Husband refuses being called lord/master

[kdm1984]

Hi. Conservative Christian female here married to a non-theistic male. We met at a time when I wasn't in the faith (2004).

Since I returned to the faith in 2005, husband has respected my need for faith. I currently attend (and have been confirmed by) a Missouri Synod Lutheran church, have regular prayer time and study, and he's fine with all of this. A couple of years ago, he even volunteered with me for a time for a homeless ministry when I attended a different church (Calvary Chapel). He also even likes it when I call myself his helpmeet, and enjoys the protective role.

But one thing he really doesn't like, is when I call him lord or master, like it says to do in 1 Peter 3. He will respond that he's egalitarian, I'm not his property or slave, and that my wishes matter just as much as his, so none of that lord/master stuff.

Is it best to just not bring this up anymore? I know wives are to be submissive, yet first to God, and then to husbands. In this case, I'm wondering how to combine the two. Perhaps it would be most sensible to find a "middle road" and continue to act as the submissive wife who views husband as lord/master, without actually bringing it up verbally, so as to avoid annoying him?

Thoughts?

 

[All4Christ]

Don’t call him lord or master. That’d be very strange in today’s language, and we aren’t told to call them master or lord. It just says that Sarah called Abraham lord. (Just FYI, topics like submission are only allowed in the women’s subforum.)

Honestly, my husband would say the same thing as your husband says about calling him lord or master.

Regarding the topic of submission - you and I have different understanding of the Biblical concept, but I cannot follow up with that topic in this forum.

 

[Paidiske]

If he doesn't want it, then wouldn't obeying him suggest that you not do it? I'm not really seeing the problem here.

That said, Laura is right; this is really a topic for the women's subforum, here: https://www.christianforums.com/forums/married-women-personal-topics.1113/

 

[kdm1984]

I am not able to access that sub-forum. I get the following message:

"
Christian Forums - Error
You do not have permission to view this page or perform this action.
"

 

[Paidiske]

If you post a ticket here https://www.christianforums.com/tickets/ and ask for access, the admins will sort that out for you.

 

[Ken Rank]

Hi. Conservative Christian female here married to a non-theistic male. We met at a time when I wasn't in the faith (2004).

Since I returned to the faith in 2005, husband has respected my need for faith. I currently attend (and have been confirmed by) a Missouri Synod Lutheran church, have regular prayer time and study, and he's fine with all of this. A couple of years ago, he even volunteered with me for a time for a homeless ministry when I attended a different church (Calvary Chapel). He also even likes it when I call myself his helpmeet, and enjoys the protective role.

But one thing he really doesn't like, is when I call him lord or master, like it says to do in 1 Peter 3. He will respond that he's egalitarian, I'm not his property or slave, and that my wishes matter just as much as his, so none of that lord/master stuff.

Is it best to just not bring this up anymore? I know wives are to be submissive, yet first to God, and then to husbands. In this case, I'm wondering how to combine the two. Perhaps it would be most sensible to find a "middle road" and continue to act as the submissive wife who views husband as lord/master, without actually bringing it up verbally, so as to avoid annoying him?

Thoughts?

My thought is... speak using language he is comfortable with. What you call him, what you say... none of that will get him to see God in any meaningful way anyway. What will help him see God is if your words and deeds consistently reflect the character traits of God (i.e. love, peace, joy, patience, etc.). But if he isn't comfortable with those words, don't use them. In a very real sense, "husband" really does mean the same thing anyway.

 

[Ken Rank]

That said, Laura is right; this is really a topic for the women's subforum, here: https://www.christianforums.com/forums/married-women-personal-topics.1113/

I respectfully disagree... having male opinions are probably good insights to consider and she wouldn't get them if this topic were moved.

 

[Paidiske]

It is from the Statement of Purpose for this forum:

Submission will only be discussed in the separate forums for married men's/women's personal topics.

 

[thesunisout]

Hi. Conservative Christian female here married to a non-theistic male. We met at a time when I wasn't in the faith (2004).

Since I returned to the faith in 2005, husband has respected my need for faith. I currently attend (and have been confirmed by) a Missouri Synod Lutheran church, have regular prayer time and study, and he's fine with all of this. A couple of years ago, he even volunteered with me for a time for a homeless ministry when I attended a different church (Calvary Chapel). He also even likes it when I call myself his helpmeet, and enjoys the protective role.

But one thing he really doesn't like, is when I call him lord or master, like it says to do in 1 Peter 3. He will respond that he's egalitarian, I'm not his property or slave, and that my wishes matter just as much as his, so none of that lord/master stuff.

Is it best to just not bring this up anymore? I know wives are to be submissive, yet first to God, and then to husbands. In this case, I'm wondering how to combine the two. Perhaps it would be most sensible to find a "middle road" and continue to act as the submissive wife who views husband as lord/master, without actually bringing it up verbally, so as to avoid annoying him?

Thoughts?

I praise God for you, a woman who truly wants to please God and fulfill His word. Your husband is blessed even though he doesn't know the Lord. I would suggest respecting his wishes and continuing to be submissive as you mentioned in 1 Peter 3:1

 

[Hazelelponi]

Hi. Conservative Christian female here married to a non-theistic male. We met at a time when I wasn't in the faith (2004).

Since I returned to the faith in 2005, husband has respected my need for faith. I currently attend (and have been confirmed by) a Missouri Synod Lutheran church, have regular prayer time and study, and he's fine with all of this. A couple of years ago, he even volunteered with me for a time for a homeless ministry when I attended a different church (Calvary Chapel). He also even likes it when I call myself his helpmeet, and enjoys the protective role.

