How's married life?

[alaskamolly]

Well, it sounds like I'm one of the few, but my first year of marraige was TERRIBLE. In fact, had it not been for God, I'm certain there would have been a divorce. All the adjustments, the two very stubborn people who came out of somewhat dysfuctional homes, the two different ways of seeing everything, the different styles and ideas and assumptions (we are TOTAL opposites, TOTALLLLLLY)...



It was NOT magical and romantic like I'd had it all pictured! It was ROUGH, and I'd never want to do that again in a million years (though I am SOOOOOOOOOOO greatful for what God did in us throught that year, that I'd never want to throw it out, either!). It was NOT fun, it was WORK.


It was that year that I learned that it was either my way, or God's way. Since my way was getting me on the road to divorce and hate, I figured it might not be a bad idea to be open to any of Yahweh's suggestions. And...after waiting a year for me to actually ask (and actually mean it), He happened to have a few for me.

The suggestions came down like bricks on my head, to be honest, and blew me away. What a chastisment that was (but I don't think I'd ever felt more loved by my Abba, to be honest--it's true, "He loves as sons those whom He chastises.")... I don't think I've ever been the same since, and by God's grace, it'll stay that way!


And now? I love that man to pieces, and can't imagine life without him. And, if it's ok to say it *blush*, he loves me too. I'm sure we still have many areas and ways to grow, because that's the way life always is, but we have such a good marraige and I'm so thankful for it!!!



Blessings,
Molly

 

[Singin4Him]

I've been married for 2 months now. We didn't live together before we married and we were both virgins which btw are both things the Lord has completely blessed us for! It has certainly been an adjustment but not a huge adjustment. We felt that we knew each other pretty well before we were married, we were best friends. There have certainly been moments where I'm like "what the heck is he doing that for" and I'm sure the same has been true for him though. But for the most part it's been awesome and I LOVE IT!

 

[bkg]

It was NOT magical and romantic like I'd had it all pictured! It was ROUGH, and I'd never want to do that again in a million years (though I am SOOOOOOOOOOO greatful for what God did in us throught that year, that I'd never want to throw it out, either!). It was NOT fun, it was WORK.

<snip>

And now? I love that man to pieces, and can't imagine life without him. And, if it's ok to say it *blush*, he loves me too. I'm sure we still have many areas and ways to grow, because that's the way life always is, but we have such a good marraige and I'm so thankful for it!!!

First - this is a great testimony to God's gift of marriage and what can happen when the focus is correct.

Second - it's a testimony to sticking to a commitment and knowing that God will get you through. I wish more people would understand that the first year or two can be heard, but by sticking in there and continuing to put effort into the marriage, true joy can be found...

 

[seeking.IAM]

I have a longer perspective. I have been married for 30 years. I believe marriage is a process or a work in progress. Like other things in life, it has its mountain-top experiences and its valleys. We have certainly had both.

I got married because I had to. I couldn't stand the thought of living without her or being without her one more day than necessary. Her parents thought we should wait to get married. We were young. So, we put it off six months That kind of love does not guarantee smooth sailing. There are adjustments to be made, tolerances for differences to be developed, and learning experiences that have to occur along the way.

I remember the second year as being very difficult--likely after the adventure and thrill of the first had worn off, the work began of figuring each other out. Having children changes dynamics. We were fortunte to have 7 years with each other before our first child. Kids change things. Raising children highlights parental differences that can sometimes need to be worked out. And, raising teenagers can divide a couple like nothing else. Mid-life issues gave us a few bumps in the road, too.

My point is that there are rough spots in marriage as in life. But, if you look at those rough spots as a challenge to be resolved not a problem to escape from, the rewards are so great. I have never met another woman in my life that I would rather be with. I look forward to walking in the door every night and returning to spend time with one that I can always rely upon to support me, care for me, laugh with me, cry with me, and be my best friend.

How's married life? Well, marriage is not great every single moment. But, marriage is great.

seeking.IAM
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[brokenbananas]

My story is a little similar to alaskamolly's. My first year was not that great and I'm surprised and thankful we made it through that year. This was my 2nd marriage and it wasn't that long after my 1st marriage. My husband had never been married before. I came with a lot of emotional baggage from a super dysfunctional, perfectionistic family. My husband also came from a dysfunctional family in a different respect.

