I am losing hope

[bessolo]

I am care giving for my Grandfather in law. This is my first attempt. Can anyone suggest some bible verses or resources to help me with being overwhelmed. He has always been a pretty selfish man. But now with the Parkinson's disease, his absence of appreciation of the free care I am trying my best to provide is making it hard for me to stay motivated. I don't need a pat on the back. I simply want to be able to help him without him being demanding, rude and completely unable to admit he has the disease. Any input would really be appreciated.
Thank You and GOD bless....
Joseph....

 

[Elendur]

Seek professional help is the best tip I can give you. If the strain is too hard on you it's no shame in seeking help.

 

[Guy1]

Not exactly the appropriate forum for that. I do suggest looking for help though. I know how hard it can be to take care of someone.

 

[Inan3]

I am care giving for my Grandfather in law. This is my first attempt. Can anyone suggest some bible verses or resources to help me with being overwhelmed. He has always been a pretty selfish man. But now with the Parkinson's disease, his absence of appreciation of the free care I am trying my best to provide is making it hard for me to stay motivated. I don't need a pat on the back. I simply want to be able to help him without him being demanding, rude and completely unable to admit he has the disease. Any input would really be appreciated.
Thank You and GOD bless....
Joseph....

Well, first of all, I think you need to relook at what your motivation may be in caring for him. If your motivation is to show what a nice person you are to him then you will lose your motivation quickly in light of his obvious unappreciation but if your motivation is merely to help him because he needs help in spite of himself you will keep your focus. If you do it unto the Lord then you will not be disappointed you will reap what you sow. "Be not weary in well doing for in due time you shall reap." Now that being said, sometimes it is important to speak to the individual about their actions (respectfully considering his age but still forthright and firm) letting him know that you expect him to treat you respectfully, if for nothing less then the fact that you are there to help him. This may not yield a great change immediately but if you are willing to endure and continue in love to be firm about it, you may win his respect and win him over. These kinds of circumstances take time but you have to be willing to wait it out patiently and kindly, knowing that you have the backing of the Lord and that He will help both you and your G-in-law to work it out. Remember too, that there is probably a lot of fear, and concern going on on the inside of him (which he probably finds it hard to admit) and he probably doesn't think you know anything about what he's going through. Just be kind and loving regardless and don't try to argue or fight with him about it, just help him where you can and remember you don't have to give into his selfishness. Go as far as the grace you have and talk to him about the rest. Also, sometimes we try to help people in ways that WE think is helping them and WE would like it done for us and it might not be the way they want the help. I know I don't know you or your whole situation but these are things to consider. I have cared for the elderly for years and sometimes they just want someone to listen to them. Be a friend and don't let him make you a doormat because he won't respect you and he will hate himself for doing so which will only make the cycle of meanness go round and round. Keep trying to find out what he would like for help and letting him know that you expect him to be "reasonably" nice to you while you are trying to accommodate him. Be thankful for the opportunity to help someone else.

And also, don't EVER lose hope. Hope is the anchor of the soul. Always EXPECT it to get better. "He ALWAYS causes us to triumph in Christ Jesus!! Always means always!! So expect it to turn out for good.

 

[Jamin4422]

resources to help me

You could check around for a caregiver support group. Also if you have questions maybe you could call the doctor's nurse and talk to her. It looks like most of the info on the internet is more about the disease itself and what to expect. I recently saw the Ann Hathaway movie where she had stage 1 Parkinson. They had a support group meeting in the movie and I thought that was very interesting.

 

[SkyWriting]

I am care giving for my Grandfather in law. This is my first attempt. Can anyone suggest some bible verses or resources to help me with being overwhelmed. He has always been a pretty selfish man. But now with the Parkinson's disease, his absence of appreciation of the free care I am trying my best to provide is making it hard for me to stay motivated. I don't need a pat on the back. I simply want to be able to help him without him being demanding, rude and completely unable to admit he has the disease. Any input would really be appreciated.
Thank You and GOD bless....
Joseph....

You can start reading anywhere.
God has a stunning ability to apply what you read to what you need.

 

[DaneaFL]

I am care giving for my Grandfather in law. This is my first attempt. Can anyone suggest some bible verses or resources to help me with being overwhelmed. He has always been a pretty selfish man. But now with the Parkinson's disease, his absence of appreciation of the free care I am trying my best to provide is making it hard for me to stay motivated. I don't need a pat on the back. I simply want to be able to help him without him being demanding, rude and completely unable to admit he has the disease. Any input would really be appreciated.
Thank You and GOD bless....
Joseph....

