I don't know what to do anymore

[PraiseHimFirst]

I feel completely helpless in my marriage right now. My husband is always hateful and in a bad mood and he constantly yells at my son and I. He is yelling at him right now because he is getting on his nerves and wants him to sit on the couch and be quiet. He's only four! He never plays with him or takes him anywhere and I can't stand it anymore. He tries to control every move we make. Last night he went to bed early and made the dogs leave our room and shut the door, I opened it back up and he told our son to come shut it again. I told him it should be open because the dogs food and pad is in our bathroom and they might need to get to it and he said, "Shutup! I don't care what you think, my opinion overrides yours!" He yelled at me the other day because I bought an app on my ipod before asking him if I could and threatened to sell it... this is life every single day. Something like this happens every day and I feel like I have to get out. I can't stand him yelling anymore. When I ask him to please stop yelling at our son he will tell me I'm not his mom and I don't tell him what to do. He has no respect for me or my role as the wife and mother in our home. It doesn't matter what I do for him or what I say, what he says goes. I know divorce is wrong but I don't see how I can live like this for the rest of my life. I love him but I don't like him. I think the problem is that his dad is a Preacher and he really seems to control his mom and now he's doing the same to me. He smacks our son in public (and church) all the time and people look at us funny and I can't stand it. Last week he smacked him in the head with the Bible. I just don't know how a person can act that way! We can't do anything without an argument and then I end up crying, he makes fun of me and my little boy is asking me, "what's wrong". I just don't know what to do anymore.. I stay home with our little boy and I keep our house clean, I take care of everything.. he never has to do anything except work and I feel more like a maid/babysitter than the mom and wife. I know the Bible says God will work through me and help him, and for a while things seemed to be better, but it's getting to be worse now.
I know some of you probably have great marriages, can you please give me some advice and pray for us? Thank you.

 

[HolyTrinity]

I'll pray for you. Just remember.. anything, and everything that happens in life, is God's will.

 

[Jeffwhosoever]

Have you tried to ask him what is wrong? Sincerely and directly? Dads feel an enormous pressure at times, to provide for the family and in hard economic times that can make you short at times. If you ask, be prepared to really listen. And not just what is said.

 

[PraiseHimFirst]

Yes. I have asked him many times why he seems so unhappy and what I can do to make him feel better and he says I'm not his therapist. He's just condescending about it..

 

[Alyssum]

Have you considered counseling? It would be ideal if your husband would go with you, but if he chooses not to you can always go by yourself. Can you talk to your pastor about your situation? Would your husband be willing to talk to him?

Is your husband a Christian?

 

[PraiseHimFirst]

We went to counseling once and he said it was a waste of money. We are both Christians and our Pastor is his uncle. His father is a Preacher, too. I don't feel comfortable talking to them because he is family..

 

[Alyssum]

Can you go to counseling alone? You need to find a support system IRL. Not only can a counselor help you deal with this situation, oftentimes they can recommend other resources that would be helpful to you.

 

[PrincetonGuy]

I'll pray for you. Just remember.. anything, and everything that happens in life, is God's will.

God is not an evil, hateful monster; and sin is NEVER God’s will!


My Dear Sister in Christ,

Some years ago, I met a man who was a very loving husband and father, one of the very finest Christians whom I have ever known. However, I learned months later that the man had not always been like that—he had been like your husband! His wife rallied their church to pray for him. They prayed and they prayed and it appeared to be a hopeless situation. Nonetheless, God did hear their prayer and worked a miracle in the man's heart.

 

[singpeace]

PraiseHimFirst,

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
(1 Peter 3:7)

Nowhere in scripture does God sanction any kind of abuse. In 1 Corinthians 13, God tells us what love is and what it is not. "It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…It always protects…"

 

[Faitheverlasting]

I personally think "some people" are trying to come down a little too hard on Holytrinity. Is this honestly a forum to come down on ppl or to help? Maybe he might have been caught up like the 4 year old in a family that went through the same situation and thats how he sees things. God is in control and this site wasnt intended to be hurtful!

