I cant change myself:(

[Jo1]

Im struggling in an area of my life and you know, you cant change yourself. I get so condemned feeling the way I do at times. Like I shouldnt need love u know, im an adult. Its very hard to explain. But I know some of it comes from my past and the rejection.
I have my ups and downs with the depression.
Sometimes its because im lonely, im trying to do the right things, Im tryin so hard at the moment.
I so want God and want his will for my life.
I go from one extreme to the other, from feeling high to feeling low, and wanting to do something to myself.
I find it difficult to open up and talk to people how I really feel.
Got my third lot of counselling starting next Tuesday..

 

[hollowgram]

Does the counselling help at all Jo? Hope it does, or if it hasn't, that it will start helping. Even if it doesn't fix everything at once, that it will at least help you feel both loved and that even as an adult its OK to need love and understanding. We ALL need it.

 

[Criada]

Stop trying so hard, sweetie.
God loves you just as you are... of course you can't change yourself!
It's normal to need love.. as Hollowgram says, we all do! Humans are made in the image of God, who is love! We need to love and to be loved.
And you are loved, you know. You have a husband, a father and friends who love you, and God loves you enormously.
Praying for you, sis.

 

[Winter]

Criada said it so well ... don't try so hard ((hug)). What was past is past.

You need to love yourself, accept yourself, and forgive yourself. Accept who you are today.

If we all on this forum can love you and forgive you, surely God can - for His love and forgiveness is infinite.

 

[spacemanspiff02]

So are you guys saying that all these years of trying to change myself has been futile and the result of not changing and making myself more depressed is a result of the inability to change?

Please let us know if counseling helps. I may try that if I can come up with some money.

 

[hollowgram]

Spiff, not all of us have had success trying to change ourselves.

What some seem to be saying here (at least it appears) that we might do better focusing upon loving and accepting ourselves, or having faith in God's love and acceptance for us as ourselves, in terms of ultimately feeling better and as a result, getting better.

Kind of like this: a vine does not produce fruit by screwing up its willpower and trying to make itself "fruitify". But if it forgets about that, and just focuses on taking in sunlight, air, water, and soil nutrients -- all easy things to do, all involving receiving good nourishing things -- eventually it will automatically produce fruit as a result, without even trying.

The key here seems to be what we focus on. When we focus on trying to fix ourselves it only makes our broken areas seem more loud and prominent, maybe?

Just guessing here.

 

[Super Kal]

YES YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF

2 years ago, I thought I was nothing more than an obese, worthless pile of junk that was hopeless of ever finding peace, and deserved suicide... and, through Christ's never-ending Love and Grace, He changed me into someone more like Him.

You CAN change for the better, Jo1... I KNOW you can do this. I believe that with all of my heart, because it is His Word that says "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me"... it doesn't say some things, it doesn't say selective things, and it doesn't say only things worth changing... it says ALL things.

spiritual and mental change does not come overnight... it's a lot like exercising.

You're not going to drop 150 lbs. over night just by drinking a Slim-Fast and doing 30 minutes of cardio... it takes hard work, discipline, determination, and positive thinking... the same thing comes with changing your spiritual and mental lifestyle... you need to pray without ceasing, spending time in His Word, meditating on who you are in Christ, spending time in the presence of your brothers and sisters in Christ, or get involved in something at your Church.

orville is right... we can most definitely change the way we look at our life... reading His Word most definitely helps... for His Word says "faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God"

Change takes time, but it does indeed happen, Jo1
you learn more and grow more in Him as He changes you from the inside

 

[loved33]

Hi Jo the memories off the past can really shock at times..in ones emotions...especially when certain circumstances are like trigger reminders.

but , in my own struggles with this kind of thing this is how it goes...

i feel something, it hurts, it may take me down..even way down....depending on the beleifs i have underneath that give it foundations.

a preacher once said to me..'the mind is like a joint in the body..it swings...it has motion up and down...its just what the mind does.when you realise that this is what minds do, you can be a little more detatched and know you dont have to ride each thought all the way up to the top and all the way down again...you can choose to say...this is my mind tending towards a swing...'
he then said
'your spirit is like the marrow in bone...its set there in goodness, unmoving sure and full of nourishment. in the new life in Christ, the way is of the spirit...you live by truth not ny feelings. the mind is a wonderful creation..and God loves the mind and loves us to talk and express...He will spend hours listening, understanding...he loves our minds.
the mind tho must be parented by the spirit, the spirit , living in truth, leads and guides the mind. the spirit is set in good, in heavenlies, in Him.'

