I am a horrible sinner. Please help.

Neostarwcc · Jun 19, 2018

I don't really feel very comfortable talking about this but, I have a porn addiction. More specifically a hentai addiction. I don't touch a lot (Probably like 2-3 times every month or two) this makes me feel guilty because I'm basically saying that these virtual women are more beautiful than my wife. They are but isn't that not really the point? The point isn't supposed to be about "these women are more beautiful than my wife" it's supposed to be "I'm cheating on my wife by masturbating to women more beautiful than my wife".

Why do I call it cheating on my wife? Well because it basically is. I'm not having physical sex with these virtual women but I'm intentending to and didn't Jesus say that even lustful thoughts are equivalent to cheating in the eyes of God? So, yes about 2-3 times every month or two I cheat on my wife.

My wife knows about my hentai addiction and she doesn't understand it when sex is so much better. And yes, sex IS so much better and the stupid part is why should I even have to touch when I have sex with my wife like 2-3 times a week? It's so stupid! It's like, I WANT to cheat on my wife! Is there anything I can do to kick this habit? Because, I am such a sinner!

SkyWriting · Jun 19, 2018

Addiction problems are solved by substituting prefered actions
until the prefered actions become the habit.

This is how 12 step programs work, by substituting in new habits.

Dave G. · Jun 19, 2018

Confess it to Jesus Christ and then don't turn on the videos, they're just of Satan anyway.. Listen, if something is not of God who does that leave that it is of ? Put it behind you, it's mostly just habit and Satan is rubbing his hands together and drooling for your soul or at least to derail your walk. Find something else to pass the time with. Take up barbecue cooking for your wife or something useful and then have sex with her in a tent in the back yard or something.. Go soul winning for the Lord. Do something Christ like, He sees you watching porn ya know, as do all the angels and saints ? He would like you to seek Him but you are throwing up a big blockage instead.

So what to do ? Don't turn it on.

Valetic · Jun 19, 2018

This ^

Once bad habits are formed they have to be replaced. The problem won't go away magically until you change something. Try instead something like, when the urge comes, whatever device you are going to go do your business, instead go to youtube and turn on some hymns.

And honestly, it's easy to come to this forum and confess and ask for advice, but maybe it might drive the issue home more if you schedule an appointment with your pastor (and brother) and tell him what's going on. This will give you more accountability than telling us. Then when you have kicked the habit you can come back here with a praise report

RaymondG · Jun 19, 2018

A good start would be to start claiming the opposite of what you claim in this thread.
<staff edit>
-you love your wife and do not wish to cheat on her.
-You are a child of God and not a sinner.
-You are totally satisfied with your wife and there is not need to look at any other women.

You tried the negative thinking for a while now......how could it hurt to try the positive?

" Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."

Halbhh · Jun 19, 2018

I've found it's difficult to even want to sin when there is temptation even during weeks in which I'm reading through a gospel. This is because Christ's Words are living. If you listen (truly fall silent and truly listen from your heart), then His words will powerfully affect you, strengthen you. Remember His words later, recall them. Some days just reading a verse or two of what He said was so filling I had to stop and just dwell on that verse or two. There is no hurry, because the words of Christ you are reading are actually going to endure -- continue -- apply -- last -- heal -- forever, literally. Matthew 24:35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away. You are actually reading Words of eternal Life! Every one of them is like a jewel.
Then also pray the prayer He gave you to pray in Matthew chapter 6, which includes that you not be led into temptation, and that you be delivered from evil. When you pray this powerful prayer He gave you to pray, in order that you would pray it, you can know it's perfectly in God's will, and so have confidence, belief, as you pray, that it will be given to you. Praying with faith is effective. As you confess truly in your heart to God (1 John chapter 1), you are cleansed, and each time is real change. These things are so powerful.

Southernscotty · Jun 19, 2018

Good advice above here Friend so I will just add that I am praying for you and please know that porn opens doorways and it will become harder and harder to be satisfied until it takes over your mind

Chinchilla · Jun 19, 2018

You might not be addicted to hentai itself but to japanese voice / music , try not using headphones . Not sure what type of hentai you watch and I don't want to know but soft hentai like MMD is bad for you aswell don't listen to that music it can be hypnotic . If that's not the case then your brain is addicted to these characters screaming or moaning which make you happy and that's whats lacking in your life because your wife is probably not acting like that in bed but you are used to these screams because you probably used hentai before way before marriage and that's what your brain expects now .

