Husband is crazy- Help

[manna from heaven]

Hi Everyone

I am new here; so I feel embassed posting this so soon, but I need human input. I will try to keep it as brief as possible. Been married 11 years. I am middle aged and on disability; so my income without my husband's is only a few hundred dollars a month. I am telling this because if I had adequate income I would have been long gone.
When we were married I sold my house. Once the money from the sale of the house was deposited in the bank, my husband quit his job without even discussing it with me. He refused to work for several month until every penny of the money was used. His personality became that of a different person!
Later, he got a sales job where he goofed off most of the time; so we went into credit card debt. He also begain to flirt with women in front of me. This hurt me deeply and I explained my feelings to me. He promised me that he would not do it again; only to repeat it over and over. Finally I just stopped going any where with him.

I also discovered that he was staching cash while I was struggling to pay bills.

Next came another six months of refusing to work. After he tried to manipulate me to get a job and it didn't work, he finally got a job.

Then I got a lung infection and need expensive medication. He suggested that we divorce and live together rather than work some overtime. I refused and the Lord healed by lungs.

For the last three years, he has been on a destruction kick. The last example was Saturday: He went into the bathroom, gounged a wall and marked a seven inch line in ink. These destructive behaviors are done without any reason. We aren't arguing when he performs them.When I confronted him, he blamed me as usual and came real close to my face and stared screaming at me.

I could go on with other things he has damaged but this represents what he has been doing. I would leave if I had a greater monthly income. I pray daily for him to be rid of his evilness. I just don't know what else to do. Oh, my theory is that he is desparately trying to get me to leave. He hates to work and I am sure he sees me as the reason for him having to work. Help

 

[razzelflabben]

I'm not sure I can offer anything of help, I have a wonderful husband. I did however grow up under a father who was abusive (worse to my mother than to us) even today, she sometimes is hit, verbally assaulted, etc. even sometimes raped by her husband. I guess the point is, your not alone.

My heart reaches out to you and I pray for you that God would bestow wisdom upon you as you face what is ahead.

 

[rosenherman]

You shouldn't have to put up with this. Contact a lawyer, and get divorce papers started, make sure he is responsible for paying you alimony. That will subsidize your income. Contact the local abused/battered women's shelter, you don't have to leave yet, wait and see what your lawyer says but you need to know where to go if the violence escalates. Contact local churches, they can be of help too. Don't let this guy beat you down to where you feel like you're helpless

 

[mkgal1]

This man has drained you financially and emotionally. To put it into perspective, the two of you are living on your income right now, aren't you? It doesn't sound as though he has really contributed financially, only drained you. I am assuming the two of you own your home? You should get half of that equity, depending on where you live (and if there is any equity). It sounds as though he may be destroying the house since that is the main asset the two of you hold and he doesn't want you to have anything to gain (just my opinion, of course). If you are renting, see if you can get information about rental assistance in your area. I agree that you should start working on an exit plan.

 

[Winona]

For the last three years, he has been on a destruction kick. The last example was Saturday: He went into the bathroom, gounged a wall and marked a seven inch line in ink. These destructive behaviors are done without any reason. We aren't arguing when he performs them.When I confronted him, he blamed me as usual and came real close to my face and stared screaming at me.

I am one that says people should work on their marriages and stay together whenever possible. But this above really worries me alot. You could be next, he could start physically hurting you. Don't think it can't happen to you because it can happen to anyone.

I agree with the other posters. Do some preplanning to see what options are available. Make some calls. If you don't know where to start, start by calling local churches, they may be able to direct you.
Unless he is willing to have some very serious counselling, which by your post doesn't seem to be the case, I think it may be best to plan to leave him. Even if he should not turn violent on you, this is a bad relationship.
I am sorry you are going through this.

 

[tryingtostaypositive]

Wow, I want to say first I am so sorry for the pain I know your husband must be causing you and I pray for you to get the strength and courage up that you need to do whatever you feel you have to do to deal in this kind of situation. My heart truely goes out to you, it really does. I know your pain and I am sorry.

I know your pain only because I deal with somewhat of the same types of situations, some many different rather strange things that it would take a book to explain it all here. But I will tell you that I myself have no job and my husband is the whole bread winner here. Now mind you not by my choice but because no one calls me about a job, I put any tons of resumes and applications with no response and even call them after putting them in and still nothing.

Everthing I do is my fault in my husbands eyes, I am a wh*re,Bi*tch, no good for anything in his opinion.Its not just me though that he feels this way toward it is most everyone he comes in contact with. He finds things wrong with everyone. In his opinion everyone in this world has problems but him. It is really sick. Like I said it would take a book to tell it all here but I wanted to just more less let you know I am in the same type of pain and confusion you are in and if you ever need a friend to talk to I am here.

