I am tired of being single.

[Michael J]

I would focus on a different gal...

I tried that. I've tried to get myself to like girls that I didn't really like. That just made it worse when it either didn't work out, or I realized i didn't actually like them.

One thing. You are freaking LUCKY to have never been in a relationship at your age. Because let me tell you, as our brains are developing and we have no idea what is going on with our minds and our bodies, being in romantic relationships as teenagers can suck hardcore when they inevitably end in heartbreak. Kind of an exaggeration, but not really. I'm not going to lie, if I find a guy my age (I'm 19) who has never been in relationships, it's a huge PLUS. Guys who've had 10 girlfriends every year since they were 15, and especially those who have been in some long-term relationships, are not NEARLY as appealing to me as a guy who has almost always been single. Why? Because it tells me that he can survive and live his life without giving into the pressures of always having to have a girlfriend. If he's a happy man, it's even better because it shows me that he can be happy and independent and content "alone". It shows me that he's put effort into maintaining OTHER relationships, with his family, church family, and his friends.That said, I'm not being fooled. I know that most all men long for a woman. That's how God made us, and men, especially. Adam, in his PERFECTION, felt alone before Eve was created. Even though he was surrounded by God and tons of animals. He still felt alone, and God said "it is not good for man to be alone" (Gen 2:18) And that's when He made Eve. So I get it! I was very discontent single for awhile. In turn, I made some bad decisions entering into a relationship when I was 17. So just hang tough! And focus on God, work, family, friends, etc. And she'll come around. But don't be afraid to pursue her!

I'm not trying to get in tons of relationships here. I've seen the effects of that in my peers, and it's not good. Is it too much to ask to have just one special person for me? It never used to bother me seeing couples together because I never knew what I was missing so no harm done. Now I just feel lonely when I see a couple that are together and love each other.

 

[GQ Chris]

Well, there's eharmony.

 

[yam]

you are just 18 ,slow down. I don't know what you will do when you are 23 or 24. Being single is not that bad. 71% of our generation are single. use this season of singleness to Travel, volunteer....

 

[Im_A]

The title says it all. People will tell you to enjoy being single while you are, and I did. For eighteen years, I did. In a few short weeks I will turn 19 and I am absolutely sick of the single life. On top of that, there is a girl that I've been hung up on singe April 8th 2009. It seems like no matter what I do, I can't get her out of my head. Sometimes I manage to fool myself into thinking I'm over her, then suddenly I'll run into her somewhere and it all rushes back. I don't even live near her. I'm at least a good thirty miles away but I still seem to run into her. I just saw her for the first time tonight in months, and as soon as I saw her, it felt like I was getting punched in the chest. Just to keep myself from breaking down crying, I somewhat avoided her. I got a text a while later after she had gone home saying that she "enjoyed seeing me again tonight, even if I barely talked to her.. at all " I don't want to seem stand-of-ish or that I'm not there for her, especially when a lot of people at her school hate her. But it just kills me to be around her. I don't know what else to do.

1. The best thing to help you get over someone? ACTUALLY walk away and turn you back to them. That means leaving them be. In time, you'll find yourself one not wanting them back or two, if the memory comes back you just hope all is good and move right along.
2. Welcome to the 'cycle'. Hate being single when your hung up on a girl and a breakup, and then time will go on that you will be glad, and uber-happy with being single, and then you'll go back to hate being single. The cycle of the human soap opera love adventures.

 

[Michael J]

I can't do that. I can't just turn my back on her when she is in need of friends. If the trade-off means that my life sucks more, then so be it. All the adaults I know tell me that one of the primary fundamentals of love is putting another persons need above my own. I will do that. Cause I'm just that guy. Would I like girls in general to appreciate a guy like that? Yes. Do they? No. But what am I gonna do about that?

 

[Im_A]

I can't do that. I can't just turn my back on her when she is in need of friends. If the trade-off means that my life sucks more, then so be it. All the adaults I know tell me that one of the primary fundamentals of love is putting another persons need above my own. I will do that. Cause I'm just that guy. Would I like girls in general to appreciate a guy like that? Yes. Do they? No. But what am I gonna do about that?

Yet your trying to love a woman that you experienced some type of break up with. The love may still exist for some time for you. If she broke up with you(or whoever did the breaking up) that means you are not a part of her life no matter of the statements she makes. The premise of what adults, including myself will say in regards to the fundamentals of love doesn't match with your current situation. I would argue the fundamentals of love between a man and a woman do not match with the situation of post-breakup.

My opinion on what you should do about that which you asked what are you going to do about that? Discern who you give 'love' in the sense of romance to. Do what we all do...make conscience choices about who we give ourselves to and who we keep ourselves away from. She has other friends to go to and its not your problem to be a friend for an 'ex' in need of friends. She has family and the sheer ability to do what all of us have to do...make new friends, not go after an 'ex' as a friend.

Plus, what kind of person goes after an ex for friendship? Those are the people that in my opinion, you want to stay far away from because they are simply not the people to be associating yourself with. Their selfishness to use an 'easy target' for their own insecurities is only worth mockery.

 

[gzt]

Sure you can. You're trying to a Knight in Shining Armor and Rescue Her. That really doesn't work. You're either A) enabling bad behavior B) doing something she doesn't really care about or C) and this one's a long shot, actually being a friend (well, as much of a friend as you can be when you secretly and desperately want to get with her). But either way you enjoy the sucking because you're indulging your crush. You can do this, but don't pretend you're putting her needs above your own.

I recommend either dating her (which probably isn't on the table) or turning your back on her.