 

[Julian of York]

May I ask a couple of questions?
1)What is your husbands occupation?
2)What does your husband do for a hobby/sport/relaxation?
3)Does he attend church faithfully, tithe,read the Bible and pray daily?
4)Is online pornography a problem? Or some other sort of secret guilt that is eating him up?
5)What do you two do on days you are both off? (Not an explicit question,ma'am, but does he enjoy doing outside the house things with you?)
6)Is a new baby or a new job for you causing you to spend less time with/for him? I hate to say it, but we men are very selfish in some respects.And that's us SAVED ones!

MY knowing the answers to these questions is not important. It may give you some info to tracking down the source of this behavior.
Another thing: is there depression or anxiety in his family? You ought to "Google" up two articles that will be VERY helpful in this matter:
1)Ray Comfort on "Anxiety" and Spurgeon on "Depression"

Julian of York
My graduate course in Husbandry is not complete,having only put in 34 years, but I have a Masters in Frustration, as well as a Major in Avoidance Behavior and five Minors (the grandkids)...If I keep studying, I may be able to go another 34 years...easy...I think

 

[Bear.Fr00t]

Is your husband born again? He doesn't appear to demonstrate the fruits of the Holy Spirit. His anger and frustration may be due to a deep spiritual hole in his life. Also, I would recommend finding some spiritual counselors who are not family members at a different church to help you'll through this. You need people to help you who are not already intwined in your life.

 

[Julian of York]

Good advice,Bear Froot!

I remember suffering disabling anxiety when I was really streesed by work/ministry/kids during my first years of married life. Ray Comfort,author and evangelist,experienced the same thing. I expect, if the truth be known, many Christian men are stricken by this problem,and blunder their way through divorce, alcohol/drugs, self help programs, different churches/not going to church until they trainwreck or get help. And yes,the help may include physician reccomended medications and counseling, but YA GOTTA WANT IT!

J.o.Y.

 

[PrincetonGuy]

Good advice,Bear Froot!

I remember suffering disabling anxiety when I was really streesed by work/ministry/kids during my first years of married life. Ray Comfort,author and evangelist,experienced the same thing. I expect, if the truth be known, many Christian men are stricken by this problem,and blunder their way through divorce, alcohol/drugs, self help programs, different churches/not going to church until they trainwreck or get help. And yes,the help may include physician reccomended medications and counseling, but YA GOTTA WANT IT!

J.o.Y.

When a man is saved and baptized in the Holy Spirit, he becomes a new man in Christ. He may make some mistakes and in an exceptionally difficult situation he may need to take a moment to simply praise the God who saved him, but he will not resort to foul language, he will not hit his children out of frustration or anger, he will not be cruel to his wife but appreciate her all the more, he will not resort to alcohol or drugs, and his conduct will remain distinctly Christian.

1 Cor. 5:17. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

1 Cor. 10:13. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

Rom. 8:1. Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
2. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.
3. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh,
4. so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

Gal: 2:20. “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Gal. 5:19. Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality,
20. idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions,
21. envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23. gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
24. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

(All quotations from Scripture are from the Updated NASB, 1995)

 

[Julian of York]

When a man is saved and baptized in the Holy Spirit, he becomes a new man in Christ. He may make some mistakes and in an exceptionally difficult situation he may need to take a moment to simply praise the God who saved him, but he will not resort to foul language, he will not hit his children out of frustration or anger, he will not be cruel to his wife but appreciate her all the more, he will not resort to alcohol or drugs, and his conduct will remain distinctly Christian.

My beloved brother,
I fear the Apostle Peter had not attained to such grace, but I suppose that was before Pentecost, right? Even though Christ breathed on him and said "Receive ye the Holy Ghost." Pity about his language.
I am also reminded of the verse that said that "our fathers chastened us according to their pleasure".

 

[JM]

I'll pray for you. Just remember.. anything, and everything that happens in life, is God's will.

Amen!

God, as the primary and efficient cause of all things, is not only the Author of those actions done by His elect as actions, but also as they are good actions, whereas, on the other hand, though He may be said to be the Author of all the actions done by the wicked, yet He is not the Author of them in a moral and compound sense as they are sinful; but physically, simply and sensu diviso as they are mere actions, abstractedly from all consideration of the goodness or badness of them.
​

Faitheverlasting, "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

 

[Hupomone10]

God is not an evil, hateful monster; and sin is NEVER God’s will!


