i am married to a non-christian and we are talking about divorce help!!!

[marino2duper]

I am a christian ,i would say i am backslidden ,and am married to a woman who is not a christian .i am 32 she is 30 .
needless to say we look at life differently .but this is not the primary reason for the divorce .
i wanna know what the word of god has to say about divorce ,i know that thier are alot of things in my life that i keep hiden from god ,but for some reason i don't think i would want to divorce if it was against god's wishes .
In the beginging i was into the word a bit but ignored the scriptures about being married to a non-believer and really tried to get her to accept god for like the first year .
we'll i'll stop rambling but please i need some much godly advise in this decision for i have made to many bad one's in life.

 

[reformedfan]

I'm glad you are looking to the Word for advice, 1 Corinthian 7:10-16,
not always easy, but Luke 9:23

 

[Rafael]

Did God put this marriage together? We are not to put asunder what God has put together, but in the book Nehemiah, He busted heads and told the Israelites to leave the unbelieving wives they had married. The Bible says that if the unbelieving partner is not pleased to dwell with you, a Christian, then let them go.
Many teach that once you've married an unbeliever your stuck, but this really isn't what the Bible tells us. If you have married a believer, then divorce for any reason is hated by God.
God forgives us of making mistakes, and being unequally yoked is one of them. If you can influence her by your spirit of goodness and she turns to rely upon God through your witness, then that would be wonderful, but if she is truly against God and pulls the opposite direction - let her go. If you just need an excuse to put her away and she has a heart that could come to God, then God will know the truth, as He sees the hearts of men.

1 Corinthians 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

Nehemiah 13:23 ¶ In those days also saw I Jews that had married wives of Ashdod, of Ammon, and of Moab:
24 And their children spake half in the speech of Ashdod, and could not speak in the Jews’ language, but according to the language of each people.
25 And I contended with them, and cursed them, and smote certain of them, and plucked off their hair, and made them swear by God, saying, Ye shall not give your daughters unto their sons, nor take their daughters unto your sons, or for yourselves.
26 Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things? yet among many nations was there no king like him, who was beloved of his God, and God made him king over all Israel: nevertheless even him did outlandish women cause to sin.
27 Shall we then hearken unto you to do all this great evil, to transgress against our God in marrying strange wives?

Matthew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.

 

[Yitzchak]

Bottomline, you should do whatever is in your power to keep the mariage together. If she chooses to leave, then be at peace about it and move on.

I am not trying to sound non-chalant about the whole thing by giving the bottomline. I know it is a very emotional issue. But I gave the bottomline first so that my answer to your basic question would not be lost in the shuffle. God is in favor of yourmarriage continueing and it is His will that you should work towards that end. That is the bottomline teaching of scripture. You cannot control what your spouse does and you cannot change the past.

In giving this advice, I am of course assuming that there are no unusual exceptions involved such as abuse.

 

[Mustaphile]

I am a christian ,i would say i am backslidden ,and am married to a woman who is not a christian .i am 32 she is 30 .
needless to say we look at life differently .but this is not the primary reason for the divorce .
i wanna know what the word of god has to say about divorce ,i know that thier are alot of things in my life that i keep hiden from god ,but for some reason i don't think i would want to divorce if it was against god's wishes .
In the beginging i was into the word a bit but ignored the scriptures about being married to a non-believer and really tried to get her to accept god for like the first year .
we'll i'll stop rambling but please i need some much godly advise in this decision for i have made to many bad one's in life.

Now would be a good time to draw closer to God. I think your past has shown you that maybe you made some errors in judgement in thinking that you could get over the fact that she wasnt a christian and things would work out fine. It's a common mistake many people make, when they fall in love and God and sense go out the window, so don't feel like you are alone in having made the mistake. Many have gone before you, despite the wise words and counsel of friends.

God uses suffering and pain to teach us a lesson. There is a message in this for you, and you need to draw closer to God to know what that message is. You won't grow in God if you don't listen to that message. If you ignore it, your setting yourself up to go once more around the merry-go-round.

