I desperately want to be saved but I CANNOT fully believe & surrender. I’m terrified. Please help.

Seek Jesus deeper. Read the gospel of John. Meditate on His words. They're His words. How lucky are we to be able to see the words of God whenever we want? If He promises us His words, He promises us eternal salvation obtained through His words. We have the words of God. Think about that.
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Cookie1720 said:

Almost like it’s the Easter bunny or Santa story as bad as that sounds but then if I didn’t believe at all then why else would I be so afraid to go to hell or to be left behind.

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That's where the problem is. You are confused because you accepted modern education which is facilitating a lie. Easter bunny and Santa lack human testimonies, while Jesus has eyewitnesses who are willing to die and martyr themselves for the truth to convey. Modern education emphasizes evidence by neglecting the even more powerful and fundamental way of truth conveying which is faith in human testimonies.

So the question needs to be asked in a reversed order such that you can penetrate the lie and confusion caused by modern education.

If God is true how would you know?
1) God shows up publicly, such that every individual knows
This way God breaks His own covenant with humans, as the New Covenant specifies that humans need to be saved by faith and faith alone. So if God shows up publicly then no men can be saved.

2) Through those eyewitnesses who ever encountered God
This is a fundamental way for humans to get to a truth of any kind, as humans lack the capability to actually gather evidence, especially historical evidence. Humans don't have the ability to identify whether someone actually encountered God. So do you want to wait for human technology to grow such that humans can identify whether the prophets actually met with God, or whether the disciples actually watched Jesus performing miracles?

This may take zillion years till humans can truly acquire such a kind of technology. You are long dead by then, and cannot be saved even if God and Jesus are real. Do you want it this way?

The other way is putting faith in what the eyewitnesses said, as it remains the only way for you to get to this truth. Maybe to your surprise (as a result of the brainwashing education), it is a fundamental way for you to get to the truths of any kind. For example, covid-19 death tolls have been listed on a daily basis for more than 2 years now, that is more than 2x365=730 days. Which day's figure do you actually have the evidence? When it is said that there are 10,000 died on a particular day, do you actually verify it to have a name list of those 10,000 humans who died? You don't, you either trust the figure with faith or you do not. There's no way for each human to fact-check the figure individually. What 99.99% of humans can do is either swallow the figure or refuse to believe it. Nonetheless, this remains the only way for humans in the majority to get to this truth. It is by means of faith in testimony instead of evidence, as by means of evidence is completely impossible! The figures are actually in the form of testimonies from those small groups of humans responsible for counting and collecting the data.

So even when God and Jesus are real, the only way remains for humans to get to this truth is by means of putting faith in testimonies (as we did on covid-19 death tolls). There's no the other way round.

Now why the miracles?
How can God identify Himself being a God at all? He must do something humans can't or are incapable of doing in order for a human to know that He's God. Generally, humans can't do two things, 1) to tell a future, and 2) to break the physics laws governing our universe. That's why you see prophecies and miracles whenever God is around. Not only prophecies and miracles can identify who God is, but also they are used to authenticate a prophet for the messages this prophet is trying to convey. That's why you see a lot of miracles performed by Jesus, as the message He's trying to convey is crucial to humans.

Now you may just overcome the confusion introduced by our education and realize that truths to humans are not conveyed by evidence. 99% of truths are conveyed to humans in the majority by means of faith in human testimonies. "Evidence" is just an ideal that humans can hardly achieve in reality. Satan introduced this ideal into our education to brainwash and confuse humans. Just as the Bible predicted,

2 Corinthians 4:
4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

Romans 1:
25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

Cookie1720 said:

I’ll start by saying I made a profession of faith when I was 11 years old. The only thing I can remember is being bothered and telling my parents. I don’t even remember our conversation but I’m sure they told me what I needed to do to be saved and just believe and I’m sure I said ok and I went before the church that same night right after. I don’t remember actually believing though. I do remember I still didn’t feel settled then and here I am 34 and I’m still not settled. I will say there was really only a few other times I was bothered more than a few days but I always said well I must be saved because of the time when I was 11 and pushed it aside. I feel terrible but I would want to avoid church when I could or avoid the Bible because it would cause me to be disturbed. For the past 8 weeks I have been living in agony. Terrified that the Lord will come back tomorrow. I think what if he comes back on Easter. My problem is I “feel” like everything is true.. God the creator, his son Jesus, resurrection, second coming but I cannot just say yes I 100% believe and surrender my doubt. I’ve read some things that say maybe you can’t be saved because you feel like God wronged you in your life or he’s let bad things happen. I don’t believe that. I’ve read something that says you don’t want to give up sin. That’s not me either. I don’t party, smoke, drugs, or things I feel I couldn’t give up. I want to live a Christian life. My problem is my natural mind has a hard time believing the supernatural of it all.. the resurrection or miracles or God the creator/know all. I “feel” it’s true but I have a hard time receiving that. I know it’s because our man minds can’t comprehend supernatural but that’s why I have a hard time believing. I also have anxiety and ocd. I read you can have religious ocd and I believe I have that. I keep going over and over things and I never feel like I can surrender and fully trust. I know there is all this evidence but yet I’m still struggling. I even been told the Bible is real so you can believe what’s in it but I struggle with that. I think why would all my family and friends tell me it’s true but I still can’t believe after that. Then I think there have archeology findings that support the Bible so why can’t I believe. Then there have been atheist who say even they were turned believer. I pray this can be me. I even recently read that if you don’t believe Christianity then what do you believe. Do you believe that everything could have just been so without a creator. The thing is I really don’t. I’ve always thought the first life obviously had to start with one being. Sometimes I feel like I believe but then I feel like I’m just trying to trick my mind that I believe and then other times I feel like I will never be able to surrender. I feel absolutely terrified. I want more than anything else to get this fixed. Again it’s like I feel it’s true. But then I feel like the reason I’m having a hard time fully believing is because it’s always been a familiar story but a hard one for me too understand. Almost like it’s the Easter bunny or Santa story as bad as that sounds but then if I didn’t believe at all then why else would I be so afraid to go to hell or to be left behind. I read verses that are so discouraging that make me feel like I won’t be saved but then I’ll read some encouraging verses. I also know there are atheist who didn’t believe at all who have been saved so it gives me some hope. However I feel like time is running out. I pray God will have mercy on me. I pray he will give me Grace to be saved. Please please offer any help! I don’t know how to get off of the wheel of skepticism and doubt even when I have evidence before me. Please please help and please please pray for me.

