hurting..

[KeepTheFaith15]

i dont even really know what to say, i can't even put a finger on why im hurting as of right now as much as i am, i have latley been slipping really really far away from God, Hanging out with wrong crowd, cussing,touching yourself, pornography(something i never do) i havent read the bible in like a month not even in church...i dont know what my problem is i just have slipped and at many points i dont even care i want to care but my heart just wont, my mind just wont, ive taken on this unconfortable coldness in my personality i havent even been on here much. i can't name where i went wrong and i can't put a finger on anything recently that went wrong to make me feel this way, it's not that i dont want to care i do, but what hurts and confuses me the most is that i want to care so much but i just dont and it gets me mad that i dont care that i dont care if that makes since. it's just like omygosh sitting here 11:30 at night in my room and feeling all alone, i dont feel confortable around anyone latley not even my church i go into the youth room and i wont talk i wont smile ive gotten to the point where i just wont listen, right now my eyes are tearing up but i wont cry i just wont because crying shows weakness and right now i can't let people know that i hurt because they'll wanna know why or what happen and i just dont have that info, i want all these things holding me back to go away but i dont know the first thing about letting them go, i prayed i tryed praying and it was heartfelt but i just dont feel the same anymore, it's like im wondering where the fire went? my lights burnt out and i dunno what to do about it, sunday i convinced myself that i did not want to be a christian cause having to be so perfect, worrying about perfection all the time wondering what happens if i befriend the wrong person, if i say the wrong thing, do the wrong things, having to constantly look over my shoulder or ask God if im doing the right thing or if whatim doing is right and it's like omygosh i just dont care, i do the things anyways and i HATE that about myself i hate myself right now, i feel dirty and gross and used and i hate this feeling, the feeling of not caring the feeling of i dunno, it scared me because i was like i dont need christianity God doesnt want anyone like me gosh jade your dirty look at the things you do God doesnt wanna touch you God doesnt wanna love you your useless and worthless and you dont deserve him and i just got to the point where i was like if this is what being a christian feels like then i dont want it, but i do, i wanna be on fire for God and i wanna be able to share my faith and i wanna grow in my walk but i feel like im back at square one if not worse and i hate this feeling im never felt so horribly discuisted at myself ever before in my life and what i figure is that if i hate myself to God must be hateing me the same way and i dunno im prolly confusing all of you but the pain is unbearable and i just dont know what to do anymore, tell me what do i do, i need prayer or anything that anyone can think that will help, inspiration, hope a little love cause right now i feel totally worthless. i hate this feeling.

 

[brins†on]

God Bless You †

 

[JDM]

I will be praying for you.

 

[booger]

Psa 38:4  For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me.

Psa 55:22  Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

Luk 22:32  But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.

2Ti 2:22  Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

1Pe 1:7  That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

Act 14:22  Confirming the souls of the disciples, [and] exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God.

Rom 5:1  Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

Luk 7:50 And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace.

 

I am praying for you and you are much loved as a sister in CHRIST.

GOD BLESS!!

 

 

[wvmtnkid]

KTF-

I am praying for you KTF. I know some of what you are feeling. Sometimes I feel like a complete failure for God. But I think you are putting way too much pressure on yourself. Hon, God doesn't expect you to be perfect. He knows you never will be. We are human, we are going to sin. But the great thing is knowing that He loves us just as we are. He loved you so much, that He gave you this Son. It is because of Jesus and his death for us that we can even approach God. We couldn't approach God on our own if he hadn't given us Jesus. Jesus's blood cleanses our sin. What we have to do is confess our sin. God already knows, but he needs us to confess it so that it can be forgiven. He is ready to forgive and to help us get back on track again, if we confess with a geniue heart that is ready for instruction. Just that thought alone makes me feel loved. Have you ever heard the song by Mark Schultz entitled "Back in His Arms Again"? It speaks to this very thing. If you haven't, PM me and I'll send you the lyrics.

As for the things you are doing in your life that you are concerned about and you know are just not right, all I can advise you to do is to give them over to God. At the time you feel like cussing, looking at porn or masturbating, call out to the Holy Spirit and ask him to give you strength through this temptation. He will if you are sincere and allow Him to work in your life. KTF, Satan likes to make you feel bad about yourself and make you feel that God could never love you because of your sin. That is just all lies. Satan is the master of confusion. He wants to confuse you so that you will turn away from God. He will use whatever he can. The best defense is to know what God says and what His promises are and to use that against Satan. His word isn't called a Sword for nothing!

Just know that you have prayer support!

 

[ZiSunka]

Cut and run away from the people who are dragging you down.

There is this little story that might help you.

A child found a pair of brightly white gloves in her easter basket, a gift from her mom and dad. She loved the white perfection of the pretty gloves and wanted to wear them everywhere to show everyone how nice they were. But her mom wouldn't let her where them someplaces. She could wear them at the grocery store, but not the beach. She could wear them at school, but not in the sandbox. She could wear them at church, but not when she played with clay. She could wear them to the library, but not in a mud puddle.