Get your Bible out and start reading again. Pray for his guidance, pray for him to transform you, so that you can be a witness of Christ. If you get yourself right with God, it's going to make whatever happens in regards to this issue be a better learning experience. Prayer can be effective in bringing about change in yourself and other people. So pray for yourself and pray for her too, but keep God as the focus of your heart. Don't let your circumstances allow your heart to be turned away from God, that's the main bit of advice I can give you. If you stick with God, he will get you through this situation.

Imagine this scenario. You relationship is falling apart, but you draw closer to God, read your Bible, pray daily for God to give you guidance, get back into fellowship with a good church that can give you comfort and love in a trying situation. She will either reject your belief, or she will be drawn towards the inner strength, peace and love, that you find in Jesus Christ. Determine to forgive her for whatever she may have done, or be doing. Determine to love her regardless of what harm she might be doing. Seek forgiveness from God for whatever part you might have played in this situation. Forgive yourself and determine to make amends by getting right with God. The rest of it will play out by itself. If your seeking God, you will be naturally seeking the best option.

 

[Yummi]

Search God and be patient, it may take a longer time than you think before he gives a clear answer, but don't miss any of the things he wants to show and teach you meanwhile. Just "sanctify the Lord God in your heart" (1Pet3.15), focus on him and the rest will come naturally, you will have good surprises at the end !

 

[Sketcher]

Read 1 Corinthians 7. It talks about marraige and divorce. You must not leave her under any circumstances, but if she is absolutely determined to leave you, let her go. (Verses 10-12, 15, 16).

Here's another passage to read, Ephesians 5:25-33. You are to love your wife as your own body, laying your own life down for her. If there is a fork in the road, you take the option that is best for her. No matter what it costs you.

I have no experience here at all; I'm not even married, I can only tell you what Scripture says. Pray for what steps God would have you take in light of these Scriptures, and for a married man who walks closely with the Lord to help guide you. I am praying for you.

 

[Suzannah]

I am a christian ,i would say i am backslidden ,and am married to a woman who is not a christian .i am 32 she is 30 .
needless to say we look at life differently .but this is not the primary reason for the divorce .
i wanna know what the word of god has to say about divorce ,i know that thier are alot of things in my life that i keep hiden from god ,but for some reason i don't think i would want to divorce if it was against god's wishes .
In the beginging i was into the word a bit but ignored the scriptures about being married to a non-believer and really tried to get her to accept god for like the first year .
we'll i'll stop rambling but please i need some much godly advise in this decision for i have made to many bad one's in life.

Hi there!
Well, Jesus said that divorce, other than for sexual immorality was wrong. That doesn't mean that it's necessarily unforgiveable, but just that it's wrong, a sin. A terrible circumstance. One that will beget terrible other circumstances, as all sin does.
Jesus:
Mark 10

4They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away."
5"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. 6"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.'[1]
Matthew 19:
7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

You said you keep things "hidden from god". I tell you that there is nothing "Hidden from God". He sees all. He knows the deepest parts of your heart that whisper secret thoughts.

Luke 12
2There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 3What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.

You have not shared what has caused this growing apart between you and your wife. I will pray that it is healed. I will pray that a miracle will happen to keep you on the right road to God, together. Divorce happens. It is not the end of the world. Life can be made new through Christ.
Love in Christ,
Suzannah

 

[marino2duper]

well first off let me thank you all for responding to me ,thier has been no unfaithfulness in our marraige, just we are two different people ,with not much in common at all .as i look back i might have just been in a hurry to get married i was 27 at the time and always thought 27 was the age i wanted to get married and probably just settled for what was there at the time ,no disrespect to my wife .
i took her to church for awhile and she just wasn't into the message of god.
i also wanna say i am not following the LORD at this time ,so i know where it says if she wants to go then let her go ,isn't that in reference to me being a active christian.
i think deep in my heart i don't wanna divorce ,i just don't wanna make another mistake and get a divorce. i really think i'm triing to justify and get reassurance to stay with her . but realistically looking at it i just don't see how it can work for both of us to be happy and the thought of divorcing her really breaks my heart if that make sense .