If that's not the cause then you are simply addicted visually to curves of hentai models which are not natural but usually perfect shape , women over ages used to torture themselfes in corsets to gain that look because it's actually the sexiest thing for man to see woman's waist .

Similar problem like your can occur with kids who play with barbie dolls which have not natural proportions and these kids when grow up want to look like barbie so they become anorexic .

So in my opinion you just got addicted to either hentai voice/music or not existing body shape which you won't find in real life woman .

Deniz · Jun 19, 2018

<staff edit>

I stumbled upon pornography when I was about 10 or 11, and for the rest of my atheistic life until 24 years of age I continued watching. Then at 24, after God showed to me that He exists and I started believing, I realized pornography, masturbation and any kind of lusting was a serious, grave sin in the eyes of the Lord; so I prayed and talked to God, I got convicted, then I promised the Lord not to watch pornography or touch or give in to lust ever again. Now for 3 years I've never done any of those things, neither did I have a hard time struggling maybe except the first month, and nor do I ever look at any women with the same eyes I used to before.

What happened? Well after I realized the value of God and the graveness of sin, and the seriousness of promising things to God, I started praying. I asked the Lord to give me understanding, to give me eyes of a father and a spirit of a brother towards all people; and most importantly not ever to compromise. Until I figured out not to obey that ever sneaky voice on the corner of your head going "look over there, there's a beautiful woman you've got to see!" I had problems with lust invading my thoughts. But when I learned to shut that down militantly, I can honestly tell you that the same problems with lust that I had before in my life I experience no more. Now I can remain calm and collected, dispelling lustful temptation all the while praising God and praying for others in certain situations, whereas before I would not even be able to remain there.

The first, most important and the "hardest" step is this: You sit down and start talking to God and ask for the understanding and power to do the right thing; ask that you may clearly see, that you may understand it is Him who loves you so much that you are grieving. The Lord is already grieved enough with all the things that happen around the world through His children who don't believe in His name, so let us, who are called and chosen to console Him not grieve Him as well.

Sit down and pray, spend as much time as you need with the Lord and wear no masks when you open your heart to Him. Ask for the strength to do the right thing, and then rise up with your God given will not to mess with that sin ever again. You "amen" is cutting every connection, deleting whatever you may have, burning bridges that should not be there and saying "I'm done". Do not compromise, and whenever you feel like you are being overwhelmed by evil thoughts, immediately turn to the Lord and praise Him that He's with you and that He has given you a will to do the right thing, strength to carry on and that you are not ever tempted beyond your ability to endure. If you turn to the Lord and start praising Him every time you are tempted, the devil will have to flee lest he causes you to grow further into Jesus.

Those drawings are not more beautiful than your wife. Neither can they ever be, they have no soul; and there is only a single person with whom you are one with, spirit and body. Only one who is flesh of your flesh, bone of your bone; with whom before God you were made one and blessed with the oath of marriage. Love God with all your heart, so that you may love your wife as she deserves. Believe me, nothing in this world is worth grieving the Lord; crush this weakness in prayer and communion with the Holy Spirit of God. You can do it today. God bless.

Neostarwcc · Jun 19, 2018

Good points. No my wife doesn't really moan during sex and you're right. I've probably come to expect that in a woman. It just doesn't seem fair that real women aren't really vocal during sex. I realize porn stars are but I'm talking about your average woman here. You're also right that I was addicted to hentai long before I was married. I've been addicted to it since I was seven or eight years old. I used to touch a lot more often than I do now. Several times a day in fact but I do it a lot less frequently now. I guess I'm just sick of cheating on my wife. My wife doesn't really see it as cheating but I do. I guess when I get the urge to touch I can just think of better things. Or just ask my wife for sex. She doesn't really say no all that often. I just sometimes don't want to bother her unless shes doing other stuff.

Neostarwcc · Jun 19, 2018

You're right I can go to God about these things. I don't want to hurt my Lord and Savior anymore. God will help me and when I get the urge I can do something else.

