How would you react?

[belladonic-haze]

You should never dismiss liars entirely. But you can't punish someone else simply because a liar says they are guilty of something. There needs to be more evidence than that if the accuser isn't trustworthy.

More evidence? Let me think....many victims was away the dirt afterwards, burn their clothes.....abusers use condoms. In most cases the victim isn't beaten, or worse. These cases are always the perfect CSI cases....but fear freezes someone...... Or victims disassociate.

No, it's not like the movies show in most cases......

Proof that you were raped if there was no physical attack, beating and so on......bruises are not always there....and the body sometimes reacts opposit from what you feel inside...it betrays you......

 

[Norseman]

Of course word of mouth isn't any real evidence.

It can be. It's much more subjective and less solid than scientific standards of evidence, but the odds of 30 or 40 people all being involved in some conspiracy to frame a guy as a rapist, or to protect a rapist from justice are fairly low. Out of 40 people, the odds of someone revealing such a conspiracy are fairly high. It's essentially the same evidence as you have with he-says/she-says, except you have more confidence as to who can be trusted. At least, assuming all the testimony tends to go one way. If you've got two equally large sides supporting both the accuser and the accused, then you're right back where you started.

 

[belladonic-haze]

And I meant to answer kopilo....lol......

 

[Norseman]

More evidence? Let me think....many victims was away the dirt afterwards, burn their clothes.....abusers use condoms. In most cases the victim isn't beaten, or worse. These cases are always the perfect CSI cases....but fear freezes someone...... Or victims disassociate.

No, it's not like the movies show in most cases......

Proof that you were raped if there was no physical attack, beating and so on......bruises are not always there....and the body sometimes reacts opposit from what you feel inside...it betrays you......

In a case with no evidence either way, and no witnesses to testify on behalf of the character of either person, or equal opposing groups, then you simply can't be sure if what the girl is saying is true. If you don't know and you jail the guy anyway, then you may as well pass a law stating that people who are charged with rape are guilty until proven innocent.

 

[kopilo]

More evidence? Let me think....many victims was away the dirt afterwards, burn their clothes.....abusers use condoms. In most cases the victim isn't beaten, or worse. These cases are always the perfect CSI cases....but fear freezes someone...... Or victims disassociate.

No, it's not like the movies show in most cases......

Proof that you were raped if there was no physical attack, beating and so on......bruises are not always there....and the body sometimes reacts opposit from what you feel inside...it betrays you......

If we go on word of mouth then as Norseman has pointed out it becomes a numbers game.

No real life is not viewed on TV and I'd thank you to note that the only shows I watch on TV are for the actors.

Face it, if there is no physcial evidence then there is nothing to substainiate any claims. (Although the use of a lie detector may help and I mean for all people invovled).

 

[belladonic-haze]

If we go on word of mouth then as Norseman has pointed out it becomes a numbers game.

No real life is not viewed on TV and I'd thank you to note that the only shows I watch on TV are for the actors.

Face it, if there is no physcial evidence then there is nothing to substainiate any claims. (Although the use of a lie detector may help and I mean for all people invovled).

I wish I could tell what happened to me...not that I want to tell it...but it explains that evidence isn't always available....

And the fact that most women don't lie about rape or sexual assault, people should be taking it more serious.....

I didn't report none of the rapes (twice) or the attempted rape. Too ashamed, filled with guilt...I removed all the evidence so to speak. I am not lying.......

But it is indeed yours against his word.

That is why victim bashing is such an immoral behavior!

 

[kopilo]

I wish I could tell what happened to me...not that I want to tell it...but it explains that evidence isn't always available....

Things that are physical are indeed not always there.

And the fact that most women don't lie about rape or sexual assault, people should be taking it more serious.....

If a male claims he was raped by a female, people treat that with more contempt and a cynical view point to.

I didn't report none of the rapes (twice) or the attempted rape. Too ashamed, filled with guilt...I removed all the evidence so to speak. I am not lying.......

Which (unfortunatly) isn't uncommon.

But it is indeed yours against his word.

That is why victim bashing is such an immoral behavior!

Which victim villinisation is of similar magnitude.

 

[ChristianCenturion]

I wish I could tell what happened to me...not that I want to tell it...but it explains that evidence isn't always available....

And the fact that most women don't lie about rape or sexual assault, people should be taking it more serious.....

I didn't report none of the rapes (twice) or the attempted rape. Too ashamed, filled with guilt...I removed all the evidence so to speak. I am not lying.......

But it is indeed yours against his word.

That is why victim bashing is such an immoral behavior!

It's a complex topic since it has many, many possible complications.

I'm sorry that there are many times, unresolved issues left in the aftermath belladonic-haze.

Might I suggest a book?
A person close to me has accredited it as having helpful information that addressed or resolved some of the unresolved issues. It enabled her to not be a victim any more allowing her move on with her life. It helped release some of that fear, bitterness towards people that were innocent of the actual deed, and brought healing in regards to her own value, etc.

I realize that it deals with a different situation, but I think there may be some common principles or applications that can be applied... or perhaps not.

The Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allender

 

[belladonic-haze]

If a male claims he was raped by a female, people treat that with more contempt and a cynical view point to.