The little girl rebelled against her mom's restrictions. She wanted to wear the white gloves everywhere. She didn't understand why her mom was being so strict and thought it was because her mom didn't want her to feel happy in the sandbox. So one day she went out of the house with her pretty white gloves on her hands and went right to the mud puddle behind her house. She dove into the mud with her hands and made a big, brown mess of her gloves. When she saw how dirty they were, she felt very sad, but knowing that she did wrong, she took the gloves off and hid them in her pockets so her mother wouldn't see.

The next day, the little girl woke up and got ready to go to school. When she remembered what she did to her gloves, she felt very sad. She loved wearing her gloves to school, but there was no way she could wear such muddy things to school. She tried to wash them, but the mud had stained them and she couldn't get them clean. her beautiful gloves were ruined!

All day she felt terrible and surly. All she could think about was her ruined gloves and how much she missed having beautiful white ones! She wanted to die! And more than that, she wanted to hide from her mom. If mom knew what she did, she'd be sooo mad!

At the end of the day, the little girl sulked home. Her heart was downcast and she couldn't even look at mom. She sat at the table eating her snack, looking everywhere around the room but at mom. When she was finished, she went back out to the mud puddle and pounced on it, angrily trying to hurt it for ruining her gloves. But mud has no feelings, and all she did was make a mess.

She went back in the house and sat down next to mom. "Mom," she said sadly, "I ruined my gloves. I got them all muddy and the stain won't come out no matter what I do. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you."

Her mom answered, "Honey, I know about your gloves. I saw you playing int the mud with them and saw how dirty they were. I saw you try to wash them and I saw you cry when you couldn't get them clean."

The little girl said, "Can you fix them?"

The mom replied, "I got you a whole new pair."

The little girl jumped for joy and put them on right away. And she never wore them in the mud again.

The moral of the story is: You can make your gloves muddy, but you can't make the mud glove-y. Going to places and doing things you know God's people don't belong stains you, but it never makes the other people's souls any cleaner.

 

[keith]

KTF,

You know I'm praying for you and I've got some friends praying for you too. Don't lose hope!

Your friend,
~Keith

 

[kimmee]

Jade,
im so praying for you girl. remember im here to talk to if you ever need someone!i love you!and so does God!!!(j and k forever!)

 

[forjesus]

Hey Jade, First of all let me say I will pray for you. Then let me tell you God Loves you more than you will ever know. He wants you to come to him JUST AS YOU ARE. There is no one on this earth perfect, there is one in Heaven that was once on this earth who is totally perfect, Our Lord and One Day King Jesus Christ. I know by your post that you feel pretty worthless, but let me tell you little sister God has a plan for you and he is working in you now. If God wasn't working in you then you would have no regrets about the wrong things you are doing. You are under conviction, and by being under conviction you will find direction. Please keep praying, and clothe yourself in the armour of God. The evil one is really after you Jade, and that tells me that he knows how important you are to God. Trust in The Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding, but in all thy ways acknowledge him and HE WILL DIRECT YOUR PATHS. Please don't give up, you have alot of people praying for you, but you have to dig in your heels and fight the enemy with everything in you. Remember God Loves You. Let me know if I can help you,

 

[hollygirl]

*hug*

 

[GraftMeIn]

KeepTheFaith, Know that God still loves you more than you, or anyone can even comprehend. Know that He will forgive you, and help you overcome all your troubles. If you truly want to find your way back to God then do so because He is there waiting for you. Thank Him for showing you the error of your ways, and ask him for the strength needed to overcome those things you need to change. Start reading your Bible again, and draw yourself closer to him. We all stumble a bit from time to time, not one of us is without sin. We must pick ourselves back up again each time, and get our focus back on Jesus.

I will be praying for you

 

[two feathers]

I've missed ya lately, ktf.

I know I've told you this before, but maybe you need to hear it again- you have a special spirit and you've been an inspiration to me here.

I'll be praying that God will fan the flames of your heart so that the fire inside of you will burn brightly once again.

 

[keith]

KeepTheFaith15,

There have been some great things said in this thread, and I'm sure you'll read them all, but I just want to highlight some of them and add some of my own. Like wvmtnkid said, God loves you just the way you are. He loved us while we were still sinners. God is ready to forgive us anytime we ask. No matter what you've done, God will forgive it all. He will take your shame and your guilt and nail it to the cross. And it will be gone! The Back In His Arms song by Mark Schulz that wvmtnkid was talking about, that is a great song. You really should listen to it.

