I am just so fed up with my life

[bluelime2]

David murdered one of his best soilders to cover up the fact that he'd slept with the mans wife. The cost was the life of his son. Since it was probably widely known over time, particualarly regarding the child, he possibly would have lost a lot of respect and face with the nation. Not fun when you've so openly trusted and worshipped God throughout your life and rule as king.

People can perhaps say 'but the child died and he was innocent' - if you look at the context, he would likely have been rejected by the nation as king in the future because of the illigitamacy which could have spelled death at the hands of his brothers. It also tells us later on reagarding one of the wicked kings of Israel that God took the life of one of his children 'because something was found in him that pleased the lord' whereas the rest of the family were slaughtered for their wickedness. So God can take a childs life to save them.
But anyway.

The point is, David was still called 'a man after Gods own heart' and was the best king Israel ever had. He was a mighty man of God. He stuffed up. The two don't automatically cancel each other out.

(So did Sampson, Gideon, Abrahem, Jonah, Noah, Peter, Paul).

 

[Aaliyah]

Thank you all for your caring advice.

As for what it is, I just don't feel comfortable talking about it and I don't know if I ever will. I am just so ashamed by the whole thing.

Basically, God told me to not have a sexual relationship with this guy and I did it anyway...even though I knew it was wrong. And so many things have come from it that it would take me days and days to explain it all. There is no short summary of it.

I just can't seem to get over it and all of the things it has caused in my life. I feel like I am doomed to feel like this for the rest of my life. I believe that we can experience "hell" while we are here on earth and the whole time I was going through this situation, that is what I felt like. And now that it's over, and nothing is getting better no matter what, I feel like this is going to be my state of being for the rest of my life. I know I am saved and I am so grateful and thankful that I will someday be in Heaven with God. I really am. But as for my time here on earth, I just feel like this is what it is going to be forever. I feel like the doors that I have opened can just in no way be closed. They can with God's help but it seems like I've been trying for that to happen for so long...

It's really scary. I mean I've been dealing with this for so long. I deal with it every single day of my life and it it just so depressing and I am so sick of it.

 

[Bain_Adaneth]

I know I am forgiven, that's not the problem. Thank God. And you don't know how long it took me to just accept the fact that I was forgiven.

What I can't deal with is the fact that I caused this pain in my life. I can't blame it on anyone. I can't ask God why. Because He and I both already know why. It is not that kind of pain and confusion. That kind I can deal with. That actually sounds real good right about now. I just can't get over the fact that I myself have caused so many things in my life to be wrong. I haves serious regrets. I just can't deal with it. I know God wants me to just accept that I've messed up my life but I just can't. When God has control over my life and I don't like how something happened I can go to him and ask him about it. But this is all me. Just me. Is it so horrible that I don't want to accept that? I don't think so. Because this is not how it is supposed to be. I just don't know why God let me do this to myself. And I don't know why it has to be so painful. That is the first time I have ever done anything wrong like this so why does it have to be so painful? I really feel like i have just ruined my life....and I am a bit of a perfectionist. I want everything to go the way it should...not life this. I don't even think that is perfectionism.

If God is supposed to be omnipotent or whatever, then wouldn't He already know that I was going to do this and why did he let me? And if that's true then how do we even have free will. But that's another discussion...I guess. I feel like I have such a hard time trying to describe my feelings on this situation but hopefully I got it across.

[I just don't know why God let me do this to myself.]

[If God is supposed to be omnipotent or whatever, then wouldn't He already know that I was going to do this and why did he let me?]


Please don’t blame God for your mistakes, you have really committed the big one there. Because He is righteous. You have the power to control your own choices, and He allows us to do that. So you can’t really turn around and blame Him for it. I think this is where you’re stuck. Whenever we blame God for anything, everything stops. Because we are sinful, wretched, awful, disgusting human beings who sin on a daily basis, whom He sent His only Son to die for, and we definitely have no right to point the finger at Him.

You need to acknowledge your sin that you committed. It was not God who did it, but you. You have to know that and own it. And when you are sincerely admitting and sorrowful over this sin, and knowing that you blamed it on God, then you could begin to repent. When your pride is gone, and your heart is broken and sincere, He will not despise (Psalm 51:17). He will listen to your cries and prayer.

I just went through something like this the end of last year, and it nearly broke down everything that I built up. It seemed as if everything crumbled to the floor. And the worst thing that kept it like that, was my unwillingness to acknowledge that it was not God, but me who I was to blame, and I would not cry out to God to forgive my wretched self. He didn’t even listen to any prayers anymore. There was a dark void. And that was when I was so sad, and felt and understood what Jesus said on the cross….”My God, my God, why have you forsaken me.” No, God did not leave me, but He did not turn Himself to me either, and did not draw to me, but was very far. And I was very sad. But the moment I acknowledge my own sin, broke down, cried and repented, the darkness lifted. And my God was there, and comforted me. I love Him so much!

With God there will be failures, you have to understand that. But where you are humble, He will lift you up. Where we are poor, we will become rich, sadness turns into happiness. And when we are saddened, we will be comforted, when we are weak, He will give us strength.

You see, it’s not about having everything perfect in this life. But we are perfected by Christ. And even though things may not go the way we want, God is there to guide and help us.

 

[TLSF]

Hi

As you can see many people care even if they don't know you personally (I assume); simply put you matter! (I know you think I'm only saying it)

My advice is use your bad experience and help other people not make the same mistake. You have seen the profound effects your actions have, use your knowledge you have gained and you can save someone the same pain you are going through. It would be a valiant thing don't you think?

I really hope and believe that you can get through this a stronger and better person.