My Dear Sister in Christ,

Some years ago, I met a man who was a very loving husband and father, one of the very finest Christians whom I have ever known. However, I learned months later that the man had not always been like that—he had been like your husband! His wife rallied their church to pray for him. They prayed and they prayed and it appeared to be a hopeless situation. Nonetheless, God did hear their prayer and worked a miracle in the man's heart.

PrincetonGuy,
I wanted to quote what you said because I wanted to second it.

Dear PraiseHimFirst,

I suspect there is something going on with your husband, something perhaps he feels defeated in. Whatever it is, it's coming out in anger. Definitely prayer is a must. God can perform miracles. No one knows what it is except God; and we do not need to know. It's enough to know that it's something, that there is a war going on. God is good at war. It's probably not you or your son; it goes deeper than that. When God gets hold of his heart it will break this down, and it will bring him to brokenness.

Our part is prayer. I will start praying with you immediately, for your and your son's protection and for God's dealing with him in this.

God bless,
H.

 

[savedfromdistruction]

I'll pray for you. Just remember.. anything, and everything that happens in life, is God's will.

That is absolutely false! Everything that happens is not God's will.

 

[savedfromdistruction]

I feel completely helpless in my marriage right now. My husband is always hateful and in a bad mood and he constantly yells at my son and I. He is yelling at him right now because he is getting on his nerves and wants him to sit on the couch and be quiet. He's only four! He never plays with him or takes him anywhere and I can't stand it anymore. He tries to control every move we make. Last night he went to bed early and made the dogs leave our room and shut the door, I opened it back up and he told our son to come shut it again. I told him it should be open because the dogs food and pad is in our bathroom and they might need to get to it and he said, "Shutup! I don't care what you think, my opinion overrides yours!" He yelled at me the other day because I bought an app on my ipod before asking him if I could and threatened to sell it... this is life every single day. Something like this happens every day and I feel like I have to get out. I can't stand him yelling anymore. When I ask him to please stop yelling at our son he will tell me I'm not his mom and I don't tell him what to do. He has no respect for me or my role as the wife and mother in our home. It doesn't matter what I do for him or what I say, what he says goes. I know divorce is wrong but I don't see how I can live like this for the rest of my life. I love him but I don't like him. I think the problem is that his dad is a Preacher and he really seems to control his mom and now he's doing the same to me. He smacks our son in public (and church) all the time and people look at us funny and I can't stand it. Last week he smacked him in the head with the Bible. I just don't know how a person can act that way! We can't do anything without an argument and then I end up crying, he makes fun of me and my little boy is asking me, "what's wrong". I just don't know what to do anymore.. I stay home with our little boy and I keep our house clean, I take care of everything.. he never has to do anything except work and I feel more like a maid/babysitter than the mom and wife. I know the Bible says God will work through me and help him, and for a while things seemed to be better, but it's getting to be worse now.
I know some of you probably have great marriages, can you please give me some advice and pray for us? Thank you.

Have you tried to share your feelings with your husband in private? That is the first step. If he will not listen then You need to set and talk with your Pastor about this. Perhaps he can offer some counseling. If that does not work you may have to leave or ask your husband to leave for a time. Not divorce, just separate and both seek counseling with some counselor who is a Christian. it may be that your husband is not a Christian and needs saved. You should pray about that.

 

[PrincetonGuy]

When a man is saved and baptized in the Holy Spirit, he becomes a new man in Christ. He may make some mistakes and in an exceptionally difficult situation he may need to take a moment to simply praise the God who saved him, but he will not resort to foul language, he will not hit his children out of frustration or anger, he will not be cruel to his wife but appreciate her all the more, he will not resort to alcohol or drugs, and his conduct will remain distinctly Christian.

My beloved brother,
I fear the Apostle Peter had not attained to such grace, but I suppose that was before Pentecost, right? Even though Christ breathed on him and said "Receive ye the Holy Ghost." Pity about his language.
I am also reminded of the verse that said that "our fathers chastened us according to their pleasure".

The Bible does say (Gal 2:11-21) that Peter made some mistakes concerning the relationship between the Christian believer and the Old Testament Law, but the Bible neither says nor suggests that Peter, after having been baptized in the Holy Spirit, resorted to foul language, hit his children out of frustration or anger, was cruel to his wife, or resorted to alcohol or drugs.