I agree, definately....and they are less believed, but also their bodies can cheat them....so to speak.....

But mostly rapists are males, although females can be rapists as well, but they are very rare...but that is NEVER a reason to rule these victims out.

 

[belladonic-haze]

It's a complex topic since it has many, many possible complications.

I'm sorry that there are many times, unresolved issues left in the aftermath belladonic-haze.

Might I suggest a book?
A person close to me has accredited it as having helpful information that addressed or resolved some of the unresolved issues. It enabled her to not be a victim any more allowing her move on with her life. It helped release some of that fear, bitterness towards people that were innocent of the actual deed, and brought healing in regards to her own value, etc.

I realize that it deals with a different situation, but I think there may be some common principles or applications that can be applied... or perhaps not.

The Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allender

I always say: Rape victims have a life sentence.....simple...the aftermath is......killing......

But I survived. Bitterness? No, my therapist is amazed by my openess and trust in human beings, even though I have seen there most dark side.

What I am troubled with is the so-called moral standards in which society treats the rape survivors and the fact that everyone thinks it only happens to those who are promiscuous or very beautiful or dressed in a certain way or....you fill in the blanks. And if you talk about the fact that these morals and believes about rape are based on myths they don't believe you.....or react shocked that people say stuff like that. Ten minutes later they say it as well, not even aware of what they have said sometimes.....

I am not bitter. Scared? Yes, all the time especially since I know a sexual abuser lives in the neighborhood. Sick? Many times. Sad? Always. Rebellious? Absolutely. I want to show them that they haven't broken me.....

 

[belladonic-haze]

True or false? Only certain kinds of people get raped. It cannot happen to me.

 

[gwenmead]

You're talking about it. They didn't break you.

That's a very, very good thing.

 

[sparklecat]

True or false? Only certain kinds of people get raped. It cannot happen to me.

Clearly false, though I imagine many people subconsciously feel this way unless they're proven differently.

 

[belladonic-haze]

Clearly false, though I imagine many people subconsciously feel this way unless they're proven differently.

And that causes a lot of moral problems. People tend to judge the rape victim because of myths like these.....

 

[sparklecat]

And that causes a lot of moral problems. People tend to judge the rape victim because of myths like these.....

Part of it is probably fear; if it only happens to certain people, then if I make sure I'm not of that 'type,' it won't happen to me.

 

[belladonic-haze]

You're talking about it. They didn't break you.

That's a very, very good thing.

Thanks, but it took me 20 years to open up about it.....

and I am in therapy for two and a half years......so, it is a quite bumpy road.

 

[belladonic-haze]

Part of it is probably fear; if it only happens to certain people, then if I make sure I'm not of that 'type,' it won't happen to me.

Maybe not fear but more like unbelieve. And that while rape is the number two crime in the world!

That brings me to the next statement: No woman or man can be raped against her or his will. Any person could prevent rape if he or she really wanted to.

 

[gwenmead]

True or false? Only certain kinds of people get raped. It cannot happen to me.

Very false.

Though I think this is something that a lot of people are imagining when they respond to a rape survivor. It's magical thinking and it's foolish, but I can understand the thought - who wants to admit that they're vulnerable to that kind of attack? If you can pretend you aren't like the person who was raped, and that only people like them get raped, then you can pretend that you're immune.

I don't remember actually believing in this myth myself, though. I used to believe in the myth of "Rapes only happen to girls/women, walking alone somewhere at night, in a dark alley, by a stranger." It's not true either (found that out the hard way) but it was just what I'd been taught.

 

[sparklecat]

Maybe not fear but more like unbelieve. And that while rape is the number two crime in the world!

That brings me to the next statement: No woman or man can be raped against her or his will. Any person could prevent rape if he or she really wanted to.

It disgusts me that anyone could actually believe that.

 

[ChristianCenturion]

I always say: Rape victims have a life sentence.....simple...the aftermath is......killing......

But I survived. Bitterness? No, my therapist is amazed by my openess and trust in human beings, even though I have seen there most dark side.

What I am troubled with is the so-called moral standards in which society treats the rape survivors and the fact that everyone thinks it only happens to those who are promiscuous or very beautiful or dressed in a certain way or....you fill in the blanks. And if you talk about the fact that these morals and believes about rape are based on myths they don't believe you.....or react shocked that people say stuff like that. Ten minutes later they say it as well, not even aware of what they have said sometimes.....

I am not bitter. Scared? Yes, all the time especially since I know a sexual abuser lives in the neighborhood. Sick? Many times. Sad? Always. Rebellious? Absolutely. I want to show them that they haven't broken me.....

You should probably take into consideration that while you have placed yourself up for discussion at times in this thread, some or some portions of the replies will be generalized or reach beyond you per se. You might not wish to take every facet as if it were directed towards you.

I do find it interesting that you state that you wish to show "them" that they haven't broken you. Especially considering a control aspect of rape. It also takes on a different perspective if one considers the cyclical nature that some topics display.

I suppose one would ask the begged question belladonic-haze:
If you had your wish, what would you prefer happen to the person that committed such an act?
IOW - how would you react to the perp, if your wish were accepted reality?