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I desperately want to be saved but I CANNOT fully believe & surrender. I’m terrified. Please help.

Discussion in 'Struggles by Non-Christians' started by Cookie1720, Apr 16, 2022.

  1. Cookie1720

    Cookie1720 New Member

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    I’ll start by saying I made a profession of faith when I was 11 years old. The only thing I can remember is being bothered and telling my parents. I don’t even remember our conversation but I’m sure they told me what I needed to do to be saved and just believe and I’m sure I said ok and I went before the church that same night right after. I don’t remember actually believing though. I do remember I still didn’t feel settled then and here I am 34 and I’m still not settled. I will say there was really only a few other times I was bothered more than a few days but I always said well I must be saved because of the time when I was 11 and pushed it aside. I feel terrible but I would want to avoid church when I could or avoid the Bible because it would cause me to be disturbed. For the past 8 weeks I have been living in agony. Terrified that the Lord will come back tomorrow. I think what if he comes back on Easter. My problem is I “feel” like everything is true.. God the creator, his son Jesus, resurrection, second coming but I cannot just say yes I 100% believe and surrender my doubt. I’ve read some things that say maybe you can’t be saved because you feel like God wronged you in your life or he’s let bad things happen. I don’t believe that. I’ve read something that says you don’t want to give up sin. That’s not me either. I don’t party, smoke, drugs, or things I feel I couldn’t give up. I want to live a Christian life. My problem is my natural mind has a hard time believing the supernatural of it all.. the resurrection or miracles or God the creator/know all. I “feel” it’s true but I have a hard time receiving that. I know it’s because our man minds can’t comprehend supernatural but that’s why I have a hard time believing. I also have anxiety and ocd. I read you can have religious ocd and I believe I have that. I keep going over and over things and I never feel like I can surrender and fully trust. I know there is all this evidence but yet I’m still struggling. I even been told the Bible is real so you can believe what’s in it but I struggle with that. I think why would all my family and friends tell me it’s true but I still can’t believe after that. Then I think there have archeology findings that support the Bible so why can’t I believe. Then there have been atheist who say even they were turned believer. I pray this can be me. I even recently read that if you don’t believe Christianity then what do you believe. Do you believe that everything could have just been so without a creator. The thing is I really don’t. I’ve always thought the first life obviously had to start with one being. Sometimes I feel like I believe but then I feel like I’m just trying to trick my mind that I believe and then other times I feel like I will never be able to surrender. I feel absolutely terrified. I want more than anything else to get this fixed. Again it’s like I feel it’s true. But then I feel like the reason I’m having a hard time fully believing is because it’s always been a familiar story but a hard one for me too understand. Almost like it’s the Easter bunny or Santa story as bad as that sounds but then if I didn’t believe at all then why else would I be so afraid to go to hell or to be left behind. I read verses that are so discouraging that make me feel like I won’t be saved but then I’ll read some encouraging verses. I also know there are atheist who didn’t believe at all who have been saved so it gives me some hope. However I feel like time is running out. I pray God will have mercy on me. I pray he will give me Grace to be saved. Please please offer any help! I don’t know how to get off of the wheel of skepticism and doubt even when I have evidence before me. Please please help and please please pray for me.
     
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  2. returntosender

    returntosender EL ROI Supporter

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    Why don't you put this on the prayer wall? Once you açcept Jesus you are his. if you haven't started practicing Jesus then start now. You haven't lost him. Repent and get to know him.
    God bless you and HAPPY EASTER:)

    (Don't forget about doubting Thomas.)
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2022
  3. SarahsKnight

    SarahsKnight Jesus Christ is this Knight's truth. Supporter

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    It sounds like you do, though, Cookie. And that you are merely afraid that you don't ... possibly because of the fear of hell or the second death, as you have indicated here =>
    That fear is, I personally believe, is not of God, at least not if it is keeping you from trusting in His goodness and love, and feeling secure in Him.

    I mean, is this what is meant when we are commanded to love the Lord in Scripture? To love Him just to "get out of hell"? As though if it wasn't for the threat of the lake of fire we would not have any good reason to have faith? I just don't see how that is indicative of a good, loving relationship with Christ or God the Father.