God Bless you and take care.

 

[rosenherman]

Wow, I want to say first I am so sorry for the pain I know your husband must be causing you and I pray for you to get the strength and courage up that you need to do whatever you feel you have to do to deal in this kind of situation. My heart truely goes out to you, it really does. I know your pain and I am sorry.

I know your pain only because I deal with somewhat of the same types of situations, some many different rather strange things that it would take a book to explain it all here. But I will tell you that I myself have no job and my husband is the whole bread winner here. Now mind you not by my choice but because no one calls me about a job, I put any tons of resumes and applications with no response and even call them after putting them in and still nothing.

Everthing I do is my fault in my husbands eyes, I am a wh*re,Bi*tch, no good for anything in his opinion.Its not just me though that he feels this way toward it is most everyone he comes in contact with. He finds things wrong with everyone. In his opinion everyone in this world has problems but him. It is really sick. Like I said it would take a book to tell it all here but I wanted to just more less let you know I am in the same type of pain and confusion you are in and if you ever need a friend to talk to I am here.

God Bless you and take care.

I'll give you the same advice. Consult a lawyer, find a shelter and get the hell out of that house. There is no reason for you to be treated that way and if you stay there, you may start to believe that he is right. God loves you and doesn't want you to be abused.

 

[manna from heaven]

Thank you all so much for your input. Husband is working: The destructive behavior started after he decided to go to truck driving school and made a loan for several thousand dollars. He tried to manipulate me to pay it off by taking a home equity loan. I refused to do this since the company he works for pays the loan off over time. He simply has to work there. That is part of his problem he does not want to work at a real job. He likes sales jobs where he hides out and we don't have any money.

As far as me supporting him, I only get a few hundred dollars a month.

I really do feel that he is trying to get rid of me by doing things that are upsetting, and yes, it scares me that if I am correct at what point will he go to rid himself of me.

 

[HuntingMan]

I cant add much to what has been said except to say that escalation of violence sound inevitably imminent. It starts out low key and gradually gets worse till physical abuse rears its ugly head.
If you see it getting worse leave the home. Dont wait.

Adding you to our prayer list, sister.

 

[Christel33]

I agree with what others have said about contacting a lawyer for a divorce and contacting a local battered women's center. You shouldn't have to deal with anyone making you feel inferior. No one deserves that. You're in my prayers.

 

[JohnDB]

Wait a minute...

They have been married eleven years...she is venting.

If things were as completely one sided as the op makes it now appear to be she woulda been outa there after the first six months of marriage and had it annulled.

He had to have had some kind of redeeming qualities during these past eleven years or she wouldn't have remained married to him.

Finger pointing isn't going to do anything but drive him further away.

Why not try to work things out in a different fashion than continue to do what hasn't worked? You might end up with a better marriage in the long run.
I know this sounds boring...it isn't as exciting and glamorous as a divorce and the resultant poverty for both parties...but..

 

[jdorsey]

I was in a similar situation. I married very young, at 19, to my first serious boyfriend, in 2003. Within six months, he quit his amazing job making 17+ an hour with full benefits, because he didn't want to go to work anymore. He had been there the whole time we were dating with no problems and I couldn't have imagined that he would up and quit. It was easy work, seriously, only sweeping the warehouse all day (it got dirty quickly due to the type of work) and he usually got to sleep for six of the eight hours on the job.
Anyway, after he quit, I began working two jobs to keep up with the bills. He began to become destructive, cutting himself. I went to counseling, for two years with him and without, mainly alone because he didn't think he was the problem. eventually he invited a friend of his to live with us, for free, who didn't have a car, and we would be his only transportation.
We sold our house, right before we lost it. Lost one car. I was so stressed I started having panic attacks and was in the hospital several times with stomach ulsers, and eventually anorexia. We had no money for food, and family members would bring groceries for us, or we would have had nothing to eat. He was screaming in my face, and raised his hand at me, although he never hit me.
I do not believe in divorce. I think the Bible is very clear in what is expected of us and our marriage, but when it got to the point where my health was in jeopardy, I had to take a closer look.
I don't know why you want to stay where you are. If money is the reason, a lawyer can easily help you around that, with alimony and profit from the sale of your home and remaining assets. Are you physically unable to work? You may need to find an alternative way to make extra money, but if you are serious about the severity of your marriage, you need to do what you can to protect yourself.
I didn't notice if you mentioned if you were involved in a church. It you aren't, you need to be. For support, for fellowship, and help. God is the only one who can direct you in this, so make sure you are asking Him for wisdom.