That's my real world advice

 

[JSnell]

...

 

[MLEN]

One of the hardest things for us to do sometimes is to forgive ourselves. This is especially so when the wrong we have done appears to have changed the very course of our lives in what we feel is a negative way. I once dealt with a similar issue when I felt that I had lost out on something because of a bad moral choice I made. I knew that God had forgiven me, but I also felt I had forfeited a blessing at the same time. This feeling is not a good one, but it does not have to last when we realize just how merciful and loving God is. By faith one must move forward - not looking back to the wrong done in the past.

God wants you to stop looking back and move forward in him. He still has so many more blessings in store for you despite any negative outcomes from your past mistakes. I absolutely love Jeremiah 29:11-14 which says:

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And I will be found of you, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive."

In essence, our God promises to forgive, heal and restore. He does not hold grudges and is ready and willing to bless you beyond belief despite past sins which have already been confessed.

Another verse which reminds us of God's willingness to heal and restore is Joel 2:25-26

"And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed."

Here, God promises the Israelites that once they have returned to him, he will restore what was lost to them while they rebelled against him. And cause them to never be ashamed. This is an awesome promise that we can take hold of when we doubt that God can even remove the shame that comes with sin. May you claim and cling to these promises from God our savior who loves you with an everlasting love.

 

[Zags91]

Good post, MLEN. I'm working on forgiving myself for my past mistakes. Depending on the severity of a person's past, it can be very difficult to get over. But as long as you return to God with a truly repentant heart and are truly seeking Him to get you out of your sorrow, He will deliver you. God wants His children to be joyful and full of peace so that others can see the love that God bestows on us.

 

[MLEN]

Amen!

 

[bluegreysky]

I don't think God is punishing you, I think you won't forgive yourself.
I see this alot, and I have been a victim. Sometimes, I still am.
The key is learning to leave the past in the past.
You have to teach yourself that it doesn't matter what you did
or what mistakes you made or what you didn't do,
all that matters is the choices you make now.
If you're still dealing with consequences from your mistakes,
you have to just learn to make the most of them.
Try to move foreward with life, sharing the lessons you learned with others.
Change things up if you can... find new past-times, make new friends,
do a new exercise routine, change up your diet.
Start hanging out at a different coffee shop or mall or whatever.
Visit a new church.
Do things you never did.
It will make you feel kind of like you started your life all over.
A new life is a chance for a new start- to not make the same mistakes!

Hope this helps

 

[aMancalledDavid]

I absolutely had to make a profile on here after reading all of these posts! These have helped me so very much and have brought me out of my despair and frustration! It makes me so happy to see our Father working in the lives of so many of you people; and even moreso, the love He recieves from you! I can sense strength and solid foundations in these responses, and it inspires me to buckle up, embrace the hard times, find light in the darkness, and continue surrendering all to God and trusting that He truly does know better than we.

My advice is this; God has a reason for everything. He did not bless you with days, months or years of His abundant love for nothing. He has a reason for EVERYTHING, and although He knows all that will happen, just as the Spirit has stated through others, He lets us reap what we sow. The unreleased judgement of God will not befall the ones who believe in Him and love Him, but, His righteous judgement will happen to all; what I mean by this is, we reap what we sow. Does this mean that God loves us any less? Absolutely not! He loves us more than we can even BEGIN to fathom. We are the love of His heart, the apple of His eye, beloved and precious in His sight; He knew us when we were only dust. He has no intention of bringing ill-will or harm to us, but in EVERY instance has a plethora of plans to GROW and PROSPER us. We just have to trust in Him absolutely and unreserved, knowing that through despair, He brings hope, through darkness, He brings light, through chaos, He brings order. God is not the author of confusion. All He wants is for us to love Him and give ourselves fully over to Him, and sometimes it takes hardships and tribulations to get us to see the full picture.
"And not only so, but we glory in tribulation also; Knowing that tribulation worketh patience, and patience, experience; and experience, hope. And hope maketh not ashamed, for the love of God is spread abroad in our hearts through the Holy Spirit given unto us."
Trust in God, my sister, He will surely help you if you do. And continue seeking Him, and I promise; He'll find you.

 

[k.miles]

Hi Aaliyah,

Yes, things do happen to us in life that we've both done and haven't done to directly cause it. I'm regretful of things I've done as well. I know that you're not comfortable sharing exactly the details that have taken place with you. I encourage you to read this blog post at which addresses this issue. It can be applied to all walks of life despite how little or big the "mess up" is. It's not a "quick fix" answer. It's just the truth. I hope it helps you, just copy and paste in your url: whatyoudontunderstandcanhurtyou.com/blogs.redemption.htm

May Christ bless you,

 

[MarkEvan]

I know that someone has already talked about David but I think that its worth repeating as you both have in common a sexual sin (David wen't a wee bit further by killing Bathsheba's husband first though). I'll have to be honest and say that David payed for that sin for the rest of his life in one way or another but as has already been noted he was still called 'a man after God's own heart' even after all that, you say you've asked for forgiveness well so long as we are sincere then God promises that he will for give us, sure the memory and earthly consequences of what you have done will remain with you (and there are an awful lot of christians who do the same not to mention famous kings of Israel) but just as David did you are capable of dealing with those consequences.....in fact to be honest your probably better suited than David as he didn't have the relationship with the Father that we do. Jesus promises us at the end of Matthew that "I am with you always even to the end of the age" part of His being with you is giving you the strength and desire to live your life as God want's you to lead it which includes coping with the consequences of sin.

Hold your head up you aren't going through this alone and without help, Jesus is with you every step of the way saying 'when your strength fails use mine.'