    Then that is a good start. In my opinion, as with some Christians I have heard say before, I think it takes just as much if not more faith in something unproven and seemingly fantastical for someone to believe that all of creation came from non-living matter rather than an already living Being. :)


    I am sorry that just this thought is tormenting you, Cookie. But for what it is worth, I do not believe this means you are evil and hopeless or something like that. Otherwise I would find it hard to believe that you'd care at all about what you are to Jesus Christ at all, in any way. I think it's just you are afraid that something's not right with you and that seems to be coming from the religious ocd that you have suggested you are afflicted with elsewhere in your OP post. And just in case you need assurance that religious ocd can affect even people of faith, look no further than this very site. There is an entire subforum here reserved for people struggling in such a way and needing help. You are definitely not alone in that, just in case you were worried that you are. :angel:




    All in all, all I can tell you is that I have prayed for you, Cookie, that if you somehow, someway do not yet hold saving belief in Christ, then He will have mercy on you and guide you to Him, and relieve you of your fears. After all, Scripture itself (Mark 9:23, for instance) has pointed out that we need His help even with our very belief, not just our success in avoiding evil. :angel:
     
  4. Blade

    Blade Veteran Supporter

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    Jesus came in the flesh died on the cross for the worlds sin. Was buried rose from the dead 3rd day is the only way to the Father. Do you believe that? We come to Him as we are.. see HE changes us. If we could do it we don't need HIm.

    What HE starts in YOU He finishes it. All of us never gave up everything the moment we were saved. No one just fell in love with Jesus whom they never new when they got saved. Faith.. John 3:16 Rom 10 9-10. Read those.. do you believe that? Then rejoice and KNOW everything else HE WILL HELP YOU.. yeah LEAN ON HIM! That is what He wants. and the fact you never found Him.. He found you :)

    Its ok.. its really ok :) your fine. your closer to Him then you think, feel and see. He is with you in you..
     
  5. d taylor

    d taylor Well-Known Member

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    -​

    I have not read all that you wrote but receiving God's free gift of Eternal Life. Is not about making a profession of faith or all the many church created ways that they promote.

    You want God's free gift of Eternal Life believe that Jesus is the promised Messiah from the prophecies of The Tnaakh (Old Testament) and trust/believe in Him for God's free gift of Eternal Life.

     
  6. A_Thinker

    A_Thinker Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You don't have to 100% believe.

    You just have to desire a relationship with God. Go with your feelings.

    In the end, it's only you ... and God.

    What anyone else thinks doesn't matter ...
     
  7. St_Worm2

    St_Worm2 Simul Justus et Peccator Supporter

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    Hello @Cookie1720, one thing to remember about the truths in the Bible is that they are, first and foremost, facts that we 'choose' to believe/trust (because we trust the One who "breathed" them and gave them to us for our good .. 2 Timothy 3:16-17).

    How we "feel" can oft times be very misleading, so what we "feel"* about our salvation is the very last thing to be considered when we are looking for assurance (and the very first thing that we need to look past). IOW, don't trust your feelings in regard to spiritual matters, rather, always choose to take God at His word, believing/trusting Him instead (so begin to take the thoughts that result from your feelings "captive", since what is behind those thoughts and feelings, the ones that contradict what God tells us is true in the Bible, typically come from our common enemy and need to be resisted/refused by you .. e.g. 2 Corinthians 10:5; Ephesians 6:10-17, James 4:7.

    *(I didn't count them, but take a quick look back at what you wrote in the OP and see how many times you spoke of something being one way or another because it was how you felt in the moment)

    Feelings should not be ruled out of the equation, of course, but (especially) for someone who is battling OCD, they should always be a BIG cause for concern.

    We have a board here at CF with members who are familiar with OCD, and with what a Christian needs to do to fight against it successfully. If you'd like to check it out, go here:


    Finally, since I see that you are brand new around here, WELCOME TO CF :wave:

    God bless you! (Numbers 6:24-26)

    --David
    p.s. - next to "Jesus Christ", perhaps the two most important words for a Christian to remember are these, "trust God", as they are instrumental in our living of the Christian life/for our continual growth in Him throughout this life (sanctification) as believers .. Proverbs 3:5-6.

    Sunset over a field of red flowers with Elisabeth Ellliot.jpg
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2022
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  8. SeventhFisherofMen

    SeventhFisherofMen Friend of Doves Staff Member Hands-on Trainee Supporter

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    Hey man, I just want to state the main thing which is it's ok to not fully understand everything in the Bible, there is a verse that says

    “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24

    This man was admitting to Jesus that he believed yet at the same time asked for help with what he did not believe. You are not the first person to feel this way, Jesus knows and understands how you feel. I think the best to do is be honest with Jesus :) tell Him what you do believe and that you're struggling to believe the rest. That's a great starting point in your walk, being honest with Jesus. He knows you He understands you and is with you always :) Do not lose hope.

