes.

I know God will never forgive me,

Jesus died for all sin.
Jesus said he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.

Ive lost all my desires,

no one wants to suffer severe pain and fear.

However Jesus is good.

Jesus gives comfort.

Jesus gives rest.

Jesus gives faith.

Jesus gives hope.

Jesus is love.

Jesus is Truth.

Jesus gives peace.

Jesus heals the broken hearted and delivers captives and sets at

liberty those who are bruised.

Jesus gives good gifts.

Jesus gives living water.

Jesus is forgiving.

Jesus is merciful.

Jesus is full of compassion.

Jesus is gracious and meek and lowly in heart.

Jesus is long suffering and gentle.

Jesus has all authority and power.

Jesus has power to forgive sin.

Jesus laid down His life for us and is our Saviour.

Jesus is our Redeemer.

Jesus is our Creator.

Jesus is mighty to save.

Jesus leads us to still waters.

Jesus makes all things new.

Jesus restores our soul.

Jesus gives us eternal life,

Jesus protects us.

Jesus strengthen us .

Nothing is impossible to Jesus

and Jesus never fails.

Jesus is faithfull and just to forgive and cleanse from all unrighteousness.

Jesus is the Way and the Truth and The Life.

When we look at what Jesus is ,Jesus is truly what we all desire.
And He welcomes us to come ,knowing we will never be cast out.

Of course suffering we always want it to stop.
and Jesus will wipe all tears from our eyes.



I feel emotionally dead.

Click to expand...

I felt dead too caty,I know what you mean and my heart goes out to you.
Jesus is holding onto you and keeping you safe.
Jesus is Life.
Jesus heals and gives rest.
Jesus is our Refuge and Fortress.
He will never let you go.
You are not your own you are bought with a price.
Jesus bought and redeemed you with His own blood.
You have everlasting life and will never perish.
love
annrobert

but i guess you all look at it fomr the point of "ocd" but to me I'm a horrible, evil person who must hate everything about God. because now I dont know if i even believe, sometimes i want to be the person i was before i lost my faith but then again i think what if i dont want to be like that again, and i get scared. its almost going on a year now that ive been like this, i just hope im really capeable of being saved bc no person on earth REALLY knows what the uf sin is, so i dont think ill ever know.

Caty,
I try to look at from the teachings of Jesus.
Nevertheless I know from personal experience the fear and dread confuses our mind greatly.
I know it is the terror and anguish we want to escape.

I know that this fear and doubt about salvation,
fearing we lost salvation,
fearing we lost faith,
fearing we do not believe,
fearing our heart is bad,
fearing Jesus will not forgive us,
fearing Jesus will cast us out,etc.
is called religious ocd.
Regardless whether I had ocd or not,Jesus words do not pass away and He will not cast us out and we will never perish and nothing shall snatch us from His hand.

Romans 8:7
Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.

Romans 12:2
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Ephesians 4:23
And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;


I know that we can do nothing of ourselves that is in ourselves dwelleth no good thing.I know that we have to understand in our hearts that we are sinners and Jesus came to save sinners ,not condemn.
I know that mercy triumphs over justice.
I know that Jesus redeemed us with His blood and that is what makes us righteous,not our own works.

Romans 7:18
For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.


4Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. 5I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.


Mark 2:17
When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

That sin does not apply to anyone who comes to Jesus.
That much I do know.

Jesus said he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.

Revelation 22:17
And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.

John 6:47
Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life

Luke 4:18
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,

28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.




Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Matthew 12:20
A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory

Because of this we know that whososever will may come.
That Jesus will never cast us out.
That Jesus words never pass away.
That we all have the measure of faith and the gifts and calling of God are without repentance.
Therefore we know we are capable of being saved.Because of these words from Jesus.We do not have to understand anything else.If we come to Jesus He will not cast us out and nothing makes His word pass away,
Heaven and earth may pass away but Jesus words will never pass away.
Jesus said he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.

I believe doctors and medication are there to help us and are good for us to get treatment when needed.
I believe counselling and therapy are there for us when we need it, if possible to access .
I believe having other christians , at least one to help us is great because the bible says to bear one another burdens,build each other up,help the weak and pray for one another,and to help people who are in error, therefore all this is great and if at all possible we can access this help when needed.
I also know the bible helps us to renew and wash our minds.
Jesus is our Good Shepherd who laid His life down for us and who leads us to still waters and restores our souls.
regardless of how much anguish and terror and grief I suffered and whether or not anyone thinks it was ocd or not and whether it was ocd or not ,
Jesus Words are still truth and will never pass away.
I understand the horror of this affliction, whether some people call it ocd or not.
I do think it is ocd.
But even if not ,it does not change the Truth of Jesus words.
I understand the pain.Truly I do.

Mark 6:34
And Jesus, when he came out, saw much people, and was moved with compassion toward them, because they were as sheep not having a shepherd: and he began to teach them many things.


Psalm 27:8
When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.

lots of love caty
annrobert

I wrote the above post with great tenderness caty , because I care so very much for you and want you to heal and get strong healthy soon and hoping you find comfort soon,
I read it over again and thought maybe it did not portray the care I feel over this.
Because I understand that awful pain anguish.
So I am writing this to let you know I really care and so very much want you to be strong and well and to know if someone like me has overcome this by the grace of God ,others can too.

no, i understand that you all care. but how do i know that im jsut afraid to admit that i want to think these thigns or that i mean them. thats scary but that could be me, but then what?? if i wanted Jesus could He forgive me, yes I guess. But does He want to, yes the Bible says so. I jsut dont understand the concept of an uf sin?!?!? what if i want these thoughts, i hate who i have becoem i feel like an evil, sadistic person. i hate being this way and if i really for some reason dont want to change, I want to want to change.

Caty said:

no, i understand that you all care.



but how do i know that im jsut afraid to admit that i want to think these thigns or that i mean them.

You would not be afraid if this was you.
The fear is making you think ,there must be a reason for this.
I think are searching for answers to the confusion ,pain and fear.
Do not let the fear (ocd) confuse or deceive you.
You would be satisfied with it all if it was you.
You are in agony over it because it is not you.


thats scary but that could be me,
It is not you.

but then what??

Jesus says he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.


if i wanted Jesus could He forgive me, yes I guess.

Yup, Jesus died for all sin and Jesus has power to forgive sin.
That is Truth caty.


But does He want to, yes the Bible says so.

That is Truth too caty.


I jsut dont understand the concept of an uf sin?!?!?

We do not need to understand.
It is not neccesary to salvation.
All we need to know is that
Jesus says he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.
We want mercy and so cannot understand some people adamantly rejecting it til death.



what if i want these thoughts,

You would not be concerned if you wanted them.
Furthermore Jesus still says come to Me and I will give you rest,no conditions.Jesus delights in mercy.




i hate who i have becoem i feel like an evil, sadistic person.

I thought I must be the most evil person on earth while I was going through all that terror and anguish.I was wrong.
Yes I was a sinner,but Jesus came to call sinners to repentance,Jesus came to save sinners,Jesus died for sinners.
If we are a sinner then we definately qualify for Jesus salvation and mercy and compassion and healing and protection.
Jesus redeems us.
He bought us with a price,His own blood,because we are sinners.
His blood washes us clean,He forgives us and cleanses us from all unrighteousness.
He is our Redeemer and Saviour.
He is our righteousness,our righteousness if of Him.
Not ourselves.
You are not an evil sadistic person.
Nor was I when I thought the same thing.
You are saved ,Redeemed,loved.

i hate being this way

I hated it too caty.
It will not last forever.
I suffered for a long time.
Too long in my view.
But it ended.
Jesus came to heal the broken hearted and deliver the captiives and set at liberty them who are bruised.
Jesus gives rest and comfort.
Jesus says we will know the truth and the truth will make us free.

and if i really for some reason dont want to change, I want to want to change.

Click to expand...

That shows a heart that wants Jesus.
Jesus says he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.
Jesus says come to Me and I will give you rest.
Jesus loves you so much and you are safe in His hand and He will never let you go.Father God gave you to Jesus.
love
annrobert

but what about the scripture (i cant remember what it is exactly) but about God turning people away and saying "I dont know you" and that many do not enter the narrow gate of heaven even though they try. I'm so terrible and I worry that this is me, I wake up everymorning with a sense of doom over me. I KNOW Ive went too far. I just dont see how anyone can look over teh scripture about the uf sin like you all do, like its not even there. but i do think its means something to salvation bc if I have committed it then I cannot recieve salvation.

Okay, I got really mad at God today bc I dont understand why Im like this, I want Him to love me I want to be a good Christian, but I have intentional thoughts about the Holy Spirit in my head, but see I don't think I mean them towards the Holy Spirit, I was mad at God and I just feel like since not saying those things is always on my mind when I get mad I say them in my head. I wish I could just forget all these bad things, so do you think im just amking excuses or do you think that I'm okay. I just want to start over with God but I don't want to get pushed away. I feel so horrible of a person and I want to change.

Caty said:

but what about the scripture (i cant remember what it is exactly) but about God turning people away and saying "I dont know you" and that many do not enter the narrow gate of heaven even though they try.



Matthew 7:13-14 Enter ye in by the narrow gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leads to destruction, and many are they that enter in thereby. For narrow is the gate, and straitened the way, that leads unto life, and few are they that find it.

This Is the narrow gate.



John 6:29
Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent.

