I don't know what to do anymore

[JM]

Most of us are familiar the story of Joseph being sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. It was a horrible, sinful thing for his brothers to have done. Scripture reads;

“…ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.” Gen. 50
​

We can see that Joseph’s brothers “thought evil against” him but “God meant it for” good. One event with two purposes. Our lives are filled with such events, evil and suffering will come into our lives and we often cannot comprehend its meaning…but we do know that God has a purpose in all things. We do not suffer without purpose. It would be extremely cruel of God to allow suffering when He could easy prevent it (including trouble with our spouse) without reason.

PraiseHimFirst, please seek help from a minister of the Gospel and remember “that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

 

[torcot]

I am quite surprised that no one has mentioned this, If he becomes abusive in any way your first job as a mother is to protect that child. Listen to this from mark driscoll on Husbands

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYBovk6MBEg

 

[PrincetonGuy]

Most of us are familiar the story of Joseph being sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. It was a horrible, sinful thing for his brothers to have done. Scripture reads;

“…ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.” Gen. 50
​

We can see that Joseph’s brothers “thought evil against” him but “God meant it for” good. One event with two purposes. Our lives are filled with such events, evil and suffering will come into our lives and we often cannot comprehend its meaning…but we do know that God has a purpose in all things. We do not suffer without purpose. It would be extremely cruel of God to allow suffering when He could easy prevent it (including trouble with our spouse) without reason.

PraiseHimFirst, please seek help from a minister of the Gospel and remember “that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

We need to be very careful to distinguish between the evil that man does and the good that God does by using to our advantage the evil that He hates. Let us take a more accurate look at Gen. 50:20,

Genesis 50:20 Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today. (NRSV)

We read in Genesis 37:11-36 that ten of Joseph’s eleven brothers were so jealous of him that they plotted to kill him and throw his body into a pit and falsely make it appear that he had been killed by a wild beast. Reuben, however, loved his brother and persuaded the ten to throw him into the pit alive so that he could later rescue him. However, before Reuben got the opportunity to rescue Joseph, Judah was inspired upon seeing a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead on their way to Egypt to suggest to his brothers that they sell him as a slave rather than kill him. The ten other wicked brothers agreed to the plan and carried it out.

The intent of the ten wicked brothers was to do evil; the intent of God in this most horrible situation was to do good, but God cannot force men to do His will because He, in accord with His sovereign will, chose to give man the freedom to either obey Him and reap His blessings, or to disobey Him and reap death and eternal damnation. Therefore, God worked this evil on the part of the ten jealous brothers to the ultimate good of Joseph, his family, and his posterity. Needless to say, God could have blessed Joseph, his family, and his posterity without the immense suffering that Joseph endured because of the sin of his jealous brothers, but God does not always get right away that which He desires—which, of course, is for all men to obey Him in all things.

PraiseHimFirst’s husband is clearly behaving contrary to the will of God, but as we pray for her and her husband, God will ultimately bring good from her horrible situation. Moreover, let us not neglect the fact that we find 19 different readings in what scholars believe to be the most important Greek manuscripts that contain Romans 8:28, and many additional different readings in the less important Greek manuscripts that contain this verse. Furthermore, let us not neglect that the fact that Romans 8:28 is one of the most difficult to translate verses in all of the New Testament, and that some theologians have manipulated this verse to make it appear as though sin is within the will of God.

 

[Andy S. Wright]

I am quite surprised that no one has mentioned this, If he becomes abusive in any way your first job as a mother is to protect that child. Listen to this from mark driscoll on Husbands

YouTube - Marriage and Men

That was a brutal sermon that would not have been preached at any church that I have ever been a part of and for that I am deeply ashamed. Easily one of the best deliveries of this very difficult subject matter I've ever heard. Thank you for sharing that.


Concerning the OP...

Not too very long ago I was the husband you described in your opening post. Oblivious to my pride and pains, I took my very deep-seated anger out on my wife and children both passively and aggressively. It was not until my wife of 21 years finally looked me in the eye and told me she was filing for divorce that I got on my knees and faced myself through God's mirror. It was undoubtedly the hardest thing she had ever done in her life but that was what it took to get my attention that something was seriously wrong and I held the lion's share of the blame for it.