    As far as if He will return Easter just know I had a time in my life where I thought the world would end. Now I know the best I can do is be honest with Jesus about how I feel, trust that if He returns He will take me to be with Him and if He doesn't then it's one more blessing of a day to be on Earth living the life He's given us.
     
  9. Andrewn

    Andrewn Well-Known Member CF Ambassadors Supporter

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    Remember the parable of the lost sheep? God is searching for your heart / mind. He searches for everyone's heart. But, I believe, He is especially searching for yours because you once made a profession of faith.

    Having occasional doubts is natural, as you said. It sounds like you've read the NT. You may want to read it again, and perhaps spiritual books. If you can, try reading "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. It contains no theology, just conversations w/ Jesus.

    Scientists no longer believe that life started haphazardly and by chance. With modern discoveries, scientists are having more hard time than ever figuring out the God Problem: how things started without God.

    IMO, parents do a great disfavor to their children by lying to them and trying to convince them that Santa and the Easter bunny are real. They will have to answer to God about these lies. They are not cute. How can the kids trust their parents later in anything? BTW, this left behind thing is another cultural lie. You need to be around people who tell you the truth.

    This is wonderful. God cannot reject your effort in prayer and reading spiritual books.
     
  10. Maria Billingsley

    Maria Billingsley Well-Known Member Supporter

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    If you Love Him, Jesus Christ of Nazareth, then belief is already there. He will open doors for you if you choose to go through them.. Recieve His Holy Spirit so that He can make His Home in you. When you walk with Him in the Spirit, all those unnecessary doubts will disappear. Blessings.
     
  11. Cookie1720

    Cookie1720 New Member

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    thank you for your words. Please continue to pray for me.
     
  12. Cookie1720

    Cookie1720 New Member

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    This makes sense to me. I just don’t know how to change my mindset. I keep praying that God will change my mind/thinking.Thank you.
    please continue to pray for me.
     
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  13. Cookie1720

    Cookie1720 New Member

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    Thank you. I’m trying not to loose hope. I feel like I will never get this fixed and that’s what Terrifies me. I don’t know how to change my mind/thinking and I pray that God will help with that. Please keep praying for me.
     
  14. Cookie1720

    Cookie1720 New Member

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    Thank you for this. I know we are not suppose to rely on our feelings but I don’t know how to change my mindset/thinking. I keep praying God will change it. I will definitely check out the ocd group and hope that it will give me some help. Please continue praying for me.
     
  15. SarahsKnight

    SarahsKnight Jesus Christ is this Knight's truth. Supporter

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    I will try to remember to. And you are welcome.:angel:
     
  16. SeventhFisherofMen

    SeventhFisherofMen Friend of Doves Staff Member Hands-on Trainee Supporter

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    Thanks for the response :) and sometimes it's ok to be ok with how things are, knowing that there is time and room in the future to change, and all that change doesn't have to happen right away or even now for that matter.
     
  17. Victor E.

    Victor E. Disciple of Christ Supporter

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    The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

    That you're convicted of your unbelief.. this is the start (and a good thing).

    The Holy Spirit will convict a person of sin if that person does not believe in Christ.. the Lord Jesus said this Himself (John 16:5-11).

    So, God is calling to your heart because He loves you and wants you to be in a relationship with Him (through Christ)

    He is calling you to believe in Christ.. and you already know this (you said so in your post).

    There were 3,000 people in the book of Acts 2 that had the same thing happen to them (Acts of the Apostles 2:37-41) and they chose to respond to the Gospel at this time.

    This is where you're at, you're at the point where you make the decision.

    You know the truth, and you know that it's real.. I will pray for you my friend.

    I will say, if you do decide to take that leap of faith.. I can promise you that afterward, it will all began to make sense as you continue.

    Your conscience will also be more at peace.

    You should count your conviction a blessed thing. Not everyone has a softened heart that is responsive to God.

    Grace and peace..
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2022
  18. Wyatt L. Aston

    Wyatt L. Aston Member

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    God likes that kind of heart, His eyes are fixed on you, you just need to step through the door.
     
  19. aiki

    aiki Regular Member

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    Okay. None of these things are what save you and bring you into relationship with God and none of them prove that you're truly one of His.