NBB · Jun 19, 2018

Sometimes there is sin in our life that only Jesus and the holy spirit can break.
I learnt that this useful advice:
Pray until it happens. Pray until Jesus free you of those sins.

aiki · Jun 19, 2018

<staff edit> Selfishness only ever grows when we indulge it. And as it grows, it becomes more and more destructive. How much damage do you intend to cause to yourself and your marriage? Brother, you're the proverbial frog in the pot of boiling water. You're boiling to death in the heat of your sin and don't realize it. Get out of the pot!

There's only one direction you can go with your fascination with hentai: downward into darkness. Don't the grotesque and vile images of hentai stir your conscience? Doesn't the evil of it sicken some part of you?

The Bible tells us to make no provision for the flesh. How are you getting to the hentai? Block off your route to it. Do whatever you must to remove all access to it.

Get serious with God. You're fooling yourself if you think you can walk with God and be involved in masturbating to hentai. God hates what you are doing! Stop it. If you don't, at some point, God will give you over to your sin and let you taste of the full poison of it. You don't want that.

Learn to be satisfied with God. Be the vessel for His use that He made you to be. The joy and fulfillment in doing so will make your filthy moments with Japanese perversion a nasty and disgusting thing. The closer you move to God, the less of your Self you'll want to indulge.

Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.
25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

Romans 13:12-14
12 The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.
13 Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy.
14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.

DamianWarS · Jun 19, 2018

I can appreciate there are standards of beauty that seem to be unattainable or beyond our own capacity but I can't relate to the sentiment "these women are more beautiful than my wife" and I would suggest this is your problem and you need to start looking at your wife differently.

hentai is about exaggerated characteristics of women that stimulate lust. there is no hentai with long noses or giant thumbs because these things are not sexually desirable. Hentai is like the caricature of porn but rather for comedic effect (like big noses and thumbs) it is for lustful effect.

If you desire these images over your wife then there is a problem. I would suggest to start rationalizing your standards of beauty and use your features of your wife as your perfect example where everything else is less than perfect; you're wife is the standard and everything is subpar. Talk to your wife about it too and see if she will agree to helping you when you get urges perhaps by allowing her to take the place of the urge which would help re-program yourself to connecting these urges with your wife.

Anyone can develop perversions with repetition. I've read that a child learns what 1+1 is after about 60 times of reinforcing it, so the theory goes progressive repetition can contribute to developing new neurological pathways of association. if you association is miss-focused lust then start to re-focus that to your wife, ignore that at first it may not be completely natural, just keep doing it and the repetition will help shift the focus from these images to your wife. We have all heard it said that if you're called stupid everyday then eventually you're going to believe it. Well there is actually more than one thing happening here, the person being told they are stupid will believe it as well as the person telling they are stupid will believe it and all the people that hear it will start to believe it as well. So start looking at your wife and tell her she is the most beautiful in some way every day (even set an alarm to do it so you don't forget) and just the act of repetition will actually contribute to true belief that she is truly more beautiful than those images.

thesunisout · Jun 20, 2018

You need to be transformed into a person that is satisfied with his wife only. The flesh is wicked and corrupt, and always will be. You will always be tempted to do things to gratify it. Only God can change your heart and transform you into a person that will never cheat on his wife, even with virtual characters.

First I would get rid of anything in your house which is causing the temptation, books, magazines etc. Then I would ask God to grant you repentance on this, and pray every day for transformation through abiding in Christ. Ask God to teach you how to abide in Him because when we are yoked to Jesus, we are totally satisfied.

GirdYourLoins · Jun 20, 2018

<staff edit>

I also had to look up what the definition of the word is as I had no idea. I vaguely remember something from a few years back where someone talked about this and there were some specific things about this unreal, fantasy element. I cant really remember it now as it was s long ago but Im sure there was something about not being satisfied with Gods creation and desiring a fleshly idealised version instead, or something like that. You quite often hear about people having issues with real sex after watching porn these days and I think this is similar, although I am no psychiatrist.

That leads me to believe that there is a root to this addiction that you need to identify and deal with. There is something keeping you tied into this behaviour which needs breaking. So I guess I am saying you need to both uproot the cause and break the ties to it. Replace them with something more in line with God. It could be reading your bible when you feel these temptations coming on or trying to focus on your wife instead as your God given partner.

Stustd · Jun 20, 2018

Forgiveness of sins is always available when you turn to Christ's sacrifice on the Cross and ask God for forgiveness in Jesus Christ's name.