 

[Suzannah]

well first off let me thank you all for responding to me ,thier has been no unfaithfulness in our marraige, just we are two different people ,with not much in common at all .as i look back i might have just been in a hurry to get married i was 27 at the time and always thought 27 was the age i wanted to get married and probably just settled for what was there at the time ,no disrespect to my wife .
i took her to church for awhile and she just wasn't into the message of god.
i also wanna say i am not following the LORD at this time ,so i know where it says if she wants to go then let her go ,isn't that in reference to me being a active christian.
i think deep in my heart i don't wanna divorce ,i just don't wanna make another mistake and get a divorce. i really think i'm triing to justify and get reassurance to stay with her . but realistically looking at it i just don't see how it can work for both of us to be happy and the thought of divorcing her really breaks my heart if that make sense .

First, I'm really sorry you're unhappy....life is full of that and it is compounded when we make the wrong decisions, whatever those are. Of course, you cannot hold her in the marriage if she wants to leave. That would be very unloving. I find it very commendable on your part that you are ready to recognize faults in yourself. This is always a good thing when we are contemplating "what to do". In your case, I would say that the only way to settle this matter is to decide one thing: Do you live for yourself and your own desires, or for others and their happiness? Indeed, do we live for ourselves or for God?

I think that you should take some time and really pray. In secret. I would not share these feelings with her at this time, since it may be premature. If you end up changing your mind and deciding to stay in the marriage how hurtful it would be for her if she knew all those thoughts in your mind that you had? some things are better left unsaid for awhile, anyway. I would take this time, really and truly pray to God for the answer in your life, and leave her unburdened as much as possible.

 

[kjd]

1Corinthians and 2Corinthians should help you out... -.^ if i didn't mistaken... ;>.>

if your wife is involved in adultery, then isn't it right to divorce? as far as i've read, you are.

i do hope you find your answers in your prayers. ^^

 

[nephilimiyr]

i know that thier are alot of things in my life that i keep hiden from god

My dear, dear man, there is not one thing you can keep hidden from God. You can try all you want but it is a useless endeavor! Lord knows I've tried too but just like Adam and Eve tried to hide their nakedness from God in vain so to have I try to hide my sins from him. We may want to believe this is possible and even lie to ourselves that it is possible but God does know everything we do. Not one second goes by that he does not know. He loves us so much that He, even when we sin, is there ready to forgive us the very second we disobey.

,but for some reason i don't think i would want to divorce if it was against god's wishes .

Then don't. What God has joined, no man can break apart. God takes oathes very seriously. You didn't just make a vow to your wife but you also made a vow to God. you may not think this is true but you did.
Mark 10:6-9, But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Mark 10:11-12, And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

In the beginging i was into the word a bit but ignored the scriptures about being married to a non-believer and really tried to get her to accept god for like the first year .

Marino, don't give up on God. Remember this verse?
Isaiah 9:6, For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called WONDERFUL, COUNSELLOR, THE MIGHTY GOD, THE EVERLASTING FATHER, THE PRINCE OF PEACE.
God is many things but he is not a loser, he is not one of the vanguished, the defeated. If he can create this universe, part the Red Sea, turn water into wine, make the blind see and the deaf hear, make the lame walk, if He can do all these things plus find it in his heart to forgive me of my sins(and God knows they have been many) I'm more than sure he can and will save your marriage!

Don't give up on it Marino, it is worth it!

 

[surferjeff]

religion shouldnt have to matter in order to love sumone u dont have to cross over to another religion and u 2 can still practice ur religions by yourself

 

[kjd]

the Word disagrees marriage of 2 person having different faiths... -.^

 

[Rafael]

well first off let me thank you all for responding to me ,thier has been no unfaithfulness in our marraige, just we are two different people ,with not much in common at all .as i look back i might have just been in a hurry to get married i was 27 at the time and always thought 27 was the age i wanted to get married and probably just settled for what was there at the time ,no disrespect to my wife .
i took her to church for awhile and she just wasn't into the message of god.
i also wanna say i am not following the LORD at this time ,so i know where it says if she wants to go then let her go ,isn't that in reference to me being a active christian.
i think deep in my heart i don't wanna divorce ,i just don't wanna make another mistake and get a divorce. i really think i'm triing to justify and get reassurance to stay with her . but realistically looking at it i just don't see how it can work for both of us to be happy and the thought of divorcing her really breaks my heart if that make sense .

