I don't want this to be some kind of arrogant "been there, done that" reply, though it may sound like it at first glance. Let me first tell you that I know and have experienced what you are going through.
Our feelings are always a burden when they are down. But your feelings can never bring you closer to God. Neither can your struggles do so. Give up trying to save yourself. Give up. Christ died for us sinners, and you are one of us. What we humans tend to do, is mix our sanctification process into our status before God as justified through faith. Faith - remember - faith can become a "work". Don't strive to believe. Faith is such a difficult thing to define. Faith is proved by coming to Jesus with whatever is troubling you.
God is a God who hides Himself (Isa 45,15). Don't forget that. But wait for Him.
I know what it's like to not want to read the Bible or pray anymore. When it happened to me, I asked myself why I had become so tired, and I found out that it was because I had fallen into legalism and my faith was in danger. Are Rosenius' books availible in English? If so, you should read one of his. He was an evangelist during the 1800s. You sound to me like you're heavy burdened. Now here's a word from Jesus to YOU: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt 11,28. Just come to Him, and if you feel like you can't come to Him, tell Him so and He will come to you. There is nothing in you, as you are in yourself, that can make you stand up and walk over to Jesus. Let Him do it. He wants to be solo in saving your soul. Let Him be just that
You know what you're seeing here? Part of your sinful nature. Don't worry - it's still there
. And it's gonna stick with you till the end of your stay on earth. But Jesus' blood is the payment for all sin, including our hideous, cold, indifferent and evil nature. It is Jesus' love that should be flowing through you, not your own. And His love doesn't depend on your feelings. In fact it doesn't even depend on your existance.
God loved you before He created the world, Endure2. He planned your creation along with everything else. And together with the fact that He knew YOU would want to follow His Son, Jesus. Now God is putting you on a test. He never puts us on tests we are unable to endure. Count on Jesus, and you'll be counting right.
God knew you would be a sinner, and He knew every person on earth would be a sinner because Adam would fall and sin in the place of the whole humanity, thus passing on the sinful nature, and every person would perish rightfully in the flames of hell, by God's justice... UNLESS!
Unless God sent His only begotten Son to earth to make complete payment for all of the sins ever to be comitted in the world. Jesus did so. He lived your life the way you should've. He believed in God the way you should've. He treated people and loved them the way you should've. He prayed like you should've. And finally, He bore the just and fair wrath of the Holy Lord God which you should've paid the penalty for in life and eternal death. He paid your debt in full (John 19,30) in His flesh when He died on the cross. He rose again in your place for YOUR justification. Your salvation is finished. There's NOTHING more for you to do. God is satisfied with Jesus' sacrifice. That's it. That's the gospel.
You say it's a fool's story to you, well yes, to the mind it is a fool's story and a fool's hope, but to every child of God, it is God's power to save people from eternal death.
Courage, courage, dear heart.