But who is God? According to the Bible He is a Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Complex..., but Essential. In Genesis 1:26,27 we read: "Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness, to rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and the livestock, and over all the earth itself and every of creature that crawls upon it.” So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." The (Hebrew) name that God uses here is "El-ohim" which is plural (because it ends with 'im'). God also says "Let Us make ... in Our image, after Our likeness, to...", also plural.

More often than not this is not properly explained (or explained at all) in Christian circles (churches, sermons, bible study groups, etc). After reading this, the standard interpretation starts with "..., to rule over ..., and over all the earth itself and every creature ...", as if God created Man and Woman to rule (inhabit, cultivate) the earth... Yes also, but foremost God created Man and Woman to have an eternal loving relationship with Him (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and with each other. THEREFORE, GOD (according to the Bible) = An Eternal, Most Perfect Loving Relationship between the Father and the Son in communion of the Holy Spirit. God reveals Himself not as a Person, but as a Family of Love (Hebrew: Echad) - we call this the Trinity, God = a Trinitarian God. This is most clear from 1 John 14-17: "If anyone confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. And we have come to know and believe the love that God has for us. God is love; whoever
abides in love abides in God, and God in him. In this way, love has been perfected among us, so that we may have confidence on the day of judgment; for in this world we are just like Him.…" Before anything else, THIS is the IMAGE God created you in: to have a loving relationship with Him as Father, Son and Holy Spirit and to celebrate that together with your wife!

Unfortunately, because of Man's disobedience to God (the Fall) this relationship with God is broken (we're not born with it anymore) and consequently our relationships with each other are broken (in marriage and outside). But God provided a way to restore this relationship when God the Son volunteered to come down to earth, explain the fullness of God to us, and was faithful unto death to die for our sins on the Cross of Calvary. He was resurrected into Life by the Father (God breathed His Breath into Jesus' dead body; God's Breath [Hebr: Ruach] = the Holy Spirit) and Jesus ascended into heaven, victoriously. Believe in what Jesus did for you on the Cross and your sins are forgiven. This is called Salvation.

But we must learn and repent of our sins - this is called Sanctification. Remember, when Jesus died on the cross to pay for our sins, He not only paid our price so that we Could be saved, He also gave us the Holy Spirit to live In us so that (by implication) the dominance of Satan over our lives (from within) was broken. That's why Christ's Victory = Our Victory: Liberation Day, The End of Slavery to Satan and his daemons). That's crucially important to overcome your and any addiction: Satan's dominion is crushed in you by Christ (forgiveness, salvation, restoration) and the Holy Spirit (renewal, sanctification, new Life). We have to fight our addictions but we can overcome them <staff edit> by giving the highest spiritual power in the universe, His Holy Spirit (Breath) to indwell in us -- through Jesus Christ.

Come to look at yourself that way and let the Holy Spirit fight your fight. Victory is guaranteed, your guilt will be gone, your relationship with God and your wife renewed. Thank you Trinitarian God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit!!!

Lucian Hodoboc · Jun 20, 2018

If your wife is willing, engage in sexual intercourse with her more often, and thus you won't feel the temptation so strongly, like the apostle Paul advised.

LadyCrosstalk · Jun 20, 2018

There is a very real enemy who wants to destroy every Christian church, every Christian family and every Christian, if he can. Period. He is working on destroying you and your marriage. He is the enemy of your soul and those Christians who are aware of his actions in this world learn to hate him. But hating him (or anyone really) is not a tenable position for a Christian to be in. We are to be about love.

The Bible teaches that sin is slavery. You are Satan's slave, if you accept his rule over you in this. Addiction is just another form of slavery. Until you love God (and His desire for you to walk in freedom) more than you hate Satan (assuming that you do), you will continue to be Satan's slave in your sexual life. Ask God to give you a distaste for this sin (it really is quite undignified).

S.O.J.I.A. · Jun 20, 2018

what were your habits regarding pornography and masturbation before you got married?

I am a horrible sinner. Please help.

We are saved purely by the work and grace of God.

The Librarian

Well-Known Member

Addicted to CF

Well-Known Member

Everything You say is Life to me

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Active Member

We are saved purely by the work and grace of God.

We are saved purely by the work and grace of God.

Well-Known Member

Regular Member

Follower of Isa Al Masih

growing in grace

Well-Known Member

Newbie

I've already read the Bible

Well-Known Member

Dynamic UNO

Similar threads