This post makes me think there is a chance for your marriage if you will get your relationship right with the Lord. When that part of your life is in order, the rest will fall into place. God is not unable to touch her heart, and yourprayers and supplications could be very powerful if you'll hook up with God and walk in Him.
I've been divorced, and I can't think of anythng more horrible to go through, so don't think I'm not feelin' for you. It feels like part of your body dies. Probably my best advice would be to pray and then stay married, asking God to take your life and direct your steps. I will pray for you both and believe the best for you.

 

[marino2duper]

well i clearly understand i need to walk with god ,over the past week i have been memorizing a bible verse each day and praying a little everyday , iknow their are still alot of areas of my life i need to surrender which i am having trouble doing ,but i figure it's better to pray and ask god to help surrender these areas then ignore him like i have been doing the past few years .my only trouble now is joining or going to church ,i am really struggling with the idea of walking back into church ,so any help again is appreciated .

by the way me and my wife are going to counseling so hopefully this will help thier is alot of hurt and resent on both sides and she really isn't sure if she wants to be with me ,which troubles me but i must walk right with god at this time.

 

[givethanks]

im sorry to hear that.
why isnt she sure if she wants to be with you?

 

[Rafael]

Pray and submit to God. Hang in there, and don't let anything stop you from going to Church. Church should be a place to get help and encouragement in the Lord.

 

[howard1820]

I suffer from living a lie in my marriage.

I came to faith in 1997 after my first marriage ended, father of two daughters, 7 and 9, I think, at the time. After my divorce, I had a nice internet relationship with a christian girl, Kandy, for over a year, sharing our lives and faith over the internet and the telephone. We finally met in person and had sex. Then she went back home and we were planning on getting married. I loved her deeply based on our sharing our faith.

Then, as the time neared, I don't know if I got cold feet or what, but I ended up meeting another girl, Jenifer, and was "unfaithful." My then almost two-year relationship with Kandy was over. I kept seeing Jenifer, knowing in my heart it was not right, as she was not a Christian, at least as was apparent to me. She and I were never able to have a spiritual oneness and I believe she had not accepted Christ. Jenifer saw an e-mail I sent to Kandy saying that I did not want to marry Jenifer, but still wanted to hang around.

At the time I was seeing Jenifer, I was also going to school at night. I always got so extremely frustrated because Jenifer didn't share any interest in my efforts. She was also sexually abused as a child and carries psycological problems from that. We stayed together because we both were lonely and needed support from each other. We started talking about getting married, though I really, really did not want to. Then she got Multiple Sclerosis. I felt like because we were living in sin, and now that she was sick, I had an obligation to marry her. I finished my undergrad degree at a Christian college.

My faith life has been in the toilet since we have been together. I really miss the closeness I had with the Lord before I made such bad decisisons. We moved from one state to another, about 800 miles. I was really committed to my marriage though because I felt like it was the right thing to do. For a couple of years now though, I have made my mind up that I want a divorce. My faith life has suffered even more in that I feel like I am living a lie in my marriage and my marriage is more of an obstacle to my relationship with the Lord than it is something that is glorifying.

We go to church. I had gotten custody of my two daughters, but after I started law school, I never got to see them, and my wife despised them. I sent them to go live with their mother so they would be with someone during the day who didn't despise them, and so I could be free to divorce. Unlike before our marriage, now she is not willing to have sex. I haven't had sex with her except maybe twice in the past two years. I had a couple of encounters with another girl, but I just can't live that way.

I have prayed, read all the scriptures, done the counseling, and listened to God's word on Christian radio. Ninety-nine point nine percent of what I hear is that I need to divorce. I just hate the thought of hurting someone else. I feel like the main reason though that I stay married is because of the financial situation. However, I have even been planning my way out of that problem, too. I am ready to be free. I want my life back.

Whew! Any takers?

 

[Mustaphile]

Whew! Any takers?

Hehehe...I would be steering right away from relationships after all that, Howard1820. I think you would be best learning how to cope without a partner, before diving into another one. That's a pretty rough story. Looking back on it all though, what have you learned?

My goal is to master my sex drive before I consider anymore relationships. Once I get a handle on sex, I think the rest falls into place a lot easier. At least that's the theory.