how wrong is this???

[cbudc]

Thank you for the advice. I think my plan of attack is going to be hold strong here while I can. I'll be back home in Feb. When I get back I'm going to have to see her to give her some of her stuff and what not and I'm going to be nice to her and not bring stuff up. Maybe take that road of just being there for her and seeing if there is anything we can do together. I'm scared about it cause I'm affriad I'll just get more attached but we'll see. I know God will work through this and will have what He wants done in this. I'm being paitient and I'm going to continue to put my faith in Him.

 

[heartnsoul]

See this is where I get confused. My wife is back in the states and I"m still overseas so we're not physically together. I read the book love must be tough and I feel after reading that that I should step back and give her her space. I don't feel like emailing her all the time to tell her I love her so much and want this marriage to work is making me look good let alone helping the situation. She knows I love her very much. I poored my heart out to her on her birthday last Sunday and didn't get much of a reply. Just to tell me what she got and all. I want my marriage to work so desperately and I do believe God can work miracles if we trust in Him to do so. I'm hoping a praying that He does.

So I'm just confused on weather or not I should email her and all and tell her I love her or if I should just back off. If I email her and tell her I love her then she may get the feeling that I'll always be there and she can continue with this "relationship" she has with this other guy. But yet at the same time I feel that if I stop talking to her then she will feel I don't care and start to get used to me not talking to her and that will lead her even more into this other guys arms. So confusing. Life can be hard. I'm trying so hard to put my faith in the Lord and I am. I love God and I know he will work his Will. Thanks for all the advice. If you have anything else for me please by all means let me know.

Hi cbudc,

I understand your concern about whether to email her or not. I think you should always err on the side of what is "love & goodness." So, yes, I think you should keep emailing her everyday. Maybe you can email her everyday, write "how are things going with you?" Make it a tender, light letter, but always end the email with a "I love you". Of course it's not necessary to write "I love you" twenty times in one email, but I see no harm in saying "I love you" one time in every email. I don't believe in playing "hard to get." Playing games and pretending to be unemotionally available is not being honest with yourself or with her. I know some women enjoy the cat & mouse game. I have dated many men before getting married, and I, personally, have never been attracted to men who play hard to get. I believe in honesty and approaching relationships with an open and loving heart. It's always better to give 110% and have no regrets later.

Even if she takes you for granted and thinks that "you're always there", that will only add to your credibility in her eyes. It will also give the other guy some competition too. That other guy will need to match your level of commitment and love in order to compete for her. Besides, I wouldn't worry too much about what will happen. Just keep focusing on your own walk with God and be the "best" you can be. Sooner or later, she will have to make a decision. She will not be able to straddle the fence forever. Do try to allow yourself and her some space. Go out with friends and enjoy life. Continue to pray daily. I have confidence that God is working very hard right now in your life as well as your wife's life. I pray that God opens up your wife's heart. You will see how God will work in both of your lives. I see God working in mine and my husband's life everyday and it is truly amazing. I am just in awe about how God works. If miracles can happen, God can make them happen! Just keep believing, keep your mind and heart open to love, and watch God work. You will see miracles happen before your eyes. Even at worst case, if your wife chooses to divorce later, know that God will always be there for her and for you. God will help you move on and heal your life and God will continue to work in both of your lives. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers.