- Dec 5, 2018
- 1
- 1
- 26
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
Me and my ex girlfriend broke up this year, and I've been this emotional wreck for the past 7 months. We dated starting November of last year and broke up in May. It started as a mutual break up; she wanted to take a break to fix things and get back together again, and I thought this would've been a good idea. For context, I invited her to visit my hometown after the end of the school year. While she was there my mother (as most hispanic mothers do) started to get to know her and scrutinize every aspect of her. My mother was convinced that she wasn't the one for me, to which I was extremely heartbroken. So much so that after my girlfriend had flown back home after that week I felt this pressure from my family of her not being right for me. Then comes the break up, a week after she had left. I sent her a heartbroken text with reasons that my family gave me of us not being able to work out, rather than using my own judgement and willingness to fix some problems in our relationship.
I shattered her heart. Into a million pieces. And in that process I did it to myself.
Come this semester we start talking again about a month into the semester; I try to explain to her what went wrong and why I said the things I said. Sure enough, she forgave me. After a while I try to ask her if she'd be willing to give our relationship another chance. She says she can't. At that moment in time she'd been pursuing after a friend of hers who had broken up with his girlfriend while we were together. Over the summer they got to talking, and started their own relationship about a month or two after we broke up, only for them deciding to take a break to focus on school before committing to their relationship. That night after I talked to my ex again, this guy she was waiting for went back to dating his ex-girlfriend, leaving my ex heartbroken again. I noticed this from her and I went to see if she was doing ok, and I wasn't in the best of emotional states myself. From here we start getting closer again, and after a few days start getting comfortable around each other to the point where we were almost holding hands again. After a week or two in this kind of weird stage, we sit down to talk about how close we're getting again. She expressed to me that God had told her that she doesn't feel like she's in the position for a relationship in the moment. She was healing from her friend abandoning her and our initial break up earlier in the year. She was willing to give me the opportunity to try again, as she still loves/loved me, but her feelings for me and her feelings for her friend were conflicting. I took that really hard and broke down right in front of her. And after that had gone down we tried to be friends as normal, but she told me that she was starting to feel uncomfortable around me. Things were getting awkward around our friends, and for just being friends we were still unusually physically close. Again, we were still at the point where we hugged every other minute and held hands the next. To the point where I got overly clingy and she decided that the best thing was for us to take time apart from each other.
This tore me apart; I wanted to be able to fix things, and I wanted God to lead me in the process, I wanted to be able to try again and show her that even though the last set of weeks of our relationship were hitting rough times, there was still more promise that God had set our for us. For the next month or so I went through this period where I questioned God without end. ¿If he's so good to us, and wants the best for us, then why didn't He help us to fix our relationship? ¿Why is He allowing us this pain? And for the last month and a bit I've been working on getting back to Him. Praying, reading Scripture and trying to listen to what He wants for me. And the thing is, I keep praying for Him to bring to me, or show to me who He has in mind for me. I keep reading Scripture and reflecting on what it means to have a relationship not just with your significant other, but also how that bracket of the relationship ties into the relationship we have with our Father. I've been learning more and more. I've been praying to God about my relationship with Him, coming to trust Him again and keeping myself pure for my next take in a relationship. And through reading the Scriptures, through my prayers and dreams, I still see my ex there. As if God had/has something more planned for us. As in this break up is for the moment being so that her and I can affix ourselves to Him, that He may better us and maybe bring us back together. I know it sounds stupid, but that's what I've been feeling. I've been praying to God that He heal her, show her the path back to Him, and make her happy. Because when we were together, that's what I wanted to see. I wanted to see her get closer to God, and I wanted to see her be the happiest girl alive. But through my confusion and errors in the relationship things went south. I know that right now, she's not in the position to be in a relationship, and in a good number of ways I'm not either. But I have this hope and I've been praying constantly to God that He will fix us and bring us back to at least being friends. That we can learn to live within each other's lives without growing to intimate, and seek truth in our friendship. I don't know if God has it within His Will that we're the couple meant to be for each other. I don't know that, she doesn't know that, but God does. And I've been hearing from friends and from people I know, that if God separates you from someone, it's because that relationship was never meant to be, and therefore you should never go back. However, I believe that God can press pause on a relationship you may have with someone, so that He may speak to you and teach you where you went wrong before pressing play again. With the right person of course. Right now I feel that she's the right one for me, while she still doubts me. I've been wanting to talk to her again, to try and start over, but she says that we can't be close again. And at this point I'm so confused because I don't know what to listen for, from my friends, family, what I'm hearing in Scripture and prayer. Because all I'm hearing from my prayers and my study of Scripture is in line with what I'm hearing from some people, and some of my family, whereas I hear different opinions on another side and it conflicts. I don't know what to listen for. One side tells me to keep hope, because God will fix us and, if it's in His Will, let us start over again. The other side tells me to forget it; if God brought about the rupture, it's for good, don't try and reverse it because it'll never work. All round, I just don't know what to listen for. Maybe I'm drawing the wrong conclusions from Scripture, or I'm being too optimistic on one side and pessimistic on the other. I don't know anymore. I've prayed to God on several occasions over this matter, and I know he's listening, but I can't hear His answer. Or maybe the answer is clear, and I haven't acknowledged it.
I shattered her heart. Into a million pieces. And in that process I did it to myself.
Come this semester we start talking again about a month into the semester; I try to explain to her what went wrong and why I said the things I said. Sure enough, she forgave me. After a while I try to ask her if she'd be willing to give our relationship another chance. She says she can't. At that moment in time she'd been pursuing after a friend of hers who had broken up with his girlfriend while we were together. Over the summer they got to talking, and started their own relationship about a month or two after we broke up, only for them deciding to take a break to focus on school before committing to their relationship. That night after I talked to my ex again, this guy she was waiting for went back to dating his ex-girlfriend, leaving my ex heartbroken again. I noticed this from her and I went to see if she was doing ok, and I wasn't in the best of emotional states myself. From here we start getting closer again, and after a few days start getting comfortable around each other to the point where we were almost holding hands again. After a week or two in this kind of weird stage, we sit down to talk about how close we're getting again. She expressed to me that God had told her that she doesn't feel like she's in the position for a relationship in the moment. She was healing from her friend abandoning her and our initial break up earlier in the year. She was willing to give me the opportunity to try again, as she still loves/loved me, but her feelings for me and her feelings for her friend were conflicting. I took that really hard and broke down right in front of her. And after that had gone down we tried to be friends as normal, but she told me that she was starting to feel uncomfortable around me. Things were getting awkward around our friends, and for just being friends we were still unusually physically close. Again, we were still at the point where we hugged every other minute and held hands the next. To the point where I got overly clingy and she decided that the best thing was for us to take time apart from each other.
This tore me apart; I wanted to be able to fix things, and I wanted God to lead me in the process, I wanted to be able to try again and show her that even though the last set of weeks of our relationship were hitting rough times, there was still more promise that God had set our for us. For the next month or so I went through this period where I questioned God without end. ¿If he's so good to us, and wants the best for us, then why didn't He help us to fix our relationship? ¿Why is He allowing us this pain? And for the last month and a bit I've been working on getting back to Him. Praying, reading Scripture and trying to listen to what He wants for me. And the thing is, I keep praying for Him to bring to me, or show to me who He has in mind for me. I keep reading Scripture and reflecting on what it means to have a relationship not just with your significant other, but also how that bracket of the relationship ties into the relationship we have with our Father. I've been learning more and more. I've been praying to God about my relationship with Him, coming to trust Him again and keeping myself pure for my next take in a relationship. And through reading the Scriptures, through my prayers and dreams, I still see my ex there. As if God had/has something more planned for us. As in this break up is for the moment being so that her and I can affix ourselves to Him, that He may better us and maybe bring us back together. I know it sounds stupid, but that's what I've been feeling. I've been praying to God that He heal her, show her the path back to Him, and make her happy. Because when we were together, that's what I wanted to see. I wanted to see her get closer to God, and I wanted to see her be the happiest girl alive. But through my confusion and errors in the relationship things went south. I know that right now, she's not in the position to be in a relationship, and in a good number of ways I'm not either. But I have this hope and I've been praying constantly to God that He will fix us and bring us back to at least being friends. That we can learn to live within each other's lives without growing to intimate, and seek truth in our friendship. I don't know if God has it within His Will that we're the couple meant to be for each other. I don't know that, she doesn't know that, but God does. And I've been hearing from friends and from people I know, that if God separates you from someone, it's because that relationship was never meant to be, and therefore you should never go back. However, I believe that God can press pause on a relationship you may have with someone, so that He may speak to you and teach you where you went wrong before pressing play again. With the right person of course. Right now I feel that she's the right one for me, while she still doubts me. I've been wanting to talk to her again, to try and start over, but she says that we can't be close again. And at this point I'm so confused because I don't know what to listen for, from my friends, family, what I'm hearing in Scripture and prayer. Because all I'm hearing from my prayers and my study of Scripture is in line with what I'm hearing from some people, and some of my family, whereas I hear different opinions on another side and it conflicts. I don't know what to listen for. One side tells me to keep hope, because God will fix us and, if it's in His Will, let us start over again. The other side tells me to forget it; if God brought about the rupture, it's for good, don't try and reverse it because it'll never work. All round, I just don't know what to listen for. Maybe I'm drawing the wrong conclusions from Scripture, or I'm being too optimistic on one side and pessimistic on the other. I don't know anymore. I've prayed to God on several occasions over this matter, and I know he's listening, but I can't hear His answer. Or maybe the answer is clear, and I haven't acknowledged it.