I would not carelessly advise you pulling the divorce card on your husband since I do not know your particular circumstances beyond what you have shared here. Obviously it is difficult to give advice to such a weighty situation without much more information. What I do know is, if he is a born-again son of God, I can assure you God is not ignorant of your situation nor is he passively watching from the sidelines. If I know our God, He is setting things into motion that will bring your husband to a place of decision; a 'poop or get off the pot' moment, if you'll forgive my crudeness.

That moment could very well come from you or it could come from a different source. Whatever God's plan is to get your husband's attention, you can bank on this: if your husband is one of God's, he will not let any man, including your husband, pluck him out of his hand.

For you I advise you to draw close to God. My wife had to do this to find strength, comfort and even love in lieu of my selfish omission of those necessities. It was a very hard road for both of us, but I can tell you now, the fruits of my repentance and renewed commitment to my wife are far sweeter than anything we enjoyed in our honeymoon period.

I will sincerely and fervently pray for you. That is not an empty platitude. My desire is to see your marriage repaired, restored and reborn into something neither of you could possibly imagine right now. I promise you on my own experiences and on the words of our God who cannot lie, absolutely nothing is impossible with God. I am living proof of that.

 

[JM]

PrincetonGuy, I will not interact with you on this subject or any other.

 

[Timothew]

You are in an abusive situation. You need to take care of yourself and your son. I don't know what to tell you to do, but your current situation can't continue.

 

[mikesayen]

1 Cor 7:10.. woman do not divorce your husband.

 

[torcot]

1 Cor 7:10.. woman do not divorce your husband.

divorce may not be needed if biblical rebuke works, but if it doesn't then he is likely an unbeliever in which case
But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15

 

[If Not For Grace]

[/quote]

We are both Christians

Your husband is NOT a christian. (Or you are offerring NO indication of any fruit)

I would visit the un-equally yoked section for threads that might offer help.

Many people pay lipservice to being Christians--but when one has had a spiritual awakening-one can not Continually mistreat a Spouse, much less a child.

It is important for you to set some boundaries. ALL people need to be treated with
dignity & those responsible for children should be held to a High Standard. Your spouse is demonstrating the first signs of abuse. Don't Wait to get help. TODAY
start making arrangments to shield your child (& yourself) from this. IF & When it changes-you can take a second look. Doing nothing is doing something.

I pray for you to have courage. (Courage is not the absence of fear, but acting in spite of it). You did the right thing asking for help. That's the 1st step.

I know divorce is wrong but I don't see how I can live like this for the rest of my life. I love him but I don't like him.

Love is a decision followed by committment. You can not love someone (in a marital sense) you don't even like. He has already broken his vows (love, honor & chrish) be
not deceived--What makes you think his (or anyone's) word is any good-if they break vows? He has issues! Don't help pass them from generation to generation. Set the example of courage. You can do it!

 

[Hupomone10]

I wanted you to know I am praying for your situation, and will continue to do so.

Please let me know when God begins to work His miracle. It might take time. Spiritual warfare often takes time.

I did want to say this: if he continues to do things like hitting the son on the head in public, someone is going to report him, so I wouldn't be surprised if child services makes a visit some day. In this day and age, before long he will do it in front of the wrong person or one too many times.

Focus on the Family is probably a better resource than those of us who try to share our spin on it. I'll post some articles I found on there, along with the link.

God bless,
H.

 

[Hupomone10]

It would be a good idea to browse Focus on the Family's website for articles and forums that will help.

Focus on the Family: Helping Families Thrive


Here's one thing I found that might offer some help, it was on their website:

focusonthefamily_article

 

[mikesayen]

If you divorced or were divorced from an "unbeliever" this does not automatically qualify you to be able to marry again... But it will take the understanding of Deut 24:1-4 alone.