H e then encouraged me to read pauls letters so that i would be familiar with the actual truth my spirit, as a new creature in christ, should be fed with...soo my mind could have a shot at being led whilst it wanted to do its thing of swinging all the time

what winter said is true..old things are past ...nailed to the cross..dead

that includes old beleifs about us..

but we must count it as dead.

the spirit , our spirit, sees only life, only good, only Him - eyes set and fixed on Him and His beauty

our soul, sees good and bad, up and down, it argues...dual carriageway...not a one way street.

choosing the way of the spirit...it gives our soul mind a setting to live in that safe...like a child needing a safe home and loving parents ,who will put them to bed at a good time, read them a story,feed them, clothe them, cuddle them, sing with them....you get me?

our spirit is the leader and guardian of the mind.

altho our minds are being renewed and healed in a process of a lifetime...to come into a knowing of what our spirit already knows....we will still feel and have the swings.

with the truth known tho...pauls letters the mainstay of who we are in christ....its easier to see the swings for what they are....they are the mind doing what it does as it grows up gently and organically thru love

 

[UnitynLove]

Yes it is true that you can not change yourself. If you could then you wouldn't need to have Jesus. Only he can change you into the person that you need to be. But at the same time don't get mad at yourself for where your at at this current moment. God is changing you day in and day out, I bet that your better today then you were 3 months ago, I bet you have more faith now than you did last year, I bet you more loving now then you were 3 years ago. God is changing you from glory to glory to glory. In the mean time relax, don't be so hard on yourself, and definatly do not look at what others have. God has made you the person that you are for a reason and he will use you to do something that no one else can do. Never compare yourself be the original you. So what if you have some problems, who doesn't be happy with the life you have. "He that began a good work in you shall complete it until the coming of Christ." That means that you will keep going on up, and going on up, and going on up till you are perfected like Christ. The only thing you need to do is hang in there and he will change you and perfect the person that you are!

 

[Jo1]

Thanks everyone(((((hugs))))))).
There is a lot of things that make me feel sad at the moment. Like I miss my nan who died last August so much.
Things have been difficult with my dad too, going into care, which still is stressful at times. As he is so unhappy.
But im trying..

 

[Jo1]

Its all really hard todayIm SI ing

 

[Jo1]

Not doing good on the verge. Thinking of hospital thing

 

[sk8Joyful]

I so want God and want his will for my life.

Im struggling in an area of my life and you know, you cant change yourself.
Like I shouldnt need love u know, im an adult.
Got my third lot of counselling starting next Tuesday..

What do you mean, by "3rd. lot" of counseling? -
is this the 3rd. appointment?, or the 3rd. sets?, and What has your counselor helped you with thus far?

How many?? *Positive, & Constructive* internal resources has he/she Anchored... you with; such that
you can Trigger... these successful-emotional-states anytime... you need & want

At your next Counseling-appt., Please ask him/her to teach... you these simple skills, ASAP. and
then come share your newfound love with the rest of your friends here...

I wish your every success... which GOD, your Loving Heavenly Father also richly wants for you sister Annie

 

[Jo1]

What do you mean, by "3rd. lot" of counseling? -
is this the 3rd. appointment?, or the 3rd. sets?, and What has your counselor helped you with thus far?

How many?? *Positive, & Constructive* internal resources has he/she Anchored... you with; such that
you can Trigger... these successful-emotional-states anytime... you need & want

At your next Counseling-appt., Please ask him/her to teach... you these simple skills, ASAP. and
then come share your newfound love with the rest of your friends here...

I wish your every success... which GOD, your Loving Heavenly Father also richly wants for you sister Annie

hi thankyou annie my counselling is with a different counseller. The third one. Thanks so much love Joxxx