1. John 6:40
   And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.
   
2. John 6:47
   Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.
3. Romans 10:11
   For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
4. This is the wide gate.
5. Romans 8
6. 
   30What shall we say then? That the Gentiles, which followed not after righteousness, have attained to righteousness, even the righteousness which is of faith.
   31But Israel, which followed after the law of righteousness, hath not attained to the law of righteousness.
   32Wherefore? Because they sought it not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law. For they stumbled at that stumblingstone; 33As it is written, Behold, I lay in Sion a stumblingstone and rock of offence: and whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
   
   More good verses here.
   .
   Galations 3
   2This only would I learn of you, Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?
   3Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?
   John 15:5
   I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
   
   
   
   
   Jesus did not say we must have all knowledge and correct theology to be saved.Jesus said believe on Him.Jesus is truth and Jesus is merciful ,He knows you are wounded right now.So just come to Him and He will not cast you out,He will give you mercy and grace and rest.Come to Jesus just as you are ,Jesus throne is a throne of grace where we receive mercy and grace in time of need.Just let Jesus nurture and heal you.He is faithful.
7. John 6:29
   Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent.
   
   Galations 3
   2This only would I learn of you, Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?
   3Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?
   
   John 6:47
   Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.
   
   
   
   When you come to Jesus for rest and Jesus heals your broken heart and sets you free and heals your bruises , and binds up your wounds.For now just rest and let Jesus take you under His wings.When you are nurtured and strengthened you will be able to look onjectively at these things.Right now you are scared and hurting and Jesus understands that.
   
   
   Resting in Jesus is an invitation to come for rest and healing and peace.Coming to the Good Shepherd who laid down His life for the sheep,who leads us beside still waters and restores our souls.Who heals us.The Wonderful Counsellor and Prince of Peace, who gives us mercy and grace in our time of need.Jesus is patient and long suffering and protects us.He has never forsaken those who seek Him( psalms).Whether you come scared or not scared ,just come.Jesus will not cast you out He will give you rest and healing.
   
   
   28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
   
   29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

I'm so terrible and I worry that this is me, I wake up everymorning with a sense of doom over me. I KNOW Ive went too far.

The fear terror ,ocd make it feel like that,you think that because terror clouds a persons thinking them and they get confused.A persons mind will search for answers as to why the sufferong,OCD comes along and says it because of this.I know all about thinking I went too far and was hopeless.It is an awful horrifying thout.But NOT TRUE.


I just dont see how anyone can look over teh scripture about the uf sin like you all do, like its not even there. but i do think its means something to salvation bc if I have committed it then I cannot recieve salvation.

Click to expand...

Anyone who wants Jesus is safe and that sin does not remotely have to concern them in any way shape or fashion.
Jesus said he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.
That is all we need to know.
Jesus words will never pass away.
love
annrobert

Caty said:

Okay, I got really mad at God today bc I dont understand why Im like this, I want Him to love me I want to be a good Christian, but I have intentional thoughts about the Holy Spirit in my head, but see I don't think I mean them towards the Holy Spirit, I was mad at God and I just feel like since not saying those things is always on my mind when I get mad I say them in my head. I wish I could just forget all these bad things, so do you think im just amking excuses or do you think that I'm okay. I just want to start over with God but I don't want to get pushed away. I feel so horrible of a person and I want to change.

Click to expand...

Caty when we come to Jesus we are never pushed away.
We are never cast out.
We are given grace and mercy in our time of need.
We are given rest.
We are given peace.
We are given a new heart.
We are given strength.
we are given love.
we are given compassion.
we are given forgiveness.
we are washed clean
we are given the Holy Spirit.
we are given daily bread.
we are given protection.
we are given truth.
We are given healing.
we are given good gifts.
we are given mercy
we are given guidance
we are lead to still waters.
our souls are renewed.
we are welcomed and invited.
we are welcome to come boldly
however we come just as we are with weakness frailties and bruises and fears.
we are given Jesus very own word that when we come to Him we will in no wise be cast out for any reason.not pushed away
never cast out for any reason.in no wise cast out.
love
annrobert

i know your are getting tired or this but what if i come to Him and He never changes me, what if Im stuck wanthing it forever, bc I would rather have some hope than to find out i dont have any...i really hope that saying things i your head is not that sin bc if so im in trouble, bc i just let it happen its kinda complusive i get all this built of 'energy' and i say everything around it without putting Spirit on the end but sometimes my mind does anyway, doesnt Jesus say you might as well say ur thoughts and then He says what you say revels your heart???

Hi Caty

Thanks for your post.

You certainly don't come across to me as being as being an 'evil' person. All Christians at some point have gone through times of questioning and doubt. That doesn't make them 'evil' people.

Your love for God is not based on your emotional feelings. It is quite normal to go through life, even as Christians, with a mixed range of thoughts and emotions. The very fact that you are posting on this thread suggests to me that you are a very sensitive person with regard to your relationship with God.