But one thing he really doesn't like, is when I call him lord or master, like it says to do in 1 Peter 3. He will respond that he's egalitarian, I'm not his property or slave, and that my wishes matter just as much as his, so none of that lord/master stuff.

Is it best to just not bring this up anymore? I know wives are to be submissive, yet first to God, and then to husbands. In this case, I'm wondering how to combine the two. Perhaps it would be most sensible to find a "middle road" and continue to act as the submissive wife who views husband as lord/master, without actually bringing it up verbally, so as to avoid annoying him?

Thoughts?

It might help you to know that where 1 Peter 3:6 says Sarah called Abraham her lord, is referring to a passage in Genesis 18:12 that was relaying Sarah's private thoughts.

In Genesis 18:12, in her private thoughts she referred to her husband with a common term of respect in her day. She never said it to his face, but he definitely had her full respect as evidenced by her thoughts.

That respect is what scripture says you should have for your husband... its not saying to go around acting like a slave and/or calling your husband "lord" in 2018. Not even Sarah did that.

 

[FIRESTORM314]

Well, I wouldn't mind my wife speaking to me like that as part of some kinky bedtime ritual.
I think times have changed somewhat - it would come across as odd for everyday use.

 

[FireDragon76]

That's very surprising that anyone in the LCMS would have that type of attitude. Insisting on using those specific terms for your husband would involve being more than a little legalistic, especially because your husband doesn't want to have his relationship with you defined by that. So I think its best to respect his egalitarian views of marriage.

 

[kdm1984]

That's very surprising that anyone in the LCMS would have that type of attitude. Insisting on using those specific terms for your husband would involve being more than a little legalistic, especially because your husband doesn't want to have his relationship with you defined by that. So I think its best to respect his egalitarian views of marriage.

Well I used to have online friends for many years who were into the kind of patriarchy practiced by Bill Gothard, Doug Phillips, Doug Wilson, and Voddie Baucham. They were very black and white on this kind of thing and thought there was too much gray, and what they termed "right brain thinking" in conservative Christianity. Women were property, shouldn't work, etc. I don't know if I've ever gotten fully away from that influence.

 

[Ken Rank]

Well I used to have online friends for many years who were into the kind of patriarchy practiced by Bill Gothard, Doug Phillips, Doug Wilson, and Voddie Baucham. They were very black and white on this kind of thing and thought there was too much gray, and what they termed "right brain thinking" in conservative Christianity. Women were property, shouldn't work, etc. I don't know if I've ever gotten fully away from that influence.

First, @Paidiske , I hadn't read the statement of purpose in this board or the woman's board... so thanks for pointing that out.

@kdm1984 having slept on this and coming back this morning I had a thought in mind. And then I saw your profile picture and realized my thought was on the mark. Using what amounts to biblical titles for a husband who isn't an atheist but who isn't currently seeking the Lord, will only cause the husband to be more uncomfortable seeking around you because at the moment you are being "peculiar" before him. And seeing a shirt that says, "help meet" is doing the same. A biblical phrase that he isn't attached to can only make him feel uncomfortable.

Messiah said that a man finds when he seeks... by extension then, we can say he hears an answer only when he asks a question. If right now your husband isn't asking, you can't offer answers. If he isn't seeking, he won't "find" anything you lay before him. God draws a man unto Himself (John 6:44) and so your job is to always reflect the Lord in your words and deeds without causing your husband to stumble... and keep him in prayer. Your greatest tool here is to keep him before the Lord in prayer.

Blessings.
Ken

 

[kdm1984]

Husband actually likes the helpmeet phrase. I mentioned that in the original post. He loves that shirt.

It's just the lord/master thing he doesn't like.

Anyway thanks for the input!

 

[All4Christ]

I respectfully disagree... having male opinions are probably good insights to consider and she wouldn't get them if this topic were moved.

As Paidiske said, the Statement of Purpose is pretty clear on this. It was like that before I got on here. (From what I understand, this topic is a pretty hot topic and is not typically debated nicely.)

Either way, I recommend reading the Statement of Purpose for all forums They have important information in them. Almost every topic has a place, but we need to make sure we post them in the proper area.

 

[kdm1984]

Almost every topic has a place, but we need to make sure we post them in the proper area.

I still cannot access that subforum after putting in a ticket. How am I supposed to follow a rule if the forum is withheld from my access? It's silly to have a rule in place that cannot even be followed when members are forbidden access to the forums they are supposed to post a thread in...

 

[kdm1984]

I am not able to access that sub-forum. I get the following message:

"
Christian Forums - Error
You do not have permission to view this page or perform this action.
"

 

[All4Christ]

I still cannot access that subforum after putting in a ticket. How am I supposed to follow a rule if the forum is withheld from my access? It's silly to have a rule in place that cannot even be followed when members are forbidden access to the forums they are supposed to post a thread in...

Did they respond to the ticket yet? They have a backlog sometimes, so there may be a slight delay in response. I’m guessing it was a glitch in the system, as I believe it should let you access it if you mark that you are female. I’m not 100% sure about that though.

 

[Hazelelponi]

I still cannot access that subforum after putting in a ticket. How am I supposed to follow a rule if the forum is withheld from my access? It's silly to have a rule in place that cannot even be followed when members are forbidden access to the forums they are supposed to post a thread in...

You need to wait for the ticket to be resolved by a moderator.

If it's any consolation I'm in the same boat. .. I wasn't realizing there was a women's forum that I didn't have access to until your thread so I've opened a ticket also..

I figure it might take a couple days to a week to resolve. .