I encourage you to pray to God to give you the strength that you need to get through this. Even if praying like this doesn't feel genuine, God still hears you. He knows you, and He sees that you are hurting. He will listen. Talk to God and tell Him that you don't know where to go or what to do. You are His child and He dearly loves you. He is your Father. He will not let you down in this time of need. Trust Him.

wvmtnkid is right when saying that Satan likes to make you feel bad about yourself. Oh, does he! He will do all he can to make you think that God would never love you because of your sin. The truth is, Jesus came to save sinners, not the righteous. Jesus wants you as His own!

lambslove is right when they said to run from those who are dragging you down. That means, don't hang out with them anymore. I pray that God would give you some true friends that will love you for who you are and that they would only want the best for you.

God loves you so much. Like forjesus said, He wants you to come just as you are! You don't need to fix your life before you come to Him. You come to Him first, and then He will fix your life! forjesus was so right when saying that God has a plan for you. Oh, He has such a plan for you! He is working in your life at this very moment, KTF. Satan wants to bring you down because he knows how important you are to God. I believe that God has such a marvelous plan for your life! You will be amazed! You just need to hold on to Him and He'll get you through this. And when you come out the other side, you will be so much stronger! In the end, this rough time that you are in now will serve to strengthen your faith more than you could ever imagine.

You mentioned that you were feeling like crying, that tears were welling up in your eyes when you wrote this. I want you to know that you should cry. It will help you so much and will releave a lot of your stress. It is so okay to cry. Find a place alone and just let it all out. I really mean this. You will feel better. I don't agree with you that crying shows weakness. Maybe it does in other areas, but with this thing I really think that you should let yourself cry. Do you have some friends that you can talk to there where you are? You said that you can't let people know that you hurt because they will want to know what happened and you don't know what happened. You don't have to know exactly what happened. All you know is that you are terribly hurt and that you want to cry. If there is someone in your life that you can trust, someone that is a good friend, then let them know. Just tell them how you feel, that you don't know why you feel like this or why it even happened, but that you are hurt and that what you need right now is for them to love you. And to listen to you. You might even cry together! If you do have someone to talk to and you tell them all about it, it takes such a load off of you. I know, cause I've experienced it myself.

If you don't have any friends like that there, then remember, you've always got friends here on CF that care for you so much! I'm sure I can speak for many of us when I say that we love you, KTF!

Praying for you, my friend. May God truly bless you!

Your friend always,
~Keith

 

[KeepTheFaith15]

God has blessed me with just spending time to read the little things you guys have said it means alot and then of course the waterworks are going now...but im ok with that. everyday after school i dont go into myroom where this trusty ol' computer is so i wotn be tempted instead i take an hour or so and get into the word and pray that God reveals himself to me in ways i cant possibly imagine and at night iwill only come on the comp to come to this site, check email and going to the settingcaptivesfree.com site and thats it and im hoping that by amputating these things that i can cut them off because i dont want them. i am still hurting but hopefully i'll be ok, i culd def. still use a bunch of prayers over the next few months even years as i grow in him and hopefully the devil will not get a strong hold on me but instead God getting a strong hold on me. thanks guys.

 

[Remny]

Oh I pray you begin to see direction and happyness. That you are let out of your misery.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Hi KTF!

It sounds like you are on the right track and making some positive changes. I will continue to pray that God will give you the strength and guidance that you need to draw closer to Him.

 

[carmen]

Praying Keeping the Faith.

 

[fieldmouse3]

I'm most definitely praying for you.....glad to hear you're not giving up. because the times when we feel lost and alone are the very times we should be turning to God!!!

 

[Smilin]

KTF,

Many are tried by fire at your age....
I've walked in the same path....
I consider you a friend and you will be in my prayers...
God does have a plan for you... I will pray for strength
and courage as you deal with your trials...

Rick

 

[brindlepit]

KTF15 - I'm 28 and have seen too much, been through too much in such a short time.

I'm 5 months alcohol free after a 10 yr bindge. I'm one year free of cigarettes after smoking a pack every two days for three years. I'm 8 months clean of recreationals - after a 3 year roller coaster ride, jumping on every ride as often as I could. I've had two friends OD and die at 24 and 28 yrs old. I've had another friend murdered at a drug house - shot, while I was there, because the dealer didn't want us there - a scuffled started and so on. I spent $13,500 on drugs in six months. I've had sex with a lot of women even having a son because of it - he's now three.

I did all of that after I accepted Christ as my Lord and savior. Having conviction for the things I was doing was my only salvation and THE ONLY reason I'm not dead. Through out it all, I'm now seeing my son every weekend. I'm getting married in May and have the fulfillment and grace that I was searching through fleshy means. I'm being blessed in my life because I'm walking unblinded with the Lord and I love His son.

You're learning as you go and the best part about being a sinner is knowing Christ. You're a ahead of the game if you've accepted Christ because God will whisper into your ear and convict you. It's a great thing, don't fight it - learn from it.

In prayer -