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Jesus, God incarnate, came to earth, lived a perfectly obedience life and suffered the penalty of the guilt of all sin, so that, if you turn from living in sin and rest your faith in Him, His righteousness would be credited to your account before God, and His suffering would cover the penalty you deserve. It is really that simple. Jesus did everything to secure your right standing before God by obeying in your place, and suffering in your place, so that before God you are seen as innocent and just apart from your own works. You must turn from sin and rest your faith in His person and works, and you will be forgiven and saved.

Cookie1720 said:

I’ll start by saying I made a profession of faith when I was 11 years old. The only thing I can remember is being bothered and telling my parents. I don’t even remember our conversation but I’m sure they told me what I needed to do to be saved and just believe and I’m sure I said ok and I went before the church that same night right after. I don’t remember actually believing though. I do remember I still didn’t feel settled then and here I am 34 and I’m still not settled. I will say there was really only a few other times I was bothered more than a few days but I always said well I must be saved because of the time when I was 11 and pushed it aside. I feel terrible but I would want to avoid church when I could or avoid the Bible because it would cause me to be disturbed. For the past 8 weeks I have been living in agony. Terrified that the Lord will come back tomorrow. I think what if he comes back on Easter. My problem is I “feel” like everything is true.. God the creator, his son Jesus, resurrection, second coming but I cannot just say yes I 100% believe and surrender my doubt. I’ve read some things that say maybe you can’t be saved because you feel like God wronged you in your life or he’s let bad things happen. I don’t believe that. I’ve read something that says you don’t want to give up sin. That’s not me either. I don’t party, smoke, drugs, or things I feel I couldn’t give up. I want to live a Christian life. My problem is my natural mind has a hard time believing the supernatural of it all.. the resurrection or miracles or God the creator/know all. I “feel” it’s true but I have a hard time receiving that. I know it’s because our man minds can’t comprehend supernatural but that’s why I have a hard time believing. I also have anxiety and ocd. I read you can have religious ocd and I believe I have that. I keep going over and over things and I never feel like I can surrender and fully trust. I know there is all this evidence but yet I’m still struggling. I even been told the Bible is real so you can believe what’s in it but I struggle with that. I think why would all my family and friends tell me it’s true but I still can’t believe after that. Then I think there have archeology findings that support the Bible so why can’t I believe. Then there have been atheist who say even they were turned believer. I pray this can be me. I even recently read that if you don’t believe Christianity then what do you believe. Do you believe that everything could have just been so without a creator. The thing is I really don’t. I’ve always thought the first life obviously had to start with one being. Sometimes I feel like I believe but then I feel like I’m just trying to trick my mind that I believe and then other times I feel like I will never be able to surrender. I feel absolutely terrified. I want more than anything else to get this fixed. Again it’s like I feel it’s true. But then I feel like the reason I’m having a hard time fully believing is because it’s always been a familiar story but a hard one for me too understand. Almost like it’s the Easter bunny or Santa story as bad as that sounds but then if I didn’t believe at all then why else would I be so afraid to go to hell or to be left behind. I read verses that are so discouraging that make me feel like I won’t be saved but then I’ll read some encouraging verses. I also know there are atheist who didn’t believe at all who have been saved so it gives me some hope. However I feel like time is running out. I pray God will have mercy on me. I pray he will give me Grace to be saved. Please please offer any help! I don’t know how to get off of the wheel of skepticism and doubt even when I have evidence before me. Please please help and please please pray for me.

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Beloved one, hear what is written:
“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.””
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:15‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

So you should resist the spirit of bondage to fear !

Resist the spirit of bondage in the Lord’s name.
Cry out Abba Father and receive the spirit of adoption.

To God the Father be all glory and thanksgiving through Christ. Amen