How would you feel...

[ravendta]

For those of you who have not remained physically pure (though you are pure in God's eyes if you have repented), would you understand if one in my situation would not be able to deal with your past?

It would depend on how far along the relationship was. If we had just met and I learned this, I'd have no problem with respecting your feelings. But if we'd been dating for quite some time and I'd grown attached to you, THEN I think I'd be hurt.

 

[Tuffguy]

I can't really put myself in either situation. I think that dreaming up situations like this you can drive yourself nuts. You can think you know how you'll feel but you always feel different depending on the other person.

 

[Inperfected]

No i wouldn't be able to understand. Just5 because that person has not kissed does not mean they are perfect. Maybe not sexually gone to far, but have they considered the affects of their judging? Or do they hate? Do they lie? Granted sexual sin is a 'sin within the body', i think that it needs to be forgiven, and personally i'd not understand if someone couldn't cope with what i'd done. As much as i dont like it, quite frankly, it's a part of my past and who i've been, it shaped the way i am today, and if i am happy with the way i am, or on the path to that happiness, then whoever isn't happy that i have done that can leave me alone for all i care...
Not being mean, just explaining my side of this discussion...

 

[renaistre]

As part of the second group I would feel bad about it, but assuming I was sure she had changed and left that part of her life behind (especially if the stuff happened before she was saved), then I think it would be unfair of me to hold it against her. There would have to be some discussions about it, but I don't think it would be a huge deal for me.

One thought that just came to mind is that even though I would prefer that my future bride be just a "inexperienced" as I will be, marriage isn't really about "what I want." Ideally (and I realize that's a dangerous word), when I get married I will approach it from the viewpoint of "what can I bring to the table."

So if I end up with a girl who is as anti-soc... I mean, who is saving herself for marriage like I am, great. But if she has a imperfect past, but a new heart, and if I can be part of just an other one of God's awesome u-turn stories, that would be great as well.

 

[Inperfected]

Ok.. so i'll be honest... I'd just about prefer someone who has had an imperfect background... becoz it means they don't come with views, like i wish she had stayed pure, but come with views of i understand, lets start anew together...

But also the experience side of it all... I would probably prefer someone experienced. Not for the "experiance" but becuase i experienced, and will find it so hard coming into a marriage with a guy with no experience, because i can prettymuch use a guy against himself, and would feel bad about that....
No sence made i kno, but i''ll explain further later...

 

[gizmo03]

I like the idea of marrying someone who is also a virgin along with me, just the fact of having something so special like to share and give each other. But if it comes that my future husband isn't a virgin, I don't have a problem with it either, it was in the past. And God only allows things to happen in your life for a reason.

 

[Im_A]

in response to OP's thread. i hope this type of feeling is what you were asking about.

my honest opinions are, i wouldn't be expecting too much feelings either way. i'm single and i've never had sexual intercourse, and everyday, i am looking to God to keep this intact because i know how much i struggle with it, and how easily i could have, and almost have lost it. but let's say, the one meant for me has a trac-record, and she got out of that, and is trying her best to wait out for marriage. i have no reason to forgive her of her past. i am not God. she didn't commit anything against me. so first off, i have no desire to forgive a girl for her past that has no mention of me anywhere in it because again, nothing was committed against me, (if something was committed against me, then yes, I am called by God to seek out forgiveness and to forgive. i have been in that situation before, and i praise God, that He got me to the point of forgiveness, because without Him, that transgression would be nearly impossible for me to forgive.) so i hope that part made sense, and that no one takes that the wrong way.

secondly, why should i feel left out by any means if i married a non-virgin?. i mean she held herself off during the courting stage of our relationship, and she stayed committed to me, and together, with God's help we got through the struggle of having sexual love before marriage, so why would i feel left out by that? that's amazing to me. that's beautiful. so what if her past, she gave it up. that's between her and God. i say, let them reconcile it, and through faith, i know they have, so why should i worry about it? i guess everyone is equal to me. the past is simply/bluntly put, a rotting carcass, and i don't like looking at carcasses, and the only good things about the past, are the cherished lessons we have learned. i think the lessons a girl goes through and hold dear to her are beautiful. but by the grace of God that mindset that she had at that time is gone. that is beautiful to me and there would be no shame in being joined in marriage with someone like that in my opinion.

i guess you can say, every girl i come across is a virgin in my eyes, because they have never had sex with ME. they may not be a virgin in the technical sense of virginity, but for the important part of the relationship they are a virgin because we've, together, never done the sexual act of love or lust.