You do come across as being a very anxious person and if you have been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, this would be one of the key symptoms. Unusual, upsetting thoughts and behaviours to neutralise these thoughts are the classic features of OCD. It is widely understood to be caused by unusual neurotransmitter activity within the brain and there is therapy and medication available that may assist with correcting this problem. I cannot give you a diagnosis, but I would strongly recommend that you discuss this with your doctor.

I think that many Christians have been worried at some point that they have committed the "unforgivable" sin, so I can assure you that you are not alone.

I would say that the consensus of opinion from Biblical scholars is that the unforgivable sin is the final rejection of the Holy Spirit's witness to salvation in Christ. If you believe in Christ as your Lord and Saviour, you have the promise of the Holy Spirit living within you (1 Corinthians 12-13), and therefore you cannot possibly have committed that sin. Also, the very fact that you are struggling with this issue is positive evidence that you have not done this.

The idea that there is one single sin that God will not forgive is inconsistent with the teaching of the whole Bible. We know from the scriptures that Christ died for all our sins (1 John 2:2). We read in the scriptures that God's chief characteristic is love (1 John 7-8), His mercy endures forever (Psalm 136), that there is no place one can go to escape His presence (Psalm 139:7-10) and that God never wishes to cause suffering or affliction to anyone (Lamentations 3:33) and that he is faithful and longsuffering (2 Peter 3:9). Also remember the words of Jesus that whoever comes to Him He shall by no means cast out (John 6:37-40).

As I said, I think all Christians go through periods of doubt, but I can assure you Caty that God has certainly not given up on you. Whatever you are going through at the moment, God is with you, and He will help you along in your journey. The Footprints poem is a beautiful illustration of this.

I hope I have helped!

Every blessing.

Caty,

I know exactly where your coming from. I have been going through the same thing for about 2 years now. I hate unbelief and im always afraid that i have it or that i dont really have ocd and im just using it as an excuse. Im afraid that im never doing enough. Afraid that ive sinned when im not sure if i have or not. I wish the unbelief would go away and i could be a normal person as well. I just want to believe in Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit and that the Bible is true and trustworthy and be saved but im terrafied that im not. I have cried so much and im soo tired im just trying to wait it out in hopes that things will get better. Go to ocdinsight on the web and call the pastor his name is Larry Snapp he is a really nice guy and deals alot with Christians and OCD. Please pray for me everyone and i also will pray for you despite my doubts and fears and unbelief because i dont know what else to do.

Four years ago I was diagnosed with OCD and I remember feeling very uncomfortable with the bizarre thoughts I used to get and the unusual amount of time I spent trying to neutralise these thoughts with repetitive, almost ritualistic, behaviours - washing, praying, counting, checking, re-opening letters I had written, checking locks, checking the taps, the list is endless.

I was a very unhappy person with a very low opinion of myself. Because of this, I always felt that I could never be "good enough" for God. I had periods of doubt, and at times questioned whether I was really part of the Kingdom of God or whether I had been put outside.

I understand now that OCD and other forms of anxiety are very much linked to depression. I got treatment for both from a psychotherapist with a combination of cognitive behaviour therapy and medication.

The first thing I learned was to accept OCD and depression as an illness, that it was not my 'fault', that I was not a bad person. The medication helped to deal with the symptoms. Over a period of time the negative thoughts subsided, and the ritualistic neutralising behaviours settled down.

I also learned strategies and lifestyle changes in order to manage the symptoms. I found that by tackling one issue at a time, I would gradually gain more confidence in myself and help prevent the same anxiety coming back. For instance, I started by not reacting immediately to the first thought that came into my mind. I would check the locks once before leaving the house, and not up to ten times like I used to previously. If I got an awful thought in my mind about something dreadful that I might do or leave undone, then I learned to accept that as a thought. A thought itself does not define who you are or what you do.

A very helpful book has been written by Lee Baer called "Getting Control" which can be purchased on Amazon. That explains the illness of OCD very well and some of its main symptoms.

I would encourage anyone suffering from OCD to seek the support of their minister/priest but I would also recommend that they get professional help and advice from their doctor. A minister/priest can offer counsel and pastoral support, however they are not clinically trained to manage or treat OCD which needs to be carried out by a medical professional.

OCD is an illness. It is not a moral issue, you have not failed, and it has no bearing on your status as a child of God.

I would encourage you to read the Footprints poem which wonderfully illustrates how during our times of uncertainty and doubt, God is still there carrying us along on the journey. There is also an excellent and very moving writing by Father Henri Nouwen from his book "The Road to Daybreak" an extract of which is featured on the Anglican Diocese of Exeter (UK) webpage. You can find it by typing the keywords into Google.

Even though at times we despair of ourselves, God never despairs of us and He will never leave us or forsake us.