I can't get over my boyfriend's ex

[TD21]

I have never done anything like this before but I really need help. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years, our anniversary being this Friday. He is older than me and has had one previous relationship. They dated twice and only a few months each time. She also broke up with him both times. But for some reason, I just can't get over it and I keep thinking about her and what their relationship was like. I compare myself to her and our relationship with theirs. I have seen multiple pictures of them together when they were dating and they haunt me.

I have issues with other things, but this is the main problem right now. I have also hurt my own feelings by digging around and finding stuff that shouldn't even bother me but it does. He always reassures me and tells me that has never had one thought about her through our entire relationship. I believe him, but my mind still makes me think these bad thoughts. I don't want to break up with him but I just can never seem to be happy. I pray all the time about it. I know that the main cause is probably insecurity issues but I am really stuck.

I know that his past shouldn't bother me but it will not leave my head. Even when I really am happy, these thoughts and pictures are always in the back of my mind. I deleted some of my social media apps just to take a break because I know how harmful they can be to a person's self-esteem. I have talked to friends, family, and my boyfriend about my issues, sometimes I am better for a while, but then something sparks these emotions and I fall back into this hole. I really just need some advice and other people's thoughts.

 

[Brian Mcnamee]

you will drive him away if you give in to these emotional irrational fears. Love is selfess, believes all things hope for the best and does not consider the wrongs of the past. Your whole trip is based on your own insecurities and that sense of safety is your starting point. You put Jesus and your faith as the #1 thing in you r life and you are promised peace, joy and a full life. right now the attitudes you foster will poison your relationship and unless you learn to walk in the Spirit and lay aside the things of the flesh that are selfish and demanding you will have big problems. through prayer you need to adjust your view of life and be trusting the LORD to lead and guide both your behavior and your life choices.

 

[Tolworth John]

I just can't get over it and I keep thinking about her and what their relationship was like

Think for a moment. Life is full of potential insecurities, that friend is she really your friend, your job does your boss really value you and your work, ditto co workers, neighbours, family, one's health and finance.

Look further into the future and your children, leaving home to go to nursery, Sunday school, school to have play dates go to parties will they be safe with other adults!

Face your fears, look at them, how realistic are they,what evidence is there for your fears?

If you find this difficult talk to your doctor to get councelling

As for this X don't pray about your feelings pray for her, for her benefit. None of this ' Oh God bless the X rubbish.
But pray intelligently for her good, that she finds a partner she can marry, and be happy with.

 

[thehehe]

Do you know Daphné du Maurier's Rebecca? Same as you, the main character struggles to accept there was another woman before her, and moreover struggles to accept she is the one loved right now.
It's one thing to accept to love, it's another one to accept to be loved.
Don't let your insecurities get the best part of you. You are there right now, you deserve it. Your boyfriend might have chosen her before, but he chooses you right now. He chooses you each day as he stays with you. This is the only thing that truly matters, and the only thing you should see & accept.
People change. The boy she dated was different from the one you're dating now. So I'll only ask this : do you care for him? Do you choose him everyday, everytime you talk with him ? if yes, this is amazing. You chose him and he chose you. But you chose him, only him, not his ex-girlfriend. She is a part of his past, not of himself.
For what you said, it seems you are well-aware of your insecurities - as I said, it is incredibly difficult to accept to be loved, it may be even harder than the other way around. It requires courage, a little bit of boldness to accept to be loved. You may need help to get over it, don't hesitate to ask for it around you or get a mental help if necessary. But you need to focus on the two of you in your relationship, and remember you chose your boyfriend for what he is now and not for the people who played a part in his past.
Anyway, I hope things will get better for you, I wish you all the best

 

[alexpatt]

It all comes down to your own insecurities. You've got to tell yourself that you're great and he decided to be with you after all. Trust in his love for you.

 

[ChristLivesInMe]

It sounds like you're struggling with your own mental health. Your boyfriend has dated you for 2 YEARS! I haven't dated anyone for more than a month or probably less than that. Your boyfriend loves you dearly from what I read. Just know that he isn't with his ex and he has said he doesn't think about her. He obviously wants to be with you and likes you. You need to try your best to get rid of anything that would remind you of him and his ex. You need to fight your insecurities. He loves you and no doubt you most likely love him as well. If you aren't meant to be together, you will know. God will tell you through the Holy Spirit. Keep praying to God about your worries and insecurities and He will help you.

Believe me, I'm in the same situation but also a different situation. I have a court date and I cannot stop constantly worrying about it. Just like you can't stop worrying about your boyfriend and his ex. It sucks when our brains try and destroy and trick us.

Focus on God first. Please Him with everything you do. Then focus on yourself. Your self-care comes next. Then family and your boyfriend. You have to look after yourself.

I have the feeling God will let you know what you should do through the Holy Spirit. It sounds like you need to focus on yourself.

I hope it all works out for you in the end.

God bless.