plus another feeling/hope in me that i predict/know would be there, is to give her something different than what failed her in the past. to be at least something good and constant, instead of the lifestyle of sinful sex that has no constantcy or purity in it. and to know that she is never is going to be hurt in that sense and that she has a safe haven being with me. sounds sappy, but you'll have to forgive me, haha.

and for the ending of this post, the feelings of great joy and hope that, at that point, i can enjoy a short life on this planet in all of this with one person. to praise God with our relationship. to progress in our own individual faith and to progress in our faith together by striving for purity, and to live in this. the point where two become one, and to live in all of this together.

i hope this answers your question about how we would feel. please correct me if i ended up astrayed from your topic with the question you asked. God Bless you, and God Bless you all! <><

 

[Inperfected]

wow... that really makes a lot of sence and is a fair enough statement i believe... quite honestly? i love this bit of the statement you made

i guess you can say, every girl i come across is a virgin in my eyes, because they have never had sex with ME.

 

[JustLiz87]

I am currently involved with someone. We've been dating for 8 months now. In our pasts, we have done other stuff with people we have dated like kissing. Although at first it kind of bothered me that he had shared such moments with another girl (I know it bothered him too), I soon realized that that was in the past. I immediately regretted doing anything with another guy. Although I'm still a virgin and so is he, I still wished I would have saved everything for him. Yet, our love for each other has helped us to move on from this issue. Right now, I'm not sure if he is the one for me. We both want to take things slow. But, I can rest assured knowing that if we are meant for each other, we will have that to share on our wedding night. I love the fact that he feels so much love for his future wife (whether she is me or not) that he believes it is important to save that for her. It's very attractive really. On the other hand, I have dated a guy who unfortunately did not see this the same way. He know my feelings about sex before marriage, so he told me he was a virgin. We dated for almost 2 years. After the break-up, I found out from a friend that he was not a virgin and then he later admitted it. I felt rather betrayed. I know that's a different topic entirely, but I think that if I would have known he wasn't a virgin beforehand, we wouldn't have dated so long. If my future husband is not a virgin, then I hope that he has repented. Like someone said earlier, the love i have for that someone will far overcome what that person has done or hasn't done in the past.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Ok.. so i'll be honest... I'd just about prefer someone who has had an imperfect background... becoz it means they don't come with views, like i wish she had stayed pure, but come with views of i understand, lets start anew together...

But also the experience side of it all... I would probably prefer someone experienced. Not for the "experiance" but becuase i experienced, and will find it so hard coming into a marriage with a guy with no experience, because i can prettymuch use a guy against himself, and would feel bad about that....
No sence made i kno, but i''ll explain further later...

Oh I totally understand what you mean; you would prefer someone you could relate to. I am much the same way... because I am not experienced, I would prefer someone who is not experienced either and would understand where I am coming from. For me it is more of a common ground issue than anything else, and it seems you'd be able to relate to that

the past is simply/bluntly put, a rotting carcass, and i don't like looking at carcasses, and the only good things about the past, are the cherished lessons we have learned.

Hmmmmm, I would disagree. While we are called to keep pressing on and move forward, the past still has shaped who we are, so in a sense it is still alive in the present. For example, I got injured in gymnastics last week. Is it past? Yep. Does it affect me today, though? Most definitely; I can't do gymnastics today because I am injured.

plus another feeling/hope in me that i predict/know would be there, is to give her something different than what failed her in the past. to be at least something good and constant, instead of the lifestyle of sinful sex that has no constantcy or purity in it. and to know that she is never is going to be hurt in that sense and that she has a safe haven being with me. sounds sappy, but you'll have to forgive me, haha.

Hehe, no problem, I find that quite admirable. We need more hopeless romantic guys!

Again, with the OP, I was not asking about forgiveness.

Liz, as far as someone lying about being a virgin.... that would be another situation entirely I'd dump him in that scenario, not because of the virginity issue, but because he lied!

As for love.... hmmm. I think the kind of love you have for someone you want to marry is an informed decision.

 

[JustLiz87]

Yeah, I wasn't with him when I found out that he lied to me about being a virgin because we had already broken up, but I still felt betrayed. It did force me to think about that, though...about how it would have been different if I had known that to begin with.

 

[pinPoint]

i'd have to say, im most comfortable with someone who is also a virgin. beyond virgin, i have no idea unless i get a hint from Him.