Instead of Bible verses how about some advice that might actually help?

Your grandpa in law is from a self-reliant, proud generation where a man is only worth what he can produce for society and his family.

Now with his disease he probably feels very vunerable and worthless. This might be the reason he acts so rude.

He needs to feel like he is important and needed again. he might be getting very frustrated with the situation of needing you to take care of him.

I bet most of the conversations you have with him are all about what he needs from you and what he wants you to do.

You might think that being really nice and doting on him it good but it might be contributing to the problem. Every time you wait on him its just reminding him that he isn't self reliant anymore and its probably depressing him and causing him to lash out at you.

Instead, when you are talking with him, try striking up conversations about his accomplishments in life to remind him of how important he has been.

Also ask him for advice! He might not be as physically fit as he used to be but he now has a wealth of experience and allowing him to share that with you will make him feel needed and appreciated.

lastly, make sure you tell him that you respect him and that theres no shame in needed help sometimes. Thats what family is for! We look after our own!

That is a value that his generation can relate to.

Good luck and best wishes!

 

[Elendur]

Good advice IMO.

 

[Just4Jesus]

must be really hard

 

[selfinflikted]

You should ask the mods to move this to a more appropriate forum. Also, I hope you find the help you need.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

MOD HAT ON

Moved to Caregivers & Family Support.

MOD HAT OFF
​

 

[If Not For Grace]

