2 years ago, I tried to make a rush promise to Gods in order to force myself not to do a ocd compulsion. I canceled the promise as I was finishing my prayer because I came to my senses. The canceled promise was
"must not return home just to get napkins"
which was what ocd was ordering me to do.
Today, as I was walking down the street, an old lady in front me had her receipts fell from her hands on the street. She was old and had difficulty bending to get them. When I saw them, in front of me, I freaked due to the canceled promise and tried to pass/avoid them, because I feared them being paper napkins, but as I was passing them, as an instict, my body turned to them and pretended to try and help the old lady pick them up because I did not want to look like unpolite, even thought i was not planning to touch them. luckily, the old lady picked them.
I worry for many reasons. if the promise was valid,
1)did I break it just because I acted as if i was going to pick the paper napkis if in case they were paper napkins?
2) what if for a second, i did not pretend? also, at first, I tried to avoid them and as I was avoiding them as a reflex, I pretended that I was going to grab them. does that count as returning to get napkins if they were napkins? I was avoiding them sideways but suddenly, my body, automatically, turned to them and pretended grabbing them. does the way I turned my body, after ignoring them, counts as "returning"?
3) did I broke the promise or not?
the canceled promise was:
canceled promise: Must not return home just to get napkins
me: I avoided some paper thing which could be paper napkins and then, I turned my body and pretended I was going to grab them without planning to do it. my body automatically did that in order not to look unpolite.
4) What if the promise was not specific and it was only "must not return to get napkins"?
5) what if my movements count as "returning"? I think i was specific when making the promise and I said something like "must not return home to get napkins" but i am not sure, if i said the word "home".
6) if I did not say that. does that mean I broke the promise? i wanna an answer specific to what I am asking.
7) is the promise valid for only returning home from outside just to get napkins or for whatever place I am in general?
8) does my body movements count as "returning" or not? I was not going to touch them, I just pretended. does that break the promise?
I am ill and please right now, I need some help. can someone answer most of my questions with each number? i do not want to send me Bible verses. I want someone to answer the questions i ask. please do not judge me bad for the old lady. my anxiety was high.
"must not return home just to get napkins"
which was what ocd was ordering me to do.
Today, as I was walking down the street, an old lady in front me had her receipts fell from her hands on the street. She was old and had difficulty bending to get them. When I saw them, in front of me, I freaked due to the canceled promise and tried to pass/avoid them, because I feared them being paper napkins, but as I was passing them, as an instict, my body turned to them and pretended to try and help the old lady pick them up because I did not want to look like unpolite, even thought i was not planning to touch them. luckily, the old lady picked them.
I worry for many reasons. if the promise was valid,
1)did I break it just because I acted as if i was going to pick the paper napkis if in case they were paper napkins?
2) what if for a second, i did not pretend? also, at first, I tried to avoid them and as I was avoiding them as a reflex, I pretended that I was going to grab them. does that count as returning to get napkins if they were napkins? I was avoiding them sideways but suddenly, my body, automatically, turned to them and pretended grabbing them. does the way I turned my body, after ignoring them, counts as "returning"?
3) did I broke the promise or not?
the canceled promise was:
canceled promise: Must not return home just to get napkins
me: I avoided some paper thing which could be paper napkins and then, I turned my body and pretended I was going to grab them without planning to do it. my body automatically did that in order not to look unpolite.
4) What if the promise was not specific and it was only "must not return to get napkins"?
5) what if my movements count as "returning"? I think i was specific when making the promise and I said something like "must not return home to get napkins" but i am not sure, if i said the word "home".
6) if I did not say that. does that mean I broke the promise? i wanna an answer specific to what I am asking.
7) is the promise valid for only returning home from outside just to get napkins or for whatever place I am in general?
8) does my body movements count as "returning" or not? I was not going to touch them, I just pretended. does that break the promise?
I am ill and please right now, I need some help. can someone answer most of my questions with each number? i do not want to send me Bible verses. I want someone to answer the questions i ask. please do not judge me bad for the old lady. my anxiety was high.