    This is a sure sign that, at the very least, things between you and God are badly awry. When you know God, when you are confident in His love for you, standing by faith in the saving work of Jesus for you on the cross, fear of God dissolves, replaced by a joyful confidence in your place in His family and a happy expectation of seeing Him one day.

    1 John 4:16-19
    16 We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
    17 By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world.
    18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.
    19 We love, because He first loved us.


    It's not the perfection, the strength, of your belief that saves you, friend. God saves you through Jesus. You have only to believe it, anticipating that your life will be changed as you do, willing to be conformed to your belief in Christ in the manner of your living, in order to be truly saved. But this belief may be frail, tenuous, weak at the start. Consider the man who sought from Jesus healing of his demon-possessed son:

    Mark 9:22-26
    22 "It has often thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!"
    23 And Jesus said to him, " 'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes."
    24 Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief."
    25 When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly gathering, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "You deaf and mute spirit, I command you, come out of him and do not enter him again."
    26 After crying out and throwing him into terrible convulsions, it came out...


    Was it the strength of the belief of the father that saved his possessed son? No. The father admitted to unbelief even as he cried out to Jesus for aid. For some who come to Christ for redemption and salvation, their plea is the same: Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!" And Jesus shows to them the same mercy and grace he showed the weak-in-faith father.

    Romans 10:9-13
    9 ...if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved;
    10 for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.
    11 For the Scripture says, "WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED."
    12 For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call on Him;
    13 for "WHOEVER WILL CALL ON THE NAME OF THE LORD WILL BE SAVED."


    We all do. This is why we need God to move toward us first, drawing us to Christ (John 6:44), giving us repentance in order that we might acknowledge and trust ourselves to His truth (2 Timothy 2:25), enlightening us to our sinfulness and desperate need of a Saviour (John 16:8-13). That you are at all concerned about your relationship to God indicates He's been at work in your life, doing these things so that you might choose Him.

    Having done all these things for us, however, God will not make the choice for Christ for us; we must choose him, recognizing that we choose not just a Saviour but our Creator and Lord under whose authority and control we must henceforth live.

    James 4:6-10
    6 ..."GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE."
    7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
    8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
    9 Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom.
    10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.


    Fear is like this, binding us in itself, running us 'round and 'round in circles of anxiety. God's way to freedom from this bondage is to find rest in Himself:

    Matthew 11:28-30
    28 "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
    29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
    30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."


    What is there to fear when you are safely in God's hands, sheltered and supported by His love and power? Nothing.

    We are always conformed to the things we tell ourselves. If you repeat to yourself again and again that you "just can't believe" you shouldn't be surprised when you start to live according to what you've been telling yourself. The me I see is the me I'll be. So, when the "I just can't believe" thinking starts up in your mind, choose a different story about yourself. Be just as persistent in telling yourself you CAN believe - and do believe. And keep telling yourself this each time the "I just can't believe" thinking begins. Belief, at bottom, isn't a matter of what you feel, but of what you choose in your mind and will to adopt as true.

    And this is the terrible problem with being guided by what you feel.

    "Feelings come and feelings go,
    And feelings are deceiving.
    My warrant is the word of God,
    Nought else is worth believing."

    There is nothing more changeable and vacillating than our feelings that constantly shift under a myriad of influences. But if, say, you should come to feel that gravity doesn't exist and you'll float off into space if you go out the front door of your home, does gravity therefore not exist? No matter how strongly you might feel that you will float away, will you? No. There are plenty of these sorts of things that you believe without needing a strong feeling about them in order to do so. Does your heart keep beating, because you feel that it will? No. Does the Sun depend upon your feeling that it will shine in order to do so? No. Is your doctor's skill as a physician dependent upon your belief that he is skillful? No. And so on. Why, then, can you not do the same with God?

    But He has. You have only to believe, by an act of your mind and will, regardless of your feelings, that He has and receive from Him both His mercy and grace. See above.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2022 at 6:30 PM
  20. 1watchman

    1watchman Overseer Supporter

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    Dear friend, you speak of God, but do you know Him? Please read John 3; John 14; John 17; Romans 8; etc. in your Bible and hear God speaking to you personally. Believing in a god is NOT salvation and eternal blessing! You really need a personal relationship with our Creator-God, which comes in His "..beloved Son": the Lord Jesus, who came down from Heaven to save and bless those who will receive Him --start reading the Gospels in your Bible (if you have one). So I suggest you stop reasoning in your mind and come to our Savior.
    --1watchman.
     
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