We made a bunch of mistakes to begin with like sleeping with each other. Ultimately this ended up with me pregnant. We were planning on getting married, but not quite that soon. We were both Christians at the time -- him being a fairly new Christian. I should've known better, but made wrong choices.

Having a baby within the first few months of marriage was super tough. My husband and I dated long distance. When we got married, he moved to where I lived. It wasn't as huge of an adjustment for me as it was for him to be married. Living in AZ is much different than living in San Francisco or NYC. He was used to a certain bachelor lifestyle and now he was stuck in the middle of the desert, married, with child. It was really hard for him and he dwelled on that constantly.

Both our personalities are super dynamic and we got into so many fights. At his suggestion, within a couple months of marriage, he suggested we both go to marriage counseling. At first, it was separate. In the 2nd yr of marriage, we started going to counseling together -- Christian. We've been married 4.5 yrs now.

As we put Christ first in our lives, marriage, and family...we've seen how God can change us. Our marriage is much better by far. And, as we get used to having a 2nd child, we're seeing the awesomeness of marriage and what God can do through people totally yielded to Him. We've gone through so many trials and tribulations, some brought on by us and others not.

It is all a part of the refining process for the Christian. It has been such a learning experience for both of us. We have this life that is ours where God can shine so brightly inspite of what happens around us. God is awesome.

Blessings,
Doris

 

[Dexx]

Marriage was a big adjustment. But having children was HUGE.

 

[alaskamolly]

For me, the biggest adjustment was marriage.

Children were huge too, but I automatically LOVED them, you know. Not so with my husband! Getting married, I thought I loved him...had serious emotional feelings for him and all, but (as the first year of marriage proved) when the rubber hit the road, I loved ME way more than I loved him.

With my children, I easily die for them, go through torture for them, you know. When they came out of my womb, I was Mother Bear--and would jump in front of a Mack Truck to save them!

So the adjustment wasn't quite as big with the children, because the love was there from the get-go, whereas with my husband, it was something God had to TEACH me--and something I had to be willing to learn!


Blessings,
Molly

 

[Flipper]

My husband was a virgin when we got married. I found myself homeless 6 months before the wedding and after we had made a lot of non-refundable deposits on things. I moved into the spare bedroom of his house and didn’t share his bed until we got married. We both kept ourselves so super busy that we hardly saw each other, so, really, the temptation was nonexistent.

I would say that in some ways, it was an adjustment when we got married, and in other ways it wasn’t. Like someone mentioned, I had to get used to his bathroom habits. I used the hall bathroom, so I guess I never noticed before. He stepped down from a very stressful position at work, and I had taken some time off school at that time, so we got to see each other a little more, but we immediately jumped into working on our house, so basically, we never slowed down and had that down period that others talked about. Once we got a lot of the work done, that was the time that I decided to work full time and go to school full time to get finished - at the same time, hubby started working more nights.

I did eventually have a down/depressed time, but it wasn’t until we were married a few years and I finished college, that I felt that void or nothingness that others here are talking about it. He went back into management and started working more days. My nights became free too, and my job at that time was so horrible, that I was leaving as soon as possible every day. I can’t explain it, but I had (still having) this weird kind of depressed feeling. It’s no where near where it is a problem or anything like that, but it still feels weird. That coupled with the infertility problems that we are learning about...for the first time in our marriage, it feels different. It’s nothing that’s going to break us up or anything like that, but it isn’t exactly positive either.

 

[DivineFiliation]

My husband and I did not live together before we were married... for us it was a HUGE adjustment. I didn't realize that he wasn't as tidy and organized as I was... he didn't realize what a neat freak I was. We also had to adjust in that we were constantly around each other, so much so that it was nearing co-dependency.

Sleeping in the same bed was the biggest adjustment for him. It may sound silly to some, but others may understand this adjustment. I'm a light sleeper and will wake up at the drop of a pin. He is a solid sleeper but it takes him awhile to get to sleep. When we were first married, he couldn't handle me even so much as move as it would cause him to stay awake. I dread waking up in the middle of the night when he has to use the restroom or whatever, but I've gotten used to it.

Obviously, these things are so minute in the grand scheme of our marriage. So many other things have happened that we have had to go through that makes these things seem so minimal, but it was quite an adjustment at first.

 

[Oblivious]

The "living with someone" part did take some getting used to, as I was very independent as I had lived alone for almost 6 years. But on the flip side it was great to have someone to come home to and talk with, etc. I really don't think the first year of marriage was that big of a deal!