These Ten Commitments were created only for caregivers committed to the concept of “doing your best, no more nor less.” These are just suggestions to assist you on your caregiving journey.
COMMITMENT I:
TAKE YOUR OXYGEN FIRST
As the FAA says, when the plane gets into trouble and the life saving equipment falls from the upper compartment, you take the oxygen first and then give it to your child. With only 19 seconds of useful consciousness in such a situation this approach gives both of you a chance of survival. Caregiving is no different. At its base, caregiving is an experience of confusion, challenge and mixed emotions. Love for your family member and the satisfaction you derive from helping may create a situation where one sacrifices their lives at the “alter of caregiving.” That sacrifice gives rise to conflicting emotions such as guilt, stress, anxiety and a host of other mental health challenges. It is imperative as a caregiver to take care of one’s own mind, body and soul by taking the oxygen first.
COMMITMENT II:
NEVER ASSUME
Caregivers are no different than others in that we tend to make assumptions about other people and situations before actually having gathered all of the neede information. In fact, when we make an assumption we are really passing judgment without even realizing it. How often do we assume that our loved one knows what we know, or knows what we need or desire to have happen, when if fact we are not all psychic? The result of this is often misplaced anger or resentment. Let’s make a sincere effort to garner all the details before we make assumptions.
COMMITMENT III:
HAVE ONGOING FAMILY CONFERENCES
Roles and responsibilities are extremely important to explain to all involved. Ongoing family conferences maintain the boundaries necessary to the caregiving process so that no one feels out of control or inadequate. This is a vital and should be done in person and as frequently as needed. Family conferences are like tuneups used to maintain the family car. This car needs to drive well, efficiently and for a long time. Schedule these conferences regularly, before the wheels fall off.
COMMITMENT IV:
DO NOT ISOLATE
Social isolation can detach and separate a caregiver and give rise to a wide variety of stresses for those taking care of a loved one. Isolation is dangerous because it cuts off family members from outside help and support they need to cope with the stresses of caregiving. Isolation makes it harder for outsiders to see and intervene in a volatile situation. Support groups help caregivers feel less isolated creating strong bonds of assistance and friendship. Participating in a support group helps caregivers manage stress by sharing their experiences and helping to improve caregiver skills. It may also help you to face that some problems have no solutions and that accepting the situation is reality. Join a Caregiver Support Group today.
COMMITMENT V:
DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Taking things personally is about self-importance, “the maximum expression of selfishness,” where we assume everything is about “me.” As a famous author once said, “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.” The actual words said by your loved one are not what is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that are touched by what was said.
COMMITMENT VI:
PLAN AHEAD/HAVE CONTINGENCY PLANS
Murphy's Law is a popular adage in our culture which broadly states that things will go wrong in any given situation. In American culture the law was named after an engineer working for a brief time on USA rocket sled experiments. No doubt if you are a caregiver than Plan A needs to be made but has to be followed up by Plan B, a contingency plan. Recognize what you can and cannot do, define your priorities, and act accordingly. Turn to other people for help - your family, friends, and neighbors. Prepare clear written list of tasks for anyone who may offer assistance. Planning ahead is vital as it gets all on the same page, allows your loved one to feel safe and to have continuity, lessening their anxiety. What if I go before my loved one does? The answer is plan ahead!
COMMITMENT VII:
DO NOT FALL PREY TO SHAME & STIGMA
Shame and stigma have tragic consequences. Caregivers with mental health challenges fail to see help for themselves because of the shame associated with their condition. As a result of this feeling many think they will experience some form of discrimination, whether in the workplace, from health insurance plans or in social settings. They must get help for their behavioral issues in the same manner they would get help for any other other medical condition. Though a loved one is surrounded by medical and behavioral complications at all times, matters get much worse if the caregiver represses their own mental health issues and keeps it in a closet. There is a high need for ongoing assessments for depression, anxiety, fear, alcohol usage and many other challenges. Often shame and stigma prevent vital access to in-depth evaluation of those on the caregiving path. There is no biochemical difference between a disease of the brain and a disease of the heart.
COMMITMENT VIII:
USE COMMUNITY RESOURCES
A full complement of support services that address the caregiver and the recently diagnosed exists in every community. The quality and the extent of such a continuum of resources may vary but just know that neither a caregiver nor their loved one has to be alone. Supportive services may include medical, behavioral, legal, dental and various psycho-educational support groups Investigate community resources that might be helpful. If there is a Leeza’s Place in your community, consult a Leeza Care Advocate or attend meetings and ask other caregivers for the resources that have helped them. If there is not a Leeza’s Place in your community try our Caregiver Connection Line.
COMMITMENT IX:
HONOR SACRED MEMORIES
Empower yourself and your family using experiential approaches to memories. Take time to “remember.” Get away from it all while relaxing with yourself and your loved ones. Use photography journaling, scrapbooking, holiday decorations or any other means to associate with the endearing “stories” of the family. If there is a Leeza’s Place near you, make sure you schedule time for LMTV, Leeza’s Memory Television. The caregiver and the care receiver can find common and connective ground in the face of the best and worst of times. Making sure that all members of the family are included is vital in this process. This is a great time to bring children into the process of honoring their elders and allows loved ones to connect in a valuable way. Keeping what emerges out of such a dynamic process is a great way to honor sacred memories and bridge the generations.
COMMITMENT X:
FIND HUMOR IN MANY PLACES
“Laughter Is the Best Medicine.” This is an old expression popularized by Norman Cousin’s book “Anatomy of an Illness,” in which he describes his battle with cancer and how he “laughed” his way to recovery. His hypothesis and the subject of many studies suggest that there are positive effects to be gained from laughter as a great tension-releaser, pain reducer, breathing improver, and general elevator of moods. It sounds miraculous, is not proven, but studies continue. In short, humor therapy is valuable and it helps us through difficult or stressful times. Try to see the humor in being a caregiver. Try writing on a card “Have you laughed with your loved one today?” and placing it in a conspicuous place in the bathroom or kitchen. Read funny books or jokes, listen to funny tapes or watch humorous movies or videos that make you laugh. Try it and you’ll like it!

 

[RuthD]

Psalm 46:1-3 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble with its tumult.”
Psalm 57:1 “Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, until the destroying storms pass by.”
Psalm 91 Assurance of God’s Protection
Psalm 121 Assurance of God’s Protection
Psalm 139: 7-12 “Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascent to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night,’ even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.”
Jeremiah 29:11 “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.”
Isaiah 40:28-31 “Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless. Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted; but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings of eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”
Isaiah 41:10 “…do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”
Isaiah 43: 1-2 “Thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”
Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Luke 6:20-22 “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you will be filled. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.”
John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.”
Romans 8:24-26 “In hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.”
Romans 8:38,29 “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
1 Corinthians 12:24-26 “God has so arranged the body, giving the greater honor to the inferior member, that there may be no dissension within the body, but the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together with it.”
Galatians 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Colossians 1:11-14 “May you be made strong with all the strength that comes from his glorious power, and may you be prepared to endure everything with patience, while joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the light. He has rescued us from the power of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Hebrews 13:5 “…God has said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.”
1 John 4:16b,18a “God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in the. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.”