 

[fiveinjuly]

I think that it would feel a little weird to be with a guy that wasn't a virgin. I'm just glad that I'm not in that situation. I guess it really wouldn't matter if we both weren't, but you weren't askig that.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

I agree. Personally, I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who was saving their first kiss for marriage. For me, kissing is a huge part of a relationship. The way you kiss someone tells them a lot of things, mainly how much you love them. All from a kiss. I love that. The feeling you get when kissing a person you love and care deeply for, is unexplainable.
As for saving their virginity for marriage, sure that's fine.

Since some people kiss their cousins on the lips, I see nothing wrong with kissing before marriage. (I am not one of those people however ... even though one of my female cousins is pretty hot.)

 

[drumbum]

invisiblebabe, i was just curious. did you come to the conclusion that you were going to save your first kiss until the altar because of a situation/circumstance that you went through, or was it just something you've always wanted?

Since some people kiss their cousins on the lips, I see nothing wrong with kissing before marriage. (I am not one of those people however ... even though one of my female cousins is pretty hot.)

speaking of hot cousins, the town my mom's from in mexico is full of beautiful mexican/spanish girls but they're all somehow or other related to me. now that sucks.

 

[Inperfected]

Um.. Question 4 JustLiz87

Yeah, I wasn't with him when I found out that he lied to me about being a virgin because we had already broken up, but I still felt betrayed. It did force me to think about that, though...about how it would have been different if I had known that to begin with.

I recently found out my bestfriend wasn't a virgin... I'm the first person he told... He has felt such shame about it... Some people will say they are virgins, but are lying because of the pain it has caused.... Personally, you may want someone pure, but realise that those who lie about what they've done, more often than not, are trying to deal with the pain, not trying to decieve you. Thanks..

 

[JustLiz87]

Um.. Question 4 JustLiz87


I recently found out my bestfriend wasn't a virgin... I'm the first person he told... He has felt such shame about it... Some people will say they are virgins, but are lying because of the pain it has caused.... Personally, you may want someone pure, but realise that those who lie about what they've done, more often than not, are trying to deal with the pain, not trying to decieve you. Thanks..

Yeah, I can understand that, but the thing is that I really don't think that it was fair to me. Many other people knew, it wasn't like some big secret. I was even warned about it. So, I asked him up front and he outright lied to me. I think it's kind of deceiving to do something like that. And furthermore, he said he had no intention on ever telling me, which I find to be rather wrong as well. It's different if I was the first person to find out or he was trying to keep it a secret or something. But, I found out from someone else and that just made it worse.

 

[invisiblebabe]

invisiblebabe, i was just curious. did you come to the conclusion that you were going to save your first kiss until the altar because of a situation/circumstance that you went through, or was it just something you've always wanted?

Well actually I'm likely not saving it for the altar.... probably engagement, unless my husband wants to wait until the altar (like my ex fiance did).

But my reasoning behind it.... I'd say part situational (falling hard at a very young age, nothing working out yet me knowing what kind of guy I wanted and determined to wait), part me being the romantic/dreamer type

 

[plum]

Good question in the OP, invisible. That's a curious situation.

Well I have had premarital sex before and so coming from my standpoint... I would feel a bit adverse to the idea of saving kissing for marriage simple because a kiss does not hold as much meaning as vows do. Does that make any sense?
I think a physical act in a romantic relationship should always have a specific meaning attached to it. Like a ladder going up... if your emotional/spiritual intimacy is up on level 5 but your physical intimacy is on level 1... there is a distinct imbalance. I don't think we should separate physical intimacy off on its own as if it wasn't an integral part of a growing relationship. Now, I do think that sex is best when saved for marriage alone (yes even i, a sinner, believe it).
Well, I don't want to go on forever, but maybe that gave a vague idea of what i'm saying with the whole "balance" idea...

so for me, saving a kiss would be a sign of imbalanced behavior. hehe and i don't mean mentally imbalanced

so i think my significant other and i would need to talk before we started dating (or right away as soon as this fact came to light). i don't want to force any gentleman to do something he is not comfortable with. but i would want to hear why he wants to save it... in detail.

 

[jen_soccer13]

I worry about what guys will think of me when they find out that I am not a virgin...it was not my fault though. It was rape but i am afraid that some people take the being with a virgin thing too far. Anyway..I would definately be happy with someone who is not a virgin because i cannot judge.