 

[Im_A]

Sure you can. You're trying to a Knight in Shining Armor and Rescue Her. That really doesn't work. You're either A) enabling bad behavior B) doing something she doesn't really care about or C) and this one's a long shot, actually being a friend (well, as much of a friend as you can be when you secretly and desperately want to get with her). But either way you enjoy the sucking because you're indulging your crush. You can do this, but don't pretend you're putting her needs above your own.

I recommend either dating her (which probably isn't on the table) or turning your back on her.

 

[Jacqulene]

Or he could just stop justifying his co-dependency?

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

YouTube - Brad Paisley ~ Letter to Me ~ Lyrics


What other things have you got going on in your life right now? Are you in school? Do you work? Do you volunteer? Have hobbies?

 

[Rosalila]

I guess I have some explaining to do.
That was it. I was done. Once I had gotten a taste of what being with someone might be like, I no longer enjoyed being single. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world. But when it's taken away from you, you feel worse then you've ever felt in your life.

I know exactly how you feel. I didn't care about relationships until I experienced my first. I was 17. The feeling is so great that you want to always experience it and it's the worst feeling when you're not able to. I can't really give you any advice other than what has already been given. Pray about it, ask her out, and see what happens.

 

[rookie7]

if you are 18, it dosent mean you were single for 18 years, baby stage,kid stage,teen stage, are you saying you should of been dating as a child um no, stop thinking someone can make you happy, the truth is they can for one day and the next day can make you miserable ... relastionships are NOT rainbows and butterflys...hint hint why is there so many divorces

I agree your own happiness is up to yourself.

 

[songz777]

Man you need to be real ( in the kindess wa i say) Ive been single for all my christian life 23 yrs It did hurt a lot.. but now I have learnt to love Jesus.
If you are so hurting for someone.. try Jesus first fall in love with Him.. seek Him first then she will be added brov

 

[Paulie079]

Hey bud, I've been at that point before and it's something the Lord has help me overcome in such a cool way over the past 6 months or so. If you want, IM or PM me sometime and we can talk!

 

[Michael J]

I appreciate the support some of you have given. But some have passed judgement on me after hearing one story out of my life. I can't say I care for that too much. Now that that's out of the way...

Hey bud, I've been at that point before and it's something the Lord has help me overcome in such a cool way over the past 6 months or so. If you want, IM or PM me sometime and we can talk!

I think I'll take you up on that sometime soon.

What other things have you got going on in your life right now? Are you in school? Do you work? Do you volunteer? Have hobbies?

I'm currently enrolled at my local community college. I'm taking easy classes right now as to avoid getting stressed at all. I work at a local grocery store. I'm not getting a ton of hours, but it gives me free time. I put a lot of time into my youth group. I'm on the worship team, so I'm involved in everything. As for hobbies, I like reading (if it's good), listening to music, playing guitar, and socializing.

I know exactly how you feel. I didn't care about relationships until I experienced my first. I was 17. The feeling is so great that you want to always experience it and it's the worst feeling when you're not able to. I can't really give you any advice other than what has already been given. Pray about it, ask her out, and see what happens.

I've prayed about it. I prayed about it a while back near the end of summer. God gives one of three answers. Yes, no or wait. I got a "wait". But as time went on and my association with her began to dwindle, the whole thing seemed like less of a problem. After a while of not seeing her, I was fine. Prayers answered right? Well, when I saw her just recently, it was obvious how I felt. I prayed about it once again, and he said "No, keep on waiting". Obviously, God has something in mind, so I guess my overall question to the people here is, what can I do in the meantime to make things a little easier?

 

[bloodbought09]

In the meantime, I would suggest getting in the word and building your personal relationship with Jesus Christ. There might not be much time left. Though it is nice to have someone on your side because 2 is better than one, for if one falls the other can pick he/she up, and two can keep warm, your relationship with Christ can keep you unlonely until the time when you come together with the right girl.

 

[Michael J]

That's what surprises me though. In the last year and a half or so, I've been closer to God than I ever have. My faith runs deeper, and I've made positive choises in my life that have made me a better Christian. I year ago, I swore constantly. Now, it's far and few between. That's just one example.

 

[bloodbought09]

That's what surprises me though. In the last year and a half or so, I've been closer to God than I ever have. My faith runs deeper, and I've made positive choises in my life that have made me a better Christian. I year ago, I swore constantly. Now, it's far and few between. That's just one example.

Me too, I hate swearing myself, but still slip up every once in awhile. The one trap I have had is that I will say something like, "I will honor Him with my speech" and after I get hit and my mood changes because I have goofed at work, the supervisor gets crazy and I am like, don't judge me alright. Ya, when we look back a few or even 10 years ago we find that, well I have, we have improved quite considerably. Keep up with the building of your faith, and if you get a woman do not let her take you from Jesus Christ. Build up now, cause you will need it in the future. The hardest thing to do is lack preparation and get in a crisis. At the time we pull out the Jesus card and "help me Jesus" this is too hard. And if you have received, pray in the Holy Ghost, He knows what to ask for when your mind draws blank.

 

[Blank123]

sounds like you're in serious need of some closure with this girl. From her text, it does sound like she's at least interested in your friendship and was possibly even hurt by the way you're avoiding her. Which, if true, probably means you've never told why you're avoiding her. sure it may be obvious to you why you canno be around her, but it may not be to her. Talk to her. You've said you want to be friends, but you obviously cannot be if even just seeing her enough to bring you to the brink of tears. its not fair to either of you, and you need to put an end to it now.

and sunset is right. you should consider yourself lucky to not have started dating at such a young age - its nothing but games and drama through middle school and highschool. There are rare exceptions of course, but that is generally the way it goes. people don't start to really mature enough to handle a stable relationship until at least college, and even then you may be better off waiting.