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]1 Cor. 7:15-16 “Not in bondage”[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]But there were also those of the ‘opposite’ side of the coin who were either trying to hinder the divorce or teaching others to do so in the Church. There was no implied (nor suspected) sexual immorality in the marriage by the unbeliever to warrant a divorce.[/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]This is his personal instruction to the “rest” where he indicates this is “not” from the Lord but him only. The only ‘exception clause’ for a Christian to divorce is in “this case...” [/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Remember the spouse is now sanctified and the marriage is now permitted. [/FONT]

• [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]God desires mercy over judgment. [/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Asking Paul are they bound to keep the marriage together in order to try and “save” them. In which Paul answers you are “not in bondage...” [/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]So, why does Paul say you are “not in bondage”?[/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul did not say they are not “bound” to the unbeliever but is not in “bondage” (continued slavery). There is a difference between those who Paul said are “not in bondage” to the marriage, compared to those whom he said have been “loosed” or “free” to be able to marry again. Paul always gave permission to marry after addressing the groups or situations who were marriageable. [/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]The believers “not” “have-been-in-bondage” (Greek word meaning a continued state of slavery or bondage) for salvation of the unbeliever 1 Cor. 7:15 to possibly win them over in the marriage 1 Peter 3:1. Paul says for you do not know if you ‘will’ save them, so let them be divorced from you. [/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]If an unbeliever wishes to stay in a marriage even in “pretense” (not a proper heart) as Judah (Jer. 3:8-9) the Christian should still seek to remain in the marriage. . [/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]On the contrary, Paul is not teaching the believer to “put them away” (the unbeliever) but commands them to remain married[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif] if possible[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]. [/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]It is important to note Paul is not telling the believer they are not in bondage 'from' the marriage but they are not in bondage 'to' the marriage.[/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]A good number of respected Christian Theologians believes that although Paul gives the permission of separation for the believer, he is not giving permission for remarriage. Warren W. Wiersbe had this to say about 1 Cor. 7:15, “Does separation then give the Christian mate the right to divorce and remarriage? Paul did not say so” (Footnote 22).[/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul stats off 1 Cor. 7:15 by saying “If but...” By understanding Paul was giving a second part of the teaching of 1 Cor. 7:12-14 we can tell that the Jews ask Paul by letter (verse1) 'what about this...?' [/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]What Paul does is immediately say don't separate (leave) from the unbeliever because they are sanctified by the Holy Spirit “But if...” (Verse 15a) then you are to separate “in this case” (b).[/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]The Greek word in 1 Cor. 7:15a “separate” concerning the “unbeliever” is in the Greek present (conditional indicative). [/FONT]


“[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]The indicative mood is, in general, the mood of assertion, or [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]presentation of[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif] [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]certainty[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]. It is not correct to say that it is the mood of certainty or reality. This belongs to the [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]presentation[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif] (i.e., the indicative may [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]present[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif] something as being certain or real, though the speaker might not believe it).[/FONT]




[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]By Paul saying “God has called us to peace” that is... all Christians are called to be at ‘peace’ with all men everywhere, if by our means is possible. So, if the unbeliever wishes a separation, let them go.[/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul tells the believer to “separate” which is in a ‘command’. The only thing Paul is allowing the believer to act on is the unbeliever’s actions and desires. Paul is not telling both the brother and sister (the believer) that you are allowed to divorce them when it becomes difficult or if they commit adultery with other people but return home. [/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]God said to Israel “because of your transgressions your mother was sent away (divorced)” Is. 50:1. [/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]God gave the Apostles permission concerning doctrines in the Church Matt. 16:19 in what they ‘bound’ on earth shall be bound in heaven or what they ‘loose’ on earth shall be loosed in heaven. [/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]The Law is fulfilled by our actions in loving one another and loving God. Paul is not giving permission of remarriage here he is only giving the believer permission to divorce. Remain married if you can with peace![/FONT]




[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]1 Cor. 7:17-24[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif] a continuation of thought from verse 10-16.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]The “But” in the beginning of the verse 17 would imply a continuation of thought, on the similar subject, from the previous sentence. That is to remain in the situation God has called you (currently) in (stay).[/FONT]


[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif](For those who are in all bad situations… “26a. Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses…And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Rom 8:26-28)[/FONT]


[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul does not give directions for remarriage in verse 10-16 but immediately says after this, “[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]But [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]as God has distributed to each one as the Lord has called (Rom. 8:28) each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches.[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]”[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif] [/FONT]




[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Footnote (22) Warren W. Wiersbe “Be Wise,” A New Testament Study 1 Corinthans, pgs. 78, 80, 1982 Warren W. Wiersbe, Victor trademark, the bible teacher’s teacher, David c Cook[/FONT]